PANIC rar-3

by J. A. Huss

  “Fuck. You.”

  Ford smiles one of his evil grins. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist. But as I was saying, Wade Minix is in town. He hasn’t contacted her from what I can tell. I saw him wave at her at the show up in Sturgis. He followed her all over the strip the day of the show. Then ended up standing in the front row that—”

  “What? How come you didn’t tell me this?”

  “Because Rook never responded to his wave and never made any move to reach out to him. She ignored him. But I’m telling you now because he’s back. And I think she should reconnect with Wade.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure you do.”

  “Well, Ronin, he’s gonna get his chance to speak to her no matter what you do. Face that fact. He’s here, he’s here to see her, and he’s not leaving until he does. So you might as well just embrace it. Because you can’t stop it, that’s for sure. And if you make a big deal about it, she’ll just do it anyway. And she’ll break up with you because you forced her to make a choice.”

  I hate it when Ford’s right. “So I’m just supposed to sit down and shut up? That’s what you’re saying?”

  “Yes. This is not about you, it has nothing to do with you, in fact. She likes you, that’s for sure. Otherwise she’d take that money, buy herself a car, and be on the road to anywhere but here. Because that’s just how she works. I call her type the Leaver.”

  Ford and his fucking labels. “Yeah, I think you’re right about that. She’s got no fear of the road. I could tell that immediately. What kind of teenager gets on a bus alone knowing she’ll be homeless when she steps off? She’s not afraid to chuck it all and start again.”

  “Exactly. And I’ll go one further. She told me she had no intention of getting off the bus in Denver. She was on her way to Vegas but she thought fate was sending her a message via South Park and got off on a whim. No plans, no home, no money, no friends, and no prospects. She stepped into the unknown because of a fucking cartoon. Now she has all of those empowering things and more, how hard would it be for her to just leave now? If you pressure her, she’s gone.”

  I hold my head in my hands, trying to stave off the headache with a last-ditch brow pinch.

  “Just give her some freedom, Ronin. I’ll keep an eye on her up at Spencer’s place.”

  I get up and walk to the door, then stop. I don’t turn and say it to his face, but I say it just the same. “Thanks, Ford. And dude, just so you know, I’m sorry. About… Mardee.” I don’t wait for an acknowledgment, I just plaster a smile on my face and walk through back into Rook’s birthday party.

  Chapter Ten - ROOK

  “Did you have a nice birthday, Rook?” Ronin unzips my dress and I wriggle out of it, just an itty-bitty bit drunk. He laughs as I wobble. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  Once the dress is gone all I have on are my panties. I watch helplessly as Ronin hangs the gown up. “This was the best birthday of my life. And thank you so much for the camera. You did not have to do that for me. But I love it. I’m gonna start filming tomorrow and I’ll never stop. Ever.”

  That camera is like something else. It looks like a mini-version of the cameras the film crew use for the show. I have no idea how to use it but how lucky am I? I have a film team at my disposal to teach me. I smile at this as Ronin guides me over to the bed and pushes me until I sit down. Once I get some momentum going it’s hard to stop and I end up lying all the way back.

  “I’m drunk,” I say, laughing.

  The lights go out and then Ronin’s bare skin slips up next to my own. “I know. It’s a good thing we had mind-blowing sex before the party.” He nuzzles into my neck and pulls me close to him, just like he does every night. “I love you, Rook. I hope you know that.”

  I sigh into his perfect muscular chest and then trace my fingertips down the length of his stomach. “I know that.”

  And that’s it for Rook. My night is over.

  I wake early, dying of thirst. I swallow down my cotton mouth and disentangle myself from Ronin.

  “Where’re you going, Gidget?” he asks groggily.

  “Water,” I croak.

  I get up, slip on a dirty t-shirt draped over a chair near the window, and pad out to the kitchen and grab a bottled water. I gulp it all down and then fill it back up with the tap water and do it again. My gaze wanders over to the dining room table and I spy my presents. I have no memory of carrying them upstairs, but here they are.

  I got a bunch of stuff. Some clothes, girly hair accessories, and some sapphire earrings from Elise and Antoine. A journal and two tickets to the opera from Ford and his pet. Spencer gave me a custom-painted black leather biker jacket with zippers. It has Gidget painted down one arm and Blackbird down the other. Like each of these men have made a claim on me. The back of the jacket is a giant blackbird logo with the words Shrike Fucking Bikes painted inside a red circle that surrounds the bird.

  Even Veronica got me a gift. A gift certificate for a free tattoo at her shop up in Fort Collins.

  But it was Ronin’s gift that touched my heart.

  The camera. A camera I can make movies with. I open up the box and start unpacking. It’s got interchangeable lenses. I don’t know a whole lot about camcorders, but I do know that it’s not normal to be able to change lenses on them. Which means this camera is a BFD. When I check the clock it’s only five fifteen AM. I do a search for my phone and find it on the little table over my the front door, and then call Ford.

  “Miss Corvus, we do not have a date this morning.”

  I laugh. “I know, Ford. But I’m looking at my camera that Ronin got me and I want to start filming now. I have things to capture before I leave this place. Can you come help me set it up?”

  “Did you charge the battery last night?” he asks with doubt.

  “Um, no,” I say, disappointed.

  “OK, well, I’ll grab a camera and bring it to you. How’s that?”

  Happiness overtakes the disappointment. I guess he’s serious about this friend stuff. “Thank you.”

  “Meet me on the terrace in fifteen minutes.”

  I wash up, change into some jeans and one of the Shrike Rook shirts Spencer made for me, and then pull on my red Converse shoes. I keep waiting for these things to fall apart, but they never do. They have holes in the top near the toe and there’s even a little hole in the bottom of the left one. So my feet totally get wet in the rain. But I don’t care. Besides the backpack I left my last foster home with, these ratty shoes are the last thing I own from my life before Jon. I take it as a sign that the old me is still around. Somewhere.

  By the time I get to the terrace Ford is ready. He’s got a camera like mine upstairs and he’s pointing it at me as I walk towards him.

  “You’re up, Rook. I’m your cameraman. Say what’s on your mind.”

  “Oh, now I’m nervous.” I giggle. “OK, well, I just want to show…” I stop and take a deep breath and start again. “I just want to capture what’s happened to me. What this place did for me and how it all started.”

  “All what started, Rook?” Ford asks from behind the camera.

  “The journey back.” He says nothing to this, just waits for me. “The journey back to myself.” And then I point to the swing. “And it all started right there.” I walk over to the swing and take a seat. “It started under these trees last spring. When they were filled with flowers and they smelled so incredible, the scent was almost overwhelming. And the very first night I spent here at Chaput Studios Ronin pushed me in this swing.” I look up at Ford and he’s smiling. I lean back and kick my feet out in front of me, pumping my legs to gain some momentum to push myself in the swing.

  “And then he started asking me personal questions and I jumped off.” I jump and land on my feet this time. “That was my very first night in the garden apartment. That’s how my new life started.” I take Ford over there and we go inside and I sit in each room and tell the camera some memory about it. Afterward we go back out on the terrace and he shoots me standin
g with a view of Coors Field behind me and I talk about our running.

  We go through the whole studio. We hit the two-story-tall windows where I had my test shoot with Antoine, the dressing room where Ronin gave me all those clothes, and the salon where Elise washed my hair. Then make our way upstairs where a sleeping Ronin jumps up in surprise when we enter the bedroom.

  “What’s going on, Gidge?” he asks, still groggy.

  “I’m recording my life here with you for posterity, that’s what.” I jump into bed with him and Ford sets the camera down on a chair and walks away.

  “I’ll see you two this afternoon. That camera is still on, Rook.”

  Ronin tackles me and rolls me over on my back. “You’re trying to make a sex tape with me?”

  I laugh. “No! I just want a little film of us in private. That’s all.”

  “Mmmm,” he growls. “But in private we do lots of naughty things, so that means right now we have to be sweet.”

  “I like sweet.”

  “Me too,” he says, nipping my earlobe until I squeal. “I’m gonna miss you real bad, Gidget. I’m gonna go crazy down here thinking about you up there with Spencer and Ford.”

  “And I’m gonna go crazy up there thinking about you down here with Clare and the GIDGET models.”

  “There’s only one Gidget for me and that’s you.”

  “And I belong to you, Ronin Flynn.”

  He flops back and pulls me onto his chest. “God, I want to hear you say that again.”

  “I belong to Ronin.”

  His lips find mine, kissing me softly, his hand slipping inside my t-shirt to tickle my stomach. “And I belong to Rook.”

  Chapter Eleven - RONIN

  “How?” Rook asks me with a totally sincere expression on her face. “How will I ever survive until Friday afternoon without you?” Her fingers dance along the arm of the new couch I bought her, along with all the other furniture in her little basement apartment. “I’m gonna be bored to death.”

  “You won’t be. Spencer and the guys will keep you busy. Besides, I bet Veronica will be here all the time.”

  “Unless Spencer gets sick of her because he’s got commitment issues,” she sneers.

  I finish up with the surround sound set-up and then grab the remote to check it out. The TV comes on and I flip through the guide until I see a movie she might like. “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!” blares from eleven strategically placed speakers in her large basement apartment in Spencer’s farmhouse.

  Rook turns quickly. “Bruce! Oh, I love Bruce. And this Die Hard is the best!”

  It’s the second one and I agree. “See, you forgot about me already.”

  She saunters up to me and wiggles against my leg, making me laugh. “You’re the one who hooked up the movies. All I need is a popcorn machine and I’m set.”

  “I’ll put it on the list, ma’am.”

  “You can’t call me ma’am and not jump my bones, Mr. cute-total-stranger-cable-guy-who-just-showed-up-to-hook-up-my-surround-sound.”

  “I jumped your bones twice today already. But if you need it again I’m happy to oblige.” I wink at her. “Ma’am.”

  “Will you miss me?” she asks, suddenly insecure.

  “More than you’ll miss me, that’s for sure. You have Ford and Spencer, they’re already friends, so it’s not like you’ll be alone. I have no one.”

  She snorts. “That’s not true. You have Clare.”

  “I can’t hang out with Clare. What do we have in common? Nothing.”

  “You’re her boss now, right? She’s the main Gidget model?”

  “Yeah, but she needs that job, Rook. She needs to stay busy until she’s confident that she won’t slip back into her old habits. If you’re jealous, you should save yourself the angst because I’m not interested in Clare. At all. She’s like a fucking sister to me now.”

  Rook wraps her arms around me and whispers, “Thank you. I just needed to hear it one more time.”

  I kiss her sweetly. “You’re welcome. Now walk me up, because I have to get back to Denver and you need to settle in. I guess there’s a big party planned for tomorrow with all the Shrike cast members, so that will be fun, right?”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  We walk up stairs and meet the guys in the living room.

  “Hey, you leaving already, Ronin?” Spencer asks from the kitchen. “Not gonna stay for the Let’s-Embarrass-Rook welcome dinner?”

  “Ha, ha, Spencer,” Rook says as we walk past.

  “No, I gotta get back. Roger and I have casting bullshit tomorrow. We need to sort through the audition pics and figure out if we can fill up all the spots for GIDGET.”

  “Don’t strain yourself, Ronin,” Ford says dryly from the dining room where he’s messing around with a tablet. “And don’t worry about Rook, I’ll take care of her while she’s here.”

  “Ford—”

  “Relax, Larue,” Rook interjects as she rubs my arm. “He’s messing with you. Come on, let’s go outside, I have a gift for you.”

  She tugs on my hand and when I look at the expression on her face I know she’s up to something, so I follow. “What’s that look for? You’re being sneaky?”

  We pass by her Shrike Rook bike as we walk to the truck and I catch her eyeing it with longing. “You gonna ride that thing, you think?”

  “Absolutely. I can’t wait.”

  “Hmmm, I’m not sure about that, Rook. It makes me nervous. Don’t ride it alone, OK? Make sure you’ve got Spence or one of the shop guys with you.”

  I lean back against the truck as she pushes herself into me and purrs in my ear, “You worry too much, Larue. I’m a big girl. I’m only gonna ride it for a few weeks before it starts snowing. Besides, I have the Shrike truck to hold me over until I figure out what kind of car I want.”

  “And that’s another thing—”

  “Don’t start with me! I’m buying my own car, I already told you that.”

  I lean down and kiss her gently. “What were you gonna give me, Gidget?” Her hands slip under my t-shirt and chills ride up my body. “Fuck, I’m gonna miss you.”

  “Well,” she coos in my ear. “I’m gonna miss you too. But the gift I’m giving you before you leave is my heart.”

  And then she turns her bright blue eyes up at me and I feel it.

  I’m not a romantic, I’m really not. I believe in love and all that shit, and I like to make girls happy with presents and careful attention as far as sex goes. But this is something else entirely. She makes my heart ache. Literally. My chest feels like it’s gonna be ripped apart from the longing, that’s how much I love this girl. “I’m totally taking that gift, Rook. And I’m never giving it back, so please don’t ask for it.”

  “I’m not sure where we’re headed, Ronin. I have to be honest about that. I know you’re ready to settle down, but I’m not there yet. So I hope you’re patient with me. I just started school and parts of it aren’t fun, so maybe I don’t have what it takes to get a college degree. But I need to figure that out. I might need to go and do all that stuff before I’m ready to settle. Will you be OK with that?”

  “Gidget, I’m ready to stand back or step in. You just tell me which one you need and I’m there.”

  “Just love me, because I love you. I really do. And tonight, when the reality of today sets in and I have to crawl into that cold bed alone, I’m gonna cry my eyes out.”

  Awwww. I lean down and feather little kisses across her lips. “You better call me if you do. In fact, you can call me any time you want and I’ll be there, OK? You need me to drive up, just say so. You need to come down for a day, just show up. I don’t care what time it is, what day it is, or what else I’m doing. You’re my life, Rook. You’re my future, but I’m not in a rush, babe. I’m not. I can wait, so just do your thing, OK?”

  She kisses me and the whole world disappears. Just blips out of existence for me. When she kisses me there is nothing but her tender lips and my pounding heart. There
is nothing but the buzzing of her essence coursing in my blood and penetrating my soul. There is nothing but us.

  “We’re an us,” I say impulsively and she giggles into my mouth.

  “We’re definitely an us.”

  I gather her face gently into my cupped hands and tip her head up. “If you need me, Rook. I’m here, OK, babe? I’m here. You can come to me with anything.”

  We hug one last time and then I reluctantly get into the truck and drive away, my eyes flickering between the road in front of me and the beautiful girl waving goodbye in Spencer Shrike’s driveway.

  I hope Ford is wrong, I swear. Because I might die, that’s how bad this makes my heart ache. I might die if she checks out on me and walks away.

  Chapter Twelve - ROOK

  I watch Ronin drive off and suddenly my stomach is twisting into billions of knots. This is probably a mistake. I have so little confidence in what I’m doing with my life, and now that he’s gone and I’m here all alone, every decision feels like the wrong one.

  “You coming inside? Or you just gonna stand outside and cry?”

  Ford is over by my bike. He’s wearing jeans and a Shrike Rook t-shirt, which I’m hoping Ronin didn’t notice because that’s weird. “Why are you wearing that shirt? To piss Ronin off?”

  He looks down at his shirt, pretending to be surprised. “It’s a blackbird, Rook. It barely looks like you at all.”

  And then he flashes me that chin dimple and I laugh. “Save it, you’re a horrible actor. Besides, the blackbird has blue eyes and the fucking shirt says Rook right across the top.”