Waltzing into Damnation

by Rita Stradling

  Her eyes go wide, and she bounces her food—some sort of brown soup, spraying it across her chest. Her tray and bowl clatters to the floor. She doesn’t even notice as she tears across the room and crashes into me.

  “Shit, Linnie,” I whisper as every bone in my body complains at her basically clobbering me.

  She’s sobbing too hard to really register, I think, as she smears hot, beef smelling liquid up my front. It takes Linnie ten minutes to calm down enough to let me sit back on the bed. Brown hair wild about her head, she stares at me through tearstained eyes and explains that yes, I’ve been asleep for weeks. The flowers and notes are from the refugees of Leijonskjöld Slott, who honored me about a week ago. Before they packed up and left, the refugees walked out of the compound as a group and picked wildflowers, bringing them to my room. The notes are mostly in other languages, but the ones in English say things like, ‘Thank you, I have three living daughters.’ Another one says, ‘Thank you, we are in love, and we will take these six children and raise them as our own.’ One of them simply says, ‘I love you,’ it’s in a child’s hand.

  Linnie also explains that Stephen and the other soldiers are in the field, including Cassidy. Cassidy hasn’t agreed to go back to work for the Leijonskjöld, but she’s working for them as a paid ‘specialist consultant.’ This Linnie tells me with a smile, which drops as her eyes take in my expression.

  “They needed to act fast against the demons still on Earth,” Linnie says, grimacing.

  I bite my lip and let it go. “Of course,” I say sniffing back tears. “They have to kill the demons, that’s their job—it doesn’t stop. It’s all good. I’m just tired, and I’m not especially good with this whole crying thing.”

  Someone steps into the doorway, and I look up to find Richard Jones with his own tray of food. “Hey baby, I came to join . . .” He trails off as he sees me, and a smile lights across his perfectly symmetrical features. “Raven, welcome back.”

  “Thanks,” I say, wiping my tears away with the palms of my hands. It’s no use though because when I see the joy light across my sister’s face as she turns to Richard, I just start crying harder.

  She looks over at me as if she’s asking permission to leave my side.

  I brush my hand toward him, and she rushes into his arms.

  He sets down his tray, and immediately he’s embracing her as she sobs into his shirt. He kisses the top of her head, rocking her slightly back and forth as she clutches onto him.

  This was it. This was what I was fighting for all along. I’m happy, I know I’m happy.

  As the last days of summer wind away, I find myself wandering aimlessly over the now vacant estate of Leijonskjöld castle—usually in the company of baby Albert. We walk along the old foundations, and in my mind, I fill in the stones and structures that once were while Albert toddles at my side. Every night, I dream of Andras.

  Only a dozen or so Leijonskjöld soldiers remain here, but I don’t know a single one of them aside from Richard. Hayvee remains at the estate, but she’s usually holed up with administration work, or needing time to be with her son. Two weeks pass at Leijonskjöld before Linnie wakes me one morning with a smile to news that the soldiers are going to return. But, it’s also the third time this week she’s told me this, so I just nod sleepily and roll over.

  They arrive even before I’ve managed to scarf down breakfast. I’m standing in the hallway leading out of the guesthouse when Leijonskjöld soldiers stumble by, heading toward the training facility. Rushing out into the sunlight, I find seven helicopters beating the air from where they landed on the vast grounds of the Slott.

  Soldiers carry stretchers with injured men, others carry in supplies.

  And then I see them, Nicholas, Cassidy, and Stephen laugh next to the helicopter. The moment they see me, delight fills their familiar features. Cassidy and Stephen race to me, and then, I’m in their arms. They smell of dirt and sweat and sulfur, but I don’t care.

  Pretty soon, Cassidy retreats with just giving me a squeeze and kiss before heading off toward the training center. And finally, I’m in Stephen’s arms.

  “Hey,” I say, looking into his grinning, altered face.

  “Raven,” he says, and his smile could light up the entire world, it’s so bright. “I have to go debrief and clean up, but I want some time with you. Quality time.”

  “Yeah, of course,” I say, sniffing back my emotion. “Of course. I’m not going anywhere,” I tell him.

  Leaning in, Stephen kisses my forehead for a long moment, nods, and then heads after the other soldiers into the training center.

  That night, Stephen finds me alone in the rose garden that somehow survived the massive clearing that most of their estate took in order to make room for refugees. The smell of roses is so strong here, it’s as if my face is buried in one of them. Stephen settles in beside me, staring out at the sea of flowers. His arm immediately goes around my shoulders, pulling me into him.

  “I missed you,” he says before kissing my temple. His hair is wet like he just showered. It curls around his face. “I wish I could have been here when you woke up. I wish I could stay—”

  “You’re leaving?” I turn to him. “Already?”

  A frown tilts down the corner of his now even lips. “This will be a shorter mission. I’m sorry, Raven. There’s so much to do right now. I’m not leaving tonight though.”

  I settle into his arm, feeling like finally, for this moment at least, things will feel entirely right with the world. They should feel entirely right, but the night’s cold prickles at my arms and my mind can’t stop drifting off toward my dream last night of being Elena. “What was it like?” I finally ask. “All those months when you were possessed . . . do you hate me now since it was my fault?”

  “Not even a little bit, Raven. It was his fault, anyway, and I don’t even hate him.”

  I turn to look at his strong profile as he stares out at the garden. “Demons were once angels—I knew that, but I didn’t really understand it until Andras’ spirit was inside me. His emotions were so much bigger than I could really feel. It was like he was constantly in torment—so filled with passion and hate. It took me a while to surface from it all. The knowledge I learned though, we are now making real headway in getting rid of the remaining demons on Earth.” He squeezed his eyes closed. “I can picture such a better world, Raven.”

  I take his hand and squeeze his fingers. “We don’t deserve you—me and the world I mean.”

  Chuckling, he looks down. “I don’t think that’s true at all. Raven . . .” he pauses, “Andras loves you—I think more than it’s possible for a human to love. I felt it the moment we separated—it was excruciating.”

  I don’t know why I’m crying, but tears warm my cheeks. “All I do is cry lately; it’s terrible.” I practically laugh the words. “And . . . he doesn’t love me, Stephen. He loves Elena—and I haven’t been her for a very long time.”

  Stephen considers me, his sea blue eyes seeming to twinkle under the starlight. “That’s not true.” He sighs. “Raven, I’m just telling you this because I’m going to ask you to stay here with me. It’s only fair that you know the truth before you decide. I’m hoping you will stay though. Unfortunately, I have so much work to do here. I wish it were all over, but it’s not. We could make a difference together, and I want you to be part of all of this.”

  I rub out the gooseflesh on my arm as I attempt to do my best to push down my emotion. Finally, I manage to ask, “Can’t I stay and not be part of any of it anymore?”

  He swallowed hard. His brow smooths out, and he nods once. “Of course.”

  Leaning into Stephen’s side, I look out at the stars and know that this is the end of a very big part of my life. But I also know that when I close my eyes tonight, I’ll still be dreaming of Andras.

  Epilogue

  Nine Months Later

  Dina drops a plate of rolls before me, her red bun bobbing wildly on top of her head with the movemen
t. She points into my face and glares, narrowing her green eyes at me. “You better have more than coffee for breakfast this morning, or so help me . . .”

  Grabbing a bun, I stuff it in my mouth before raising my hands in surrender.

  She huffs before setting a container of jam beside me. Thankfully, she already levered out the wax seal, and the blackberry preserves smell like sweet-sugary heaven.

  “That goes for your friends as well,” Dina adds as she stomps out of the kitchen. I lean back into the little wood table in Dina’s kitchen in the guest house at Leijonskjöld Slott.

  Someone whistles in the hallway that connects the guest house to the kitchen, and I’m expecting to see Dina, hurrying back with more reprimands. But Stephen hurries in, whistling.

  I chuckle because he’s wearing pajamas, yet again.

  Stephen’s whistle trails off, and he turns a half-smile on me. His hair sticks out, messy, around his head while his blue grey-eyes shine with mischief.

  “Scoot over,” he says as he stops right beside my seat, still smiling.

  “What are you planning?” I give him a wary look but scoot closer to the wall.

  He sits down beside me, then scoots closer, then scoots even closer until I’m wedged between him and the wood panel.

  “Hey!” I try to say, but I can’t stop laughing.

  He grins and leans down to kiss me gently on my forehead before leaning back and swinging an arm around my back.

  “I love you so much, you pain in the ass,” I whisper.

  He smiles and says, “I love you, too. Now, what’s for breakfast?”

  “Buns, Dina said . . .” Blinking, I breathe out a laugh and turn to stare at him.

  “What?”

  “I can’t . . . I can’t--I just realized something.” My voice comes out high-pitched.

  He leans in, narrowing his gaze at me. “Are you crying? What’s the matter?”

  “Uh, am I?” I wipe at my cheeks to find—yes, tears. “I just--I had this vision. It was this exactly—except it wasn’t. You were supposed to kiss me on the lips. Your face was still scarred—there were flowers right there.” I point to an empty spot on the counter. “That vision was why I knew you were still alive . . . It’s what changed everything.”

  Stephen stuffs a roll in his mouth, his brow furrowing. “Do you want me to kiss you on the lips? Because I have no objection.”

  “Of course you don’t.” I playfully ram my shoulder into him. “But . . . all my visions came true exactly, except this one. It’s the only vision that hadn’t come true yet. You know what’s really funny? I thought we were going to end up together because you kissed me and it was so sweet in the vision—I was sure it was written in stone.”

  Chewing his roll slowly through a grin, Stephen says, “We could still end up together. Who knows.”

  “Yeah,” I say, but I’m pretty sure we won’t—and most of me came to terms with that over the last months. Stephen’s life has a purpose; it always had a purpose. My purpose aligned with it for a time. And as much as I want to be a good, self-sacrificing person who saves the world—I’m just too tired of the fight.

  Yes, I still crawl into bed with Stephen more nights than not and relish any affection he’s willing to give me, but it’s been the friend brand of affection all along.

  “Perhaps something changed the fabric of the Universe?” Stephen suggests while he carefully doesn’t look at me.

  “Maybe.” Burying my head into his shoulder, I say, “You’re my best friend in the world—and I really want to talk you out of doing this today, but I know there’s nothing I can say to convince you not to do it..”

  He raises a sandy brow. “I’m your best friend, aside from your sister.”

  “Well, yeah . . .”

  “And Cassidy,” he says.

  “I’m not going to play favorites.” I roll my eyes before saying, “But I got pretty up close and personal with Madeline, and I don’t think anyone can bring her back. She’s not going to want to help you, even you—maybe you should look for a different way to heal the infected.”

  Unfortunately, cutting off Hell’s connection to Earth did not negate the power boost Madeline got from Hell. And when the gate’s closed, she didn’t get the memo to stop ravaging the countryside with her baby in tow.

  The massive turnover in the Leijonskjöld leadership could not have come at a better time because if Tobias was still in charge, Madeline would be shot at near constantly.

  Sighing, I concede, “All that said, if anyone can bring Madeline back, it’s you. I just don’t want you to die.”

  Stephen leans in and kisses me on the side of my head. “I’m like you, Raven—very hard to kill.”

  “I think we could probably join your club,” Cassidy says as she lands on the other side of the table and Nicholas scoots in beside her. Both wear their Leijonskjöld officer’s uniforms, fully geared up and armed.

  Seeing the promise ring shining on Cassidy’s finger, I couldn’t help feeling a little ecstatic that Leijonskjöld is going to be run by two husband and wife teams again. Albert and Hayvee will continue with the Americas, while Nicholas and Cassidy are in the process of taking over here.

  And okay, I do feel a little smug as Tobias was demoted after he shot at me. The official title Tobias now possesses is Head of Documentation and Reports—a job he’s particularly suited for and keeps him traveling near constantly.

  “What is this? Where’s the coffee?” Cassidy asks as she lifts up the roll plate to look under it.

  “Dina tried to hide it again, but salvation has arrived,” Linnie says as she walks into the room with Richard right beside her.

  Like all the other occupants of the room aside from Stephen and me, Linnie wears the Leijonskjöld soldier tactical gear. Linnie is the second official female soldier—of hundreds now-- to join the Leijonskjöld.

  Linnie and Richard drag over chairs and slam a full pot of coffee between us.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come with us as civilian support?” Richard says as he casually throws an arm behind Linnie’s chair.

  “Wow,” I draw out the word. “You actually kind of hinted you need my help.”

  He pulls off his helmet and glowers. “We’re about to go into non-lethal combat with an unnatural witch with powers equivalent to a Prince of hell, and you have a special connection with her because you recovered her child.”

  I hook a thumb over at Stephen. “Trust me, if anyone is going to convince her not to attack, it’s this guy.” I pat Stephen on the shoulder. “Madeline was literally holding a cruise ship out of the water she was planning on sinking, but she didn’t because I told her the solution to saving Stephen was on the boat. And then she set the boat down gently.”

  Richard Jones blows out a heavy breath and then says, “I hope you’re right.”

  “Me too,” I say before giving him a look that clearly says, ‘You better protect my sister.’

  He returns with a look that clearly says both ‘duh’ and ‘with my life.’

  Linnie hands Richard a steaming mug of coffee before sending one down the table to me. Then she points into my face. “You guys’ intense looks at each other better not mean someone is going to drug or drag me out for my own safety, Birdie.”

  Holding up my hands in surrender, I say, “It’s just normal glaring, I swear.”

  “Better be.” Her menacing stare is a complete fail, as it looks way more cute than anything.

  An hour later and a few buns and cups of coffee heavier, we all head out to the waiting chopper. The propellers beat the air, making a repetitive thrumming. Other than the chopper, the grounds lie empty, though the grass never completely recovered. Little lines web out a grid of where all the makeshift shelters stood during the war of rebel angels.

  All five of them turn to me before the chopper’s open doors.

  “Isn’t this the part where you rugby tackle Linnie so she can’t get into the helicopter?” Cassidy says, gesturing behind he
r.

  Looking over at my sister in her tactical gear and helmet, a surge of pride fills me. “She trained for almost a year—and I know Richard was harder on her than most of his trainees.”

  Linnie laughs and mock glares over at her boyfriend, who definitely did not take it easy on her. But that look, that right there, was why I trust that Linnie is going to be safe on this mission. They love each other, and Richard’s way of showing that is to keep her safe. He did that by teaching my sister to protect herself.

  Love.

  I have to trust in love.

  It’s something I have to remind myself of every day. And then I have to resist an immediate and almost overwhelming urge to tackle my sister and drag her off.

  I grab hugs from everyone, lingering ones from Cassidy and Linnie, awkward ones from Richard and Nicholas.

  After they all lean down and rush over to the helicopter, Stephen stays. Reaching out, he takes me in his arms. I lay my cheek against his now unscarred cheek.

  “Thank you,” he says, “for helping me find a way to be whole again.”

  “You were always whole—more whole than anyone I’ve ever met,” I whisper. “You keep them all safe, yeah? Including yourself? You don’t need to save everyone—some people can die, okay?”

  Leaning away, he fixes me with his steel blue eyes. “I’m going to miss you.”

  “We’ll both come back.”

  He nods slowly. “One last kiss for the long road ahead?”

  Leaning up, I give him a soft peck on the lips. “You take care.”

  He gives me his oh so familiar lopsided grin. “I’m thinking that might be the last time you give me one of those.”

  I bite my lip before laughing. “Who knows what will happen in this life or the next, right?”

  “Right.” He squeezes me one more time and heads off to the helicopter. Before he embarks, he shoots me one more smile back.

  And then they lift off the ground and head into the horizon.