The Vegan's Hunter

by P. S. Turner

  Tyler moved down the hall and stopped at a dog enclosure with two tigers pacing in circles. A wooden sign with Sparky painted on it hung crookedly on the door. Tyler straightened it. What am I going to do with you two?

  “We can build a second tiger enclosure,” Frank answered as if he was reading his mind.

  “We don’t have the money for that,” Tyler said, not taking his eyes off of the tigers. The large one had patches of missing fur all over his legs and under his belly. His back leg was bleeding. Probably from gnawing on it. “We barely have money to keep the lights on.”

  “You should ask the government for more funding.”

  Tyler shook his head in frustration. He had been down that path so many times that it was worn to the ground. All he ever got was empty promises from greedy politicians. In the end very few checks arrived and when they did they were way too small. The only funding he received was some monthly donations from some kindhearted people, which was just enough to cover the food for all of the animals. Everything else came from the profits of his show. Every penny that he made from Bow Hunter went into medicine, equipment, repairs, taxes, electricity and hundreds of other things required, and which cost a fortune, to run a conservation center.

  “Better get the tranq gun,” he said to Frank. “I’ll check his skin.”

  Tyler sighed. A tranquilizer dart cost him $47 each.

  “I’ll get two,” Frank replied. “We’ll have to tranq them both.”

  “Give me good news Nate,” Al said, from behind his huge oak desk. “Tell me you got something. A kill, an animal attack, you shot an arrow into your foot. Anything.”

  “I got this,” Tyler said opening his laptop. He knew Al wouldn’t be impressed but he tried to act excited about it anyway. He pushed play and the large bull elk walked onto the screen.

  “Great a kill,” Al said, sitting up in his seat. “Finally.”

  “Well not exactly a kill,” Tyler corrected.

  Al’s smile faded. He looked at him over his glasses. “What do you mean? You’re right there,” he said, pointing at the elk. His finger pressed into the laptop making the screen ripple look like water. “I could kill that thing with my pen from that distance.” He picked up his pen and pointed it at Tyler as if it was a knife.

  Tyler shifted back in his seat. “I couldn’t get a good angle on him. It might not have been a clean kill.”

  “Who cares?” he said, throwing his hands in the air. The pen flew across the room. “It would’ve meant ratings. It’s just a stupid deer. I pay you to shoot sticks into them. Not to stand there like a dolt as it eats grass in front of you.”

  “I try to teach people how to go about hunting ethically. I’m not going to shoot an animal and watch it run off to starve to death after days in pain and agony just for ratings.” Tyler breathed in deep and tried to calm his voice. ”When you came to me for the show I said I’d do it as long as I can do it my way. Clean, ethical kills only.”

  “I said that you could do it your way as long as you got ratings.” He closed the laptop and pushed it away from him like it was poisonous. “The people have spoken. And your way is boring.”

  “So what does that mean?” His stomach dropped thinking of what that meant. Not for him but for his conservation center. There would be no more funding without the show. The animals would have nowhere to go and the government would probably come in and euthanize every last one of them. “Are you going to cancel the show?”

  Al studied him like he was a confusing art piece that he just couldn’t quite understand. “I have an idea that might spice things up.” He leaned towards the door. “Cara,” he yelled.

  Cara popped her head in the door waiting for orders.

  “Go get Kayley Brooks.”

  Kayley

  “Absolutely not.” Kayley said, crossing her arms.

  “There’s got to be another way.” Tyler said, his palms open on the desk.

  Kayley glanced at his rugged hands. “Nowhere in my contract says that I have to go hunting with some psychopath. What next? You want me to kill an innocent animal with my bare hands?” She noticed Tyler flinch at the word psychopath.

  “It’s not going to work Al. We can think of something else. I can go back out. Re-film the episode. This lady has issues.”

  “I have issues?” she said, turning towards him with a look of disgust. “I’m not the one running around the forest shooting arrows into animal’s faces like some kind of caveman. I’d be thrilled to see your show get canceled.”

  “You think you know everything don’t you? You have no idea what I do for animals.”

  “I know your kind.” She stood up knocking the chair back. “I’ve seen first hand what people like you do to animals. I’ve been to prison because I protected animals from people like you.” She ripped up the sleeve of her shirt. The letters APF were tattooed in black ink over a tiny paw print across her upper arm.

  Al was sitting in his chair with a smile on his face as big as if someone just handed him a million dollars. Tax-free.

  Kayley rolled her sleeve down and sat in her chair. She glanced at Al, a bit embarrassed from her outburst.

  “See, it’s not going to work out Al,” Tyler said in a low voice.

  Al was trying to hold in his grin. “Tyler go see the editor. I’ll let you know what’s going to happen later.”

  “I’ll let him know right now,” Kayley interrupted. “Your evil show is getting canceled because I’m not going to do it.”

  He picked up his laptop, ignoring her comment and left.

  Kayley sat in her chair with her arms crossed. “I’m not doing it.”

  “Would you like a cappuccino?” he asked. “Cara,” he yelled out before waiting for an answer, “two cappuccinos.”

  He looked back at her and smiled. His smile made him look like a ferret. Kayley looked away. “I’m not going hunting,” she repeated.

  “Look. I’m going to level with you. Tyler’s show is not doing very well. Your show is doing great. In only four episodes you’re the Network’s seventh highest rated show.” Kayley perked up in her chair and looked at Al with her eyebrows raised. Seventh already? Wow. She knew that people were liking the show, someone had even recognized her at the grocery store the other day, but she didn’t realize it was seventh at a Network of twenty three shows.

  “We’re a team here at the Adventure Network,” he continued. “When one show is in trouble we all chip in and help out. You want to be part of the team don’t you?”

  “Yes, but-”

  He held up his hand. “Adding a famous vegan like yourself,” he said, adding an emphasis on the word famous, “would help boost the ratings for Bow Hunter.”

  “We would just argue the entire time anyway.”

  Al smiled and then tried to hide it, attempting to look serious. “It would add some spice to a spice-less show. No one is asking you to harm any animals. Just go along with Tyler and give your views of the hunting industry. Add a little controversy. You might be able to change someone’s mind.”

  Cara came in with the cappuccinos and placed them on the desk. Al smiled and took a sip. Kayley left hers untouched on the table.

  “Look,” he said, “worst comes to worst you spend a few nights camping. It’s beautiful up there in the Colorado mountains. Have you ever been?”

  Kayley shook her head.

  “Go see some sights. You’re originally from Boston aren’t you?”

  “Chicago.”

  “Exactly. I’m sure you haven’t seen the mountains yet since you’ve been here?”

  “I’m not going to see them covered in blood.”

  Al sighed, realizing he wasn’t getting anywhere. “Okay,” he said dropping all of the friendly talk. “If you do this for us I’ll sign your show on for three seasons.”

  Kayley’s mouth dropped. Three seasons? She wasn’t expecting that. She went to reply but no words came out.

  Al sensed his chance and pressed forward. “Thirty six
episodes. Imagine how many meat eaters you can turn into vegans? Imagine how many animals you could save?”

  Kayley knew that one person saves anywhere from thirty five to one hundred animals per year by going vegetarian. Vegans even more. Over eight billion land animals are killed in the US alone each year for the meat supply. How many people could she help convert into vegans over the next three years? Even if it was just one it would be worth it.

  He had her on the ropes. He pulled the contract out of a drawer and placed it in front of her. Three seasons. Could she sacrifice one animal to save hundreds of others?

  An idea came to her and she smiled. She grabbed the pen out of his hand and signed her name on the contract.

  “Damn it.” Kayley threw the sweet potatoes into the garbage. It was the second batch that she burnt. Focus. You have a show to film tomorrow. She was practicing her recipe in the studio kitchen and nearly set off the fire alarms. Smoke was pouring out of the oven.

  She was scraping the burnt potatoes off of the bottom of the pan when Tyler walked in.

  “Hello,” he said.

  She dropped the pan with a clang, startled. “Jesus,” she said clutching her chest. “You scared me.” She hadn’t noticed him walk in. He had a way of creeping up silently. Must be a trait of a hunter.

  “What are you making?” he asked looking at the pan.

  “A fire, apparently.” She waved the dissipating smoke out of her face. “Want some?” She handed him the tray.

  “No thank you,” he responded. “I just ate a campfire.” He looked embarrassed over his corny joke but it made Kayley laugh.

  “I just wanted to thank you for agreeing to come on my show. You’re really helping me out. You know all of the money I get from the show goes directly to my-”

  “Let’s just get this straight,” she interrupted, holding up her hand. “I’m not doing this to help you out. I would love for your show to get canceled. I’m doing this because Al agreed to sign me on for two more seasons. And every show that I do may save the lives of animals. That’s why I’m doing it.”

  Tyler nodded. “Well I just wanted to thank you anyways.”

  He turned and headed out.

  “When do you want to do this thing?” she asked, keeping him there.

  He turned around, surprised.

  “Are you free this weekend?”

  “No,” she said abruptly. “I have to get ready for next week’s show.”

  “Well when is a good time for you?”

  “You mean when can I take three days out of my very busy schedule to go kill animals?” She scraped the pan hard. “It’s never going to be a good time for me.”

  He took a step forward. “Then why did you agree to guest spotting on the show if you had no intention of ever doing it?”

  She threw the pan into the sink. It landed on a metal tray with a clang. I should tell this guy where he can stick his show. She took a deep breath and thought about the end result. I have to swallow my pride and do this. She was on a quest to turn the world vegan and this was her best opportunity to realize her goal. Plus she had no intention of killing anything or letting Tyler kill anything either. She may even save an elk’s life by going.

  “Fine. This weekend. Tell me where to go and what to bring.”

  It’s so nice to finally meet you,” Philip said. “Natasha has talked about you so much. I feel like I already know you.” He laughed.

  Kayley looked around the restaurant at people’s plates, not even registering his comment.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  She turned and smiled, looking at him like she just remembered he was there. “Fine.”

  She picked at the corner of the menu with her finger. “Natasha tells me that you’re a pediatrician?” For the past three weeks Natasha had been raving about her single, pediatrician, brother Philip, trying to set them up. Kayley had agreed on the date just to shut her up.

  He nodded. “I am.”

  “That must be a very tough job,” she said nodding her head. A waiter walked by with three steaks and she flinched away like they were plates of bile.

  “Yeah. Are you okay? Do you want to go someplace else?” The vegetarian restaurant that Philip booked had had a water leak and this steak house was the only other option in the area. Kayley was horrified to walk under a life-sized, plastic bull on the way in. At least people can’t pretend that they’re not eating cows, she thought.

  “No, no. This is fine. You know, I don’t expect people to change their life just for my dietary habits. I’ll be fine. I’ll just choose a vegan option off of the menu.”

  They chatted about the usual, boring date chatter of work and family and all of the other basics that it takes to learn to get to know someone.

  “Are we ready to order?” the cute, perky, blond waitress Vanessa asked. Her name tag was perched on the top of her large left breast.

  “Hi Vanessa,” he responded taking a longer glimpse than necessary to read one word. “We’ll start with wine. Do you like Cabernet Sauvignon?”

  All wine tasted the same to Kayley. She could drink grape juice and get drunk. “Yes,” she responded. She noticed the waitress looking at Philip out of the corner of her eye. He was pretty good looking.

  He ordered a Bourgongen of the Paris Castle blah blah blah.

  The waitress pried her eyes off of Philip for a moment to take Kayley’s order.

  “Do you have a vegan option? I didn’t see one on the menu,” Kayley asked.

  “This is a steak house,” Vanessa replied.

  “Don’t you have a salad or something?”

  “Yes but it has steak on it,” Vanessa said, smiling a fake smile.

  “Well can you take it off?”

  Vanessa shook her head slightly and exhaled. “Let me go ask the chef,” she said before storming off.

  “What’s her problem?” Kayley asked.

  Philip turned his head and watched her all of the way until she disappeared into the kitchen. “I thought she was nice.”

  “Do you mind if we go somewhere else? I know an amazing vegan restaurant. It will be my treat. It’s only about thirty minutes from here." He looked at his hands. "And I can drive,” Kayley said.

  “Um” he said rubbing the back of his neck. “Sure. Why not? I’ll meet you there.”

  Kayley was approaching The Vegan Cafe when the inside of her car lit up blue. She grabbed her phone out of her purse. Sorry. Not interstead.

  She threw the phone on the seat next to her. I couldn’t date anyone that doesn’t know how to spell anyways.

  I wonder if Tyler can spell. A Neanderthal like him? I’d be surprised if he even knew how to write. She glanced at her phone wondering what he was doing now.

  Philip seemed like a nice guy. Good looking. Good job. You should have tried harder. You always blow it.

  She played the date over in her mind trying to see where she went wrong. But every time that she pictured Philip, Tyler was sitting in his place.

  She made a sound of disgust. He represented everything that she stood against. Everything that she had been fighting her whole life against.

  Then why couldn’t she stop thinking about him?

  Clifton

  Clifton loved the sound of guns. He loved the feel of the cold steel in his hands, the resistance of the trigger, as if it was meant to give the killer one last chance to change his mind, and he loved the sharp pain as the butt slammed into his shoulder from the recoil.

  But most of all he loved to kill.

  There was nothing more satisfying than seeing a living, breathing creature fall down like a log through the sights of a gun.

  He was getting a lot of satisfaction today.

  His friend Ray, well not so much of a friend as someone who Clifton used on occasion, had invited him to his ranch in Texas to shoot some hogs from a helicopter. This morning there were about four hundred wild hogs loose on his ten thousand acre ranch. Clifton estimated that there were probably about fifty lef
t.

  “Over there,” Clifton yelled to the pilot Fred, through his microphone, “by the tree line.” It was hard to hear anything through the headphones with the noise of three automatic weapons firing around him combined with the whining sound of the helicopter.

  “Got them,” the pilot responded, through Clifton’s headphones. The helicopter banked right. Clifton clung to the handle over the doorway with his right hand and hung onto his M16A4 with his left. He was strapped in tight but with the doors of the helicopter removed he wasn’t taking any chances.

  “That fat one is mine,” Billy yelled, aiming his XM177. Four hogs were sprinting along the tree line. The fat one was in the lead with the three small piglets trying desperately to keep up. There was nowhere to hide from the helicopter. Even the dense forest was no match for the firepower pointing at them.

  Clifton could hear muted popping as Billy let loose on the trigger. Little clouds erupted behind the pig as missed shots hit the dirt. The third shot hit the mother and the pig skidded along the ground, its back legs flying in the air. Billy cheered.

  “My turn,” Clifton muttered to himself. Bullets flew into the three confused piglets smelling their dead mother. “God damn I love that.” He slapped his knee with his palm.

  Ray was shooting out the other door behind the pilot, his son Fred. “Got some swimmers over here,” he yelled.

  Fred turned the helicopter and took off over the small lake. “Look at them trying to get away,” Billy laughed. “Swim piggy swim,” he yelled and then made a squealing noise.

  “You take them Clifton,” Ray said. Ray was always kissing his ass. Normally Clifton hated hardcore fans like this, except the young girls of course, but Clifton tolerated Ray because he was rich with lots of fun toys. Ray was always bribing him with hunts like these just to hang out with a popular celebrity.