Blackbird

by Henderson, Nancy

  Dusk had begun to settle when they walked back to the village. Katherine had a child’s hand in each of her own. She was still amazed by how quickly she had earned their trust.

  Katherine shrank back as they entered the stockade. An enormous bonfire had been built in the center of the village, and dozens of people were dancing around it. The dancers moved to music from a band of players who sat near the fire. Their faces and bodies were painted like the dancers. Their music was quick and fleeting with loud drums and rattles which reverted into one’s eardrums and through to their very souls.

  She had been so caught up in the afternoon’s fun that the raiding party had slipped her mind. The enormity of their celebration shocked her. Hundreds had gathered, which meant many visitors had arrived.

  “Where did all these people come from?”

  Adahya stood beside her. “When a defeat is made upon our enemies it is customary to invite our neighboring villages to celebrate in our success. Most are Mohawk. Some are Seneca.”

  Katherine just looked at him, revulsion returning full force. It was not as if they had defeated an army. They had killed farmers with families.

  Adahya’s look was sympathetic, as if he knew what she was thinking. “I realize it is difficult for you to understand. We are at war, and there are always casualties with war.”

  “They were settlers.”

  “They were still our enemies.”

  She started to argue, but he took her hand and pulled her toward a crowd of people. “There is feasting tonight, and I wish for you to meet my friends.”

  Disgusted by how lightly he took this, she pulled away. She wanted no part in this. In any of this.

  He ran a hand through his hair as if he were growing impatient with her. “Katherine, there is nothing I can do. What has been done is done. Now you must think of the good times that can be had tonight.”

  She glanced at the pole in the center of the dancers, at the red scalps displayed. That could have easily been her scalp had she been out there; an innocent settler just trying to survive this godforsaken frontier.

  Adahya watched her gaze go to the scalps, and he knew what she was thinking. She was right. If she were living with her own kind, she could have easily been their victim.

  She had come so close already. He himself had had all intentions of turning her over to the British at Fort Ontario. Before--when he had not cared what happened to her. Only Katherine did not know that. She would never know.

  Five Seneca friends approached him, and Katherine quickly ran to his lodge.

  Katherine ducked inside Adahya’s lodge.

  Once inside the tiny dwelling, homesickness took hold.

  In one corner on a nest of small pelts lay the curled up sleeping form of a small kitten Adahya’s grandfather had given her earlier that evening. One of the warriors had taken it during the raid. Katherine called him Mouse because of his dark gray coat and stringy tail.

  She spotted the large conch shell by the fire and picked it up. Adahya had given it to her that morning, telling her of his journey to the Atlantic with his brothers. She had never seen the ocean, had never been away from Albany until now, and she wondered what it would be like, if the longing for home and family would hurt worse the further away one was. She placed her ear against the shell as Adahya had shown her and listened for the ocean sounds that he promised would always live inside it. They were still there.

  She had been away from the mission for weeks now and wondered if anyone had bothered to look for her. Her thoughts turned to Joshua. Images of him were no longer followed by flowery thoughts and buttery emotions. She knew that had to do with Adahya. She had seen that he was made well again, and he was a good friend to her. And, yes, she cared for him greatly, but she did not love him.

  It would be easy to love Adahya if he were white. The problem was not his race. It was his world. A world in which he murdered and tortured people. Her people.

  She wondered if he would take another woman after she left. For reasons she could not identify, the very idea caused a darkness to fall over her. Of course he would not pine over her for the rest of his life. To expect that he would was as selfish as it was foolish.

  With the conch shell held to her ear, she listened to the sound of the ocean trapped inside it and pondered her fate.

  * * *

  ADAHYA entered the lodge carrying two heaping bowls of food.

  They ate in silence and listened to the beating drums of the Mohawk celebration.

  Afterward, he lay down on his pallet on the far side of the lodge and watched Katherine stroke the downy fur of the kitten cradled in her arms. He had never seen a cat and was amazed that such an animal existed solely for the purpose of domestication.

  Outside, the drumming and chanting had ceased. He could hear the families in the neighboring longhouse bedding down for the night. All was silent except for a few dogs barking in the distance.

  He watched her lovingly stroke the tiny kitten. “At least someone receives your attention.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means you are all the way over there.” He propped his head under one hand. “And if you come over here you would be able to sleep better.”

  “I doubt that,” she said with reddened cheeks.

  He gave a soft laugh and then sobered. “You sleep too far away.”

  Katherine tossed a bark chip at him, and Mouse scampered after it.

  When Adahya tossed it back, he eased a few feet closer to her. “When I was hurt, you did not sleep so far away.”

  “That’s because you needed me.”

  “I need you now, Katherine.” He had inched a little closer and was now just arm’s length away. Reaching out, he stroked her hair.

  Katherine’s eyes closed for a moment. Then she pulled away and scooted back against the wall of the lodge.

  “I think you are afraid of me, Chogan.”

  “I am not!”

  “Then why do you shy away?”

  “Because.” She put down the kitten, who scampered off to explore other parts of the lodge. “What would I do if I became pregnant?”

  “You would let me take care of you,” he said, slipping under the blanket with her. He draped one arm across her waist and stroked the side of her face with his free hand. Tilting his head, he slowly bent down to her.

  “I don’t want you to kiss me.”

  “What do you want me to do?” His lips hovered against her mouth, and he shuddered as he felt his shaft press against her soft hip.

  “Please, I--”

  “Touch me, Chogan.”

  He caught her hand and gently coaxed it beneath the blanket. A low moan escaped him, and his eyes slipped shut as her fingers wrapped around him.

  “How does it get so big?” she muttered as her hand glided down his smooth shaft.

  Adahya opened his eyes. Her expression was that of innocent amazement and fear. His question was finally answered.

  She really was a virgin if she found him large. Song had more than once commented that he was not as endowed as the men she had been with before him. He shuddered involuntarily as she explored him.

  Frustration warred with compassion. He had never been with a virgin. He had friends who said the experience was anything but pleasurable for the woman. If he were to hurt Katherine she would never forgive him. Then she would leave him. Fear suddenly cut through him, giving him an ounce of self control.

  He pushed her hand away, grabbed the blanket, and hurried outside where he spilled his seed in the darkness. All the while, he cursed his cowardice. It was no wonder Song said he was not a man. Perhaps he was not. All he knew was he could not lose her. He would not lose another woman.

  Cursing himself, he headed toward the river to bathe.

  * * *

  KATHERINE wondered what she had done to cause him to leave so abruptly. He had been gone so long she began to think he was not coming back at all. She had offended him. Exactly how she was not sure
.

  When he did return he was soaking wet and smelled of the pine bark soap Star made. Not looking at her, he lay down on the far side of the lodge with his back to her.

  She wondered if he had lost patience so easily with Song. Perhaps he had, and that was why he had desecrated her grave so disrespectfully. She should not ask, but she needed to know.

  “Adahya?” When he did not answer, she called again. “Adahya.”

  “I am right here. You do not need to shout.”

  “I’m sorry.” Propping herself up on her elbow, she wished he would face her. “Do you remember when you were shot?”

  “How could I forget?”

  “Star told me about the tomahawk and the shells.”

  Adahya rolled over onto his back and sighed.

  “Star said you were angry, and that’s why you painted everything red.”

  “Star says too much.”

  “Only because I asked her.”

  His brow furrowed, as if he were struggling some inner battler. For some reason she wanted to go to him, tell him that everything was all right. Something had changed in her these past weeks. She found herself wanting to do things for him. Not to seek his approval. She did not know exactly why, but she wanted to take care of him.

  “You weren’t very happy with Song were you?”

  Still, no answer.

  “Will you tell me what happened?” she pressed.

  “Someday, Chogan.”

  “Why not now?”

  * * *

  ADAHYA looked up at the roof of his lodge. The strange cat-creature had climbed onto his chest, and he stroked its ears. Why not now? What could he tell her? That Song, the woman whom he had vowed to love and protect forever, had left him for another man--a white man? Where did she want him to start? Where Song nearly broke his heart in two? Or where his anger had nearly destroyed him?

  Katherine assumed Song had died, and he was not about to tell her otherwise. If Star told her the truth, so be it. He was not about to admit to her that Song had not wanted him, had never wanted him. It was too humiliating.

  He did not answer, but instead lay awake nervous and miserable until he heard Katherine’s soft, even breathing. He would tell her the truth eventually. Right now she would not understand. She would think less of him. He did not want that.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  KATHERINE watched Adahya scowl at the letters she had just written in the sand with her finger.

  “That’s your name.”

  Adahya just sat there on the river bank beside her and studied the letters. He looked angry.

  He was against her teaching him to read, but he had caught on to the alphabet after only two nights of reciting it. She was surprised that he had agreed when she had asked him this morning. She assumed it was because he was bored while waiting for his wound to heal.

  Giving him time to study, she looked out across the river at the moss-laden woodland. Rain hung heavy in the air, and the clouds overhead loomed low as if they would float down and touch the earth.

  Slowly, Adahya copied the letters of his name in the sand.

  “See, you’re learning!” Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his neck.

  Her withdrawal was fast, but he was faster. One of his arms curled around her waist. The other cupped her chin and pulled her face to his.

  “No.” She pushed him back. She was not going to let him do this to her again. Every time he kissed her, touched her, he took some part of her. A part she would never get back.

  And she was going to leave. Soon.

  “Adahya, I need to talk to you.”

  “Is that not what you are already doing?” His eyes were teasing. This was not going to be easy for her, no matter what his mood.

  “I want to talk to you about my leaving, and I don’t want to fight about it.”

  His look of warmth disappeared. The stick he used to write his name in the sand snapped in his fist.

  She took a deep breath. “After you were shot, you said I was free to leave. I didn’t right away, because you’d been shot, and--”

  “Your words were I don’t want you to die,” he snarled.

  A tiny muscle in his jaw clenched, proving she had upset him. “Well, of course I didn’t want you to die. Do you think that little of me?”

  “Adahya thinks much of you. That is why you are here.”

  He reached for her hand, but she pulled away. This would be too hard if she felt his touch. He caught her hand anyway and laced his fingers with her own. His grip was tight, as if he was afraid of losing her.

  He was deliberately trying to make this hard for her. He knew exactly how to play her feelings, to make things harder on her than they needed to be.

  “Don’t make this difficult.”

  “You could not leave Adahya because you care for him.” He brought her hand up and kissed her palm. “That is a basis for a good covenant between a man and woman.”

  “Adahya, I’m leaving. I think it best if I go tomorrow morning. If I follow the river, I’m sure I’ll find a settlement, and someone will take me back to--”

  “Back to Knox!” Adahya flew to his feet. He kicked the patch of earth that was Katherine’s blackboard, sending sand all over her lap. “Were you thinking of him last night too? Wishing I were him instead of a savage?”

  Tears stung the backs of her eyes, but she refused to let him see that his words hurt her. “I told you I didn’t want to fight.”

  He leaned over her, his face within inches from hers. His eyes had turned cold and demanding. They were not the window to a gentle heart she had seen last night. These were portals to the soul of a monster, and she hated them.

  “You are not leaving, Katherine.”

  “I am. And you said I could.”

  “I changed my mind.”

  “Then you’re a liar.”

  “Then perhaps I will make you my prisoner instead of my woman. At last you would be in my bed where you belong.”

  He was trying to humiliate her, and she refused to let him see that he was winning. She started to leave, but he grasped her arm and pulled her back. “Hear my words, Chogan. If you leave, I will hunt you down. I will bring you back here with me, and then I will find Knox. I will cut off his privates and shove them down his throat before I allow you to go back to him.”

  * * *

  “ADAHYA has been at war a long time. You must understand that it has made him hard.”

  Katherine paced the length of Star’s hearth.

  Although still not very friendly, at least Sunshine had stopped trying to hit Katherine. In a stern voice, she spat something that had to be interpreted.

  “Sun thinks you should go back to Adahya and apologize,” Star translated. “As do I.”

  “I will do no such thing!”

  Katherine could not believe these women. They honestly thought it was acceptable to be bullied by a man. Well, she was not one of these people, and she would not stay. She belonged with her own race. Her own life.

  “I’m going back to the mission, and I don’t care what anyone thinks. Especially not Adahya.”

  Star translated for Sunshine, and the two spoke amongst themselves. Finally Star turned to Katherine. “There is no love at this mission.”

  Star stared at the women for a long while. She wanted to lie to them, say Joshua would provide love for her. But they were right, and somehow they knew.

  Somehow, somewhere along the way, her undying love for Joshua had faded somewhat. To say it no longer existed was too harsh. She would always care for him. But she no longer loved him romantically. She did not know how that had changed, but Adahya certainly played a large part.

  Star took her hand and squeezed it. “Why do you wish to return to someplace where there is no love? Your mother is gone, and your father is so far away. We are your sisters now, and Adahya is your man. There is nothing at the mission for you. Not the things you need.”

  Katherine recalled Adahya’s cutting words and ho
w he had thrown Joshua at her. Like he had done so often. There certainly was no love where Adahya was concerned.

  “Adahya loves you,” Star pressed.

  Katherine shook her head. She knew Adahya cared for her, coveted her like she were one of his possessions, but he certainly did not love her. Love required trust and understanding. Adahya did not trust her enough to allow her to leave, nor did he understand or even try to understand her desire to leave. And for that she was still his prisoner.