Hold the Dream

by Barbara Taylor Bradford

  Shane happened to swing his head. He saw Paula, straightened up, excused himself graciously.

  The bar was fairly busy and as they walked towards each other Paula was aware that more than one pair of female eyes followed his progress.

  ‘I’m glad you wore the blue dress,’ he said, catching hold of her hand when he reached her side. He led her swiftly to a reserved table in the corner. ‘It looks wonderful on you. You look wonderful.’

  Her radiant smile, her shining eyes conveyed her pleasure and her thanks.

  He said, ‘I thought we’d have champagne, since it’s a celebration.’

  ‘What are we celebrating?’

  ‘Finding each other again.’

  ‘Oh Shane, that’s a lovely sentiment.’

  A waiter appeared, opened the bottle which already stood on the table in an ice bucket, poured a little into Shane’s glass. He tasted it, nodded, ‘It’s perfect, Danny. Thank you.’

  ‘You’re welcome, Mr Shane.’ The smiling waiter filled their glasses, quietly moved away.

  ‘To us,’ Shane said, raising his glass.

  ‘To us, Shane.’ After a few seconds Paula’s eyes roamed around the bar discreetly, taking in the decor. ‘I can see how this spot acquired its name…it looks exactly like the café in the Leeds store.’ Her expression was teasing.

  ‘Our birdcages aren’t half as nice as yours though.’ He grinned at her. ‘Mind you, the artist did a good job with the murals. I must admit I do love exotic birds.’ His eyes swept over her suggestively.

  Paula laughed at the innuendo.

  Shane moved in his chair, reached into his pocket for his cigarettes. His shirt was partially open down the front and she suddenly caught the gleam of gold against his suntanned chest. She peered at him. ‘Goodness, is that the St Christopher medal I gave you?’

  He looked down, fingered it. ‘The very same.’

  ‘You haven’t been wearing it though – before tonight.’

  ‘I haven’t worn it for a couple of years. I found it in the flat on Monday night when I was packing. The catch was broken. I brought it with me, had it repaired in Holetown. They just delivered it back to me half an hour ago.’

  ‘I’m glad you’re wearing it again.’

  ‘Do you remember when you gave it to me?’

  ‘When you were twenty. For your birthday eight years ago.’

  ‘And what did I give you when you were twenty?’

  ‘A pair of antique earrings.’ She frowned, then laughed lightly. ‘Did you think I’d forgotten, Shane O’Neill?’

  ‘I was sure you hadn’t forgotten. However, I bet you don’t remember what I gave you when you reached the ripe old age of five.’

  ‘Oh yes I do. A bag of blue marbles.’

  He sat back, looking pleased. ‘Correct. Which you promptly began to lose one by one. You cried so much I had to promise to buy you another bag. But I never did, and so –’ He put his hand in his jacket pocket. ‘– Here’s the replacement. Sorry it’s taken me so long to fulfil a boyhood promise.’ He dropped a small opaque plastic bag in front of her.

  Laughing, enjoying his mood and flirting with him, Paula picked it up, opened the bag, dipped into it. ‘You are a fool, but a most adorable one –’ She stopped. A pair of sapphire-and-diamond earrings, beautifully cut and of superb quality, lay glittering in her hands. ‘Oh Shane, they’re absolutely exquisite. Thank you, thank you so much.’ She kissed his cheek, added, ‘But you’re awfully extravagant.’

  ‘So I’ve been told. Like them?’

  ‘Like them! I love them. And most especially because they’re from you.’ She pulled off the gold studs she was wearing, slipped them into her silk evening purse, took out a small mirror and put on the sapphires. She glanced at herself, admiring the earrings. ‘Oh Shane, they do look lovely on me, don’t they?’

  ‘Almost as lovely as those uncanny eyes of yours.’

  She squeezed his hand. She was touched by the unexpected present, overwhelmed really. Her throat tightened. She recalled the gifts he had given her when she had been a child. He had always been uncommonly generous, saving his pocket money for months to be able to buy something special. And he had had a knack of giving her exactly the right thing – like the earrings tonight. For a reason she could not comprehend her eyes filled with tears.

  ‘What’s the matter, darling?’ he asked gently, leaning across the table.

  She shook her head, blinking. ‘I don’t know, aren’t I silly.’ She groped in her bag, found a handkerchief, blew her nose, gave him a watery smile.

  He watched her silently, waiting for her to compose herself.

  ‘I was thinking of our childhood,’ she commenced after a few seconds. ‘At the time, it seemed as if it would never end – all those lovely summers at Heron’s Nest. But it did come to an end, just as those summers did.’ Before she could stop herself, she added, ‘As this will come to an end too.’

  He put his hand over hers. ‘Oh darling, don’t be sad.’

  ‘Our days here in the sun, this magic time…it’s just a brief sojourn really, Shane.’

  Squeezing her hand, entwining his fingers with hers, he said slowly, ‘You talk of endings…I think of beginnings. That’s what this is, Paula. A beginning. Remember what I said about time? Well, this is the future. It’s here. Now. All around us. Part of the flowing river of time.’

  She was silent, her eyes resting on him, searching his face.

  ‘I hadn’t wanted to get into a discussion about the mess we’ve found ourselves in, Paula, at least not down here. But perhaps we’d better have a talk. Would you like to do that?’

  Paula nodded.

  The smile settling on his face was confident, very sure. ‘You know how much I love you. I said in the car, earlier today, that I’d never let you go, and I won’t, Paula. Our feelings for each other are too strong to be ignored. We’re meant to be together for the rest of our lives. Do you agree?’

  ‘Yes,’ she whispered.

  ‘Then it’s obvious what you’re going to have to do. You’ll have to get a divorce so that you can marry me. You do want to marry me, don’t you?’

  ‘Oh yes, Shane, very much.’

  He saw that her face had paled, and that her very bright supernaturally blue eyes had darkened with apprehension. ‘Tell me what’s troubling you, Paula.’

  ‘You said I was intrepid when I was a child – but as a grown woman I’m not. I’m frightened, Shane.’

  ‘What about?’ he asked, his gentleness increasing. ‘Come on, let’s have it. If anyone can chase your fears away, surely it’s me.’

  ‘I’m afraid of losing my children and of losing you.’

  ‘You know that will never happen. The three of us will be with you always.’

  Paula took a deep breath, plunged in. She said, ‘I don’t think Jim will agree to a divorce.’

  Shane pulled back slightly, eyeing her askance. ‘I can’t imagine him taking that attitude. Not once he knows you want to end a bad marriage.’

  ‘You don’t know Jim,’ she interjected, her voice tense. ‘He’s stubborn, and he can be difficult. I have a horrible feeling he’s going to adopt an inflexible stance. I told you, he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with our marriage. He’ll use the children as a wedge, and especially if he thinks there’s another man.’

  ‘He’s not going to think there’s another man in your life,’ Shane said quietly. ‘I’ll be the only man you’re seeing, and nobody is going to be suspicious of me.’ He attempted to laugh. ‘Me, your childhood playmate!’ His brows shot up. ‘Come on, darling, don’t be so gloomy.’

  Paula sighed heavily. ‘Yes, perhaps I shouldn’t anticipate.’ She shook her head. ‘Poor Jim. I feel sorry for him actually.’

  ‘I know. But you can’t build a relationship on pity, Paula. There’s no reward in that for either party. You’ll start regarding yourself as a martyr and he’ll sink under his humiliation. You’ll end up genuinely hating each other.’
r />   ‘I suppose you’re right,’ she admitted, seeing the truth in his words.

  ‘I know I’m right. And look here, don’t start feeling guilty either. That’s another wasted emotion.’ He tightened his grip on her fingers. ‘And anyway you don’t have one single reason to feel guilty, Paula. You’ve given your marriage your best efforts, done your damnedest to hold it together, from what you’ve told me. It simply hasn’t worked. And so you must end it – for Jim’s sake as well as your own.’

  Paula bit her inner lip. Her worry flared. Then she murmured, ‘It may take me a while to work everything out, to get things settled properly.’

  ‘I’m aware of that, these emotional situations are never easy. But I’ll wait, I’ll be a model of patience. I’ll be there to give you moral support. And there’s another thing, we’re both young. We have all the time in the world.’

  ‘Don’t tempt providence, Shane!’

  Shane shook his head, scoffed lightly, in amusement. ‘I’m not, I’m merely stating facts.’ Whilst he trusted her judgement, privately concurred with her assessment of Jim, he did not want to burden her further by acknowledging this. Not tonight. Instead he wanted to dispel her gloominess by making light of her worries. And so he produced his most assured smile, adopted his most engaging manner. He exclaimed, ‘Let’s make a pact – like we used to when we were kids.’

  ‘All right. What kind of pact?’

  ‘Let’s agree not to discuss our problems, and they are mine as well as yours, for the next few weeks. Two days before you return to England we’ll have a long session, thrash things out. Together we’ll decide how you’re going to proceed. What do you say?’

  ‘Yes, it’s a good idea. We mustn’t let things get to us, must we? Otherwise we won’t enjoy this precious time we have together.’

  ‘That’s my girl. Shall we drink to our pact? We’ve hardly touched this champagne.’

  She nodded. He poured. They clinked glasses. Their hands automatically entwined.

  His eyes were tender and warm as they rested on her. He said, after a while, ‘You must trust me. Trust my love, Paula.’

  She looked at him in surprise, remembering how her grandmother had once said that it was important to trust love. As she met Shane O’Neill’s dark and steadfast gaze, saw the depth and strength of his feelings for her, Paula’s fears slowly began to evaporate. Her depression lifted.

  ‘I do trust your love, and you must trust mine.’ A small smile played around her mouth. ‘Everything is going to be all right. It really is, Shane, because we have each other.’

  But Paula was wrong. Her troubles were about to begin.

  CHAPTER 37

  Emma Harte stared hard at Paula, a frown knitting her brow. ‘I’m not sure I’m following you,’ she said. ‘What exactly do you mean when you say Christmas is going to be difficult?’

  Paula said quickly, ‘Before I explain, I just want you to understand that he’s all right actually –’

  ‘Who’s all right?’

  ‘Jim, Grandy. I’m afraid he’s had an accident. A rather bad accident, and he’s –’

  ‘Not in that plane of his?’ Emma cried, and straightened up in the chair jerkily, her frown intensifying.

  ‘Yes, he crashed. Two weeks ago. It happened a couple of days after I got back from New York, at the beginning of December,’ Paula said in a rush. Wanting to allay her grandmother’s worry, she hurried on, ‘But he was lucky, in one sense at least, since the plane came down at Yeadon Airport. They were able to pull him out of the plane before it exploded in flames.’

  ‘Oh my God!’ Emma’s hackles rose as she thought of Jim’s narrow escape. He could so easily have been killed, and Paula might have been in the plane with him, might not have survived. Leaning forward, she asked in an urgent voice, ‘How badly is he injured?’

  ‘He’s broken his right leg and his left shoulder, and his ribs are cracked. He’s also badly bruised. But there are no injuries that are permanently disabling or life threatening. Obviously though, those he has sustained are serious enough.’

  ‘No internal damage?’

  ‘None, thank heavens, Grandy. Jim was rushed to Leeds Infirmary immediately, and he stayed there for five days, having all kinds of tests – neurological, what have you. Fortunately the doctors didn’t find a thing. Every injury is external.’ Paula paused, looked across at her grandmother. Worry ringed her face. She said, ‘He’s in two casts and his ribs are taped. I’ve had to hire a male nurse to look after him. You see, Jim can’t dress himself and he finds it awkward, almost impossible, to do the most normal things.’

  Emma exhaled, still reeling from the news. She exclaimed, ‘Why on earth didn’t you tell me about this when I was in New York? Or yesterday, when I arrived in London?’

  ‘I didn’t want to worry you when you were still on your holiday, and so far away. And last night you were so excited about being back I didn’t want to spoil your homecoming and the little supper my mother had planned for you here. I’d intended to mention it on our way in from the airport but –’ Paula shrugged, gave her a small apologetic smile. ‘I decided it could easily wait until today.’

  ‘I see.’ Emma sat back, shaking her head. ‘I am sorry, Paula, this is just dreadful, simply dreadful. But we must be thankful it’s not any worse, more serious than it is. He’s going to be out of action for months, of course.’

  ‘Yes,’ Paula murmured. ‘The casts have to be on at least six weeks. Then he’ll have to have intensive physical therapy. The muscles will atrophy from lack of use. The doctor has explained that Jim won’t be able to lift his arm or put weight on his leg until those dead muscles have been built up again. It seems it’ll be a good six months before he’s back to normal.’

  ‘Broken bones are a lot more serious than people realize,’ Emma said quietly. She fixed Paula with a steely glance. ‘And how did it happen?’

  ‘The engine stalled. Jim tried to land as best he could, and thankfully he was on the approach to Yeadon airstrip. But – well, he couldn’t control the plane. It plunged down, virtually broke in two when it hit the ground. He’s been awfully lucky.’

  ‘He has indeed.’ Emma’s mouth tightened. ‘I always knew he’d have an accident in that damned plane one day, Paula. It’s worried me to death.’ She shook her head again, her dismay apparent. ‘Whilst I’m upset and sorry that Jim’s been hurt, I can’t help feeling he’s been somewhat irresponsible.’ She gave Paula a long and careful look. Her eyes narrowed. ‘He’s a married man with two children, and he should not have been taking that kind of risk. Utter foolishness on his part. If only he’d given up that pile of junk when I asked him, this wouldn’t have happened.’

  ‘Well, Jim is inclined to be a bit stubborn.’

  ‘That’s the understatement of the year,’ Emma snapped. ‘I don’t mean to sound callous or unsympathetic, but it strikes me he was putting himself in unnecessary physical danger. And why I’ll never know. Perhaps that husband of yours will listen to me now. And I insist that we buy a corporate jet if we must have a plane in the family. I will not permit Jim to waltz around the skies in a flimsy light aircraft ever again. Oh no, not under any circumstances.’ Emma leaned back in the chair, her face grimly set in its rigid determination.

  ‘Yes, Grandy.’ Paula glanced down at her hands, recognizing the implacability in that dear and familiar voice. Her grandmother was furious, and she could not blame her. Jim did lack a sense of responsibility and he had most wilfully ignored everyone’s pleas to get a more stable, up-to-date plane.

  Suddenly realizing she had sounded harsh, Emma said rapidly, in a softer tone, ‘I expect poor Jim is in a lot of pain, isn’t he, lovey?’

  ‘Excruciating. The shoulder’s driving him crazy. He says he’s not sure which is the worst, the persistent nagging ache in the shoulder itself, or the cramp and stiffness from having his arm permanently bent in the cast. It’s constricting, you know.’ Paula winced, recalling the past ten days, knowing how much he was genu
inely suffering. Once her initial shock and fright had subsided, exasperation with him had surfaced, only to be replaced by compassion. Being inherently kind, she was doing her utmost to make him as comfortable as possible. And she had shelved the discussion about a divorce. She would have to wait until he was in better physical condition to talk about her freedom.

  Emma said, ‘Surely the doctor has given him pain killers.’

  ‘Yes and they help. But he says they make him feel doped up, woozy, a little out of it.’

  ‘I hate pills myself. Still, if they ease the pain he ought to stay on them. I see what you mean about Christmas being difficult, Paula. Oh dear, this is such an added burden for you – on top of all of your work during one of our busiest seasons at the stores. Not only that, we have so many family things planned at Pennistone Royal…our traditional Christmas Eve with the O’Neills and the Kallinskis, lunch on Christmas Day, and Sally’s wedding to Anthony –’ Emma cut herself short.

  Her green eyes became thoughtful. An idea came to her and she made a snap decision. Taking command in her usual way, she exclaimed, ‘Running back and forth between your house and mine is going to become the bane of your life, and transporting Jim hither and yon will prove tiring. I think you’d better move everyone in with me…Jim, the babies, Nora, and the male nurse. I’ve plenty of room and, in fact, I’d rather enjoy having you all with me after my eight-month absence.’

  ‘Oh Gran, what a wonderful idea!’ Paula cried, swamped with relief. ‘And it’s a marvellous solution.’ A smile broke through as she confided, ‘I’ve been panicky, wondering how I would ever cope.’

  Emma laughed quietly, amusement flickering on her mouth. ‘You’ll always cope, my girl, that’s your basic nature. But I don’t see why your life shouldn’t be made as easy as possible, since you carry enough responsibility to bury three people. Now that I’m back home, I aim to see to it that things run smoothly for you. You’ve had a rough few months, between business problems and all the family upsets.’