The Bob Watson
Page 29
“Well, that’s good to know.” She mocks concern. “Because I called earlier, and you essentially hung up on me.”
“Sorry about that.” I admire her hands. “My nephew was instigating a riot for parolees. But I thought it was really cool you’d be willing to meet with us.”
“Well . . .” She shrugs with a smile. “Lillian is cool.”
I pull out my cell phone—8:21 p.m.—and think about traffic and parking and opening acts and encores. And I hear myself ask, “Have you ever heard of the English Beat?”
She’s looking at me, and I feel like everything’s gonna be okay.
POSTSCRIPT
From: “AUTOMATED—DO NOT REPLY”
To: “Rick Blanco”
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2016—12:01 AM
Subject: Congratulations—You’re recognized!!!
Dear Rick Blanco
Congratulations. . . . You have been recognized!!!
Janice from Finance has used the Robards International Happy Workers Who Work Together Recognition Tool to recognize your special contribution. Janice from Finance has awarded you a spot bonus for “exemplary contributions to a meeting” . . .
At Robards International, we take superior pride in rewarding positive assistances in the workplace, which is why THE MANAGEMENT is pleased to honor you with a financial reward. By using the below code, you are eligible for a 10% discount on a regularly priced super burrito as listed on the “Last Meal” menu at the Robards International “Sing Sing” Chow Hall, with the purchase of a large-sized drink and medium bag of chips at regular price.
Thanks to teammates like Rick Blanco , the best will come soon at Robards International.
—THE MANAGEMENT
REDEMPTION CODE: error
Acknowledgments
So lucky. . . . So lucky to have David Hale Smith and Inkwell Management on my side. Lucky to have had gotten Cal Morgan’s yes, and his guidance. Lucky to have been paired with Eric Meyers, who infused this project with thoughtful insight and important momentum. Lucky to have the support of Emily VanDerwerken, Kathryn Ratcliffe-Lee, Laura Brown, Keith Hollaman, Bob Alunni, Jamie Lynn Kerner, Jennifer Heuer, and many others at Harper. Lucky to have the faith of Shari Smiley of the Gotham Group. Lucky to enjoy the friendship and wisdom of Al Riske and Mark Richardson. Lucky for the reality checks from Jürgen Bürger, Jenny Allen, John Williamson, and Jennifer Bardsley. Lucky to have Carmen Bardsley’s unconditional love and support. Lucky to be the proud father of Jack Bardsley and Dylan Bardsley, whose rambunctious Nerf wars and water play some years ago as young boys provided a formative spark for this book. Lucky to have the love, support, and patience of Nancy Tourkolias Bardsley, without whom none of this would be possible.
Lucky for every reader.
And lucky to have once worked with the real Bob, whose example of stealth rebellion in the face of useless meetings stuck with me all these years.
About the Author
Greg Bardsley is the author of Cash Out, which was listed by the New York Times as one of five notable novels written about Silicon Valley. His award-winning short fiction has appeared in numerous journals and anthologies. A former columnist and speechwriter, he lives in the San Francisco Bay area.
Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at hc.com.
Praise for The Bob Watson
“Greg Bardsley has a keen sense of the absurdity of everyday life, particularly Corporate America. But he gets the real things right, too, like all the messy stuff that makes us human. My advice: ditch your next meeting, find a coffee shop, and start reading. You won’t regret it.”
—Matthew Norman, author of We’re All Damaged and Domestic Violets
“Likably wry and dementedly screwball, The Bob Watson is a novel full of both sharp wit and genuine emotion.”
—Lou Berney, Edgar Award–winning author of The Long and Faraway Gone
“Fasten your seatbelt. The Bob Watson is a madcap race against time and conflicting priorities in California’s go-go Silicon Valley—a raucous parody of the valley’s twisted family and corporate values.”
—Al Riske, author of Precarious, Sabrina’s Window, and The Possibility of Snow
“Does the ever-modernizing, depersonalizing corporate world make you want to stop and yell time-out? Bardsley warns us to be careful what we wish for in a fresh satire that is spot-on and hilarious—at least for those of us standing on the sidelines.”
—Tim Dorsey, New York Times bestselling author of Florida Roadkill
“The Bob Watson is wonderfully inventive, decidedly absurd, and sidesplittingly funny. I pulled a ‘Bob Watson’—abandoning friends, family, and work—and raced through it in a day.”
—Mark Richardson, author of Hunt for the Troll
Also by Greg Bardsley
Cash Out
Copyright
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
the bob watson. Copyright © 2016 by Greg Bardsley. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins Publishers.
First Harper Perennial paperback published 2016.
Digital Edition NOVEMBER 2016 ISBN: 9780062304803
ISBN 978-0-06-230479-7
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