Facing Fear

by Harley Turner

  Eventually he gave up on finding anything to do, so he started to walk back toward his bike. He was just walking past the restaurant when Chloe ran out of the building.

  “Hey, can I talk to you?”

  Chloe looked scared. “I’m actually running late,” she said nervously.

  “I talked to Maya,” he said calmly. “About your son.”

  “I’m sorry if I caused any problems. I told her I was mistaken. I shouldn’t have said anything,” she rambled. “I know you’re not Jackson. You just look so much like him.”

  Troy put his hands up for her to slow down. She was talking a mile a minute. “Calm down,” he said softly. “I know who his father is.”

  Chloe, who had turned away to start her walk home, stopped dead in her tracks. She spun on her heels to face Troy. “You-you do?”

  Troy nodded. “His name isn’t Jackson,” he started. “Well, his last name is. His real name is Jake.”

  “How do you know? I don’t even know you. How do you know all this about him?”

  “I know a little too much about him,” he said. “Jake is my older brother. Your son is my nephew.”

  Chloe’s jaw dropped. She started shaking her head frantically. “No. This isn’t possible. You must be thinking of someone else.” She turned and began to walk away.

  “He left town in what, October?” Troy shouted to her as he jogged to catch up.

  Once again, Chloe stopped. She could feel the hot tears spilling over her eyes. He had to be telling the truth. “November,” she whispered. “After our first blizzard of the year. He said the snow wouldn’t bother him. He was from Wisconsin and used to the shitty weather. The night of the storm, when we were snowed in at my apartment, was when I told him I was pregnant. He acted so happy. He was gone before I woke up the next morning,” she admitted.

  “And you never heard from him again?”

  Chloe shook her head. “And I never want to. As far as I’m concerned, Mason doesn’t have a father. He’s better off without someone like that in his life.”

  They were quiet for a moment. Troy couldn’t blame Chloe for not trying to find Jake, even though she wouldn’t have found him even if she had. After being in Jake’s care, he had to admit that the kid would be better off without him. Any kid would be.

  “I’d like to help you out,” Troy blurted out. “Financially. I’m sure raising a kid on your own isn’t cheap. Jake should be helping, but at least let me help out.”

  “No,” Chloe argued. “I don’t want your money. I don’t want you to tell your brother anything about us. I don’t want anything from your family.”

  “I understand. The offer will still be there if you change your mind.”

  “He told me about you. His little brother that was always in trouble. Constantly fighting. Underage drinking. Drugs. He couldn’t control you. He wanted to stay here so he wasn’t around to see you end up in prison! I just want to be left alone so I can work and take care of my son!” Without waiting for a reply, she turned and walked away, leaving Troy speechless on the sidewalk.

  He wanted to help Chloe, but she wouldn’t let him. Would she tell Maya everything? Not everything she had said was true, but would Maya believe that?

  He had never tried so hard in a relationship. Fighting to constantly assure Maya that he wouldn’t leave. Tearing her away from friends. Was it worth it?

  He shook the thought from his head. He knew it was worth it. He knew he couldn’t imagine his life without Maya. He had to make it work.

  ~9~

  T roy’s alarm went off far too early for him the next morning. After heading out of Deadwood, he had stopped at a gas station and used his fake ID to pick up a case of beer.

  He hadn’t had a drink since the night he was arrested. After everything happened with Trinity, he just didn’t see the point in it, but Chloe had gotten to him.

  Could it be possible that Jake had really stayed in South Dakota just to escape his responsibilities to Troy? It made sense; Troy had not exactly gone out of his way to make anything easy for Jake. Chloe had to be telling the truth. She wouldn’t know about his past if she hadn’t been told.

  He couldn’t deny the drinking or the fighting. He wouldn’t even try to deny it. He had already told Maya about his past. The drug accusation bothered him. Addiction had always been Jake’s problem, not Troy’s. Troy definitely wasn’t an angel, but he never claimed to be. He just hated being accused of things he didn’t do. He always had.

  He sat alone in his dark hotel room and finished beer after beer. The more he drank, the more he worried about losing Maya. The more he worried about losing Maya, the more he wanted to drink to attempt to numb the pain. It was a vicious cycle that only ended when he ran out of beer and finally passed out.

  He wanted to throw his phone when the alarm went off in the morning. His head was pounding. He didn’t even remember what had happened that caused him to drink so much.

  He wanted to go back to sleep. He needed sleep to chase off the lingering drunkenness, but he couldn’t call in on his second day on the job. Not unless he wanted to get fired.

  He was surprised to discover that he actually enjoyed bartending. He didn’t need the money, but he didn’t want to lose his job. Tom seemed to understand him. He understood the kind of life Troy had grown up in and gave him a chance. Troy didn’t want to let him down.

  After a shower, ibuprofen, and a few cups of coffee, Troy started to feel halfway human. He still had a headache, but it wasn’t unbearable. He opened the curtain to his room and began to get ready for work.

  “Great,” he muttered to himself as he looked out the window. Instead of the hot, sticky, sunny weather he had grown accustomed to, it was dreary and rainy. He had an hour ride ahead of him on his bike.

  Troy was used to riding in the rain, but it didn’t mean he enjoyed it. He quickly threw his work clothes in a plastic bag and pulled on his leather jacket.

  Within the first ten minutes of the ride, Troy was soaked from head to toe. His hair kept sticking to his glasses and his teeth were chattering.

  It took him longer than usual to drive into Deadwood. The roads were wet and slippery. He was the only person stupid enough to be on a bike on the Interstate in the weather. He was already five minutes late by the time he made it in the door. Muttering a quick apology to Tom, he ducked into the bathroom. He changed his clothes as fast as he could and didn’t even bother looking in the mirror on the way out to the bar.

  “You look like shit,” Tom told him as he tossed a towel at him.

  “It’s a long ride in the rain,” Troy pointed out.

  Tom shook his head. “I don’t miss riding in the rain,” he laughed. “But that’s not what I meant. How much did you have to drink last night?”

  “Just a few,” Troy lied. “It’s no big deal.”

  “It is a big deal. I’m not even going to ask how you got it because I don’t even want to know. I am going to request that you don’t show up to work still drunk from the night before,” Tom lectured.

  “I didn’t plan on it,” Try admitted. The disappointment in Tom’s eyes pulled at his heart. Troy had been letting people down his entire life, but seeing their disappointment never got to him the way it did in that moment. “It won’t happen again,” he promised.

  “Where are you staying? It’s not raining that bad, but you came in here looking like a drowned rat. Must have been a long ride.”

  Troy shrugged. “A bit longer today that usually,” he said. “It’s usually not so bad. I’ve been staying in a hotel in Rapid City.”

  “You are driving here from Rapid City every day?”

  “It’s the closest place I could find. I’m hoping to find something closer soon as Sturgis mellows out,” he explained. “I don’t really mind the ride. I usually enjoy it.”

  “If you need a place to stay, I have an apartment upstairs with an extra room,” Tom offered. “It’s not much, but I’m always here, so it’s more private than a hotel.”
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  Troy stared at his boss. He didn’t know what to say. Tom barely knew him, but he was offering him a place to live. No one had ever done so much for him.

  As he was staring at Tom, he noticed Maya across the restaurant. She was dressed in the waitress uniform. He nodded toward her. “Maya serving again?”

  Tom sighed. “Another day, another call in from Chloe.”

  The simple mention of Chloe’s name brought back Troy’s memories of the night before.

  “If you’re interested in the room, just let me know,” Tom added.

  “That’s a generous offer,” Troy began, “but I might not be your employee much longer.”

  Tom stared at him. “I thought you said you were sticking around. Maya has had enough people leave.”

  “I am,” Troy assured him. “I’m not leaving town. I have every intention of making this area my home. I was just thinking about what you said about me being gone if I became a problem for any of your girls.”

  “Don’t tell me Maya got sick of you already,” Tom laughed.

  “No sir, this has nothing to do with Maya. It’s actually Chloe.”

  Tom put down his towel and glared up at Troy. Troy wasn’t used to feeling intimidated by anyone, let alone someone half his size, but Tom scared him.

  “It’s about her kid,” Troy continued.

  “I thought you said this was the first time you have been here.”

  “It is,” he said quickly. “But I can’t say the same about the rest of my family.”

  Tom’s eyes widened. “Your brother?”

  Troy nodded. “I didn’t know until last night. Maya said the kid’s dad’s name was Jackson. It sounded suspicious, so I kept digging. The timing fit. Jake disappeared for a few months around four years ago, and it’s not the first time he has used our last name as an alias. Then I ran into Chloe last night and talked to her. She confirmed it and I told her I wanted to help financially, but she snapped on me. Now she’s not here today.”

  “You offered to support a child you’re not responsible for? A kid you have never met? To a woman you don’t even know?”

  Troy shrugged. “It seemed like the right thing to do. Obviously she is struggling. Jake should be the one helping out, but he hasn’t so obviously he never will.” He was rambling. He only stopped talking when Tom put his hand on his shoulder.

  “You’re a good guy, Troy,” Tom told him. “I’m sure Chloe will see that as long as you don’t have ulterior motives. Give her some time. Get to know her before you start throwing money at her. I’m sure your life has been different, but around here, money doesn’t always solve problems. Sometimes it complicates things. However, my offer for the room is still on the table. Now get to work.” Tom picked up the bar rag and walked away, leaving Troy speechless.

  The day time crowd was much mellower than the dinner crowd, leaving Maya time to realize that she was really enjoying taking over Chloe’s shifts. She had more time to interact with her customers and coworkers. More time for Troy.

  That day, however, Troy was different. He did his job and continued to chat and joke with the customers, but it seemed like he was forcing the smiles.

  “Hey,” she said as she approached him with a drink order. He nodded and smiled, but set to work without a word. “You’ve been camping before, haven’t you?” she asked. “In an actual tent?”

  Troy stopped what he was doing and nodded. “Yes, I have camped in an actual tent many times. Haven’t you?”

  Maya shook her head. “We really didn’t do much as a family. Dad worked a lot of hours, and Mom wasn’t a fan of the outdoors. Sometimes it was difficult to even get her to picnic at the stream.”

  “Why do you ask?” Troy had a lot on his mind and didn’t really want to deal with small talk, even if it was with Maya.

  Maya told him about her brother’s upcoming camping trip. “He’s scared. He has never slept outside before, so I figured I could go get a tent so I could camp in the backyard with him to get him used to the idea.”

  Troy smiled a real smile for the first time that day. “He’s really lucky to have you.”

  Maya blushed. “Would you maybe be able to go shopping with us tomorrow after work? I don’t know anything about camping, so I’m not sure what all he would need.”

  Troy froze. “You want me to meet your brother?”

  Her blush deepened, but she nodded. “Do you think it’s too soon for that? Maybe it was a stupid idea. I just figured maybe you would be able to help.”

  “Maya, relax. It’s fine,” he interjected. “I’d be happy to help and I would love to meet your brother if that’s what you want.”

  Maya smiled shyly and nodded. “Great. Gavin will come here after camp tomorrow and we will head to Spearfish. It’s the closest Walmart we have.”

  “Sounds great,” he told her has he handed her the drinks she had been waiting on. He smiled as he watched her walk away even though on the inside he was panicking. His mind kept alternating from taking Tom up on his offer to meeting Maya’s brother.

  It was hard to believe that just a matter of days ago, he had been floating through life with no purpose other than escaping his past. Before he knew it, he found a place he wanted to call home, a job he was good at, and a person that made him want to feel again.

  He hadn’t expected to be nervous to meet Maya’s brother. What if Gavin didn’t like him? Where would that leave their relationship? Troy was certain that if the kid hated him, Maya would end things. Family was clearly too important to her for her to date someone her family didn’t like.

  “If the bar gets any cleaner, I won’t need plates.”

  Troy jumped when Tom came up behind him. He hadn’t realized he had been wiping the same part of the bar since Maya had walked away. He quickly glanced around to make sure no one was waiting for a drink.

  “Sorry,” he mumbled.

  Tom shook his head, but he didn’t even attempt to hide the smile on his face. “What has you distracted now?” he asked as he leaned across the bar.

  Troy explained his worries about meeting Maya’s brother. “The last time I was around an eight year old kid was when I was eight. I don’t even remember being that young, but I’m pretty sure I was a horrible child.”

  Tom chuckled. “So you’re worried that she will break up with you if Gavin doesn’t like you?”

  Troy nodded. “I know how much her family means to her. I can’t screw this up, but I’m kind of an expert at screwing things up.”

  “She really means a lot to you, doesn’t she?”

  “She does,” Troy admitted. “I know it’s crazy because we haven’t even known each other a week, but I can’t imagine my life without her in it.”

  Tom smiled. “That’s the way I felt when I met Julia. She came into the club’s garage to get her oil changed. A month later we were engaged.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Nineteen. She was eighteen. A few months later, we were married,” he explained. “Everyone thought we were crazy. People I’ve known my entire life told me I was throwing my life away. I didn’t care. From the moment I met her, I knew I needed her. Now I’m definitely not saying you should run off and get married right away. Life out here is different than the way we were raised, but love still works the same.”

  Troy shook his head. “It’s too soon to even be thinking that word.”

  “Have you ever been in love before?”

  Troy was quiet for a moment. “I thought I was,” he admitted quietly. “Now, I’m not so sure. I keep comparing the two of them. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I keep picturing Maya hurting me the way Trinity did, and I can’t even breathe. It’s like I can’t live without her.”

  Tom put his hand on Troy’s shoulder. “We have more in common than you know,” he told the young man. “You worry too much. Just be yourself. Gavin will like anyone that Maya likes because he looks up to her, and it’s clear that she’s crazy about you. Don’t be an idiot and you will have no
thing to worry about. And when he comes in here tomorrow, make him a root beer. In a frosted mug with a shot of grenadine and a cherry. Don’t screw it up and you will win him over instantly.”

  “Thanks,” Troy told him. He really didn’t have the words to tell Tom how much he meant to him. Growing up, Troy never really had anyone to talk to. Tom was like Troy imagined an older brother should be.

  “Have you considered taking the room yet?” Tom asked. “Even if you don’t want it permanently, the offer is there whenever you don’t want to ride in the rain,” he said nodding toward the window. Troy looked out and saw that it was still raining.

  Troy nodded. “I think I will take you up on that,” he said. “At least until I can find something closer. I don’t want to impose.”

  “It’s no imposition. You are welcome to move in whenever. We can discuss rent and rules later.”

  “Rules?”

  “Yes. Like for one, no underage drinking. No drugs. No underage girls staying the night. Other than that, you are an adult and I will expect you to act that way. Clean up after yourself. As you can probably tell, I’m usually here, so I’m not home much.” Tom pulled a ring of keys from his pocket and worked to take a key from it. He slapped it down on the bar. “You are welcome anytime,” he said.

  “Thank you,” Troy said as he put the key on his own keychain and returned to work. He was still worried about meeting Maya’s brother and about what Chloe might say to Maya, but he tried not to dwell on it.

  Maya approached the bar at the end of her shift. She stood there silently as she chewed on her lip and watched Troy clean up.

  “Do you, um, want to hang out after work tonight?” she asked shyly.

  “I would love to, but I have a couple of things to do tonight,” he told her. “Maybe you could help me,” he said when he saw the disappointment on her face.

  “Sure,” she said a bit too eagerly. She turned red with embarrassment.

  He couldn’t help but smile. He didn’t think he would ever get tired of seeing her blush or chew her bottom lip.