Mr. Hired Boss (Alphalicious Billionaires Boss Book 4)

by Lindsey Hart

  But still.

  I guess I’m a little bit nervous about sharing a bed with Pearl tonight too. Not because I’ll try anything, but because there are certain parts of my body that aren’t cooperating fully with what my brain is telling them. Okay, nothing is cooperating past my brain. It’s onboard with the faking it and then get out plan. The rest of me? The rest of me has some doubts.

  Ppppppfffffffffttttttt.

  My head jerks up from where I’ve been studying my hands. They’re resting on my knees, and Pearl is sitting on the couch beside me. It’s a comfortable, big, overstuffed beast. Microsuede, I think it’s called. Anyway, it’s super soft, and maybe I was kind of dozing off, or at least up in my head because I start hard.

  Pearl stiffens beside me.

  She sidelong glances at me to see if I heard that sound.

  It was undeniably a fart.

  Her cheeks redden as she glances, surreptitiously, at her dad. He’s in the big, overstuffed armchair, and he’s losing the battle against it as it starts claiming him for a hard nap. He jerks awake and glances around too, but instead of being embarrassed, he just grins.

  “Whoa there,” Fred says. “I thought I had the nocturnal emissions under control.”

  “Dad!” Pearl hisses.

  He grins back at her. “Nothing better than embarrassing my daughter in front of her new boyfriend. Don’t worry, honey. I’m just making sure he’s the real deal. There are much worse things than finding out that your girlfriend’s family is a tad embarrassing in their own home.”

  “Dad! Please! God…”

  I smother the laugh that wants to burst out of my throat. The result is a strangled, choked, gurgle that sounds like death.

  Fffrrrrrpppp thhhhwap.

  “Dad!” Pearl nearly bursts off the couch. “Seriously! Stop!”

  Fred chuckles. “Ducks. Did anyone see those ducks flying by?”

  “Fred,” Marnie admonishes.

  “That’s fine.” I turn to study Pearl’s red face, and she stares back at me in horror. “I haven’t tested those bounds yet, but I’m sure it’s due to happen at some point, where I can’t make a fast enough escape. Now I know Pearl will survive if I happen to pass gas in her vicinity.”

  Pearl ducks her head so her parents can’t see her. “I hate you,” she mouths.

  I grin back. “I adore you too, snookums banookums,” I whisper so only she can hear.

  Her eyes get bigger, shinier, and her lips pull down at the corners. Yeah, she’s pissed.

  “Okay.” Pearl does jump up this time. “On that very loud, resounding note, I’m going to bed. Goodnight. I’ll see you all in the morning.”

  “Bacon and eggs okay? Or I have sausage too. And toast. Do you prefer rye, white, or brown? I’ll get something out of the freezer if you don’t like white. Or maybe you’re on a gluten-free diet. Oh my, I should have thought to ask before I served dinner tonight, and pie! Pie definitely has gluten in it!”

  “I’m just fine with gluten.” I pat my stomach. “Definitely just fine with gluten. That was a delicious meal tonight. And whatever you make in the morning is sure to be better than anything I’ve eaten in the past—oh—probably my whole life. Just don’t tell my mom I said so.”

  Marnie flushes with pleasure.

  Pearl walks over and grabs my arm, which produces an epic style spark shower and a full awakening in my groin area, before tugging me up. Except I’m heavy and much larger than she is, so the tugging is pretty inefficient. I shove myself off the couch, and she drops her hand immediately. I nod to Marnie and Fred.

  “Goodnight. It was great meeting you, and thanks again for everything. The hospitality and the wonderful meal. I’m happy to be here.”

  “Oh. Oh my,” Marnie whispers.

  Fred nods back at me. “Happy to meet you too, son. It’s nice to see that Pearl chose a good one this time. She’s had some real stinkers in the past, so be sure to treat her right.” He gives me a bit of the good ol’ dad stink eye, warning me to take him seriously.

  It makes me feel like a toad. No, that’s mean. I have nothing against toads. It makes me feel like a bad shit. You know, the kind that is nasty, smells nasty, looks nasty, and threatens to plug the toilet. It’s what Fred’s admonishment makes me feel like. Total shit.

  “Dad!” Pearl hisses again. “Okay, seriously. Goodnight.”

  “Sorry for embarrassing you, honey,” Fred says, but it’s clear he’s not sorry at all.

  “Have a good sleep,” Marnie calls after us as Pearl all but scrambles out of the room.

  “We will,” Pearl calls over her shoulder.

  I just nod, wave, turn around, and hurry off, making my own escape. What exactly can I say to all of that? Pearl failed to tell me that her parents were some of the nicest people in the world, and if they were nagging her, I’m sure they were legitimately worried about her.

  I already got myself into this, and I can’t bail now, but I do decide, as I climb the slightly narrow set of stairs up to the second floor, that I’m not going to take Pearl’s money for this. There’s no way. It’s bad enough I’m lying for her and with her. I feel like I can be slightly less shitty and smell somewhat less like a swamp grass rat if I refuse to take her payment.

  I’ll just get through the weekend and have as good a time as I can. Have fun. Real fun. And enjoy myself, since I haven’t enjoyed myself like I did today in a very, very long time, and then go back to life as I know it after this weekend.

  It’s the only option I’ll let myself consider because it’s the only legitimate one.

  CHAPTER 9

  Gabriel

  The guest bedroom isn’t huge. There’s enough room for a double bed, a dresser, a big window which is covered with frilly white curtains, and a small braided rag rug perched under the bed. It feels homey and cottagey. The room isn’t wallpapered. It’s painted gray, like the rest of the house, and it has the same hardwood floor. I have the impression there was once floral wallpaper of some sort adorning this room.

  “How old is the house?” I ask, half to be conversational, half to distract myself from the fact that Pearl is peeling back the patchwork quilt and sliding into the bed, still fully clothed.

  “Oh…I think around a hundred years old. It was built either in nineteen twenty-five or twenty-six. I can’t remember. I could ask my parents tomorrow morning.”

  “Sure.”

  As soon as Pearl turns over to face the wall, I kill the lights. Even though it’s summer, it’s past ten, so it’s fully dark out. The room doesn’t have any light drifting in. It’s pretty much inky black. I unzip my jeans and shove them off. I realize, too late, that I should have thought to find my pajama bottoms. I have to flick the light back on, and Pearl groans. But she doesn’t look at me, thank god.

  I quickly unzip my duffel and produce my blue plaid pajama bottoms. I tug them on, hit the light again, and hesitate. Now what? Should I build a pillow wall between us? There are only two pillows on my side, and I think I’d like to use them for sleeping. Should I pull out all the clothes I brought, which isn’t many, and build a barrier? Should I shove my duffel in between us? It’s only a double, and I doubt there’s much room for me as it is.

  “What are you doing?” Pearl whispers.

  “I…the bed…it’s small…”

  “I know it’s small. It’s only a double, and you look like you could take up the whole thing by yourself.”

  “I can sleep on the floor. Yeah, I’ll do that.” I grab for the pillows on instinct, but Pearl rolls in the bed, and her arm flies out, blocking them.

  “No, don’t do that. That would make me feel terrible, and I feel bad enough already. Just get in. I’ll roll to the edge. We don’t have to touch.”

  I’m afraid of what will happen in my sleep. All I can think about is that kiss. And now I’m about to get in bed with Pearl, who is gorgeous. Sexy. Funny. And who kisses as if her life depends on it, even when she’s taken by surprise. If that’s fake, I’d like to s
ee the real thing.

  No, I wouldn’t. Damn it. Stop thinking about that.

  I can’t just stand here all night, so I make a quick decision to obey. Once Pearl falls asleep, if she starts moving around at all, I’ll exit the bed and hit the floor, and all our problems will be solved. I hope. As long as no one opens that bedroom door, which doesn’t have a lock on it. If her parents see me there, I’ll just say I fell off the bed in my sleep or something. I’m sure I could make it work.

  I pull back the blanket and the sheet and edge in. The bed looks and feels even smaller as I ease myself down. Pearl edges away, and I angle away too. I flip onto my side, giving her my back. She’s on her side too.

  God, I hope our asses don’t touch by accident. Rubbing cheeks in the night, even fully clothed, is not going to be cool by her. Don’t think about butt cheeks. Don’t think about Pearl’s butt cheeks. Don’t think about how good her ass looks in skinny jeans. Stop, you pervert. STOP. Fuck.

  Great. Now I want to jam my fist down my throat to keep the groan I can feel edging up from getting out. I also want to put a muzzle on my dick. Dick muzzles. I wish they were a thing. Maybe someone out there could make me one. No, I have no idea what they should look like. Something steel, with a lock and key maybe. Is that a chastity belt? Did they make those for dudes?

  By the time I get myself to calm down and convince my dick to deflate, I can hear Pearl’s deep, even breathing. I lay there just listening to the gentle cadence. It’s nice. Soothing. Relaxing. Deep. Calm. How the heck did she fall asleep so quickly? She must have been worn out. Or maybe she’s just like that. Maybe she has the ability to turn off everything that’s happened and just pass out.

  I wish I could do that.

  But nope.

  Hell nope.

  What must be hours later, I’m still awake. I can’t move, and my shoulder is getting numb. My back hurts from being angled like this. I’m not a side sleeper, and everything is starting to ache, but I don’t dare move a muscle. I’m seriously contemplating getting onto the floor since it would probably be a relief when something else starts to ache.

  Namely, my stomach.

  There’s something brewing in there that isn’t friendly. I normally don’t eat big meals as I’m more of a grazer. Certainly not home-cooked like that, and certainly not a heaping plate full. I couldn’t refuse Pearl’s mom, and I felt like it was the right thing to do to clean it. Okay, it was damn good. But I shouldn’t have had seconds and eaten two pieces of cherry pie.

  It didn’t hurt at the time, though. I just felt overly full. Now, though, I’m paying for it.

  When the rumbling grows audible, and I know I can’t just lay here anymore without seriously devastating consequences, I ease myself out of bed. I wonder, briefly, if there’s a bathroom on the top floor. Pearl didn’t say. All day I have been using the one downstairs, even to freshen up just before bed.

  I have no choice but to tiptoe out into the hallway to find out. Thankfully, there’s a hall light glowing above, so I can see at least two different rooms that are open, and then one closed door. I start down, hardly making a sound except for my groaning stomach, which isn’t silent at all. The first door, as luck would have it, is a bathroom.

  Thank god.

  I step in and close the door as quietly as I can.

  Pfffftttttttt.

  I tense. Was it me, or was it the door? Jesus, it’s pretty bad when you can’t tell where the noise is coming from. I close the door and twist the lock on the handle. I’m not sure if Pearl’s parents have their bedroom up here. What if I woke someone up walking down the hall? I was quiet, but it’s possible if her parents are light sleepers.

  Christ. Now I can’t even do my business comfortably. I keep clenching my butt cheeks, trying not to make a sound, and it’s quite uncomfortable. That’s the understatement of the century. It’s like getting a raging buffalo straight to the gut. Or maybe to the butt.

  Eventually, I can relax. I go to flush, which I’m sure is going to wake up the entire household. I press the silver handle down, but nothing happens. I press again. Nothing. Again. Still nothing. One more time for good measure. Yup. Epic amounts of nothing.

  Shit. Shit. I just took a shit in Pearl’s parents' toilet, and now it’s not flushing. A really gross shit. The kind of swampy, ratty shit I was talking about earlier. Fuck. What if I plugged it? But I didn’t flush. It was broken before. Maybe some slipped down and pre-plugged it. If it was plugged, wouldn’t it just back up and overflow? No. I think it’s broken.

  I’m starting to sweat now. Big beads of moisture roll down my forehead. The pressure is intense. It’s the middle of the night, and I just left the present from hell in a broken toilet. How are they supposed to get that out to fix it? What do I do now? The smell. Oh my lord, they’re going to smell it before they even see it. In a moment of panic, I slam the seat down. I frantically lift the lid off the tank and fiddle with the parts inside in a bid to see if I can get some flush action happening. No. Such. Luck.

  Maybe this is karma.

  Maybe this is payback for plotting with Pearl to deceive her family.

  Maybe this is the universe telling me to deal with my shit. Literally.

  I pace back and forth a few times before I finally decide there’s nothing to do but to wake Pearl up. I wash my hands thoroughly, splash some cold water on my face, dry up with the fluffy pink towel on the bar behind the sink, and exit the bathroom.

  I do the walk of shame back to the bedroom.

  I step in, close the door, and turn the light on.

  “Argh!” Pearl shoots upright in bed. I guess she might be a light sleeper after all. Or maybe she’s just triggered by really bright light. The dome light above us has at least three bulbs in it. “What the heck?” She takes in my face, and hers changes from confusion and indignation to outright worry. “What’s going on? What time is it? Are you okay? Are you sick? Do you need to go to the hospital? Oh, shit, if you’re sick, it’s at least a half-hour drive to the nearest one.”

  “I’m not sick. Well, not really. I don’t need a hospital.” I sigh. “What I need is a plumber.”

  Pearl visibly relaxes, but her brow wrinkles as she frowns. She’s back to being confused. “A plumber? What for?”

  “I broke your parent’s toilet.”

  “Oh shit!” Pearl throws a hand over her mouth. “Shit! That thing’s been broken for ages. I forgot to tell you not to use it! We just all know about it and use the bathroom downstairs.”

  “Oh, wow. This is bad. This is really bad.”

  “You did a number two?” Pearl states flatly.

  Now my face is the one that’s gone scarlet. “I couldn’t help it! I had a lot to eat tonight!”

  “Of course you couldn’t help it… Well, I guess the only thing to do is I’ll offer to pay my parents for a new toilet. Maybe the company that replaces these things could take the old one away. And like drain it first. Or just carry it off like it is.”

  “I doubt that would work.”

  “Plumbers deal with poop disasters all the time. I’m sure they can figure it out.”

  “I won’t let you pay for it. It’s my… err…problem. I’ll pay for it.”

  “No, I forgot to tell you. It’s my fault.”

  “I’m the one who did the dirty.”

  “Did the dirty? Oh my god.” Pearl smothers a giggle.

  It’s not funny. Nothing about this is funny. I’m going to have to face her parents in the morning. I’m going to have to confess my crime, and it’s a big one. Abnormally sized. Well, I’m sorry. I’m a big guy, and I really did eat a lot.

  “Just turn the light off and come back to bed,” Pearl says, quite softly. “I’m tired. It’s the middle of the night, and if it’s not, it’s still dark, so it’s way too early to get up. We can’t do anything about it until morning anyway. We might as well try and get some sleep.”

  “But I—”

  “Have you slept at all yet?”

  “
No,” I admit. “But don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

  “Is the bed uncomfortable?”

  “I’m not normally a side sleeper. I sleep on my back.”

  “Oh.” Pearl’s face falls. “You should have said something!” She pats the bed beside her. “Come on then. Sleep on your back. There’s room. I’m fine. I know you’re not going to try anything.” She looks funny when she says that, though, and she quickly looks away before I can begin to decode if she’s embarrassed, regretful, or if she definitely felt that boner this afternoon and is thinking about it. Or the kiss. Maybe she’s thinking about that.

  Right. So now is not the time to tell her I’m not actually gay.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, of course. We have three nights here. You can’t just lay awake for every single one of them.”

  “But the toilet—”

  “Will wait.” With that, Pearl grabs the blanket and turns over. I swear she’s asleep before I even turn out the light.

  Which is more than I can say for myself. On my back or my side, with Pearl so close, and the toilet disaster looming for the morning, added to everything else that’s already going on, I know sleep is going to be impossible.

  CHAPTER 10

  Pearl

  I didn’t set the alarm because I knew I wouldn’t have to. Even in different surroundings, even after being woken up in the middle of the night, my internal alarm clock is still alive and well. I wake up and grab my phone, which is on the one small nightstand in the room. Before I even flip it around, I know it’s going to be around seven.

  I was right. Six minutes after. The sun was probably up long ago and is drifting in lazy patterns through the curtains. I don’t forget where I am for a second, and the next thing I do is crank my head around so far that my neck protests and reminds me with a sharp pang that I’m no owl. I can’t do the rotating neck and head trick.