Marie's Journey (Ginecean Chronicles)

by La Porta, Monica

  “You’ve got all your life to see I’m right.” She showed Grant where to store the sacks and thanked him again for his help. She must have read something in the way his upper lip slightly arched upward. “You do have a choice.”

  Marie was going to reply that unless you were born at the Temple and had two loving mothers, you never had a choice. A man didn’t even register on the scale. But the brunette was still brooding and she shut her mouth. She saw Grant looking around to see who was listening.

  “You can go. Thank you again.” Nora seemed deflated. She waved her small hand to release him from his duty to her.

  A few women passed by. They didn’t stop or even pause to look at the trio, but Marie tensed immediately. Thankfully, Grant slowly lowered his head and left without looking back. “You must stop this nonsense. People will be punished.” She hadn’t meant to sound mad, but not long ago, she had taken care of workers who had been disciplined and she remembered the scars on Grant’s body.

  “You won’t get punished.” Nora closed the shack’s door with slow movements.

  “It’s not me I’m worried about.” The words were out before Marie could censure them.

  But Nora smiled back at her. “Then there’s still hope for you.”

  Marie had no retort and politely asked to be excused. “I’m sure the doctor is looking for me.” Which was probably true.

  ***

  Once she had returned to the infirmary, she had found Rane and Zena busy with the new mother and the baby. Several women were crowding the bed and she saw flowers and small gifts lying around. She had read in some of the glossy magazines secretly passed around at the Institute that it was a pure breed habit to bring presents and floral arrangements to new mothers. Her power to be surprised had reached its limit for the day and she couldn’t muster the energy for outrage, confusion, or even mild interest. When a man entered the infirmary and made a beeline toward the bed, she simply headed out.

  “Take the rest of the day as well,” Rane had called after her, and she was glad the doctor wasn’t mad at her for leaving without asking for permission. Maybe her face was saying more than her silence. She wandered through Vasura. She didn’t go far, too scared to end up in some of the places she had been warned of. The waste plant was big, and despite—or because of—the color combination, after a while she didn’t recognize landmarks anymore. The whites of the infirmaries followed the pinks of the cafeterias, and the blues, and the oranges. She had the feeling that if someone didn’t know where she was going, she could easily get lost. The corrugated walls of the barracks had been painted in colorful tones, but the rainbow repeated itself every two blocks. The rectangular frames indicating the buildings’ affiliations must have helped, but she hadn’t had time to learn what they were for. At first glance, there weren’t two symbols alike. Nevertheless, the Vasurians seemed to know exactly where to go. As she had witnessed only two nights ago, people, women and men, were sprinting around, sometimes even crossing paths.

  Marie, a mere half an hour into her walking, paused to regroup. There was a small brick wall bordering one of the cafeterias and she sat on it, content to observe the crowd that was unaware she was among them. Seen but not heard. She found it funny. The sun set low on the horizon, and she relaxed, basking in the soft afternoon breeze. Before her, people went in and out from one of the barracks. The building was distinctively different from the others by sporting a rainbow of colors instead of one. Curiosity won and she went to check what the rectangular frame said. Inside the black frame was the stylized shape of two embracing figures. On the barrack’s landing, leaning lazily against the handrail, stood a woman. She was a beautiful brunette with long, lush hair and a voluptuous figure who reminded her of Verena. The brunette smiled at her and Marie smiled back, longing setting in her heart mixed with the knowledge she would never see her friend again. A familiar voice called her name and she turned. Zena was hurriedly walking toward her from the opposite corner.

  “I can’t leave you alone for five minutes.” The nurse spoke to her but frowned at the Verena lookalike. “Don’t you see she’s just a child?”

  “Hi, Zena. It’s always nice to see you.” When the nurse gave her a pointed look, the brunette laughed, a melodious sound. “Of course I did. She looked lost. I wasn’t going to—”

  “That’s enough.” Zena shook her head, but she didn’t look mad. “Bye, Rachele.”

  “See you soon, Zena.” The brunette saluted her with affection.

  Zena protectively circled Marie’s waist with her arm. “Let’s go somewhere else.” She led Marie to the brick wall she had sat on earlier.

  “What’s that place?” Marie had decided she liked Rachele.

  Zena sighed. “How old are you again?” She looked at the building where the brunette was sending her kisses. “Let’s say that some of us don’t have time to build meaningful relationships, but we still long for human contact.”

  “Oh…” Marie’s mouth remained shaped as an “O” for a few second before she managed to close it.

  A woman approached Rachele. They exchanged a few words and then went inside the rainbow building. Only a few seconds later, a man exited from the same door accompanied by another man. Marie’s eyebrow shot upward and she turned to Zena.

  The nurse nodded. “Yep.” Then she raised one hand. “No more questions please.”

  Although very sheltered, Marie wasn’t naïve and she flushed a bright shade of red. Several minutes of awkward silence passed before either said anything.

  Finally, Zena nudged her. “So, how do you feel?”

  Marie rocked on her legs. “Confused, mostly.”

  “You’re young. You’ll understand in due time. Vasura is… different.”

  “Were you born here?” Marie asked. She wanted to understand now.

  “No, I wasn’t.”

  “And how old were you when you were sentenced to Vasura?” Marie hoped she hadn’t offended the woman.

  Zena’s eyes stared at somewhere ahead of them, but then her expression softened. “I was not even sixteen when I was sentenced, as you say, to come here to rot and die.”

  “What did you do to get life at a waste plant?” She realized the question was probably inappropriate. “If I may ask.”

  The woman shrugged, her eyes fully back on the present. “Oh, it’s public knowledge. I didn’t want to be some pure breed’s whore and she tried to force me. Even drugged, I stabbed the bitch several times. Too bad I didn’t kill her.” Glee lit her face. “Pardon my language. I’ve been living here for so long…”

  “No worries.” Marie wasn’t as shocked as the confession required. She had heard of pure breeds who didn’t treat the fathered women in their service much better than men. It was one of the reasons why pupils only left the Institute if Madame Carla was sure the pure breed family they were going to work for was a good one. Or in her case, if the rector knew the employer well. “Well, that must’ve been… terrible, but good for you, I guess.”

  “Thankfully, I can defend myself. Always have.” Zena studied her for a moment before saying, “The doctor told me what happened to the two of you. It sucks.”

  Marie nodded. “Nothing can be done anyway.”

  “I want to apologize for earlier. I’ve been living here for so long that sometimes I forget how it works outside.” Zena offered her hand to her.

  Marie took it.

  “How’s your arm?” The woman must have noticed her slight frown when she turned to reciprocate the shake.

  Marie moved the arm up and down and remembered she hadn’t cleaned the wounds yet today. “Not as bad as it was yesterday.”

  Zena became the nurse and gave the offended limb a thorough examination. “You’re one tough blonde.”

  She liked the compliment. “Thanks.”

  “See you tomorrow, kiddo.” The woman patted her on the shoulder and walked away.

  Marie followed her imposing figure passing through the night crowd like a hot blade through but
ter until she disappeared around the far left corner where Grant stood, looking intently at her. She shot him a puzzled look and he made sign to join him.

  He waited for her to reach him and then walked around the blue barrack. “Hi.”

  They were shielded from the rest of the place by the waste material, but being out there in the open still made her feel anxious. “Hi.”

  “I’ve got something for you.” He was carrying something in his right hand, a small jar. “It’s a salve we use when we’re badly hurt.”

  She was so startled by his gift she forgot everything else. She opened her hand to accept it, but then hesitated. “Do you have enough for you? In case you need it.”

  Seemingly surprised by her thoughtful question, Grant smiled and pushed the jar toward her. “I have some left.”

  She was still reluctant.

  His smile deepened. “I’m used to pain. It’s okay. I want you to have it.”

  She couldn’t help but return a smile of her own. “Thank you for thinking of me.” His fingers brushed hers when leaving the jar in her possession. The intimacy made her gasp, and he removed his hand.

  Something passed through his green eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  They weren’t touching anymore, but the air was charged with his presence and she couldn’t breathe. “I—”

  He stepped back, a grim expression had replaced the smile. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

  Her hand shot out to stop him and he looked down at her fingers curling up his arm. “You didn’t,” she blurted out. Then she thought carefully of what she wanted to say next. Finally, what he could have misunderstood as an order to stay became a plea. “Please, don’t go.” She saw how his face showed all the emotions he went through and felt relieved when she recognized in them some of her own. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

  He relaxed his stance and leaned against the barrack. “I know the man whose baby you helped deliver.”

  “Do you?” She found a clean spot and sat on a brick. She was forced to look at him at an awkward angle, but her legs didn’t seem to want to hold her any longer.

  “Yes, he works my same rotations. He couldn’t stop blathering about his kid and how he was stuck there while his woman was giving birth.” He crossed his legs and sat by her, his right knee close to her leg, almost touching it.

  Marie couldn’t stop thinking that if she breathed deeper, her body would shift just enough to close that gap and she would be touching him again. But she didn’t act on her whim, and if anything, she almost stopped breathing. She nodded. “He came in as I was leaving.”

  “I couldn’t believe the man was allowed to openly talk like that.” He adjusted his legs, and as a result, the gap between them widened. “I’ve never thought it could be possible.”

  Marie knew what he was talking about and her heart ached. “You could be with Carnia here.”

  “Yes. We could’ve been together.” He moved again, toward her this time, and they did touch for the briefest moment.

  She hated the feeling. She suddenly wished he were a bit farther away. “Too bad she was sent to a semen factory instead of here.” The words came out as spiteful as they had sounded in her head, and yet she couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

  His eyes darkened and his brows shot up. “Carnia is a good person.”

  She had the good grace to lower her eyes, but it stung. “So I heard.” She felt his gaze on her and like the time at Redfarm when he had confronted her, she knew she had appeared petty.

  “What did she do to you?”

  She kept her eyes glued on the point of her sandals, wiggling her toes to have something to do. Had he already asked her that question? He might have. “I barely knew her.”

  “So it’s because she was with me?” His voice raised one or two octaves too many to be safe, but he didn’t seem to notice.

  He had startled her with the question, but when she finally looked up, she saw he hadn’t meant what she had thought. Her honest answer would have been, “Yes,” but he would have thought Marie simply disliked a man-lover. The answer he heard coming out from her mouth was, “No. I wouldn’t dislike her because she was with a man.” Which it would have been a lie only a few months ago.

  “Then why?” Grant sounded puzzled.

  Because she was with a particular man. You. “Because I just don’t like her. Do I need a reason?” Had she just stomped her feet, she wouldn’t have felt any less childish. And again, she thought the scene was a replay of some act she had already gone through.

  “I guess not.” He seemed to think about it. “Still, I don’t like it when you’re mean.” His intense gaze kept her under scrutiny. “Because you aren’t.”

  His words made her blush. She had liked that more than any other compliment she had ever received. And that scared her. “I can’t be here.” Memories of hugs she hadn’t shared with him flashed before her eyes and she desperately longed to let everything go and forget who they were and why it wasn’t possible for her to feel what she felt. Crutching the small jar to her chest like a shield, she left before he could reply. His call reached her ears and he sounded hurt. At the very last moment, she turned, and he was still staring at her, his green eyes emanating a cold light. She walked a step toward him, but at the same time said, “I can’t—”

  He raised one hand to stop her. “Don’t bother. I thought you were a different person.” Then he was gone and she felt as if her heart left with him.

  12

  The afternoon was unseasonably warm and Marie and Nora fanned their faces with two pieces of cardboard Nora had shaped into fans. Not very effective, but nothing short of a fall wind would have brought them solace from the torrid heat.

  “It’s not even spring.” Marie had been complaining the whole day about the weather. At this time of the year, she had expected Trin’s pleasant warmth, not this unbearable heat. She complained about the weather every time Rane or Zena had asked what was wrong with her. When Nora came to pick her up for the afternoon break, she had wanted to confide in her about her confrontation with Grant. After all, if not open-minded Nora, who else could understand what was happening to her? But then, apparently by mistake, Nora had given her a peck on the lips and Marie had thought better of it.

  “Look who’s there.” Nora pointed her chin toward the end of the little alley where they had hidden for their break. They had found the solitary corner by turning right instead of left at the crossway between the infirmary and the cafeteria. The relative isolation from the busiest parts of the central hub was a plus in their eyes and they had decided the afternoon snack could be skipped altogether. It was too hot to eat anyway.

  Marie liked the idea of having a special place all for themselves. First at the Institute and then at Redfarm, occasions to be truly alone were rare. But Vasura was the size of a city, probably a big one, and one could get lost and never found again. Lost in her thoughts, it took her a moment to realize she was looking at Grant. Semi-hidden by the shadow cast by the building to his left, only his eyes were visible, and she was immediately lost in them. After a moment, he gave her a smile but didn’t come any closer. He seemed to think about it, his expression showing conflict, but eventually, he walked away without a word, barely a nod. Disappointment ruined her good mood.

  She’d had a glimpse of him in the morning just as she exited the cafeteria with Nora. Grant had walked by and their eyes had locked. Among the morning crowd, a sea of people sprinting in every direction at once, they had looked at each other, unable to say a word, the memories from yesterday still too raw. So they had walked from the corner of the cafeteria to the infirmary’s steps, sharing the same stretch of street, but not together. She had fought her nerves, wanting to say something, but Nora’s presence and several others’ prevented her. Once on the stoop, she had turned to talk to him, but he had gone, swallowed by the crowd, his dark-blond head bobbing in the distance. And now, he left again without a word. He didn’t want to talk to her. I shouldn’t have insulted
his precious Carnia. But deep inside, she knew that wasn’t the problem. She had insulted him and he thought she was like any other man-hater.

  “He’s probably on some errands.” Nora patted Marie’s knee. “He’s not avoiding you.”

  The oppressive heat was nothing to the burning in her cheeks. “And why should I care?”

  Nora opened her mouth to say something, but Marie stopped her. “And why on Ginecea would you think I’m concerned with anything he is or isn’t doing?” She knew she should lower her voice. “He’s a man.”

  Nora, who hadn’t closed her mouth yet, gave her one long look and flashed an appeasing smile. “No reason. I just thought that this morning—”

  “This morning nothing happened.” Which was why she had been upset the whole day. She couldn’t stop thinking about him and how to make things right between them. She had been so close to being in his arms and was terrified by the magnitude of her longing. It wasn’t right. At Redfarm, she had thought he was in her thoughts because of the things she had witnessed. Nothing more than a strange fascination. But now?

  “If you say so.”

  Marie was desperate to change the subject. “What do you do when summer comes?” She wiped a trickle of sweat running down her front shirt. The temperature had grown several degrees in the last few minutes.

  Nora gently raised Marie’s hair and blew on her neck. “If no supervisor comes around, normally, we open the pool.”

  She allowed Nora the intimacy but felt the urge to stop her. She couldn’t understand why it upset her so, but it did. Verena had braided her head and caressed her, and even kissed her head from time to time, but she had never felt so uncomfortable. The sensation was pleasant, but it left her confused on where they stood. Undeniably, there was something, but her heart hadn’t beaten faster this morning when she had spotted Nora waiting for her on the cafeteria’s steps. Nor had she stopped breathing now when Nora’s fingers had brushed her neck. “Is there a pool here?”