'Til I Kissed You

by Pam Howes

AUGUST 1984.

  By mid August, Nick and Jess’s wedding plans were well under way. The church in Ashlea village was booked as was the reception at Mottram Hall, and a three-week honeymoon in The Maldives, was a treat from both sets of parents.

  Sammy arrived at the factory on Monday morning with a portfolio under her arm. ‘Hi, Mum,’ she greeted Molly, already there checking invoices.

  ‘Hello, love, you’re in earlier than I was expecting.’ Eyeing the portfolio Molly smiled. ‘Are those the designs for Jess’s wedding dress? I’ll have a look when I’ve finished these. I’ve just made a coffee, would you like one?’

  ‘Please, Mum, it might wake me up a bit.’ Sammy removed her jacket and popped it over the back of a chair.

  ‘Are you all right, Sam? You look a bit pale.’ Molly handed her a steaming mug and went back to her desk.

  Sammy sat down. ‘Yeah, I’m okay, but I didn’t sleep too well last night.’

  ‘That’s not like you. You usually sleep like a log.’

  ‘Roy didn’t come home ’til the early hours and he slept in the spare room. I popped my head round the door this morning to see if he was okay. He was awake, so I sat on the bed talking to him, or at least I tried. He was shifty, like he didn’t want me there.’ Sammy paused and took a sip of coffee. ‘Ouch, that’s hot.’

  ‘Give it here, I’ll put some more milk in.’ Molly reached for the mug. ‘Carry on with your tale.’

  ‘I asked why he was home late. He said he popped in to see John and Margaret Grey when he left Ed at the pub and lost track of time. When I asked why Ed didn’t go with him he nearly bit my head off. Said they weren’t joined at the hip. I don’t know what’s wrong with him lately. He’s so bloody moody.’

  ‘It’ll be the male menopause thingy they talk about on TV.’ Molly passed Sammy’s coffee back to her. ‘Roy’s coming up to that funny age. He probably slept in the spare room so he wouldn’t disturb you. You’d have moaned if he’d come crashing in worse for wear and woken you like he usually does. Perhaps it’s finally dawned on him you need your sleep.’

  ‘Maybe,’ Sammy said, running her finger round the rim of her mug. ‘We could do with spending some time together. I’ve been so busy; we’re like ships that pass in the night. I get the feeling he thinks I put the business before him. I’ll have this coffee and call him. He said he’s spending the morning in bed then going to Ed’s later.’

  ‘Why don’t you have a night out with Jane and Ed? Go for a meal.’

  ‘Good idea, Mum. We haven’t been out as a foursome for ages and I bet Jane would be glad of a break.’

  Leaving the portfolio for her mother to browse through, Sammy carried her coffee into the adjoining office that she shared with Jane. She reached for the sketch of a jacket and placed it on her easel. She swept a pile of fabric swatches to one side, picked up the phone and dialled home. It was engaged. Roy must be talking to Ed, she thought, and dropped the receiver back onto the cradle.

  She wandered through into the factory, greeting the happy band of machinists and pressers who were already hard at work. Some of the girls were singing along to the latest Wham song playing on the radio. Grinning at the bawdy comments she received from supervisor Ruby, about why she looked so tired, Sammy walked to the finishing table. She picked up a small pink and white striped dress that was waiting to be completed by the girl who did the hand smocking.

  Sammy had designed the dress last year and it was one of her best sellers; a real Little House on the Prairie style. She’d longed for a daughter to indulge all her ideas for pretty clothes. Instead, she’d had lads, one of whom had worn through the knees of the toughest denim in record-breaking time. Some days she wished she’d not been so hasty in being sterilised after Jason’s birth, but having two babies in just over nineteen months had made the decision easy at the time.

  Putting the dress back on the table, Sammy returned to her office. She swivelled her chair round to face her easel and picked up a pale green pastel from the box on her desk. Shading in the colour on the jacket, she became totally absorbed.

  ***

  As Sammy left for work Roy leapt out of bed and hurried across the landing to their bedroom. His head was banging and he felt bad for snapping at her.

  He’d made for the spare room when he got home because he felt guilty for falling asleep in Livvy’s bed. God only knew how he’d managed to wake up, but when he did and realised the time, he’d never moved so fast in his life. Not even stopping to wash, he was dressed, throwing sorry’s at Livvy, and out the door in seconds flat. He reckoned he’d successfully covered his tracks by lying to Sammy over his whereabouts.

  After showering and shaving he splashed on after-shave, dropped the damp towel on the floor and threw the T-shirt and boxer shorts he’d worn all night in the general direction of the laundry basket. He sat on the bed and dialled Livvy’s number.

  ‘Hello.’

  ‘How come you sound so sleepy this morning, Olivia?’ He grinned into the receiver as he pictured her lying naked, worn out from shagging, blonde curls fanning the pillows, exactly as he’d left her.

  ‘Probably because some thoughtless sod woke me up to go home!’

  ‘Well stay in bed and that thoughtless sod will be over in an hour to make it up to you. I’ve just got a couple of things I need to do here first.’

  ‘Okay, that sounds good.’ ’

  ‘See you soon.’ Roy hung up and pulled a black T-shirt on. He picked up a pair of jeans from the back of the bedroom chair then put them down again. Livvy had moaned the other day that he never wore anything other than Levis and T-shirts. Well he’d show her. He could look a real smoothie when he tried. He’d a wardrobe full of designer clothes, mainly chosen by Sammy. He only wore them when they went out, because she liked him to look nice.

  He took a pair of smart black trousers from a hanger and put them on. They were a bit loose around the waist, he must be losing weight, but they looked okay with the T-shirt tucked in. Dare he wear his Versace jacket? It was just back from the cleaners, yet again. Cream was not the best colour for him, although Sammy said it suited his dark hair, but he never seemed able to keep it clean for very long.

  There, he looked and smelt good. All he needed now was a black coffee, a fag and a couple of tapes for Eddie that he’d recorded guitar solos on, and he could be off. He went downstairs, picking up the mail from the doormat on his way to the kitchen. He tossed the post onto a worktop without looking through it. They’d be mostly bills and Sammy usually dealt with those.

  He sat with a coffee and a fag and tried to forget Sammy’s earlier hurt expression. He felt guilty all the time lately, convinced he would wake up one day with the word ADULTERER tattooed across his forehead. But he couldn’t stop seeing Livvy, she was like a drug. The more he had her, the more he wanted and needed her. All he had to do was keep his cool and not screw up again like he’d nearly done last night.

  He was leaving the house as the phone rang out. ‘Oh, fuck it!’ he muttered. ‘It’s probably some bugger selling double-glazing.’ He jumped into his pride and joy, drove down the long gravel driveway and out onto tree lined Jasmine Lane.

  ***

  Roy parked next to Livvy’s Mini and leapt out. He pressed the intercom and she answered immediately. ‘Hello.’

  ‘Hi, Babe, it’s me.’

  ‘Come on up.’ She released the lock; he hurried in and ran lightly upstairs. Her door stood open and he strolled in and pushed it closed.

  She appeared in the lounge doorway, a big smile on her face, blonde curls damp from the shower.

  ‘You look really nice,’ she said. ‘Pity they’ve got to come off!’ She reached up, winding her arms around his neck and kissed him.

  ‘You shameless little hussy,’ he laughed, enveloping her doll like frame in a bear hug.

  She was wearing an oversize white T-shirt that rode up as she stood on tiptoe. He squeezed her bare arse and groaned at the familiar twitching. He scooped her up, carried her th
rough to the bedroom and dropped her onto the bed. He kicked off his boots, chucked his jacket and trousers over a chair and lay beside her, kissing her. The way she made him feel was unbelievable. He felt alive and ten years younger and there was the weight dropping off him too. After last night he didn’t think he’d have the energy to shag again so soon, but he was raring to go.

  She tugged eagerly at his boxer shorts and T-shirt.

  ‘Patience Olivia.’ He sat up, and yanked off his T-shirt and hers.

  She pushed his shorts down and curled herself around him, kissing and caressing, then climbed on top, straddled him and threw back her head as he held onto her breasts and thrust into her. He watched her face, her changing expressions and then flipped her onto her back. Her eyes were half closed and she gave a low moan as he rained kisses down her front and searched with his tongue. He moved back up and she arched to meet him as he slid inside. She moved in rhythm and tossed her head from side to side. Her explosive orgasm sent Roy quickly to his own climax and he cried out her name and held her close. He rolled off and lay back on the pillows, eyes wide.

  ‘Jesus, Olivia that was one hell of a wild fuck!’ He smoothed her hair from her face and kissed her again. ‘I love you, Baby. I honestly didn’t think I could do that after last night’s session.’

  She smiled and stroked his face. ‘I love you too, Roy. There’s still life in the old dog.’

  He tickled her ribs and she squirmed. ‘Little monkey; I’m no old dog. You wait a while; let me get my breath back. I’ll show you how much life there is left in me. I used to be able to make love all night, years ago. I bet I still could, given half a chance.’ He saw a frown cross her face and realised he’d said the wrong thing. He sat up and offered her a cigarette. She shook her head, announced she’d make coffee, and slid out of bed.

  He followed her cute arse across the room with half closed eyes. God, she was fit. Tiny but perfect. He shouldn’t have mentioned the making love all night though. She didn’t want to know about his past exploits. He felt a pang of guilt as his thoughts turned to Sammy. He lit a cigarette and for the millionth time since the affair began, asked himself what the hell he was doing.

  Sammy was his life, his friend, his soul mate and no one understood him better. He loved her more than life itself, but felt neglected when she put the business, the boys and even the bloody house before him. He took a long drag and blew a smoke ring. He loved Livvy, too. Not in the same way that he loved Sammy of course. But he couldn’t be without her now. If Sammy found out about the affair she’d go mental, it would be the end of their marriage. It was a crazy risk to be taking. He jumped as the bedside phone rang. He heard Livvy pick up in the lounge. She came back into the room, carrying two mugs.

  ‘That was Ed. He asked if you were here. I told him I hadn’t seen you for a few days.’

  ‘Good girl. I wonder why he thought I’d be here though.’ Since Ed had warned him off at Nick’s party, he’d kept it from him that he and Livvy were still lovers. Ed wasn’t daft though; he’d no doubt put two and two together. Oh well, he’d wait and see what, if anything, Ed said later.

  ***

  Jane strolled into the office carrying a small white box. ‘Chocolate éclairs,’ she announced. She took the box through to Molly who helped herself and put the kettle on.

  Back in the office Jane picked an éclair from the box. ‘What’s up, Sam? You look a bit glum.’

  Sammy shrugged. ‘Did Roy call Ed this morning? Was he at your place when you left?’

  ‘Nobody rang and he’s not at ours. Why do you ask, has he gone missing?’

  Sammy explained what had happened. ‘I can’t put my finger on it, Jane,’ she said, ‘but I just have a feeling something’s going on.’

  Molly brought the coffees through then left them to it.

  Sammy took a sip. ‘I called him earlier to ask if he fancies going out for a meal later with you and Ed, but the line was engaged. I just tried again but he didn’t answer. I’m sure he wasn’t planning to go out before he meets up with Ed later.’

  ‘Try again,’ Jane suggested. ‘He might have been on the loo, or even in the shower. He probably didn’t hear the phone ring.’

  Sammy dialled home again. - She shook her head and hung up. ‘No reply.’

  ‘If you’re that bothered, drive home and see if he’s all right. He’s probably gone back to sleep.’

  ‘I will. I’ve been so busy these last few weeks, what with the wedding, and planning the summer fashion show, I haven’t given him much attention. He’s probably feeling a bit neglected. That’s why a night out, just the four of us, would do him good.’

  Jane nodded. ‘It’ll do all of us good. Take the rest of the morning off. Spend it with him. Go on Sam, Jess will be in later. She can finish shading in that design for you. You haven’t taken any time off since Brighton.’

  Sammy put on her jacket. ‘Thanks, Jane, I owe you one. Take tomorrow morning off and spend it with Ed.’

  ‘Sounds good to me,’ Jane said, picking up the phone as it rang out. ‘Go!’ she mouthed at Sammy and pointed to the door.

  Sammy popped her head around her mother’s door and waved. ‘I’m nipping home, back later. Bye.’

  Molly looked up briefly. ‘Bye, love.’

  ***

  Sammy backed out of the car park, drove down the street and pulled onto the main road. She rummaged in the glove compartment for her Double Fantasy cassette and slid it into the tape slot. As the opening bars of Starting Over filled the car Sammy caught sight of Roy’s Lamborghini turning a corner two streets away.

  At least it looked like Roy’s car; the red colour was so distinctive. She glanced down the street as she passed but couldn’t see anything. Maybe it wasn’t Roy, although she knew that there were few, if any, cars like his in the area. She frowned and carried on towards home. Roy’s car wasn’t on the drive, so it must have been him.

  ***

  She ran upstairs to their bedroom, puzzling over where he might have been going. A discarded T-shirt, boxer shorts and a damp towel lay on the floor. She shook her head, picked them up and threw them into the laundry basket. Untidy sod! The en-suite was damp and the shower cubicle door was open. The washbasin bore a tidemark of whiskers from a recent shave.

  The smell of aftershave lingered in the air and Sammy picked up the open bottle of Van Cleef and Arpels from the vanity unit and held it to her nose. She’d bought it last month, loving the evocative, citrus scent on him. She screwed the top on and went back into the bedroom.

  Standing by the window she glanced around. The cream carpet showed every foot print in the deep pile. She could see where Roy had walked from the bathroom to his side of the bed and then across to the fitted wardrobes. His usual Levi jeans were dumped on the chair and she wondered what he was wearing instead. She opened his side of the wardrobe and peered in. He wasn’t one for smart dressing, unless they were going out, or he was attending a music awards ceremony.

  His cream Versace jacket was missing along with his new black trousers. She tried to remember if they might still be at the dry cleaners, but she could have sworn she collected all the cleaning last week. So, wherever he was, he’d dressed up to go.

  She picked up the phone and called Eddie.

  ‘Ed, its Sam. Have you any idea where Roy is?’ She held her breath, her stomach churning and knowing for certain he was going to say no.

  ‘I haven’t, but he’s coming later. Do you want him to call you?’

  ‘Please,’ she replied. ‘I’ll go back to work. He can call me there.’

  ‘Okay. Is he not at home this morning?’

  ‘No, I’m home myself,’ Sammy replied. She paused for a moment. ‘Ed, he didn’t come home until the early hours and he slept in the spare room. He told me he went to see the Grey’s after he left you and lost track of time. Something’s not right; I feel it in my bones. The phone was engaged earlier when I tried to call him. Now he’s out, dressed up, driving his Lamborghini, because
I saw him coming through Jackson’s Heath.’

  ‘Well if he was going towards Pickford he may have popped in to see the accountant. I’ll get him to call you as soon as he arrives.’

  ‘Thanks, Ed.’ She hung up. There’d be a simple explanation for Roy’s odd behaviour, after all they’d never kept secrets and as a rule, always told each other where they were going. She picked up her keys and bag, locked up and drove slowly back to work.

  ***

  Eddie replaced the receiver and rubbed his chin. When Roy left him at the Royal Oak he’d said he was tired and going straight home. Eddie thought it a bit odd for he and Roy were usually last to be chucked out at closing time. He sighed as he ran up the stairs. He had a sinking feeling that he knew exactly where Roy was. Livvy’s flat was in Jackson’s Heath.

  In Jon’s bedroom he found his address book, located her phone number and dialled. It rang for a while before she answered.

  ‘Livvy, it’s Eddie. Have you seen Roy today?’

  She seemed to hesitate before replying that she hadn’t seen him for several days. He thanked her and hung up. She was lying. Roy was with her, he’d bet his life on it. He pulled on his jacket and grabbed the Jeep’s keys. He drove across town to Livvy’s flat and parked round the corner. He walked the rest of the way and there it was, Roy’s Lamborghini, parked shamelessly alongside Livvy’s Mini. Eddie walked back to his Jeep, feeling sick. ‘Now what?’ he muttered as he sat in the car and lit a cigarette. ‘Shit, Roy, what the fuck are you playing at?’ He finished his cigarette, started up the engine and drove home.

  ***

  Jane looked up as Sammy walked in and flung her bag and keys on her desk. ‘You’re soon back,’ she said.

  Sammy sat down. ‘He wasn’t there.’

  ‘You said he was staying home all morning.’

  ‘That’s what he told me. But he’d gone by the time I got back, freshly showered, dressed in his best and the Lamborghini was missing. Does that sound like a mid-week Roy to you?’

  ‘No, it doesn’t, and he never usually goes anywhere without Ed, and he’s at home. Well he was when I left.’