'Til I Kissed You

by Pam Howes

  ‘So, what did you say to Jason?’

  ‘I held him and told him I love him. That he’s my son, no matter what. I said I would support him. I also suggested that maybe he’s wrong and perhaps it’s all to do with the grieving process. He told me he felt more comfortable with Jules than he’d ever felt with girls. He said Jules understands him. He also said that he’d always felt different to Nick.’ Sammy took another sip of her drink.

  ‘Actually, looking back, a lot of things fall into place. Roy always said I babied and fussed Jason too much, but he needed it. He’s so tidy and careful, nothing at all like Nick and Roy, just different. Roy will blame me of course if Jason is gay, you can bet your sweet life on it.’

  Jane nodded. ‘Jason was always the one who didn’t like mud on his clothes or sticky hands. Sammy, how on earth are you going to tell Roy this?’

  Sammy stared at her. ‘Jane, are you mad? I can’t possibly tell him, he’ll flip. I’ve told Jason not to say a thing for now. They’re not getting on at all, so their paths won’t be crossing too often. Don’t tell Ed, not yet anyway.’ Sammy knocked back the rest of her wine.

  ‘I won’t. Like you say, it could be the grief. He might be enjoying the attention he gets from Jules. He seems a nice enough young lad and Jason needs a confidante.’ Jane got up and reached for Sammy’s empty glass. ‘I’ll get us another drink.’

  ***

  Just before leaving work, Jon had called his Aunt Sally. The phone was answered by an elderly woman. Jon asked to speak to his aunt.

  ‘She’s not here at the moment. Can I take a message?’

  ‘This is her nephew, Jonathon Mellor, Angie’s son. Could you ask Sally to call me tomorrow at work, please?’

  The woman drew in a sharp breath. ‘Jonathon, this is your grandma, Angie’s mother.’

  ‘Oh - hello,’ Jon stammered, his hand on the receiver going hot and sticky. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t make it to the funeral.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter, love. We read the report of the accident in the newspapers. Please don’t worry. How’s your sister, Jessica?’

  ‘She’s getting there, thanks. She’s still in plaster of course and grieving for Nick,’ Jon replied.

  ‘I know how that feels, believe me. There’s not a day goes by when I don’t think of Angela. It never quite goes away, but it gets easier to live with as time goes by.’

  ‘I’m sure it does,’ Jon said.

  ‘Well, Jonathon, are we going to meet up soon? I’d love to see you before I go back home. You were only a little boy the last time we met and we knew you as Jonny. I expect you’ve grown out of that.’

  Jon chuckled. ‘It’s Jon now, and I’m over six-foot tall, so be prepared for a shock. I’ll come on Wednesday night if that’s okay with you?’

  ‘Come for dinner. Sally will be delighted. We’ll see you about seven-thirty then. Goodbye, Jonathon.’

  ‘Goodbye, Grandma.’ Jon hung up and let out a deep breath. Well, that hadn’t been too bad. He was dying to know a bit about his late mother’s family. He felt that something was missing from his life and it was probably all down to this link with Angie’s past. He’d managed to piece together odd bits he’d gleaned from Sean and his godmother, Cathy. That Dad had dated Angie and Jane and when Angie discovered she was pregnant, she and Dad had been rushed into marriage.

  Jon was aware that Dad regretted the mistake and when the marriage had broken down he’d gone back to Jane and his mother to Richard Price, who’d been killed alongside her. That was all he knew, but he had a feeling in his bones that there was a lot more. Hopefully Sally would fill in some of the gaps on Wednesday.

  ***

  ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Jane,’ Sammy said as she and Roy left Hanover’s Lodge. She ignored Roy as they drove down Ashlea Road and he glanced at her.

  ‘I’ve been thinking,’ he began nervously.

  ‘Really? Well let’s hope you’ve used your brains instead of your dick this time!’

  Roy chose to ignore her and continued. ‘I’m moving out tomorrow for a few weeks. I’ll book into a hotel and then look for a flat. We can’t go on like this; it’s destroying everything between us.’

  Sammy nodded, it was exactly what she had in mind, but because of Roy’s vulnerable state she hadn’t suggested it. This way it was his decision and it also meant that Jason could relax a bit more while he tried to come to terms with Nick’s death and his own sexuality.

  ‘Are you sure it’s what you want to do, Roy?’ she asked, her tone more gentle.

  ‘Yes, I think it’s for the best. We’re going to end up splitting up for good if we don’t put some space between us. Jason told me he wanted me out when I saw him earlier today.’

  ‘When did you see Jason?’

  ‘Eddie took me to pick up my car from the body shop. I drove it back to the house. Jason was on his way home with Jules. He’d skipped college and he’d been drinking.’

  ‘He’s very down,’ Sammy said. ‘He needs time and you need to be patient with him. He’s lost without Nick. It’s a good job he’s got Jules to rely on. He’s been a very good friend to Jason.’

  Roy grunted and pulled a face. ‘He’s a bit effeminate if you ask me. All that bloody eyeliner and earrings and his hair resembles a badger.’

  ‘It’s the fashion these days,’ Sammy said, sighing. There was no way on earth that Roy would begin to understand Jason’s dilemma. He was too much a man’s man, or a woman’s man, as the case may be.

  ***

  ‘You okay, Jess?’ Jane popped her head around Jess’s bedroom door.

  ‘Have Sammy and Roy gone?’ Jess struggled to sit up.

  ‘Yes. Didn’t you hear Sam calling bye to you?’

  ‘No, I had the telly on. Will you help me shower and wash my hair before Jon gets back?’

  ‘Course I will. You’ll have to stand in the shower cubicle and I’ll squeeze in with you. I’ll go and put on some old clothes.’

  Jane tied plastic bags around Jess’s casts and getting wet through in the process, she did the best she could in the limited space. She wrapped Jess in her towelling robe and sat her in front of the dressing table mirror.

  ‘I’ll go and get into something dry.’ Jane nipped across the landing to her own room. Eddie was lying on the bed reading Rolling Stone magazine and he looked up as she walked in.

  ‘What happened to you? Been taking part in a wet T-shirt contest?’

  ‘Watch it, you,’ she threatened, peeling off her top.

  ‘Or else?’ He put down the magazine and stared at her half naked body.

  ‘Or else I’ll chuck this at you,’ she said and threw the wet T-shirt as he ducked out of the way.

  ‘Right, lady, you’re for it now.’ He leapt off the bed and caught her arms, pinning them down by her sides. ‘Kiss me, Jane,’ he whispered, grinding against her.

  ‘If I kiss you, you know what’ll happen.’

  ‘No, I don’t,’ he said. ‘Show me.’

  ‘Yes, you do and Jess will never get her hair blow dried tonight.’

  ‘Well kiss me anyway.’ He put his arms around her and nuzzled her neck. She kissed him and slipped her hand down the front of his jeans, oblivious to footsteps on the stairs.

  ‘Are you two at it again?’ a voice said, and they jumped guiltily apart.

  ‘Oh, it’s you, Jon,’ Jane laughed. Remembering she was in a state of undress she folded her arms across her breasts while Eddie discreetly turned his back. ‘It's not what you think, I was wet from showering Jess and err,’ Jane gabbled.

  Jon held up his hands. ‘You don’t have to explain your antics to me. Where’s Jess now?’

  ‘In her room, waiting for me to blow dry her hair. I was getting changed when your father accosted me,’ Jane laughed.

  ‘I’ll dry her hair. I’ve come home early to be with her anyway. You and Dad relax and finish what you started.’ He winked and discreetly closed the door on the pair.

  Eddie turned the key and laughed.
‘That boy of mine’s one in a million, you know.’

  ‘I do know,’ Jane replied. ‘Anyway, he’s as much my boy as he is yours. Come here, you.’ She pulled him down onto the bed beside her and yanked off his jeans. Her wet hair flapped in his face and made him gasp.

  ‘God, woman, you’re wet through and your jeans are soaked. You’ll have to take them off or you’ll catch your death,’ he said laughing, and peeled off her clothes.

  ‘Any excuse,’ she said, rolling into his arms.

  ***

  ‘Jess,’ Jon called softly as he knocked on her bedroom door.

  ‘Come in, Jon, you’re early. Where’s Mum got to?’

  ‘She was getting changed out of her wet clothes when Dad pounced on her. That’s the last you’ll see of her tonight I shouldn’t wonder. So I offered to dry your hair instead.’

  She laughed. ‘They’re worse than teenagers. But at least they’re happy. You’ll have to brush the tangles out of my hair first. How’s Helen?’

  Jon picked up the hairbrush and sighed. ‘We’ve had a falling out. She’s annoyed with me for leaving her early again. I told her she’s being selfish. I meet her every night just after six and don’t usually leave ’til nine. So what’s the difference between doing that or meeting her at eight and dropping her off at eleven?’

  ‘Well there isn’t,’ Jess said. ‘It’s the same length of time when all’s said and done.’

  ‘Exactly. Anyway, she didn’t even say goodnight. Just got out of the car, slammed the door and flounced off, so I drove home. I’ll call her later.’

  ‘She’s very silly. Supposing something had happened to you on the way home? She’d find it hard to forgive herself for not saying goodnight.’

  He put his hands on her shoulders and smiled at her reflection. He longed to hold her close and took a deep breath. He couldn’t care less if he never saw Helen again. Just to spend time with Jess, to have her needing his company, was magic. ‘I know. I think she’s a bit too young for me. She’s lovely, but she can be very immature and it winds me up. She’s as petulant as Katie sometimes.’

  ‘Talking of immature how’s the marriage wrecker?’

  ‘She’s not that bad, Jess. I know you never really hit it off, but she’s alright is Livvy.’

  ‘She’s a little cow. How can you say she’s alright? First she makes a play for Nick and when she can’t have him she goes for his dad.’

  ‘She didn’t make a play for Nick. She was sitting close to him while they were listening to the tape playing back, and it was Roy that made the pass at her.’

  ‘But she knew he was married. She could have said no.’

  ‘How easy is it to say no and mean it?’ Jon raised an eyebrow. ‘I reckon Roy’s a very persuasive man when he gets a notion in his head. Anyway, what’s done is done. Let’s get this hair dried. Then I’ll make us some hot chocolate and tell you about the conversation I had today with my Grandma, Angie’s mother.’

  ‘You spoke to her? Oh wow, Jon. It’s a deal.’

  He switched on the hairdryer and smiled. At least tonight, and in spite of the mention of Nick – so far, Jess wasn’t in tears.

  ***

  Lying in bed with Roy snoring softly beside her, Sammy thought back to the Monday night in August, before she discovered his affair. She’d traced her fingertips around his face after making love, wanting to treasure the moment for always. How could so much have happened in so short a space of time? Why had it all gone wrong? A break was the best thing. They could meet up, have meals out; date one another like they used to do. They’d both changed over the years; they needed to rediscover what they’d lost. She still loved and wanted him and she knew he still loved her. But the trust she’d had in him was buried beneath a mountain of pain and betrayal.

  She sighed and turned her back to him. There was a time when that never would have happened and they’d lain in one another’s arms all night, spent from passionate lovemaking. She closed her eyes, but sleep wouldn’t come. She turned on her back, stared up at the ceiling and made up her mind to go and see Livvy on Wednesday morning before work. She wasn’t after a confrontation with the girl, more to let her know that although she and Roy would be living apart, it didn’t mean he was available. Livvy mustn’t get any ideas that Roy was free for her benefit. Decision made, Sammy drifted off to sleep.

  ***

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Roy tossed clothes and toiletries into a small suitcase. He’d booked a week in The Grand Hotel in Westlow and once he found a place to rent he’d collect the rest of his stuff.

  Sammy had left for the factory just before eight. She’d told him she planned to leave work early to get the spare rooms ready for Pat, Tim and their daughters, who were due to arrive on Saturday. The original plan that they stay with Eddie and Jane had changed now that Jess was back home.

  It wouldn’t be much of a homecoming for his in-laws, Roy thought, not with he and Sammy’s problems, but their presence would create a welcome diversion.

  He dropped his suitcase by the front door, picked up the post and glanced through it. A Visa bill for Sammy, a guitar catalogue for him and a bank statement for their joint account. He put the mail on the kitchen table. Jason appeared behind him, immaculate as always.

  ‘So, you’re moving out?’

  Roy nodded. ‘Just for a while to give Mum and me space. Would you like a lift into college?’

  ‘No thanks. I’ll get the bus to Jules’s place and we’ll take the train into Manchester.’

  ‘Okay, whatever.’

  Jason hitched his college bag onto his shoulder. ‘Bye then, Dad. No doubt I’ll see you around.’

  ‘No doubt you will, son,’ Roy replied, blinking back tears. The last thing he needed was to break down in front of Jason. The lad had little respect for him these days as it was.

  ***

  ‘Katie, Dom, come on down for breakfast,’ Jon called up the stairs.

  ‘Where’s Mummy and Daddy?’ Katie demanded, plonking herself down at the table as Dominic slid onto the chair opposite.

  ‘Having a lie in,’ Jon said and handed them each a glass of orange juice.

  ‘Shall I go and wake them?’ Katie said.

  ‘No, leave them in peace. What do you want for breakfast, cereal, toast or both?’

  ‘Cocoa Pops please,’ Dominic replied.

  ‘Rice Krispies for me,’ Katie nodded.

  Jon served up their cereal and made Jess toast and coffee while they tucked in.

  ‘I’ll drive you into school today. Let Mum and Dad have a rest,’ he told them. ‘Mum’s not working until lunchtime. Finish your breakfast while I take Jess’s up to her.’

  ‘I’ll need my bobbles putting in my hair,’ Katie said. ‘I can’t do it by myself. Daddy usually does it for me.’

  ‘I’ll do your hair,’ Jon called over his shoulder.

  Katie finished her breakfast and went to clean her teeth. She came downstairs with the hairbrush and bobbles. Jon carefully brushed her long hair and divided it into two sections as he’d seen Dad do. ‘I can’t do plaits, Katie, you’ll have to have pigs-tails or whatever they’re called.’ He wound the coloured elastic bands three times around the divided sections and stood back to admire his handiwork. Not bad for a first time, he thought. The two bright pink plastic balls of each bobble were sat in the right place and there were no loose strands of hair hanging down. Ready to leave, the threesome knocked on their parents’ bedroom door.

  ‘Thanks, Jon. We haven’t had a lie-in for ages,’ Eddie said as he and Jane hugged Katie and Dom.’

  ‘You’re welcome, Dad. Will you be free tonight? I need to talk with you, it’s important.’

  ‘Yes, son, of course. What’s wrong; have you got a problem?’

  ‘Not really, but we do need to talk. Jess’s got her breakfast by the way, so have fun.’ He shepherded his siblings out of the room and closed the door.

  ***

  Jane smiled. ‘Jon’s such a sweetheart.�
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  ‘Yeah, he is, and he certainly didn’t inherit that from his mother,’ Eddie replied.

  ‘Maybe Richard was a nice guy, who knows,’ Jane mused.

  ‘Or maybe it’s that a little of you has rubbed off on him,’ he teased, tickling her ribs.

  ‘Stop it, Ed.’ She squirmed away. ‘You know how much I hate being tickled.’

  ‘I’ll stop on one condition,’ he bargained.

  ‘What’s that?’ She leant up on one elbow and smiled.

  ‘That you make mad, passionate love to me again,’ he said.

  ‘What about, Jess?’

  ‘She’ll be fine. She’s got her breakfast. She’s hardly likely to walk in on us, is she?’

  ‘Go and check she’s okay first then I can relax.’

  Eddie leapt out of bed and pulled on his towelling robe. He popped his head around Jess’s bedroom door. ‘Alright, love?’

  ‘Fine thanks, Dad,’ she said. ‘How come you’re not up yet?’

  ‘Jon’s taken the kids to school. Mum’s not in work until lunchtime. We thought we’d have a lie in. Will you be okay for a while?’

  ‘Yeah. Jon helped me to the loo and brought me breakfast, so I’m fine. Go on, back to Mum, and hey, Dad,’ she winked at him, ‘have fun!’

  He grinned and went back to Jane. ‘She’s alright; I told you she would be. She seems to be getting a bit, I don’t know, I suppose the word’s calmer.’

  ‘Yeah, she does,’ Jane nodded. ‘Jon’s been a tower of strength. I don’t think she’d have got through the last few weeks without him.’

  ‘He’s always had time for her. He adored her from the moment he first set eyes on her and she’s looked up to him all her life,’ Eddie replied.

  ‘So do Katie and Dom, he’s a smashing big brother. I know you had a miserable time when he was a baby, Ed, but he’s been worth all of that.’

  He nodded. ‘I just wish to God he was my own flesh and blood. I don’t mean that my feelings towards him would be any different. It’s just to protect him.’

  ‘I know you’re worrying about him getting in touch with Angie’s family,’ Jane said. ‘Maybe that’s what he wants to talk about tonight. He’s probably arranged a visit and he’s bothered about telling you.’