Say What?
Page 5
“I believe I am more intelligent than the average person. There are few people with such talent, so there are few able to judge what I am doing.”
—Mario Balotelli, Italian soccer player, on his antics involving throwing darts at youth league players and sneaking into a women’s prison
“My wiener has never been so exhausted.”
—Kurt Busch, NASCAR driver, after winning the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile race
“Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.”
—Ron Atkinson, English soccer manager and former player
“It ain’t the heat. It’s the humility.”
—Yogi Berra, Yankee legend
“If someone is too perfect they won’t look good. Imperfection is important.”
“Sometimes you get submerged by emotion. I think it’s very important to express it—which doesn’t necessarily mean hitting someone.”
“We won the European Championship last September and now the world title. That is some year for French beach soccer! Now comes the hard part. We have to keep improving and that’s difficult because it’s tough to do better than winning a world title.”
“I prefer to play and lose rather than win, because I know in advance I’m going to win.”
—Eric Cantona, French soccer player
“Something will pop up in my head. It could be like the weirdest thing. Like all of a sudden like I have like a jumping banana in my head. And I stop and pause. I’m like that damn banana is in my head. Like, I don’t know what’s going on.”
“You can tell a great athlete by like not how many times he wins unlike when he loses, because that’s what’s gonna make a swimmer.”
—Ryan Lochte, Olympic swimmer
“The goal was scored a little bit by the hand of God, another bit by the head of Maradona.”
—Soccer star Diego Maradona, after scoring with his hand during the World Cup
“I’m rich. What am I supposed to do, hide it?”
—Lou Whitaker, MLB All-Star, after taking a stretch limo to a players’ union meeting during the 1994 baseball strike
“Raise the urinals.”
—Darrel Chaney, announcer and former shortstop, on how the Atlanta Braves’ coaches could keep the players on their toes
“Therapy can be a good thing; it can be therapeutic.”
—Alex Rodriguez, 14-time All-Star third baseman
“Surprise me.”
—Yogi Berra, Hall of Fame catcher, when asked by his wife where he wanted to be buried
“Ninety percent of the game is half mental.”
—Jim Wohlford, MLB outfielder
“Having a record company and putting out my own CD. There’s clothes and shoes. There’s also an upcoming book deal that I’m trying to do. I’m trying to be positive. I’m a big fan of the Nobel Peace Prize.”
—Metta World Peace, 2004 NBA Defensive Player of the Year
“He’s the Man of the Hour, at this particular moment.”
—Don King, boxing promoter
“Every time that I have ever tried to help a woman out, I have been incarcerated.”
—Jose Canseco, 1988 MLB MVP
“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”
—George Rogers, 1980 Heisman Trophy–winning running back
“It’s not like we came down from Mount Sinai with the tabloids.”
—Ron Meyer, former Indianapolis Colts head coach, on whether his staff could lead the Colts to the promised land
“I want all the kids to copulate me.”
—Andre Dawson, Chicago Cubs Hall of Famer on the need to be a role model
“I can’t really remember the names of all the clubs we went to.”
—Shaquille O’Neal, NBA champion, in reference to being asked if he’d been to the Parthenon while in Greece
“You can sum up this sport in two words…You never know.”
—Lou Duva, boxing trainer
“Fade into Bolivian, I guess.”
—Mike Tyson, on what he’d do after retiring from boxing
“Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there.”
—Rickey Henderson in response to the suggestion that 50 percent of MLB players use steroids
“Sometimes you see beautiful people with no brains. Sometimes you have ugly people who are intelligent, like scientists.”
“Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.”
“Unhappy is a nice word.”
“For me, your real age is not the age on your ID. That’s just a date when you were born.”
—José Mourinho, Portuguese soccer manager and former player
“I can go right, I can go left, I’m amphibious.”
—Charles Shackleford, NBA power forward
“The sun has been there for 500, 600 years.”
—Mike Cameron, three-time Gold Glove outfielder
“We didn’t underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought.”
—Bobby Robson, English soccer player
“I don’t want to shoot my mouth in my foot, but those are games we can win.”
—Sherman Douglas, NBA player
“God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve. The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can’t say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus rex.”
—Carl Everett, MLB World Series champion
“They shouldn’t throw at me. I’m the father of five or six kids.”
—Tito Fuentes, MLB player
“The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.”
—Dizzy Dean, baseball legend
“I do not like this word ‘bomb.’ It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.”
—Jacques LeBlanc, boxer
“I’m the oldest I’ve ever been, right now.”
—Tim Sylvia, mixed martial arts fighter
“The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch and one on the throttle.”
—Bob Varsha, motorsports announcer
“In his interviews, [David] Beckham manages to sit on the fence very well and keeps both ears on the ground.”
—Brian Kerr, director of St. Patrick’s Athletic football club
“I love Fidel Castro, I respect Fidel Castro, you know why? A lot of people have wanted to kill Fidel Castro for the last 60 years, but that motherf****er is still here.”
—Ozzie Guillen, MLB shortstop, in 2012 (Castro died in 2016)
“I’ve been dunked on by Potapenko and now Tabak. The good part is that they don’t make posters of those guys.”
—Walt Williams, NBA player
“I enjoyed the Luge.”
—Michael Jordan, on the Louvre in Paris
“Ball handling and dribbling are my strongest weaknesses.”
—David Thompson, NBA player
“Ladies, here’s a hint. If you’re up against a girl with big boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. That’s the hardest shot for the well-endowed.”
—Tennis player Billie Jean King
“I’ve won at every level, except college and pro.”
—Shaquille O’Neal, four-time NBA champion
“I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted.”
—George Best, soccer player for Manchester United
“Like they say, it ain’t over ‘til the fat guy swings.”
—Darren Daulton, Phillies catcher, on stocky first baseman John Kruk
“We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfort
unately, all our games are played indoors.”
—Weldon Drew, college basketball coach
“I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet.”
—David Beckham, on the birth of his first son
“We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time.”
—Vince Lombardi, football coach
“Yeah, I regret we weren’t on a higher floor.”
—Charles Barkley, NBA analyst and former player, on whether he had any regrets about throwing a bar patron through a first-floor window
“He is one of the most known athletes in the world and a lot of impact in any kind of sport that he did. Even playing hockey, everyone knows him. From being the type of person he was off the ice and on the ice. It’s unfortunate that he passed away a year ago, but you know he changed a lot while he was with us. He’s a tremendous guy.”
—Jonathan Bernier, NHL goaltender, honoring Nobel Peace Prize winner Nelson Mandela
“I can’t help but laugh at how perfect I am.”
“Absolutely not. I have ordered a plane. It is much faster.” (on rumors he had bought a Porsche)
“One thing is for sure. A World Cup without me is nothing to watch.”
“We’re looking for an apartment. If we don’t find anything, then I’ll probably just buy the hotel.” (on being humble)
“When you buy me, you are buying a Ferrari.”
“Come over to my house baby, and bring your sister. I’ll show you who’s gay.”
“I didn’t injure you on purpose and you know that. If you accuse me again I’ll break both your legs, and that time it WILL BE on purpose.”
—Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Swedish soccer star
“I knew when my career was over. In 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture.”
—Bob Ueker, former MLB player, coach, and actor
“The last time the Cubs won the World Series was 1908. The last time they were in one was 1945. Hey, any team can have a bad century.
—Tom Treblehorn, MLB manager
“Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.”
—Yogi Berra, legendary MLB catcher
“Aw, how could he lose the ball in the sun? He’s from Mexico.”
—Harry Caray, former Cubs announcer, on Jorge Orta losing track of a fly ball
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.”
—Shaquille O’Neal, four-time NBA champion
“I disagree with his lifestyle. I do disagree with the fact that Billy is a homosexual. That doesn’t mean I can’t still invest in him and get to know him. I don’t think the fact that someone is a homosexual should completely shut the door on investing in them in a relational aspect. Getting to know him. That, I would say, you can still accept them but I do disagree with the lifestyle, 100 percent.”
—Daniel Murphy, Mets infielder, on Billy Bean, the first MLB player to come out as gay, in the 1990s
“I quit school in the 6th grade. Not because I had it, but because I couldn’t spell it.”
—Rocky Graziano, boxing champion
“I managed a team that was so bad we considered a 2-0 count a rally.”
—Rich Donnelly, MLB coach
“Let that be a lesson to you all. Nobody beats Vitas Gerulaitis 17 times in a row.”
—Vitas Gerulaitis, on beating tennis star Jimmy Connors after losing 16 straight matches to him
“I’ve been in the twilight of my career longer than most people have had their career.”
—Martina Navratilova, tennis player
“I was point shaving.”
—Kobe Bryant, NBA player, on missing three free throws at the end of a win in 2011
“I don’t want to sound like I’m pontificating or anything but I think I’m really good at that. I’m the best. Besides Versace, Armani, I’m right up there.”
—Serena Williams, tennis player, on her skills as a fashion designer
“I can play in the center, on the right, and occasionally on the left side.”
—David Beckham, soccer player, when asked if he was a “volatile” player
“I made a 1,600 minus 800 minus 200 on the SAT, so I’m very intelligent when I speak.”
—Shaquille O’Neal, four-time NBA champion
“I’ll be sad to go, and I wouldn’t be sad to go. It wouldn’t upset me to leave St. Louis, but it would upset me to leave St. Louis. It’s hard to explain. You’ll find out one of these days, but maybe you never will.”
—Brett Hull, NFL Hall of Famer
“Now, I’m not doctor or anything, but I’m pretty sure death is always serious.”
—Alan Minter, middleweight champion addresses the dangers of boxing
“I have a family to feed…If [team owner Glen Taylor] wants to see my family fed, he better cough up some money. Otherwise, you’re going to see these kids in one of those Sally Struthers commercials soon.”
—Latrell Sprewell, NBA player, trying to work out a contract extension with the Timberwolves; Sprewell turned down a $21-million offer and expressed how it insulted him
“We’re not really going to worry about what the hell [the fans] think about us. They really don’t matter to us. They can boo us every day, but they’re still going to ask for our autographs if they see us on the street. That’s why they’re fans, and we’re NBA players.”
—Bonzi Wells, NBA player
“I think that if rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it.”
—Bob Knight, legendary NCAA basketball coach, when asked how he dealt with stress
“I would retire first. It’s the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the 7 train to the ballpark, looking like you’re [riding through] Beirut next to some kid with purple hair next to some queer with AIDS right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It’s depressing…The biggest thing I don’t like about New York are the foreigners. I’m not a very big fan of foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?”
—John Rocker, Atlanta Braves pitcher, when asked if he would ever consider playing in New York
“It’s not going to be peaches and gravy all the time.”
—Brad Miller, NBA player, describing the team’s struggles
“It’s almost like we have ESPN or something.”
—Magic Johnson, on how he and teammate James Worthy always work so well together on the court
“I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.”
—Terry Bradshaw, NFL analyst and former player
“People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don’t realize that most of us only make $500,000.”
—Pete Incaviglia, Texas Rangers outfielder
“That’s all they said was wrong with me?”
—Mike Tyson, heavyweight champ, responding to questions about his problems with depression, low self-esteem, and anger management
“Why should we have to go to class if we came here to play FOOTBALL, we ain’t come to play SCHOOL, classes are POINTLESS.”
—Cardale Jones, Ohio State backup quarterback, on Twitter
“We’re leaving a big fat rail of coke and a shot of Jack for Santa this year...cookies and milk will just slow him down. #SimpleTruth”
—Patriots linebacker Brandon Spikes, tweeting during the holidays
“Oh, $120,000.”
—Hensley Meulens, MLB outfielder, after being asked what he had gotten out of his rookie season in the league
/> “I don’t have the first clue who he is talking about, because all I worry about is Jerome.”
—Jerome James, Seattle SuperSonics center, explaining his views on why his coach called him selfish
“Gaylord Perry and Willie McCovey should know each other like a book. They’ve been ex-teammates for years now.”
—Jerry Coleman, San Diego Padres broadcaster
“Sam is an idiot—I-D-O-U-T—idiot.”
—Shaquille O’Neal, on Chicago Tribune writer Sam Smith, who wrote an article suggesting the Miami Heat rid themselves of “The Big Aristotle”
“It may not impress you, but Holtz means ‘hard wood.’”
—Lou Holtz, former college football coach and television analyst
“I’m very appreciative of being indicted.”
—Bill Peterson, former Florida State football coach, on being inducted into the Florida Hall of Fame
“It has not been proven, but I think it will be proven that the air is thinner now, there have been climactic changes over the last 50 years in the world, and I think that’s one of the reasons balls are carrying much better now than I remember.”
—Tim McCarver, sportscaster, on increased home run rates in the MLB
“Better make it six. I can’t eat eight.”
—Dan Osinski, MLB pitcher, after a waitress asked him if he wanted his pizza cut into six slices or eight
“I’ve only scratched the iceberg.”
—Andre Agassi, tennis star, assessing his talent ceiling in 1990
“Great trade! Who did we get?”
—Lenny Dykstra, Philadelphia Phillies outfielder, after hearing an unproductive member of the team had been traded away
“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”
—Lou Duva, boxing trainer, on training heavyweight Andrew Golota
“I don’t think anyone on this team knows what ‘schism’ is, let alone could use it in a sentence. I thought it was an STD when I first heard it and was like ‘whoa, we preach abstinence in these parts.’”