Calling California

by J. P. Grider

  70

  Griffin

  What happened to the fucking chill guy I used to be?

  The one that didn't feel like he was about to puke at the thought of running into a girl.

  Nate thought this would be a good idea - showing up at his restaurant on Christmas Eve. I thought so too. Until now. Now that I'm sitting in my car in the parking lot too afraid to go in.

  She doesn't know I'm coming.

  What if she doesn't want to see me?

  The courage takes longer to muster than I want it to. When I finally walk inside, it is thirty minutes later, and I'm even more of a wreck than before. At the hostess' stand, Ellie is surprised to see me.

  "Griffin." Ellie's smile is apprehensive. I can see the conflict in her eyes - she wants to hug me, but she feels out of place. So, as nervous as I am, I make the first move and hug her. "Merry Christmas, Mrs. Parker."

  She squeezes me back. "Merry Christmas, Griffin. And call me Ellie. Please," she says, breaking the embrace.

  "Thanks. Is Nate here tonight? He said he was stopping in." I have a knot in my stomach the size of a grapefruit. Of course Nate is here. He told me he was meeting Cali for dinner.

  "Yes. He is. He's having dinner with Calista," she says, almost apologetically.

  "Do you think...?”

  "She'd mind?" Ellie finishes the sentence for me. "No. I don't think she'll mind. In fact, I'm sure she'll be happy to see you. Follow me."

  In the corner near the kitchen, she's sitting with her back to the dining room. Nate sees me right away. His mouth moves, and then she turns my way. Calista's smile is breathtaking. It feels like it's been years since I've seen it. All I want to do right now is cup my hands around her face and pull her lips to mine. But since I'm not really sure where I stand in her world just yet, I'll settle for leaning down and placing a chaste kiss on her cheek.

  I do. And then I whisper, "Hello, Calista."

  I feel her gentle squeeze on my upper arm as she stands to greet my kiss. "Hello, Griffin." Her voice is soft and unsure.

  I'm still staring into her eyes when, from my peripheral vision, I see Nate stand. "I'll be in the kitchen," he says, his palm slapping my shoulder, my eyes never leaving Cali's.

  But I do manage to find the seat next to me and sit without making a fool of myself. When she averts her eyes first, I slide my chair in and automatically place a napkin on my lap - years of my mother's breeding branded into my head. My knee is bouncing like a maniac, I'm so fucking nervous, but I speak anyway. "I miss you," is the first thing I say. The second thing I say, before even giving her a chance to respond, is, "I love you, and I want you back."

  Her shoulders drop and she sighs. Then her teeth tug on her upper lip. She shakes her head and I know what she's about to say is not good. "I... I can't. It's just... I don't... we're not right. For each other. You're... you're champagne, I'm... sewer water. You..."

  "Sewer water? Seriously, Cali? C'mon. We are not that different."

  "We are. These past couple of months, you probably couldn't even imagine them."

  "Ok. Fair. I probably couldn't." I lean in and take her hands. "But that doesn't mean we don't belong together."

  "Can we not do this now, Griffin? I'm trying to get through my first Christmas without my father without any drama." She pulls her hands from mine and lays them on her lap. "My mom's in a good place right now, and I'd like to give her all my attention."

  "She's doing okay? Your mom?"

  Cali can't help but smile. "Yeah. I mean, she's sad and all about my dad, but she's smiling a lot more. And... even though she still works a lot, she loves what she's doing." Cali looks me right in the eyes. "We owe it all to your brother. I mean, what he did for her... resigning so she could take over. He didn't have to do that. Then he talked your dad into providing a scholarship for me and a 401k for her. And the apartment." She's beaming at the moment, and I couldn't be happier. Even if she doesn't want me, I am so thankful that she is finally smiling like this.

  "That's awesome, Calista. I'm really happy for you."

  Her head tilts to the side, but she continues to look me in the eyes. "I'm actually surprised my mom accepted it all. I mean... she's come a long way. Maybe it's because she finally gets to have a relationship with Nathan, or maybe because she's finally... evolved." Cali chuckles. "Or maybe because we'd hit rock bottom and she didn't like it down there. Whatever the reason, I'm really proud of her."

  I reach for her hands, but they're still on her lap, and she doesn't raise them, so I cross them and continue to lean forward. "Well whatever her reasons, I'm glad she's gotten there." Then, before I realize what I'm saying, I blurt, "Maybe one day you'll get there too."

  Fuck.

  Her smile disappears instantaneously. "What?" she asks, her voice clipped and full of venom.

  Uncrossing my hands, I curl them instead, and silently mutter the word asshole to myself. "I didn't mean that, Calista. Not that way. It came out..."

  "Where's your brother? My brother. I came here to spend time with him." She pushes out her chair and stands.

  Like I do every time, I grab her wrist, though I know she doesn't like that I do that when I'm upset. But it's reflexive, and I don't mean it. "I'm sorry," I say, removing my hand. "Please sit, Cali. My brother will be back. He knows I want to talk to you. I'll only be another minute. Please," I beg, hoping she sees the pleading in my eyes, hears it in my voice.

  "Fine," she breathes. She sits back down, but doesn't slide her chair in.

  My hands want to automatically go to her, but I force them to remain on the table. "All I meant by what I said...was... that I wish you could see things differently. Like your mother realizing that her pride was holding her back..." I pause, because no matter how I say this, she's going to take offense. But the asshole that I am, I say it anyway. "I think your pride is keeping you from being with me."

  Her eyes grow wide, and I know she's pissed, but I need to say this.

  "I wish you could just see that you don't want to be with me because I have money, and well, that's kind of a prejud..."

  "Of course that's why I don't want to be with you," she interrupts in a loud whisper, scanning the room to make sure no one heard her. "That's what I've been saying all along. We live in separate worlds. I don't belong in your world, and you don't belong in mine."

  "Cali, with all due respect, how do I live in a separate world from you? I don't live extravagantly. I don't hob-knob with the rich, or whatever you call it. I don't buy expensive things." She raises her eyebrows. "Well, okay, I buy expensive footwear, and of course, my cars, but that's because I have a fascination with classic cars. Because I have the money to buy them, or rather my father does, doesn't mean I'm a rich snob. Like maybe, yes, I've been given everything I've ever wanted and never had to wait or save up for it."

  She rolls her eyes and sits back.

  "But since meeting you... I have not once taken that for granted. Not anymore. Yes, I was brought up differently. That's true. But that doesn't mean I am different than you. Since meeting you, I've learned to be more compassionate and empathetic... and I've learned to love..." I reach for her hands on her lap and take them into mine. "I've learned to love... by falling in love, Calista. With you."

  I see her trying to keep from crying, but at least I know I've reached her heart. Now I just have to leave her to think about it.

  Leaning forward, I kiss her softly on her lips, and though I want to let my lips linger there, I pull away and whisper, "Merry Christmas, Calista."

  Then I stand and walk out of the restaurant.

  Without looking back.

  71

  Cali

  I hang my head in my hands.

  I know he loves me.

  So why won't I allow myself to let him back in?

  Why do I feel so inferior to him? He's never made me feel that way. I'm the one that did that all on my own. I don't feel that way with Nathan. He has just as much money as Griffin. More, really. So why wo
n't I allow myself to be with Griffin?

  "Cal? You all right?" I hear Nathan's voice next to me and feel his hand on my back.

  Lifting my head to look up at him, I say, "No. But I will be."

  He sits back down in his seat and sips his wine.

  "You told him I'd be here?"

  He nods. "Yeah. Sorry. I just... he loves you so much, Cal."

  Running my finger along the edge of my water glass, I stare at the floating ice. "I really..." I lean my head in my hand again and cover my eyes. "How do I know he won't leave me when he gets tired of me?" I look back up at Nathan and continue, "He had that blonde girlfriend before me, and he probably just dumped her. How do..."

  "Blonde girlfriend? Griffin never had a girlfriend. He had chicks he'd hang out and sleep with, but he never made any of them his girlfriend. He was too busy working on his classic cars and designing them. And... he... until you," Nathan shakes his head, "he'd never brought anyone home to meet my mom. Cali. I know with everything I am that he loves you. You will never have to worry about him dumping you. I can even promise that to you for him. That's how much I know he loves you."

  Still disbelieving him, I then switch gears. "It's not only that, Nathan. It's..."

  "The fact that he lied to you?" Nathan interrupts.

  I try to say, "no, not that," but he keeps talking.

  "Because I know he did that to protect you and Ellie. What you were going through at the time - he didn't think you needed to know at that time. Plus," Nathan continues babbling, "do you know my father cut him off? All his money. Griffin's not getting a dime."

  "What? Why? What happened?"

  "You happened, Calista. Because he went to Ellie about it, my father closed Griffin's trust fund account."

  My hand reflexively goes to my stomach. I'm suddenly nauseous. "What's he doing for money? Does he have a place to stay? That house. Didn't his father buy it? Is he still letting him live there?" My breathing is picking up and I'm getting nervous for Griffin.

  "Well the frat house, it ends up, was bought with money that Griffin's biological father left to him and my mom. So that house is my mom's. And she has some money left from that account for Griff's education. Griffin will be fine. Dad will come around. Mom will make him... like she always does. I'm just pointing this out so you know the lengths Griffin would go to for you. That's love, Cal."

  I sigh.

  "Do you love him?" Nathan asks, his eyebrows raised.

  "With all my heart," I say softly.

  "Then go to him. Cali. He's worth it. I'm telling you."

  I wrap my hands around my glass. "I don't know if I'm ready."

  "What are you afraid of, Cal?"

  "Why is this so important to you, Nathan? Is this why you wanted to have dinner with me tonight?" I push my glass away and fidget with my fingers.

  "No. That isn't why I wanted to have dinner with you tonight. Your mom told me you'd be coming in to spend a little time with her on Christmas Eve. I figured I'd make it less boring for you... instead of you sitting around by yourself waiting for Ellie's break."

  He pauses, and I frown.

  "I only told Griffin because I thought he could... come see you too. I'm sorry. It's not my business." Nathan's lip quirks, and it looks like he wants to say more, but he doesn't.

  "Maybe I should go. I got to spend time with my mom earlier. She's busy now. I'll see her when she gets home."

  He covers my hand with his. "I'm really sorry, Cal. The last thing I wanted to do was make this Christmas any more stressful than it already is."

  Flipping my hand over beneath his, I squeeze his hand. "I know that. I need time. With Griffin. I... He's rich. He's good-looking. He's so smart..."

  "Yeah. All the reasons you should avoid him," Nathan mocks.

  "You know what I mean. I'm nowhere near good enough for him."

  "Why do you say that? You're the first person he's ever fallen for, so maybe no one else was good enough for him." Nathan pauses again. "You know what I think?"

  "No. But you're gonna tell me anyway," I say with a pathetic smile.

  “I think he fell in love with you when you gave him your Gameboy."

  I pull my hand from his and lean back in my chair. "You're crazy. That was what, thirteen years ago? He didn't even know it was me until the end of this past September."

  "No. I mean, he fell in love when he was a kid. I remember him asking my mom when that girl with the Gameboy was coming back."

  "He probably wanted his purple Gameboy back," I snicker.

  Nathan shakes his head. "My mom would have gotten him a new one had he wanted it. No. When we were in the tree house, playing Mario, he would routinely mention you. 'I wonder if she likes the Gameboy.' I wonder if she's smiling.' 'She had a cute smile.' 'I wonder what school she goes to.' 'Where she lives.' 'What her name is.' 'She has a cute smile.' Blah, blah, blah. For a long time you were on his mind. I think when he found you this year… he found his heart."

  There is no hiding the tears that slide down my cheek. As I swipe one away, another comes. Nathan hands me his cloth napkin, and I cover my face with it, trying to stop the tears.

  "I gotta go, Nathan. I can't... I just... I can't." I run out of the restaurant, stopping only to tell my mother I'll see her at home. It's getting hot and I can't breathe.

  It's snowing.

  On Christmas Eve.

  My father's gone.

  And I'm having my first nervous breakdown.

  Out in the middle of the parking lot.

  72

  Griffin

  She drops to her knees, then lands on her ass.

  Right in the middle of the lot.

  "Holy shit." I push open my car door and run to her. "Cali. Jesus Christ." I fall to my knees in front of her. "Are you hurt?" I ask her, but her head is between her knees. I reach under her armpits to lift her, but she fights me.

  "Leave me alone. Please," she cries.

  "Did you fall?" I release my hold on her, but I stay on the ground next to her.

  "No. Please leave me be, Griffin. Please."

  I can hardly understand her she's sobbing so much. "At least let me move you. You can't stay down here in the middle of the parking lot. You'll get run over."

  She just keeps crying and crying into her knees. I've never seen someone break down like this.

  Standing up now, I lean over and cradle her in my arms, lifting her off the snowy ground. I search for her Corolla, but I don't see it. So I carry her to my car and sit her on the hood. Calista continues, in the same position she had been when she was on the ground, sobbing into her knees. She won't even let me see her face.

  "Did someone hurt you?" I ask, thinking maybe that's why she won't lift her head.

  "No. Just... not... now..." But her crying has turned into hyperventilating, and she can't finish her sentence.

  I pull out my phone and call Nate.

  "Yeah. Bring me a paper bag. I'm in the parking lot. Hurry." I hang up.

  While I wait, I sweep Cali's wet hair off the side of her face. Brushing in gentle, calming strokes. By the time Nathan finds me in the lot, Cali's breathing becomes more manageable.

  "Cali," Nate whispers, brushing the hair off the other side of her face. "I'm sorry if I upset you in there," he says.

  I push him away from her. "What the hell did you do to her? She's out here in the snow having a nervous breakdown, you fuck."

  "Whoa. Back the fuck off, Griff. This isn't about me. It's about you."

  "Cali?" I ask softly. "Is this true?"

  She slams her feet on my front bumper and hops off my car. Her hair is matted down by wet tears and wet snow, and her face looks like someone threw hot water at her. The pain in her red, puffy eyes is unbearable to me. If I caused this, then I need to leave her the fuck alone.

  Before she walks completely away, I call her, "Cali."

  She stops but doesn't turn around.

  "If I did cause you this pain and... and this meltdown," my breath hit
ches, but I hold back the tears, "I promise, I will stay away for good."

  Her shoulders drop. In relief? I'd hate to believe that.

  "You don't have to worry about me bothering you anymore. I am so," my instincts are to step closer, but I don't, "so sorry for doing this to you."

  I drop my head and return to my car.

  Where I have my own mental breakdown.

  73

  Cali

  Christmas Day is happy.

  Christmas Day is sad.

  Mom and I spend the day alone. Together. We say a prayer for Dad and wish out loud that he were here. Then we feast on ham, stuffed shells, a huge salad complete with all the toppings, and warm apple pie with vanilla ice cream. We even have presents to exchange with each other. On Christmas Day.

  My gift to Mom is a sterling silver antique memory necklace with a charm of a black and white photo of my dad, accompanied by angel wings, an album replica, and two miniature wedding rings.

  Her gift to me is an iPhone, a hundred dollar iTunes gift card, and an iHome.

  It is a quiet day.

  It is a lovely day.

  But I end up thinking about Griffin for most of the day.

  74

  Griffin

  Thank God Christmas is over. If I had to spend any more time pretending that everything was okay, I think I would have lost it. Yeah, Dad thought things over, and my Christmas gift from him was my trust fund back. Fun. I can have all the money in the world, but without Cali, there's no meaning to my life.

  Joey closed down the shop until Monday, so I hole up in the garage to avoid any human contact. I'm best, right now, left alone.

  So when I hear a knock on the shop door, I spit out a frustrated, "Fuck."