by J. M. Colail
He watched Lucas’s face as the other man waited a bit, his eyes closed, his mouth open, adjusting to the feeling.
Jack reached for Lucas’s nipple which was just out of reach of his tongue as the Brit started slowly moving up and down.
Opening his eyes slightly, Lucas smiled. “You look so serious, but you feel so good, Jack… so good…. I can’t begin to….” The young man gently placed his hand on Jack’s face, tenderly stroking his cheek and lips as he kept moving.
Jack saw with wonder how Lucas was slowly coming undone around him. He felt so gloriously tight, and Jack started to realize what he had missed all those years. How he had deluded himself that making love to a man wouldn’t be so very different from making love to a woman. Only Jack had never felt for any woman what he was feeling for the young man in his arms now.
Lucas shifted his movements until the hard cock was hitting all the right spots. He took Jack’s face between his hands and kissed him. “Oh God, Jack, I’m so close…. Please tell me you’ll come with me…. please!’ he pleaded, his mouth against Jack’s.
Jack could only nod. The sensation that he was giving his young lover this kind of pleasure sent his blood racing toward his groin. As much as he could from his position, he thrust upward, feeling the waves of ecstasy wash over him. His head was light and his eyes swam as he came deep inside Lucas’s body. He kept thrusting, riding out his intense orgasm, wanting the feeling to last forever. Lucas stroked himself between their bellies until Jack felt him tighten around him, clearly abandoning all control. Lucas’s movements were uncoordinated and erratic as he pressed himself against Jack, shaking and barely breathing, letting ecstasy wash through him.
They stayed connected like that, holding on to each other for a long time as they slowly came back down to earth. After a while, Jack noticed that Lucas was shaking in his arms, so he reached for one of the abandoned towels and folded it around the young man’s shoulders. “Better?”
Lucas nodded, his eyes a little hazy. “I was cold, but I didn’t want to let go. I want to keep you inside of me, Jack.”
“We’re going to have to move sometime.”
“I know.” Lucas kissed him gently. “I know.”
Jack cradled Lucas in his arms, slipping out of him as he laid him down on his back. He discarded the condom and got up, feeling a little unsteady on his feet. He retrieved a warm, damp washcloth from the bathroom and returned to sit down on the bed. As he gently cleaned off Lucas’s belly he could still see the word MINE, now quite smudged, and Jack smiled. Lucas was his as much as he was Lucas’s, and he wasn’t looking forward to Sunday.
Chapter Eleven
A WARM hand on his back awakened Jack and something even warmer was stroking his side. He was on his stomach on the bed and as he peered through his barely opened eyelids, he saw the space next to him was empty. As he turned his face on the pillow, he could still smell Lucas on the bedding. In fact, he was sure the whole room still smelled of sex. The memories of the night before made his groin stir and he finally opened his eyes completely. He found himself staring into the gorgeous chocolate brown eyes that had become delightfully familiar.
“Hey, sleepy head,” Lucas said, his face tender and caring. “Rise and shine, I got us some breakfast.”
As Lucas tried to get up from the side of the bed, Jack grabbed his hand. “Don’t go.” He rolled over onto his back, making a space for Lucas and saw the young man pull a large cup of hot liquid away just in time to avoid a spill.
“‘Hey,’ I thought, ‘wake him up with fresh coffee and pastry,’ but all he wants is my body.”
Jack’s stomach growled and he lazily stroked his belly as he stretched his back. “I guess I could use some breakfast.”
Lucas placed one of the paper bags he was holding on Jack’s stomach and walked over to the large doors that led to the terrace. Balancing the coffee and the other bag of pastries, he opened the floor-to-ceiling window and walked out, letting the sunshine stream into the room. Jack could feel that the pastries in the bag were still warm and smelled the sweetness of cinnamon and honey. He got up quickly and slipped into a pair of jeans, following his young lover onto the terrace. Lucas sat on one of the benches eating.
“Come over here. I have sweet rolls, cinnamon, raisin….”
“You went out for those?” Jack walked over to Lucas and kissed the top of his head.
“Well, it’s not like I could call room service, and I was starving. Besides there’s a bakery right across from the hotel.” Lucas leaned his head back to kiss Jack on the mouth.
“You taste like almonds.”
Lucas held up the bun he was eating. “You want some? It’s called ‘Frangipane’ and it’s very sweet, but very good.”
Jack took a bite of the offered food and wrinkled his nose at the sweetness before moving around Lucas and settling down on the terrace floor in front of him cross-legged. He took the cup of coffee and drank a large gulp, then picked out a croissant and took a bite of that.
“So what do you want to do this morning?” Lucas asked, his eyes squinting against the bright sunlight.
Jack looked up at the sky. “I think we missed out on ‘this morning,’ but why don’t we take a walk around town this afternoon? You know this place, right? So show me all the non-tourist bits.”
Lucas smiled. “I don’t suppose you’ll hold my hand when we walk around?”
Jack raised one eyebrow. “What are you? A little girl?”
Lucas stuck his tongue out at Jack, feeling very juvenile, but it made them both laugh. “Well, it will be the first non-professional thing we do together, and we will be out in the open, among the people.”
“Yeah,” Jack mused. “We might bump into an American or two, who might recognize me or a Brit who might recognize you. Don’t get me wrong, Lucas, but I can’t exactly explain why we’re this intimate with each other, can I?” He hoped Lucas wouldn’t take it the wrong way, but he needed to be honest with his lover.
“I know,” Lucas answered softly. “I know I can’t touch you in public, but I still want to go out with you today.”
Jack gave him a lopsided look. “What are you suggesting?” He saw mischief creep into the young man’s face.
“I’m asking you out on a date,” Lucas answered smugly, “We’ve never actually done that. So maybe we should start at the beginning. I’ll take you out to dinner, my treat, so don’t expect anything fancy.”
Jack looked at him, trying to work out if he was serious. “Fine, but let’s not make it too late tonight.”
Lucas chuckled. “Oh, don’t worry! If I have to keep my hands off you all day, it will be a quick dinner!”
THEY BOTH walked out of the five star hotel dressed in jeans, shirts, baseball caps, and sunglasses. The weather was sunny and warm enough to wander around the city in shirt sleeves.
Lucas assured Jack that they had everything they could possibly want within walking distance of the hotel, so they made their way across the square to the fashion district and ended up stealing kisses and touches in the dressing rooms of Dries Van Noten’s boutique, while picking out designer business suits for one another. They arranged for their suits to be delivered to their home addresses and continued on, strolling into used bookshops and eclectic music stores.
In one of the bookstores, Jack and Lucas were discussing buying an old book on the history of Antwerp when Jack heard a vaguely familiar voice behind him, “George, I told you it was him!” and then felt a hand on his arm. “Mr. Ambassador, so nice of you to come to our fair city. You should have called us, so we could have extended a proper welcome, invite you to our home!”
Jack turned around and smiled shyly, extending his hand. “Reverend and Mrs. Wallace. Nice to see you again!” He could see Mrs. Wallace eyeing Lucas, clearly expecting to be introduced. Jack hesitated for only a moment before he recovered. “May I introduce Mr. Carlton, representative of the British Embassy?”
Mrs. Wallace shook Lucas’s hand with mu
ch fervor, her eyes wide. “Nice to meet you, sir.” Still shaking Lucas’s hand she turned to Jack again. “Fraternizing with the Brits, I’m sure you have lots of important things to talk about?”
She was clearly fishing. Lucas was the first to answer. “Yes, ma’am, but all classified, I’m afraid.”
Luckily for them, Reverend Wallace was less enthusiastic and soon pulled his wife aside. “Mr. Ambassador, we’ll leave you in peace now, I’m sure you are a very busy man!” and then to his wife, “Let’s go, Clarice, can’t you see these men have important business to discuss?”
Both men watched the older couple leave the bookstore. Lucas heard Jack sigh as soon as they closed the door behind them and he put his hand on his lover’s. “That was close.”
“I don’t believe you. Classified! You made us sound like spies,” Jack answered, almost visibly shaking.
Lucas chuckled. “Well, we couldn’t very well tell her the truth!”
Jack looked around to make sure no one was watching them, but the store was empty. He wrapped his arm around Lucas and pulled him close. “I’m sorry, I just got nervous.”
Lucas pulled back a bit. “They can’t tell just by looking at us, you know.”
Jack closed his eyes, sighed, and smiled. “Yeah, I know. Let’s go.”
OVER BY the Grote Markt in front of the City Hall, there was a stage set up, and a large crowd was watching an unknown music group. The cafés around the market were packed, so they bought drinks at one of the stalls and moved into the crowd. The Caribbean music was colorful and people were singing along. Lucas spotted a slightly less crowded space near one of the small potted trees at the side of the square and grabbed Jack’s hand to lead him through the crowd. Jack felt as if all eyes were trained on them, but when he looked around, he realized people weren’t really paying attention.
As they claimed the open space, Jack was also surprised to see a lot of people with their arms around each other and not just straight couples. He had seen men strolling hand in hand around the streets earlier, too. Moving a little closer to Lucas, who stood in front of him watching the music group, he snaked his arms around his lover’s waist and hooked his thumb over the band of the young man’s jeans. Lucas smiled and looked over his shoulder. There were two men standing a little bit away from them and they were not hiding that they were a couple, even kissing briefly at the end of a particularly romantic song.
“They are very liberal here, aren’t they?” Jack whispered in Lucas’s ear.
“Oh, I don’t know about that. The sun is shining, happy music playing,” Lucas answered with a broad smile. He moved a little closer, making Jack flinch. “Don’t worry,” Lucas whispered, “I’d love to kiss you right now, but I know we can’t.”
Jack smiled shyly, recovering his composure. “Well, even if I wasn’t married, I couldn’t see myself doing this with you in the States either.”
Lucas returned to his place in front of Jack again and grabbed his hand to wrap it around his waist. “This is nice too, and nobody can see that,” he whispered matter-of-factly.
Jack let himself relax. The crowd was packed together so his closeness to Lucas didn’t look suspicious. Most people were looking at the stage anyway, and this way he could feel Lucas’s delicious body close to his, smell the conditioner he used, and the Grey Flannel aftershave he had put on just before they left the hotel room.
“Why don’t we grab an early dinner and then go back to the room, okay?” Lucas suggested, leaning back a little and looking over his shoulder.
Jack was beginning to think the Brit could read his mind.
THE SMALL restaurant Lucas had chosen was in one of the side streets around the cathedral. Smells of garlic and coriander came from the kitchen and there was an outside terrace, surrounded by some potted shrubs. There was only one small table left in the corner, forcing the two men to share a rather narrow bench, something they assured the waitress they did not mind at all.
After they ordered falafel and pita dishes, the waitress brought a tray full of small cups of different sauces.
“Ooh, garlic sauce!” Lucas beamed, but then his face changed. “Okay, how about either we both eat it or we don’t eat it at all.”
Jack dipped his finger in and licked it. “I guess that’s settled.”
At that moment, two men with their arms around each other walked passed the terrace. As soon as they were out of earshot, Jack whispered, “This is the first country where it’s so apparent how they are very tolerant here.”
Lucas laughed, “We’re just in the right part of the right city for this. I wouldn’t generalize about the whole country though, besides I think you’re just open to it now.” He gave Jack a measured look. “You sound just like Lucy; she keeps seeing pregnant women everywhere.”
Jack waited for the waitress to put their orders down and leave before continuing. “Have you two talked about having kids?”
Lucas shook his head. “Not really. Her father would probably nail her to the stake if she got pregnant before we got married. He barely talks to her now because we live together ‘in sin.’”
Jack chuckled. “Maria and I did the same in Denmark for almost three years. Her father wasn’t happy either.”
“So how come you and Maria don’t have any kids?” Lucas knew this was a very personal question, so he added, “You don’t have to answer.”
Jack smiled, “Maria told me even before we were married that she felt there were too many kids without parents in this world, so we agreed that if we were ever posted to a third world country, we would adopt an orphan there. She wanted a true global family, you know, a kid from Guatemala, one from Ethiopia and one from Vietnam.”
“And you?” Lucas asked. “Didn’t you want a child of your own?”
“I’ve never felt the need to pass on my genetic traits.” Jack looked away from Lucas at the people passing on the street. “I just wish we hadn’t waited this long. Maria never felt the time was right, and we always ended up being posted to Europe, never to a third world country, either. Sometimes I think she’s just fine with the way things are right now.”
Lucas put his hand on Jack’s. “You have time, maybe you should talk to her about it?”
“Let’s not talk about Maria, okay? I’m here with you, not her.”
They finished dinner, paid and tipped the waitress, and made their way back to the hotel in silence.
JACK WALKED into the suite and moved straight through to the executive terrace. He suddenly felt guilty about his betrayal, guilty about enjoying this time with Lucas, enjoying it so much that he was considering chucking it all in, anything to give his relationship with the young man a chance. Could he leave Maria? She was an amazing woman, but the things he felt for Lucas were so much more powerful than what he had ever felt for his wife.
He was leaning on the railing looking down over the square, when he heard Lucas’s hesitant voice. “Jack? Are you okay? I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have brought the subject up. I… I wasn’t thinking. Could you just step away from the edge, please?”
Jack took a step back, but didn’t turn around. He heard Lucas move closer and stop next to him.
“Did you think I was going to jump?” Jack asked without looking at his lover.
“I don’t know. Just… after we talked, you seemed so distant and….”
Jack could hear the restrained emotion in Lucas’s voice. “What do you want from me, Lucas?”
“That’s a very open question, Jack. What do I want from you?”
Jack felt Lucas’s beautiful eyes burn into him and looked down at his feet. “Why are we here? I mean, was our life so bad that we had to run away from our women for a few nights of passion in a fancy hotel in another city? I like my life, Lucas. I like my job and all the sacrifices were worth it as far as I’m concerned.”
“Was it worth living a lie for?” Lucas asked honestly.
Jack took his time thinking about his answer. “I’m not living a lie.”
/> “What am I, then? A bloody experiment?”
Jack could see Lucas from the corner of his eye, but he didn’t dare look aside.
“Am I just an eager young upstart you can use to see if these feelings you had for your high school friend were real or not?”
Jack finally turned toward Lucas as Lucas moved toward the hotel room. “Lucas!” he called after the other man.
“Forget it. There’s an unused hotel room downstairs.”
Jack caught up with him at the terrace window and grabbed his hand. As Lucas tried to pull away, Jack pleaded, “Lucas, please, I’m sorry.” Jack pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around the Brit. “Lucas, I’m sorry if I made you feel like that. No one has the right to do that to you.”
They stood by the terrace door, Jack’s arms around Lucas, his chin on the young man’s shoulder. Lucas stayed with his back to his lover, unsure of whether he trusted him enough to believe him.
Jack kissed the back of Lucas’s neck. “I’ve never felt for anyone what I feel for you, Luke.”
“I know,” Lucas answered, his voice heavy with emotion. “I know what you mean. All the way over here yesterday, I was thinking of what kind of a job I could do where it didn’t matter if I was married or not. If I were gay or not. I kept thinking if I could find a way to persuade you to look for another job, too.” Lucas inhaled deeply. “It’s silly, I know, not to mention naïve, but….” He placed his hands over Jack’s and stroked them gently.
Jack moved them both forward until they were inside of the room and kissed Lucas’s neck until he felt his lover relax in his arms. They made love on the neatly made bed until the sheets and pillows were strewn all around the room, taking their time to explore each other’s bodies, bringing each other to the edge and then cooling down again, slowly touching and licking, nuzzling and kissing only to strike up the flame again, until finally Lucas came hard between their bellies and all over his lover’s hand while Jack released his seed, buried deep inside of him. A long time passed before either could move to go clean up.