by J. M. Colail
“I DON’T see why not.”
Lucas was washing Jack’s hair in the large bathtub next to the walk-in shower of the top executive suite. Jack’s back and head rested on Lucas’s chest and Jack was trying to tickle the Brit’s knees on either side of him. He was beginning to think that this was one of the few places where his young lover wasn’t ticklish.
“Well, only if you want to. I mean, I like seeing you turn to jelly and I like the feeling when I’m inside of you, but seeing you go all incoherent makes me wonder what it’s like. Would you?”
Lucas poured a cup of water over Jack’s head. “Well, it is amazing to feel you inside me, but I don’t mind returning the favor, in fact it’s nice to turn the tables from time to time.” Lucas smiled mischievously.
“Your arse is mine, Mr. Ambassador.”
Jack chuckled and playfully flicked some water in Lucas’s face, but the butterflies had already started fluttering in his belly.
LUCY AND Maria were served Sunday lunch in the dining car of the Thalys train between Amsterdam and Brussels. They had spent their two days in Amsterdam shopping between museum visits and were now on their way home.
“I’m only sorry it’s over this fast. I had fun, Maria, thanks for taking me. I did miss Lucas of course, but I’ll see him again this afternoon.” Lucy was clearly still enjoying her train journey, but then her face turned a little sad. “If he’s not still working, that is.”
Maria couldn’t help but think that it was strange this was the young woman’s first train journey, just like her trip to Belgium had been her first time outside of the United States.
“I hate to burst your bubble, Lucy, but having him working at all hours almost seven days a week is what life with a diplomat is going to be like from now on.”
“Is that what it’s like for you and Jack? I mean, I’ve seen you two together, you love each other. He’s considerate and caring and….” Lucy gave Maria a desperate look.
“The only time I have Jack for myself is when I kidnap him to some Caribbean island for a week, and even then he brings papers to read and I have to pry him away from CNN. It’s been almost three years since our last vacation, Lucy. My last two attempts were shot down by a fire in a nightclub where three Americans were killed and the order to move to Belgium.” She put her hand on Lucy’s to show support. “I’ve always known Jack was married to his work. You learn to make your own life and to enjoy the moments you have with him, even if those moments are at banquets or receptions. There’s a lot of good work you can do, honey, you just have to find your niche and build yourself a reputation. Believe me, I’m realistic enough to know I could never do the work I do if I wasn’t the Ambassador’s wife. Lucas’s job will bring you some really nice benefits; just don’t expect a romantic marriage.”
Lucy sighed, clearly not comforted by Maria’s words. “I probably sound like a whiny girl, but I at least expected him to WANT to spend some of his time with me. I feel like such an… an ornament!”
“Listen, why don’t you tag along with me? I can take you to the charity work I do and you can see if you’d like to do something like that too. Then I’ll throw a little hint in Jack’s direction about you feeling a bit neglected by Lucas. He’ll probably mention it to Lucas and as a side benefit, it might make him feel guilty enough to take me on a vacation. How does that sound?”
Lucy’s face lit up and Maria nodded gracefully, happy with the way this was turning out.
Chapter Twelve
LUCAS WOKE up alone. What he really wanted was to sleep a little more, since neither he nor Jack had wanted to spend their last night together asleep, but suddenly the uneasy feeling crept up on him that maybe Jack had already left. He jumped out of bed and grabbed his watch off the nightstand. Quarter to eleven. They had agreed to leave around twelve so Jack should still be here. He grabbed the sheet off the bed and wrapped it around himself, then dashed out on to the terrace. No Jack. Bathroom?
Lucas stopped in his tracks at the door of the bathroom as he caught sight of Jack standing in front of the large mirror. The man was wearing only boxers and leaning forward, shaving carefully.
“You look like one of those Greek statues,” Jack remarked, eyeing Lucas.
Discarding the sheet, Lucas moved to wrap his arms around Jack. He put his chin on Jack’s shoulder and looked at their reflections in the mirror. “I wish we could just stay here. Never go back to the real world.”
Jack put his hands over Lucas’s and leaned into the touch. “You know we can’t, Luke.”
“I know.” Lucas sighed, squeezing Jack tight. “Just don’t want to let go right now.”
Jack lifted his arm and twisted around so he could cup Lucas’s head and kiss him passionately. “We’ll be all right, Luke,” he promised unwisely. “We’ll find a way to make it work.”
As they got their things together to leave the hotel room, Lucas felt the tension mounting. They hadn’t really talked about the future and even though he was sure this felt good to Jack, too, he was also pretty sure the American wasn’t going to leave his wife for him. Was he a fool to think they could actually have a future together? Could he be content to be just a lover, the man on the side? Even though they had only spent two nights together, Lucas knew this wasn’t just a fling for him; he knew that what he felt for Jack was not like anything he had felt for his previous boyfriends. This was love, at least for him.
Jack had gone down to check out already and as Lucas scanned the room one more time before he left, his eye fell on some condoms that were left on the nightstand. He quickly walked back in and stuffed them in the pocket of his jacket, next to his wallet.
THEY DROVE back to Brussels together almost in silence, both realizing they had some choices to make, but both afraid to discuss them. Jack dropped Lucas off at his apartment in the European District and drove on to his house in Tervuren. He sat in the driveway for more than an hour, going over the events of the weekend, before he felt he could enter the house.
“LUCAS?”
Lucas heard Lucy call him from the hallway while he was making tea in the small kitchen. “I’m here!” he called back, taking a deep breath. The weekend was definitely over. He heard Lucy drop her bags and then the staccato sound of her fashionable heels on the old wooden floors.
“I can’t believe you’re actually home!” she squeaked.
He tried not to tense up as she threw her arms around him and kissed him on his cheek. Yup, she was definitely back.
“Hey, Lucy girl,” Lucas smiled at her, trying to look happy she was back. “How was Amsterdam? You want a cup of tea?”
She shook her head. “Amsterdam was amazing! All the old buildings and the canals and all those quaint little cafés. It’s so different from Brussels too; it’s hard to imagine it’s only three hours away by train. The train was nice as well, very luxurious.”
He let her rave on about how amazing everything had been and how Maria had shown her so many things, like the Van Gogh Museum and the Rijksmuseum. Lucas felt his mind drift off, thinking about how wonderful his weekend had been and how he could never tell her about it.
“And we walked into this coffee shop and they were smoking pot, right in front of us—well, in front of everyone, really. After sitting there for a while, I swear the air was so thick, we were both high by the time we walked out.”
“They’re more tolerant of soft drugs in The Netherlands,” Lucas mentioned absent-mindedly to show he was listening.
“I know, but this was just…. Oh well. How was your weekend?”
“Fine,” Lucas answered trying to sound bored.
She moved closer again, seductively wrapping her arms around his neck. “Poor baby, you look really tired. I hope he didn’t work you too hard, honey?”
“Yeah, well, you know how it goes.” Lucas tried hard not to lie to her outright. He felt like telling her the truth though. Actually, Lucy, he did work me hard. Right into the mattress. We fucked in the bathroom and on the sofa in front o
f the open window. He made me scream his name and I get hard just thinking about him. But there was no way he could hurt her like that.
She leaned in to kiss him, but he turned his head, so her lips ended up over his temple. “Why don’t you take your cup of tea, pop a movie in the DVD and settle on the couch. I’ll get the laundry together and we can order pizza or something tonight, okay?”
She was sweet really, he knew that and she loved him, so he smiled at her and kissed her on the forehead. “Thanks, Lucy. That sounds great, but I’ll help with the laundry if you like.”
“Don’t be silly. You work a lot harder than me. Just relax and I’ll take care of everything.” She rubbed her hand over his chest and then moved to the hallway where their weekend bags were sitting.
Five minutes after Lucas started watching the movie he had chosen, he was sound asleep on the couch.
LUCY SMILED as she heard his familiar slow, shallow breathing and closed the curtain of the sitting room window to darken it. Maybe she could do this. She liked taking care of Lucas, and if Maria could do it, so could she. The Christensens were definitely a good example. She was going to take Maria up on her offer and do some charity work while she was studying. That way she wouldn’t feel so lonely sitting at home waiting for Lucas to come back and she would meet lots of new people, get to know this country a bit more. If nothing else, it would look good on her résumé and it would help her become more comfortable around people she didn’t know. She admired Maria and her way of always looking beautiful and confident in every conceivable situation. Nothing could faze that woman.
As she was sorting the laundry she noticed three buttons missing on one of Lucas’s fine shirts. They usually came with one extra button, but three missing buttons was a bit much. She made a mental note to check the other shirts to see whether there were any loose threads on those, too. It was probably a manufacturing flaw.
After turning on the washing machine, she started unpacking their toiletries, putting their toothbrushes together again in the little green cup on the rack over the backroom sink and placing his razor and shaving cream behind the mirror. Neither of them had taken a lot of stuff on their weekend outing, but she checked all the side pockets of their bags anyway.
MARIA WALKED in, closely followed by the driver who was wheeling in her suitcase.
“Will that be all, Ma’am?”
“Yes, thank you, Paul.” She tipped the man and then walked over to Jack who was sitting at the kitchen counter reading the Sunday Times.
“Hey, stranger.” She put her arm around Jack’s shoulder and as he looked up, she quickly kissed him on the mouth. “Did you miss me?”
“Naah,” Jack answered, her hand still on his cheek as he demonstratively returned to reading his newspaper.
“Oh well, I guess you don’t want your present then, either.” She walked away in the general direction of her suitcase and threw him a teasing look as she picked up her bags and walked toward the hallway.
Jack felt guilty all over again. He had been screwing around behind her back while she was away for two nights and she even bought him a present. For a moment, he wished he could turn back the time, but then he thought of Lucas and the feelings the young Brit conjured up in him. He let his face rest on his palms, remembering how he and Lucas had made love last night. It hadn’t been just sex anymore. It was much more beautiful than just indulging their lust for each other; they had taken plenty of time discovering each other’s bodies. He could still feel the beautifully toned chest and shoulders under his hands, the dark nipples hardening as he thumbed them. He could still taste Lucas’s skin. How could he even contemplate giving all that up? How could he turn away from the one person who had made him feel alive for the first time in… for the first time ever?
“You work too hard, Jack.”
Jack jumped as Maria’s voice in his ear shook him out of his reverie. He hadn’t noticed her returning to the room.
SHE HAD noticed how tired he looked when she walked in. It looked like he had barely slept since Friday and she made a mental note to pamper him tonight, since tomorrow was the start of what no doubt was going to be another busy working week. She knew her husband was a workaholic and he was even worse when she wasn’t around. It was endearing, she supposed, how Jack would always bury himself in work. He really needed a hobby.
After she had come down the stairs again, the present she had bought him under her arm, she had decided to order some food to be brought in. Then she would challenge him to a game of Scrabble tonight, and try to get his mind off work.
She had slipped into jeans and a T-shirt upstairs and was barefoot, so Jack didn’t hear her come in. His face was in his hands. Beating him at their favorite word game would be a cinch!
“You work too hard, Jack.”
Jack looked up at Maria. “Hey.”
After gathering his thoughts momentarily, he looked behind her back at the tubular package she was holding. “Can I see it?”
“Uh huh.” She shook her head, turning it away from him.
“You’re a tease, Maria Francesca!” He used her full name when teasing her, knowing full well it worked every time.
She pursed her lips, “Yes, I am.” She held out the poster tube, just beyond his reach. “You know you like it.”
Jack waited for a moment, then lunged forward and grabbed the tube before Maria could pull it away. “Gotcha!”
He shook it teasingly before opening it and rolling out two posters. As he let them fall open on the counter he hummed appreciatively, “Dali and Miró.”
She came in closer. “I know how much you like the Dali, but I think that drab office of yours needs some upbeat art, so perhaps the Miró’s a bit more appropriate.”
He looked at her affectionately. “I think the office can take the Dali, too.”
She walked around the counter and smiled. “Great! I’ll have them framed and brought over to the Embassy, then.”
Jack returned to his newspaper. “Thanks, Maria.”
She realized he must be very tired, giving up on teasing her so quickly. She looked at him sitting there, a little worried he wasn’t sleeping enough, but knowing things would work themselves out. And if they didn’t, she was sure Jack would make them turn his way, even though his fatigue was probably caused by a crisis of conscience right now. Maria was smart enough to see that persuading the Belgians to add troops to the post-war clean-up effort went against everything Jack believed in. They had talked about this sort of situation arising before Jack decided to take on the commission and she felt sure Jack would find a way to live with himself while managing to do his job.
She gathered the newspapers and magazines that always seemed to be strewn around any place in the house where Jack chose to start reading and planned out their meal. She would call the small restaurant where they often had dinner and ask for a menu for two to go. One of the drivers could go and pick it up and then they could have a quiet night together.
“EXPLAIN THIS to me, Lucas!”
Lucas was rudely awakened by Lucy slapping her hand down on the coffee table. She stood in front of him, her arms defiantly crossed and a storm brewing behind her eyes. Tentatively he let his gaze wander to what exactly she had thrown on the table and felt himself wake up fully when he realized she had found the condoms.
“I didn’t think we needed those, Lucy,” he tried.
She shrugged, then sighed, “I can’t believe you. Do you really think I’m stupid? I turn my back for two nights. Just two nights and you go and screw someone else behind my back.”
Lucas could tell she was seething. He couldn’t believe she found them. They were in his jacket pocket. What was she doing going through his jacket pockets?
“Who is she, Lucas? Do I know her?”
No, but you know him. “Lucy, it’s not what it seems….” His voice trailed off as he watched her turn around and head off into the kitchen.
He closed his eyes. If he was completely honest with himself,
he wanted her to know, but then she’d ask who it was and the last thing he wanted was for her to find out it was Jack. He couldn’t let her find out it was Jack.
Lucas got up and slowly walked into the kitchen, where an unopened pizza box was sitting on the table.
“You ordered pizza,” he stated rather sheepishly.
“Don’t change the subject.” She was looking at the floor, her arms still crossed in front of her. Lucas could feel her eyes on him, her gaze sharp enough to pierce his skin. “I followed you half way across the world, left behind everything I knew to come to this… this… impossible country. And now I find out I can’t even trust you enough to leave you to your own devices for two fucking days. You said you had to work, you were going to spend the weekend working with Jack and….”
She was breathing heavily as she stopped mid-sentence and Lucas could see her mind working. He tried to look neutral, tried not to show his fear, but he just knew she was putting two and two together. And no matter what, that couldn’t happen; she couldn’t find out about Jack. He was going to have to lie outright to her.
“Please tell me it’s not…. Oh, Lucas, please tell me you didn’t… you and him…. You corrupted him? He’s a married man, Lucas, and you seduced him, didn’t you?” Her rage turned into something else. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Was it pity? Disgust?
“No,” he answered. “It’s not what you think. Don’t be so stupid, Lucy.”
“I thought it was over, Lucas. I thought you weren’t going to fall for men anymore. But you… I saw you with Jack and I saw the way you looked at him. I couldn’t believe it… didn’t want to believe it, because you were with me, and the boys… the men were all in your past. You told me it was all in your past!”