Dreamspinner Press Years One & Two Greatest Hits

by J. M. Colail

  He stopped just around the corner from the courtesy desk and leaned against the cold stone wall. Could he face Jack? Could he actually walk up to him and pretend nothing had happened between them two and a half years ago? Maybe Jack wouldn’t want to see him? He couldn’t blame the man for feeling resentful, of course; Lucas hadn’t even said good-bye after seeing Jack in the hospital.

  Lucas often wondered if he had done the right thing. In retrospect, he felt he should have stuck around, waited for Jack to make up his mind and do what they had talked about. Now it seemed they both had different careers, but Lucas wondered what would happen if Jack saw him here. He felt torn in half. On the one hand, he wanted to call the PR office and try to get someone else to give Jack the tour; on the other hand, this was a chance for closure. To put a stop to the “what-ifs” that had been running around his head ever since that night at the hospital. Besides, if Jack got the job, they’d bump into each other on a regular basis.

  Lucas took a deep breath and slipped into his professional role. He could do this, be accommodating, pleasant and welcoming, no matter who was in front of him. He was a public relations officer for the United Nations for Christ’s sake!

  As he rounded the corner, Jack was right there. Lucas immediately recognized the light grey suit as being the one they had picked out together on their first weekend in Antwerp and he felt his throat go dry. It was like time had never passed, like he could still go over to him and see that spark in those beautiful blue eyes. Jack looked so handsome, a little thin maybe, but still….

  “Jack?” Lucas cleared his throat, trying to sound professional, but failing miserably at ridding his voice of emotion.

  Their eyes met across the courtesy desk and Jack’s face went pale.

  “Lucas.” A weak smile appeared on Jack’s face as their eyes met briefly. The American took a deep breath as he scanned around the hall.

  “I didn’t know…. You work here?” Jack asked rather hesitantly.

  Lucas nodded, “I’m in Public Relations now, and I’ll be showing you around this afternoon. If that’s okay with you, of course?”

  Both men stared at each other for a few moments, until Lucas regained his composure and gestured to Jack to step through the metal detector. He then handed Jack a visitor’s pass.

  “You need to….” He gestured to his own jacket lapel, since he felt uneasy making any kind of move in Jack’s direction. “…pin it on. Has to be visible at all times. If you’re hired, I’ll get you a personnel badge later.”

  Jack nodded and clipped the badge onto his jacket.

  “So when’s your interview?” Lucas asked as they proceeded to walk across the hall toward the elevators.

  “At four,” Jack answered blankly, looking around and taking in the majestic view.

  “You’re early.” Lucas was amused by that, since this was so different from the always busy and therefore, always late Jack that he remembered.

  WALKING THROUGH this grand building next to Lucas, Jack realized he hadn’t really been all that nervous for this interview. Getting the job here would make life considerably easier, but it wasn’t an absolute necessity, and besides, he would probably be found to be overqualified again. Now all of a sudden, his suit was uncomfortable and he felt sweaty and warm. Did he want a job in a place where he would no doubt bump into his ex-lover on a regular basis? Even though Lucas clearly didn’t want him anymore, Jack’s feelings for the young man hadn’t changed. He didn’t know if he wanted to hear why Lucas had left, but then again it might help him close that chapter of his life for good.

  Jack looked sideways and saw Lucas was still smiling at the last comment he had made. Something about him being early.

  “Well, I was promised a tour,” Jack answered abruptly.

  “You’re in luck then. Since I started here as a tour guide, I know the place inside and out.” Lucas started to feel a little more at ease with the idea of having a full hour to talk to Jack. Maybe it was good to clear the air, put their relationship to rest once and for all.

  “So how’s Maria?” he asked tentatively.

  Jack looked up, but not directly at Lucas. “She’s fine… I hear. She’s working in the Sudan, for UNICEF.”

  Lucas stopped and turned toward Jack, feeling his heart jump.

  Noticing the Brit was no longer beside him, Jack stopped and turned. “We’re divorced, Lucas.”

  Jack’s voice sounded unemotional, but it still made Lucas breathe heavier. Now they really needed to talk. If Jack was divorced, perhaps their relationship might have actually meant something.

  “Jack….” Lucas stared at the floor, afraid to look the American in the eye. “We need to talk about… a few things.” He looked up. “Why don’t we go to the PR lounge and grab some coffee. We can talk in relative privacy there.”

  LUCAS WAS grateful the small lounge was practically deserted when they stepped in.

  “I didn’t know about you and Maria, Jack. I’m sorry.”

  “No, you’re not,” Jack was quick to rebut, smiling at Lucas. He was starting to relax around Lucas again, falling back into their old repartee.

  “Okay, maybe I’m not,” Lucas answered, clearly remembering how Jack would always pick out the times when he didn’t really mean it. “What happened?”

  Jack chuckled. “You happened, silly.”

  Lucas felt tears well up in his eyes as the power of Jack’s statement sunk in. Stop acting like a girl, Luke. He shook his head. “Then I’m truly sorry. Sorry for leaving like that, sorry for not having the patience to stick around, sorry for being too scared to stand up to Maria, and sorry for putting our careers before everything else!”

  He felt Jack’s hand cover his and then the American spoke softly.

  “Not a day has gone by that I didn’t think about you, Luke. After the hospital, when Sean told me you had left, I didn’t understand, but when Maria acted so smug about you leaving to save my career, I knew she had something to do with you… not saying good-bye. I just didn’t know how much of it was her blackmail and how much was your decision.”

  Jack picked up Lucas’s hand and kissed it tenderly, sending shivers through the young man’s body. “I’m not making any assumptions here. I’m sure there’s someone else in your life by now, so just tell me and I’ll leave you alone.”

  Lucas needed to be honest with Jack; he just didn’t know how. “Well, there is and there isn’t. It’s a little difficult to explain.” He waited for a moment, trying to decide how much he was going to tell him. “Why don’t I give you the tour, and I’ll drop you off where you need to be for your interview. Afterwards, come and meet me at the second floor of the DC-2 building and I’ll try to explain.” Lucas took a deep breath. “So what are you interviewing for? Secretary-General?”

  Jack snorted. “No thanks; no more high profile jobs for me. I’m happy to stay in the shadows. They apparently need a Senior Interpreter who is fluent in three official UN languages and has experience with international politics.”

  Lucas smiled. “Sounds like you. English, Spanish and French right? Be sure to mention Danish, Swedish, Norwegian and a little Dutch. They may not be official languages around here, but the delegates of those countries may need you for those, too. I don’t see why they wouldn’t give you the job, Jack; you’re perfect.”

  Jack smiled shyly. “Well, we’ll see what they say, okay?”

  THE INTERVIEW went well, and they were clearly impressed that a man of Jack’s experience was willing to take a simple interpreter’s job.

  He had been open and honest with them, explaining his interest in going back to college part-time, while trying to rebuild his life after his divorce and seeking out a job away from public scrutiny.

  The men doing the hiring knew they’d be foolish to let this one slip by and hired him on the spot.

  ON THE way to the place where Lucas asked to meet, Jack started wondering what Lucas was going to show him. The Brit had been fairly vague when he answered the questi
ons about his private life and that made Jack curious. Of course he knew he couldn’t lay claim to Lucas. It wasn’t like his marriage had been the only hurdle they had needed to conquer, but his interest was sparked nonetheless.

  The elevator to the second floor gave way to a small waiting area and lots of corridors, so Jack decided to wait right there. He relaxed a bit now that he knew he had the job and he would be coming here on a regular basis. It did mean he had to sort things out with Lucas, though, and that meant figuring out his own feelings. As he thought about what had happened between that ill-fated night in the hospital and today, he realized he had unconsciously made up his mind a long time ago. The end of his diplomatic career and his divorce had all led him to this one moment, but he knew not to get his hopes up too much.

  It was actually a bit more than ten minutes later that Lucas emerged from the elevator, clearly in a hurry. “Sorry I’m late.” He smiled, a little flushed and out of breath as if he had been running “So did you get the job?”

  Jack looked at the excited face of his former lover and wondered if he should tease him a little. He decided against it.

  “Yeah.”

  “I knew it! They would have been fools not to hire you!” Lucas grabbed Jack’s arms, squeezed them and then let go. He leaned in a little closer and whispered, “I want to hug you, but no matter how open minded they are here, we’d better not.”

  “I’ll take a rain check.” Jack smiled, grateful for Lucas’s self-restraint, since he wasn’t entirely sure about his own. “So why did you bring me here?”

  Lucas’s beaming smile lost some wattage as he nervously asked Jack to follow him.

  Chapter Twenty

  THEY WALKED into a corridor adorned by children’s drawings and before it really started to sink in with Jack he heard a shrill voice coming from in front of them. “Daddy, daddy, daddy.”

  He saw Lucas bend down to pick up a beautiful little girl running over to him, her arms stretched out. She had a wide smile that made her gorgeous brown eyes go all tiny, and her face was encircled by the most amazing flurry of dark brown curls. There was no mistaking her for anyone other than Lucas’s daughter.

  “So did you have fun today?” Lucas asked the little girl. She nodded, making the curls dance around her face and then planted a loud and very deliberate kiss on Lucas’s lips.

  “I want you to meet someone, honey, is that okay?”

  She looked over her father’s shoulder at Jack and hid her face in the crook of his neck.

  Lucas turned around with her in his arms and smiled at Jack a little apologetically. “I’m sorry, she’s only two.” He wiped the curls away from her cheek, exposing a sulky face. “Honey, this is a very special friend of mine, someone who’s very important to me. Say hi to Jack.” And then to Jack, “Jack, this is AnnElise.”

  When the little girl turned into Lucas’s embrace again, Jack caught his desperate look and tried to convey understanding with his own.

  “She’ll come around, Jack; she just needs a little time, because she’s not really used to strangers.”

  Jack smiled again, trying to process all the information he had just received. He had so many questions for Lucas, but he knew a lot of them could not be asked with AnnElise present. He would have to be patient.

  Lucas seemed to be able to read his mind. “Jack, I want to explain this to you in more detail, but I’ll understand if you don’t….” He was clearly unsure of how to proceed. “What I would really love is to take you out to dinner, but why don’t you come home with me. She’ll be down for the night by 7:30 and then I’ll fix you dinner.”

  Trying to keep the atmosphere light, Jack was quick to answer. “Oh, you cook too now?”

  Lucas smiled, looking relieved. “Sort of, yeah, well, I have stuff in the house to cook with and sometimes it’s even edible.”

  “Why don’t I see what I can whip up for us in your kitchen, while you take care of AnnElise and then we can talk after she goes to bed, okay?”

  Lucas nodded and Jack saw the young man’s eyes flood with tears. He looked around to see if anyone was watching, but no one was paying any attention to them, so he placed his hand on the back of Lucas’s neck, just above AnnElise’s arm and pulled him in for a quick kiss. “It’s okay, Lucas, we have a lot to talk about.”

  JACK WAS in the tiny kitchen of Lucas’s one bedroom apartment, opening cabinets and drawers, trying to decide what to make them for dinner. He smiled at the fact that it was actually a fairly functional kitchen, with lots of utensils, most of them fairly new, but used. Lucas apparently did some actual cooking from time to time.

  When they walked in, he had scanned the living room and found no evidence of anyone else living there. It was a little disorganized, with lots of toys lying around. There were a few pictures stuck to the fridge, mostly of AnnElise, some of them also of Lucas, but no mother. He was fairly certain Lucas lived alone with his daughter.

  He could hear them in the bathroom, chatting away. AnnElise used mostly single words, but she was clearly very good at making sure she was understood.

  A few moments later, she burst into the kitchen, dressed only in a diaper and laughing loudly, closely followed by Lucas chasing her with a towel. “Come here, you little monster, we need to dry those curls of yours some more.” When she spotted Jack in “her” kitchen she froze, eyeing him suspiciously.

  This gave Lucas the chance to grab her and lift her up. “Are you ready for a sandwich?”

  “Yes, Daddy!”

  “Can Jack make you a sandwich?”

  She looked at Jack and clearly decided to give him a chance when a smile broke on her face.

  “What do you want on your sandwich, honey?” Jack asked, keeping his distance, but liking the fact the little girl was warming up to him.

  “Baby meat, p’ease,” she answered decidedly.

  “Baby meat?” Jack asked Lucas questioningly.

  “Baloney,” Lucas mouthed, making both men snigger.

  Jack made her a sandwich with the sliced pink meat and sat down next to Lucas, who held AnnElise on his lap as she ate her sandwich with much gusto. He was amused to see her trying to share her crusts with Lucas and felt himself warm to this picture of domestic happiness. Was it too soon to hope that maybe he could be part of this one day? He knew he still loved Lucas. He’d never doubted that, but seeing the man again made it all the more clear to him. Could he hope for Lucas to love him back? Would AnnElise accept him in her father’s life?

  He woke from his daydream when he heard Lucas tell AnnElise it was time for bed. “Will you give Jack a goodnight kiss?”

  “’Ack?” She asked.

  Lucas chuckled, “Yes, Jack.”

  She wiggled herself off Lucas’s lap and walked over to the American. “Nigh’ nigh’, ’Ack.” She stretched up, puckering her lips, and Jack couldn’t help but laugh. He received a big girl kiss on his lips.

  “Night night, AnnElise.”

  WHEN LUCAS came back to the kitchen about fifteen minutes later, Jack was dishing out the steaming Fettuccini Alfredo.

  “Hope you’re hungry? I haven’t cooked for two in ages.”

  Lucas rubbed his thighs and sat down. “Starving, actually. This is a rare treat.”

  It felt weird, but a good kind of weird, to sit here in the small kitchen eating together. Their relationship had always been about stealing time together and spending it in hotel rooms or Jack coming over to Lucas’s apartment for a quick shag after work. They had never been this… domestic.

  Lucas found himself looking at Jack as the American explained about the interview he’d had that afternoon and why he wanted to work at the UN Jack tried to find the right words and succeeded as usual, but in his effort to do so, focusing on an invisible spot on the table, not on Lucas.

  And Lucas found himself falling in love all over again. Could he hope the feelings Jack had for him back then were still there? Jack had come to his apartment with him, but perhaps he was just lonely, new
to another different city and eager to connect with an old friend again. He didn’t know whether he could stand being just an old friend to Jack. On the other hand, seeing his former lover with a two year old hadn’t seemed to faze Jack either.

  “This was really delicious.” Lucas pushed his empty plate away and rubbed his stomach.

  Jack smiled, clearing the last strands of pasta from his own plate as well. “It was nice to be able to cook for someone again.”

  So he was lonely.

  Jack started clearing the table, but Lucas stopped him. “Hey, you cooked, you don’t have to do the dishes too! We can just put them in the sink and I’ll do them in the morning.”

  “Daddy!”

  Lucas smiled apologetically. “She never wakes up again, usually.”

  Jack threw Lucas an understanding look. “You better go see to her.”

  Lucas cursed internally as he made his way to his daughter’s bedside.

  A few minutes later, Lucas returned to the kitchen to find Jack standing over the sink, washing dishes.

  He walked over to him and couldn’t resist putting his hand on Jack’s back. “You really didn’t have to, Jack.”

  “I don’t mind. I can’t let you do all of this alone, Luke.”

  As Jack turned his head to face him, Lucas could see the sadness in his eyes, so he moved behind him, wrapped his arms around Jack and put his chin on the American’s shoulder.

  “I missed you.”

  He could feel Jack swallow hard. “Me, too. God, Luke, me, too.”

  Lucas tried not to be disappointed as Jack continued washing the last pot. He grabbed the dishtowel off Jack’s shoulder and quickly dried the dishes.

  As he put the last pot in the cupboard, he saw Jack wiping the counters and stopped him.

  “Enough, Jack.” Lucas grabbed the older man’s hand and pulled him out of the kitchen. “We need to talk, clear the air, seriously.” He cocked his head when Jack wouldn’t smile and quickly placed a kiss on his lips. “Come.”