Dreamspinner Press Years One & Two Greatest Hits

by J. M. Colail

  “Wesley? Um, how… how many girls have you slept with?” I didn’t look at him.

  “Does it matter?” He rolled back onto his stomach and stared at the wrinkles in the sheet.

  I took a deep breath. With that answer, I knew it had to be a lot. “C’mon, I wanna know.”

  “I told you, it doesn’t matter,” he said, furrowing his brows. His voice wasn’t angry, just frustrated.

  “Is it more than five? Or ten?” I asked.

  Wesley looked at me briefly and then bowed his head. “Just one.”

  I didn’t think I heard him right. “What?”

  “Just one, all right?” His cheeks were red and he seemed embarrassed. He held his head in his hands and closed his eyes, though his brows were still furrowed.

  “One?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Okay? I mean, I knew the reputation I had and yeah, I fooled around a lot, but I never went all the way. I just wasn’t interested in girls. The one I did sleep with, well, she sorta pressured me, and hell, she opened her legs. Besides, I was going through stuff at that time and I thought that if I actually did it, I’d prove to myself that I wasn’t really gay. But….” His words broke off and he took a few audible breaths.

  I stared at his handsome profile that suddenly seemed so vulnerable. I didn’t care how many girls he’d been with, but my mind had been preparing for the worst. I never would’ve thought it was just one, though. This man, this boy I loved, was just as confused, and worried, and uncertain as I was—which only made him more attractive.

  “I’m so uncool,” he murmured with a pathetic laugh.

  “No way,” I said, slipping my hand over his shoulders. “You’re the coolest person I know. And somehow, you’re even hotter now,” I told him, turning his face to mine.

  Wesley smiled at me and kissed me gently. He turned to his side to free his hands. He gripped my wrists and flipped me onto my back. With my hands pinned above my head, he crawled on top of me and kissed me hard. He released my hands and sat back between my legs, pushing them up against my chest.

  “Now it’s my turn,” he said with a grin at the corner of his mouth.

  He pushed teasingly at my backside, driving me crazy with anticipation. He pressed into me and I accepted him eagerly, rocking into him to pull him closer. He pushed forward, then scooped me up in his arms so that I was sitting on his lap with my legs wrapped tightly around his middle. Despite how good it felt to be inside him, I liked this way the best.

  I spent deliriously and felt soggy inside when Wesley was done. I remained on his lap, his arms holding me tightly, and I felt so happy that I thought I was dreaming. Eventually, I leaned back and stared into Wesley’s dark eyes, running my finger over his lips. I kissed him sweetly, deeply, lovingly, and whispered, “Welcome home.”

  Chapter 23

  MY LOWER back hurt and my rear end was a little sore. I felt like I was walking kinda funny, but Wesley assured me I wasn’t. I made a pot of coffee for him and we watched TV for a while. We had a lot of shopping to do and I wrote out a list of things we needed.

  Our first stop was at a discount furniture store. We needed another chair for the living room and Wesley had his heart set on a recliner. After we browsed a little, he found one he liked. I talked him into getting the neutral, brown leather model so that it wasn’t too mismatched with the sofa. We asked to have it delivered the next day since I didn’t have to work and after a little begging, the clerk made room for us on the schedule.

  We went to a bed, bath, and kitchen store next. There were so many things we needed, it was a little overwhelming. So we decided to shop by room, starting with the bathroom. Wesley let me pick out the color of towels, the soap dispenser, toothbrush holder, and shower caddy. I looked at shower curtains, but we decided we didn’t need one since there was a curtain liner.

  We needed the most items for the kitchen. We got dishes for four settings—the cheap ones that come in one box for about thirty dollars. We also bought silverware, mixing bowls, cookie sheets, a casserole dish, mixing spoons, an electric can opener, measuring cups and spoons, and an off-brand toaster.

  I looked in the shopping cart and I knew we were spending a lot of money. Wesley didn’t seem to mind though. He teased me about being so excited to go shopping. But I couldn’t help myself; this was my first apartment with Wesley and we started out with next to nothing.

  “Oh, we should get another set of sheets too,” Wesley said, steering the cart toward the bedding department. “Or maybe two, so we don’t have to wash them every day.”

  I slapped his hand playfully but I agreed. I walked up and down the aisle, trying to decide on a color and pattern. There were a lot more choices than I expected and I asked Wesley for his opinion, but he would just nod and say “sure.” I finally decided on a solid navy set and a white set. It was funny; I never had white sheets, but I always wanted some.

  “Well, let’s get going before we spend any more money,” I said, leading the cart down the aisle. “Oh shoot! We forgot to get washcloths.” We had the bath and hand towels, but I completely forgot the washcloths. “I’ll run and get them and you can head up front.”

  Of course, the towels were in the back of the store. On the opposite side of the same aisle were shower curtains and I paused after grabbing four washcloths. There was one curtain that I really liked. It was a dark royal blue with a square pattern woven into the fabric. I hemmed and hawed for a moment, then grabbed the curtain and shower hooks and ran to the front of the store.

  Wesley had most of the stuff out of the basket and as I got closer, I recognized the cashier. My stomach tightened; I didn’t know Jen worked here. I slowed my pace as I neared the register and Wesley noticed me with a peculiar smile.

  “Oh. Hi, Toren,” Jen said coldly, glancing back at Wesley.

  I set the washcloths down on the counter and then the shower curtain and hooks.

  “You went back for washcloths and came back with a shower curtain? I thought we—never mind.” Wesley gave in with an honest smile.

  “All right. Four seventy-six sixty-three,” Jen announced, putting the last of the things in a bag.

  Wesley took his credit card from his wallet and I pulled out my debit card too. I wasn’t going to let Wesley pay for all of this.

  “What are you doing? Put that away,” Wesley said predictably.

  I shook my head. “At least let me pay for half.”

  “No,” Wesley answered decidedly.

  “Put three hundred dollars on mine and the rest on his,” I told Jen, handing her my card.

  “Toren….”

  “It’s okay. Go ahead,” I said to Jen and she swiped my card through, glancing at Wesley and me suspiciously.

  “God, you’re stubborn,” Wesley said. I smiled and took it as a compliment.

  Jen slid Wesley’s card through the reader while I signed a copy of the receipt. “So, are you… roommates or something?” she asked.

  I figured that she and Wesley chatted while I was getting the washcloths. He must have told her about the apartment, but didn’t mention me. Wesley hesitated with the question, but I didn’t.

  “Oh no, we’re more than that. He’s my boyfriend,” I said with a satisfied grin.

  Jen’s eyes widened and she stared at Wesley, but Wesley looked at me with a slow grin taking over his face. He put the bags in the cart and took my hand. I blushed and bit my lip. Jen stared at us with a disconcerted look.

  “See you around,” Wesley said without looking back. I had to though; the look on her face was priceless.

  We filled the trunk of Wesley’s car with bags. I couldn’t lose the small smile I had on my lips. Wesley closed the trunk and looked at me.

  “That was so cool,” he said with a laugh. “I didn’t say anything ’cause I wasn’t sure if you wanted her to know, but… that was great.”

  The last stop was at the grocery store. We already spent a lot of money and I knew this was going to be at least another $150 or $200 dollars.
The only thing we had was coffee, so we really needed everything. We shopped according to my list, buying the basics like bread, milk, eggs, cereal, as well as toothpaste, dish soap, and laundry soap, and also what I would need to make dinner and lunch for the next few days. In the end, we spent $150 on groceries.

  We got home a little after six and we were pretty tired carrying all the bags up the stairs, but mostly because we didn’t actually fall asleep until five that morning. I let Wesley rest while I put the groceries away and I decided I’d put away all the other stuff tomorrow. I put in a kung fu movie and Wesley lay on the sofa with his head in my lap. I never thought I could be this happy, but there was one tiny, nagging thought in the back of my mind.

  Wesley fell asleep during the movie and I watched him more than the TV. He looked so sweet and innocent when he was asleep. As I watched him, the little thought in my head kept growing bigger and bigger. He woke up after the movie was over and smiled at me. My mind whirled and my heart thumped; that little thought was all I could think about.

  “Wesley?”

  “Hmn?”

  “Um, the girl you slept with—” I said hesitantly, taking a deep breath.

  “Hunh?” Wesley looked up at me from my lap.

  “Was it Jen?” I finally asked.

  Wesley sat up quickly. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and stared at the floor. “Does it matter who it was?” He seemed aggravated.

  I furrowed my brows; his response told me everything. My stomach felt hollow. “It was her, wasn’t it?”

  Wesley clenched his hands together. “Why do you wanna know?”

  “I don’t know. I just do.” It was because I wanted him to say it wasn’t her. Anyone but her.

  Wesley sighed like he was defeated. I was wrong. He wasn’t aggravated; he was ashamed. “It was when I was in tenth grade. She kept asking me out and I just finally gave in. I was over at her house one night and… it just happened.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked in a small voice.

  “Why? You want details? Fine. She was sucking me off and next thing I knew, she was on top of me. I told her to stop, but she wouldn’t. And it just sorta happened. It wasn’t like I wanted it to. Hell, I had to think about someone else just to get it up for her,” he said, dropping his head into his hands. “Fuck. Fuck!”

  “She… she forced you? Then—”

  “No! It wasn’t…. I mean, I could’ve pushed her off if I really wanted to. I just thought that if I did a chick, then I wouldn’t be gay. It didn’t matter who it was.” He still wouldn’t look at me. I scooted closer to him and rubbed my hand on his back. “Hell, I couldn’t even cum!” he said with a pathetic laugh. “Of course, she told everyone the next day and it wasn’t like I could deny it. She just pissed me off so much, and I broke it off with her a couple days later. She went crazy, saying I took what I wanted and then dumped her. But what could I say? That she forced me? That I could only get it up for guys? God, I was just so pissed off.”

  I leaned into him and hugged him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.” Tears rolled down my cheeks. He struggled so much more than I thought. When I met him, he was so confident and carefree. It seemed like nothing got to him. Was he just hiding it all this time? How did I not notice?

  Wesley glanced at me, at the tears in my eyes, and his face softened. He turned to me and wiped away the tears. “Tor, it’s okay. It’s in the past. I got over it, so you have to also,” he said, bringing my head to his chest and hugging me tightly.

  How could he be so strong? All this happened to him, and I was the one crying like a baby. I rubbed my face against his shirt. “I don’t like her,” I whispered, my voice muffled. “I don’t like the way she looks at you, like she owns you or something. I can’t stand her.”

  “But that’s the thing: it doesn’t matter anymore. She doesn’t matter. Because I have you. Everything’s okay because I have you,” he said, ruffling my hair. I glanced up at him and he smiled gently at me. “To be honest, I did struggle with everything that happened, with being gay, all that, until I met you. You were the first person I really wanted, not just to fuck you, but that I really cared about. The first time I kissed you, it was like my head was suddenly clear. I realized that everything that happened didn’t matter. I didn’t care that I was gay. I knew that everything would be okay if I could be with you. It was like I hadn’t been born until I met you. I know this probably doesn’t make any sense, but it was honestly how I felt.”

  “No,” I whispered, shaking my head. “I understand completely. Because I felt the same way. I was so scared of what my mom would think, that she would hate me. But I was willing to take that risk, because I wanted to be with you. And I knew, somehow, that everything would work out, if I just got to be with you.”

  Wesley kissed me and pulled my hand to his lap. I felt him stiffen and I looked up at him and shook my head.

  “I can’t help it,” he said. “When you talk that way, it makes me hard.”

  His kisses became longer and deeper and I lay back as he unzipped my shorts. His mouth was warm and soft and my legs trembled with his movements. I came and he swallowed, running his thumb across his lips. I leaned down and kissed him, then led him to the bedroom. Fortunately, I hadn’t changed the sheets yet and I knew that I would have to do at least one load of laundry each day.

  “We should’ve bought a sperm towel,” Wesley said, pulling me close. “Then we wouldn’t have to change the sheets so often.” I knew exactly what he was talking about. Every teenage boy has one. I agreed with blushing cheeks and noted that I would go out and buy one tomorrow. “Heh, I forgot to put one in the laundry for a couple weeks once, and that thing was so hard and crusty…. It was disgusting.” I reconsidered and figured I should buy two or three. “There were a lot of potential babies in that thing,” he mused with a grin.

  I rolled my eyes and climbed atop his stomach. “One more time?” I asked, leaning down, inches from his lips.

  “How could I say no? But remember, I gotta go to work tomorrow.”

  Chapter 24

  WESLEY LEFT for work at seven, leaving me with a kiss and an “I love you.” I slept until eight, then got up and took a shower. I had to work ten to five so I made a cold pasta salad for lunch. I put enough for my dinner into a plastic tub and then thought Wesley might like some for lunch too. I packed another plastic container and put the rest in the fridge.

  I went to Gus’s Auto Shop. It was a small building with a lot of cars in the parking lot in various stages of repair. I opened the door and a bell jingled. An older man with a large beer belly sat behind the counter. He was wearing a navy outfit with “Gus” embroidered on the left breast pocket. He had gray-streaked hair combed over a shiny, bald head and crooked teeth set in a warm, friendly smile.

  “Hi. Is, um, Wesley here?”

  “Yeah, hang on a sec,” he answered, leaning back on his chair and looking through a panel of glass to his left. “Wes! Come up here!”

  Wesley’s head popped up from behind a car and he walked to the front, wiping his hands on a pinkish-red rag. He smiled when he saw me. “Hey. What are you doing here?”

  “Hi. Um, I made some pasta salad for lunch and I thought you might like some too,” I said, glancing at the large man behind the counter. I bit my lip; it felt like we were newlyweds and I was delivering my husband’s lunch.

  “Oh! So, this must be the princess then?” the man asked, looking up at me then to Wesley who was slicing at his throat with his fingers and shaking his head.

  “Ah, um… yeah,” Wesley answered with a crooked grin. “Gus, this is Toren. Toren, this is my boss, Gus,” he said, smiling and scratching the back of his head.

  “Hey, it’s nice to finally meet you. Wes’s told me all about you. I can finally put a face with the name,” he said, standing up behind the counter.

  I smiled and nodded and extended my hand. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

  “So, can I take my lu
nch now?” Wesley asked.

  Gus nodded, but I interrupted. “I actually have to go to work now,” I said, wishing I had given myself enough time to eat with Wesley.

  “Aww. All right, fine. You work ’til five, right?” he asked as I took the plastic container of salad from the plastic bag on my arm. I nodded and handed him the tub and a fork. “This looks great! Thanks so much! I’ll see you later, okay?”

  Wesley stepped toward me and I backed up. I wasn’t sure if he wanted a kiss, but I decided against it. I was honestly surprised by Gus’s amicability toward us; he didn’t look like the open-minded type. But that was unfair of me to stereotype him too. I smiled again at Gus and bowed my head slightly.

  “It was very nice meeting you,” I said and Wesley walked past, pulling me along with him.

  “I’ll be back in a sec,” Wesley said, grinning at Gus over his shoulder.

  Outside, Wesley pushed me against the building. He kissed me, then patted the top of my head and looked around. When he looked at me again, he had a devilish smirk on his lips.

  “What?” I asked, knowing that look all too well.

  “C’mon, the bathroom’s around back,” Wesley said, taking my hand and pulling me along.

  “What? No! Wesley!” I protested, stopping and pulling my hand away. I narrowed my eyes at him and shook my head. “I can’t believe you sometimes.”

  “Aw, c’mon. Real quick, please?”

  I folded my arms across my chest and shook my head. “You’re the horniest bastard I know….”

  Wesley laughed and smiled. “All right, all right. I had to try.”

  “No, you didn’t,” I said, finally laughing. “I gotta go, so I’ll see you later.”

  “Okay. But you gotta kiss me.”

  I pecked his cheek and ran from his reach. I stuck my tongue out at him and Wesley laughed. “See ya!” I shouted and walked to work.