Dreamspinner Press Years One & Two Greatest Hits

by J. M. Colail

  Don’t let the door hit your ass on your way out.

  Not that Julian was giving that ass any more attention than it deserved.

  “Can I put my pants back on first?”

  “If you think it’s necessary.” Whoops. Forgot about that. Julian smiled at him. “Wouldn’t want to deprive anyone of the view.”

  “That would be a shame,” Jack agreed. “Thanks, Doc. See you in a couple days.”

  Julian left him to it. Watching Jack get dressed was just as bad as watching him strip for his concentration, and he still had a few hours of his shift left to go.

  He let himself out and wandered over to the reception desk, leaning across at Barb. “Another one down.” He purposely didn’t follow his own train of thought down the path it was taking. Down. Right. That about summed it up. “Who’s next?”

  She handed him a folder. “Room two.”

  He saluted her with it and meandered down the hallway. He opened the door one-handed because the folder was open in the other. “Hello, I’m Dr. Piet,” he said, still engrossed in reading the history. He slid into the rolling chair without looking up. “You must be—”

  “Flora,” a dry voice answered.

  Julian looked up, chagrined. “Sorry. Bad habit, I know.” He reached over to shake her hand.

  Flora was an older woman with green eyes and startlingly sharp cheekbones. It was obvious that she had been a beauty when she was younger, and if Julian had been attracted to women at all, he was sure she still would have been stunning. “It’s nice to meet you, doctor.”

  “So, I take it you’re not from around here,” Julian said. “I’m not really sure what to tell you. Based on your medical history….” He frowned slightly, turning back to the first page. An ugly suspicion was forming in his brain.

  A quick double check more or less confirmed it. He took a deep breath.

  “There’s no treatment, doctor. Not at this point. I’m a nurse. I know that.”

  “So you’re not here for a second opinion. That’s good. Oncology isn’t my specialty.” What else could he say? Sorry you’re dying of lung cancer; by any chance, are you Jackson Strange’s mother? The names were the same, but he couldn’t just ask.

  She held up her pill bottle—empty. “I dropped them down the drain this morning during a coughing fit. I just need a refill. I’d have gone to my regular doctor, but I’m afraid I’m a bit far from home.” Now that he was thinking about it, he could definitely hear the accent. He thought he could even see a family resemblance, in the eyes and the cheekbones especially, if not in the hair color.

  For lack of anything else to do, he reached for his prescription pad. “Well, I can get you a refill. That won’t be a problem.” He took the bottle and copied down the medication and dosage, trying to keep himself occupied.

  Flora, evidently, had no problem just coming out and saying whatever it was that was on his mind. “So, is it you I have to thank for the stitches on my son’s leg?”

  Julian froze, put his pen down, and spun the stool around slowly. “In theory,” he hedged, “if I were the doctor who had stitched him up, I wouldn’t be able to tell you anything about it.” Just like he wouldn’t be able to tell Jack his mom had been by.

  “I was counting on it,” she said. “Thank you anyway, doctor.”

  He opened his mouth, not sure what he was going to say. The hair on his arms was starting to prickle; little things were falling into place. It just so happened to be Bella’s day off. He knew that, because he’d checked to have Jack come in on that day specifically. He hadn’t seen Jack and Flora together in the waiting room. In fact she seemed to have waited until Jack was otherwise occupied to come in at all. “It’s just my job.” He handed over the prescription.

  “Believe me, I’ve met enough doctors to know a good one when I see one.”

  Awkwardly, he scratched at the back of his neck. He might as well ask, since it was sure to bother him either way. “Mrs. Strange…. Jack doesn’t know you’re sick, does he?” And if Jack didn’t know, she couldn’t tell anyone else, either.

  Flora Strange was shrewd enough not to be particularly surprised by the question. Her reply was even and measured, rather than defensive. “And why should I tell him that? He’s a big boy, and he’s got his own life now. He should live it.”

  That was not the answer Julian had been looking for. He bit his lip. It wasn’t any of his business, outside of the strictly medical aspect, but…. He sighed. His own parents had died when he was just a kid. He would have given anything for just one more hour with them, even just a few minutes to say good-bye or tell them he loved them one more time, but he’d never get it.

  Jack could have it, though. Julian was a doctor. When he saw the chance to spare someone unnecessary pain, he took it if he could, and he wasn’t ready to give up on this yet. For a few precious minutes, he stopped being Dr. Piet and became the eight-year-old boy who had lost his parents. “Mrs. Strange, don’t you think your son deserves to know the truth? Doesn’t he deserve a chance to say good-bye?” Don’t you want a chance to say good-bye to him?

  He was way beyond the bounds of patient counseling now, especially since she wasn’t officially his patient, but she didn’t seem to be taking offense. In fact, she was smiling softly. “You don’t know Jack. When he was a boy, he was so outgoing. Hockey, student council, fifteen girlfriends a year. He was quite the charmer. But after his daddy died, he just shut off.” She shook her head, running a hand through her short red hair. “I don’t blame him, you know. His daddy meant the world to him, even if they didn’t always see eye to eye. But it wasn’t easy to watch him grow from the outgoing boy I knew into a total stranger, obsessed with his grades and not much else.” Her eyes seemed to linger on the name embroidered on his lab coat for a moment before meeting his gaze again. She shrugged, her expression apologetic, then gave a little wheezing laugh. “Of course, that’s also when he discovered he was gay, so that could have had something to do with it.”

  Julian breathed in so sharply he choked and started coughing. He hadn’t exactly been expecting to get confirmation of Jack’s sexual orientation from his mother. “Sorry,” he gasped out, still coughing, chest heaving. It took a lot of effort not to laugh hysterically. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

  Flora gave him a wry look. “I’m sure you never had any inkling at all.”

  “Uhhh….” Only if by “never had any inkling” you mean “wondered every time I was in the same room with him and quite a few times I wasn’t.”

  “He doesn’t think anyone knows, of course. So secretive these days. That’s what I’m trying to say. He’s finally coming out of his shell again, building a life for himself. He’s happy. It could be weeks or months or a year before I die. I won’t ruin his life for him by putting him back in that place any sooner than I have to.”

  Julian fought the urge to let his mouth hang open. “I… oh.” He spun the chair in a circle, needing a few seconds to process. It wasn’t a choice he would have made, or one that he would want made for him. The fact was that it was going to be a tough haul for him to carry this knowledge without tipping off Jack or anyone else, especially in a town this small, and especially if he got to see as much of Jack as he’d like to. But he could live with it. It was her decision, and she was making it out of love.

  It must be very lonely for her.

  “I… respect that, I suppose.”

  “Thank you. Of course, I’d appreciate it if this didn’t get around.”

  He snorted at the irony. Yeah, he knew what being in the closet was all about. Not to mention the fact that he couldn’t have told anyone about Jack even if he wanted to. There was that doctor-patient confidentiality thing again. “You’ve got nothing to worry about on that account, believe me.”

  Flora shot him a knowing look, and Julian was suddenly a little worried that he’d said too much. “Well, thanks for your time, doctor. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you again.”

  Uh-huh, Julian thought
, watching as she left the little room. He had the unsettling impression that something important had just happened and he’d missed it completely.

  “ALL RIGHT, Beanstalk, spill it.”

  Julian finished chewing the mouthful of mashed potatoes he’d dutifully shoveled into his mouth despite his lack of appetite and put down his fork. “Spill what?”

  Roz folded her arms across her chest. “Come on, Julian, give me a break. I’m your sister. I notice when things are bothering you. You stop eating. Julian, you never stop eating unless there’s something wrong. So, just tell me.”

  He sighed, pushing away his plate. There was no point in pretending he was interested in the dinner he’d fixed them. “It… was sort of a tough day at work today.”

  “Oh?” Roz speared a piece of red pepper from his salad on her fork. “Wanna talk about it?”

  Shaking his head, Julian sighed. “That’s the problem. I can’t talk about it. Doctor-patient thing.”

  “No wonder it’s got you tied in knots.” Roz grabbed their plates and set them on the counter by the sink. “What do you say we just skip to dessert and you can tell me whatever it is you can tell me?”

  She’d baked cookies earlier. Julian had been able to smell them when he’d come in the door, and the dishes were still in the sink. It did sound good. A little chocolate went a long way. He refilled their milk glasses. “Doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”

  “That’s because it isn’t one.” Roz plonked a plate of cookies on the table. Suddenly, Julian was ravenous. “So, what’s going on?”

  He grabbed a cookie and dunked it liberally in the milk before shoving half of it into his mouth, feeling suddenly stupid. “It’s nothing, really.” In fact, it didn’t concern him directly at all, which made him question his reaction to it. Situations like this came up from time to time, and he usually handled them with a lot more grace. Maybe it was just being home in town, in the house he’d grown up in, that made it hit him that much harder. “I had a patient in today who’s dying.”

  That didn’t happen to GPs too often, especially in backwaters like this, and he could tell Roz knew it. “Oh, Jules. I’m sorry.”

  Julian shook his head, swallowing the last of the cookie and reaching for another. “That’s not it. People die. When you’re a doctor, you have to accept that. It’s just, she hasn’t told anyone. Not her friends, not her family. And she doesn’t plan to. She doesn’t want them to know.”

  He could see the realization dawning on her face. Roz’s parents had adopted Julian when his own had died in a car accident. They had been on their way to the airport to celebrate their fifteenth wedding anniversary in Cancun when an oil truck had lost control in front of them. They had both died instantly. “Julian….”

  Unexpected tears stung his eyes when she reached for his hand across the table. He let her. His parents’ deaths had hit him hard as a kid, and though he’d worked his way slowly through the grief as a teen and later an adult, sometimes the loss and loneliness sneaked up on him. Especially when he saw other people who didn’t know what they had to lose. “Sorry.” He blinked, clearing his vision. “It just sucks.”

  “I know. I miss them, too.” Roz had hardly been old enough to remember her aunt and uncle, but she had shared the bits and pieces she could remember from time to time, helping Julian to keep their memory alive. “All you can really do is be there for whoever it is when they need you.”

  Julian washed down his third cookie with the last swallow of milk. “Yeah. Thanks. I needed to get that off my chest.”

  “That’s what big sisters are for.” She took the dirty plate and ruffled his hair with her other hand. “So, want to hear about my day? I had seniors’ aquafitness, three hours of physical therapy I’m not supposed to talk about, and a level-three swimming lesson.”

  “Oh, geez.” No wonder she smelled like chlorine today. “Nobody peed in the pool?”

  “Not even Mr. Bender.” Roz shifted the dirty dishes around to make room for a sink full of hot, sudsy water.

  Julian rolled up his sleeves to join her automatically, reaching for the dish rag. “Well, that’s good news. What’s level three?”

  “Eight- to ten-year-olds, mostly. I figured out where I recognized your new friend from. He’s there to pick up little Hallie almost every day.”

  Huh. Jackson Strange never ceased to surprise him. “Must be a friend of the family,” he said. “He doesn’t have kids of his own.” Because he likes men. Julian tried to quell the rising tide of hope that welled inside of him.

  It must not have entirely worked, because Roz was giving him a sideways look. “What?” he asked. His sister just raised her eyebrows. “What?!”

  “You want him!” she accused gleefully.

  Julian could do absolutely nothing to stop the violent blush spreading on his cheeks. He grabbed the next clean dish and dried it dutifully. “You know, if I’d thought coming out to you would result in that accusation every time I made a new friend, I probably wouldn’t have told you.” Plus, the time she’d sent him a dildo for his eighteenth birthday really wasn’t as funny as everyone seemed to think it was.

  “Pff,” Roz shouldered him gently. “Whatever. You can’t fool me, Julian. That man is so hot you could probably smelt iron on his abs. I haven’t seen that moon-in-your-eyes face on you for ages. Not since your first year of residency.”

  Julian’s stomach went hollow. Those had not, in retrospect, been his best days. “I don’t want to talk about it, Roz.” He put another dry dish on the counter and reached for the next.

  Roz didn’t say anything, just kept handing him clean, wet dishes.

  First-year residency. Now there was something Julian was better off forgetting. Just thinking about it made his fists clench. That nightmarish year had been enough to make him seriously rethink his specialty. Still, Roz didn’t deserve to be snapped at for it. “Sorry. I just can’t…. It’s better if I just try to forget it, okay?”

  “It’s been six years, Julian,” she reminded him quietly. “If you haven’t forgotten it yet, do you really think you’re going to?”

  He didn’t. That was the problem. He put down the last dry dish and turned to his sister. “I don’t know. I want to, God knows. It’s not that easy to just… throw yourself back out there.” He gave her a small smile. “Especially in this part of the country.”

  “You needed a break from big-city living, and you know it. Fresh air, wide open spaces….” Roz’s gaze was wistful. “You were lost, these last few years. I thought you’d never come back home. Hell, there were times I thought I’d never come back home, either. It hurts to lose people… but you need to get out and meet new ones. It’s the only way to go on living. You don’t have to fall in love again. Wanting to jump Jack’s bones is totally healthy.”

  Actually, he contemplated telling her, it’s the other way around, mostly. God. It sucked to get lectured by a woman three years younger than you. Julian sighed, knowing that she was right but not quite ready to follow her advice just yet. There would be time enough for that soon. “When did you get to be so damn smart, anyway?”

  “Preschool,” she said sassily. Her expression, though, was unfathomable. “We’ll have to get you in on Wednesday’s hockey games; lots of guys your age, you’ll skate circles around them. That’ll do for a start. Now put those dishes away and I’ll let you beat me at a game of Scrabble.”

  Chapter Six

  JACK FLEXED his leg gingerly, testing his strength. It had been over a week since his little mishap, and a few days since he’d started seeing Roz for physio. If he had still been interested in women at all, he had to admit that Roslin Piet would have held a powerful attraction for him. She was smart, sharp-witted, and beautiful, and anyone could see that she put in a huge effort to make other people feel good. She’d had him do some flexibility and endurance tests, then more or less thrown him into the pool to make sure he wouldn’t have any problems with resistance.

  His leg seemed to be holding up pre
tty well. The stitches had originally been scheduled to come out the week before, but between Star and Mellie’s baby arriving slightly earlier than planned and his mother’s visit, he hadn’t really had the time or ambition to go to the clinic. Not that he was avoiding the new doctor; oh no. For all he knew, Dr. Dan was back in on clinic duty, taking care of the regulars like he always had.

  But, well…. Jack wasn’t really sure what to do with his newfound attraction for the young doctor. Julian was so hot-and-cold that it was impossible to guess what he was thinking or feeling. He was almost sure now that the other man was gay, bi, or at least curious. Normally, he would have taken that information and run with it, had some fun and tried to work the lust out of his system. He had a feeling that that wasn’t going to be happening this time. Jack wasn’t looking for a relationship. He didn’t do well with them; hadn’t even tried a steady friends-with-benefits thing since his university years—but he was starting to think that one night with Julian wasn’t going to be enough. The man was getting under his skin, and the worst part was that Jack wasn’t even trying to stop it.

  He sighed and finished lacing up his skates. He wasn’t sure if he’d play the whole game tonight, but a week off from hockey had been enough. He had to do something to tire himself out enough to sleep tonight, preferably without dreaming. One more guest appearance by Julian Piet would probably be enough to drive him right over the brink of insanity.

  Jack removed his skate guards and stood up on the rubber mats. Not bad. After a few laps around the ice, he might not even feel the ache.

  “Good to have you back, man,” Brad nodded from across the room. “Hamilton gonna show?”

  “His wife just delivered baby number two a week ago,” Jack pointed out, grabbing his stick. “He’ll miss at least another week.”

  That’d give them odd numbers, but it didn’t really matter. It was just a pick-up game. Roz had free skates scheduled every so often, but every Wednesday night at eight was reserved for pick-up hockey for gym members. There were twenty or so regulars, but they didn’t all show up every week.