The Sacrifice

by Nhys Glover

  When I became aware again, Rama was holding himself very still. The smile he gave me was beautiful, gentle and so very vulnerable and open.

  "You felt so good shattering around me," he murmured.

  My surprise must have shown, because he claimed my lips once more before he began moving inside me again. I really had shattered, so it was a shock when I felt myself come together again so I could start up that cliff again. No, I was already half way there.

  He began pounding into me mindlessly, my legs wrapped around him, our flesh slapping hard as he drove deeper to my very core. And my heart.

  Magic swirled around us, stirring the dust, the leaves, the fire. But I did not fear it. I revelled in its power. In our power. When the pounding reached a crescendo of almost unbearably intense pleasure, I broke apart once more and felt the man in my arms do the same. His cry echoed in the night, hoarse and exalted.

  For a long time afterwards we lay together, trying to get our breaths back, trying to capture our wild hearts and corral them once more. I breathed in the scent of him, clean sweat and man. And a musky smell I now associated with pleasure.

  Reluctantly, Rama eased off me and lay on the narrow pallet beside me, staring up at the star-filled sky. I felt bereft at his absence so, when he drew me in against his side, I was content.

  "A whirlwind. I knew I wouldn't hold out against it long. Did I hurt you?" His voice was always deep, but now it was even deeper, and roughened just enough to have my skin prickling.

  I shook my head, not sure if I could find words right then.

  "I was afraid of what I might do to you if I lost control."

  "And you did?"

  "Aye, I did. Like nothing I've ever felt before. I couldn't get enough of you. I couldn't get deep enough. The more I got, the more of you I needed. And I was lost... lost to everything but my need for you."

  I understood what he meant. I had been an empty vessel, desperate to be filled. And the more he filled me up, the deeper my need became. The more of him I craved. Even now, satiated as I was, I felt that need. My insatiable beastling was content for the moment but I knew it would not be for long.

  "I'm sorry it wasn't one of my brothers. Someone better than me."

  I wanted to groan out my frustration. In this moment of perfect peace between us he wanted to destroy it. "You have said that before, but I think it is an excuse. I think you say it to ensure against being thought not good enough. If you say it first then I cannot.

  "I do not measure you against your brothers. Maybe against other men, but not against your brothers. Each of you has found a place inside me that is uniquely your own. No better or worse, just different."

  Was I willing to admit my newest realisation? In this moment, when Rama's defences were down, I thought I might.

  "Your scars do not detract from your appeal. Do I wish you did not have them? Yes, because it would mean you had not suffered so terribly. Does the fact you enjoyed killing your mother's killer repulse me? Mayhap it should, but it does not. There is cruelty in you, I know that, but it is most often directed at yourself. You enjoy hurting yourself. I do not understand why. But I do not deserve better than you. There is none better for me than you."

  "But my brothers..."

  "Are equal to you, not better. Equal and different. If anyone should feel inadequate it should be me. You four have claimed me, and I do not understand why you all feel so drawn to me. I am one small, boyish girl. Nothing to attract even one man like you, no less four."

  Rama laughed a little, but not in humour. "One small girl with a heart and spirit the size of an airling. One small girl with hair like a cloud and eyes as blue as the sky at dawn. A girl who doesn't have the sense to be afraid of someone like me. Who gives herself with abandon. Who sees my brother, who others dismiss as less than half a man, for who he truly is. What's not to attract men like us?"

  He kissed my forehead tenderly. I liked this Rama, although I did not fool myself into believing this was the man I would always see from now on.

  "Go to sleep, Goddess."

  I drifted to sleep in his embrace and found myself woken some time later by kisses and stroking hands. Still half asleep, I kissed my way down his body and finally got to taste him as I wanted to earlier, taking him fully into my mouth as I did so. But not for long. Soon he was drawing me back up to him so he could rain kisses over my face and neck. I invited him into my body again, feeling his need spurring my own. When we found our rhythm and then releases, which were just as all-consuming as the first time, I drifted back to sleep with him still inside me.

  I was content, relieved and happier than I had ever been in my life. I had lost myself completely in this man, his beastling fuelling mine, and my magic had not destroyed me or him. In fact, my magic no longer felt like something dangerously unknown and separate from me. My needs and my magic's needs were now the same.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I was not sure what to expect the next day. Anger, resentment, jealousy, or worse: hurt. There was none of any of those emotions. The three brothers simply looked at me with concern until I smiled and nodded. Then there was relief. Had they really been worried Rama would hurt me?

  While I helped Jaron prepare the meal to break our fast I contemplated ways I could improve my cooking skills. I also wanted enough material to make another tunic. Three tunics left one of my men without one I had made myself.

  I wished I could turn my jewellery into coin.

  But could I not, now? If we sent a note to my father saying what Darkin had suggested, my ruby could be exchanged for coin. Everyone knew who I was now.

  Jaron seemed to find opportunities to touch me. A stroke of the hand, a slide of body against body. I frowned at him.

  "How are you handling me being with Rama?" I asked after the fifth such caress.

  "Now I know he didn't hurt you, fine. Do I wish it'd been me, aye. Do I resent either of you taking pleasure with the other, nay. Rama needs to feel loved. Of us all, he needs that the most."

  "Love? I... I would not call what we did love."

  He tipped his head to the side as he stared at me disbelievingly. "I saw his face this morning. He looked younger than he has in years. Even before he was taken prisoner. A simple roll in the hay couldn't do that for him. There's something about you, Airsha. Something all of us feel, but can't put into words. You're like a piece of us that was missing and is now found.

  "And, aye, it's not unusual for a man to feel that way. 'Though knowing he's one of four men feeling it, probably is. Being brothers makes the difference, I think. We've shared women before. Not like this, of course. Not when our hearts were involved. But we've discovered, over the years, that the petty jealousies and competitiveness that other brothers seem to experience don't plague us. Ever since we were young we've been all we had. Us against the world. One unit.

  "Now you've come along and become part of us. Like Ma used to be. That isn't as wrong as it sounds. I mean, Ma loved us all equally. None of us felt left out. What time she could give us, she shared equally. The hole she left was huge. Now you've come to us, loving us. All of us. Not in the way Ma did, but in the way that makes us feel... whole. Like men. Does that make any sense? I said it was hard to put into words."

  I stroked a hand down his arm and pressed my head to his shoulder. "That is what it feels like to me too. I never felt... accepted before. Loved, yes. But accepted for the boyish, questioning girl I was? No. It felt like I was loved despite who I was. With you all, I feel able to be me. Or discover me. I am still trying to do that. Still trying to understand what my magic makes me. But you all give me the opportunity and freedom to do that."

  "We took your freedom last night. You weren't ready to lose your virginity."

  "I was just afraid of my magic. But it turns out I was afraid for nothing. And I saw the reason for what I had to do. I did not feel forced."

  Jaron nodded. "Good. We all felt like we had forced you. It didn't feel good. Don't ever feel you have to b
e with any of us if you don't want to."

  I kissed his lips and stared up into his eyes. "I will not."

  I went outside to call the other men to their meal and literally ran into Calun as I stepped off the portico. He grabbed my shoulders to steady me and his fears and longing poured into me.

  Reaching up, I kissed him on the lips, not as I had just kissed Jaron, but with passion. His response was tentative at first, not sure how to deal with the mechanics of his first kiss, just as I had not been sure so recently. But he quickly got the idea and he was soon taking my breath away.

  When we came up for air, all bright smiles and relief, I promised myself that he would be the next brother I would give myself to. He shouldn't have to be satisfied with vicarious sexual experience. He deserved to be the one giving and taking pleasure.

  As I was contemplating how this was going to happen, Darkin yelled out from the paddock.

  I did not understand what he said but I understood the fear in his voice. Calun and I both turned in the direction he pointed. A cloud of dust had appeared on the distant road. At first I did not understand.

  Riders, lots of riders, Calun told me in my mind. Not in words, but his meaning was clear. My father's men had come.

  I felt my heart sink. For a few blissful 'turns I had allowed myself to imagine a life with these men. A happy life. And now... now it was ending before it really started.

  Calun tried to draw me away, towards the airlings. Their panicked squawking already filled the air, even as I felt the ground beneath my feet vibrate.

  I tugged away from Calun. There was no use running. There was no escape. There was only a fatedness to this moment. As if I had always known that it would come to this. That was why I had clung to every moment I shared with these Airluds so possessively.

  Slowly, I walked down the road toward the approaching army. How many had my father sent? How many did they think it would take to capture one small boy/girl?

  I felt the brothers forming up behind me. I wanted them to run and hide. But I knew they were incapable of such a thing.

  When the mounted troopers came to a stop a few strides from me, the leader took us in.

  "Princess, we have been looking everywhere for you."

  "And why is that, Captain? I assume you are a captain?" I spoke haughtily, in just the way Rama said I had done when he first met me. It was an act, and my men all knew it. But did these soldiers? How many had even seen a princess before?

  "Captain Tulgarthor," he introduced himself with pride. "And you know the reason. Your kinglund needs you. Running from your destiny is beneath you."

  "In your eyes. In mine, my parents wanted me dead for their own reasons. I was not prepared to die so easily. I escaped first in a wagon. Because I feared they would turn me in when they realised who I was, I stole one of the airlings and escaped these men too. One brother came after me and brought me back. And so, here I am again. A captive waiting to be returned to my inevitable fate."

  The captain lifted a brow as if he did not believe me. But I stuck to the story Darkin had concocted for us. It would match up with whatever the airling troopers had told them. I hoped it would be enough to save my men from punishment. I would go to my death willingly, as long as I knew they were safe.

  "That is very convenient. You do know these men were drummed out of the army for disobeying orders? I find it hard to believe renegades like these were preparing to turn you in."

  "They value their lives, of course they were ready to turn me in. Do not give them a reward though, because they do not deserve one."

  I could feel the men behind me tightening ranks, bodies readying for action. I had to stop them at all costs.

  "We will pay them what they deserve!" The captain gestured for several of his troopers to move out to surround us.

  They were going to take my men and likely punish them for harbouring me. I could not let that happen. I would not!

  "That sounds like a threat, Captain. I would advise you to take me and leave this place in peace. If you do not, I will not be responsible for what happens next." I felt the magic in me shifting, preparing, in much the same way as the brothers were preparing.

  When the captain laughed at me, I lifted my arm. A gale force wind blew dust and debris at the troopers, sending their mounts, the lumbering, stupid beastlings commonly used by the army, into disarray.

  The captain's mouth dropped open for only a moment before he was yelling orders to his men to hold their places.

  I laughed, feeling almost dizzy with power. No man threatened my family and got away with it.

  The force of the wind knocked men from their mounts, others were thrown by panicking beastlings. Chaos was everywhere and I felt Calun in my mind telling me to use the moment to run. Make for the airlings. Get away. But I knew any escape would be short-lived. And the cost would be their lives. I would not have that happen.

  Once I was back at the palace I would tell my father I was no longer a virgin. They would check, of course, but there was no doubt of it. I had seen the blood on the straw pallet this morning. They would have to sacrifice someone else, after all.

  But now that I had shown my magic they may well castrate me. But at least I would be alive.

  And so would the men I loved. Yes, Jaron was right. I did love them. A bond had formed between us all that defied convention. Defied explanation.

  I sent all this to Calun and I felt his helpless fury.

  Calun was never furious. What had I done to him?

  Rama's hand was on my arm, a steady pressure that told me what he wanted me to do. I tried to shrug him off. "No. We cannot win. I go with them. You stay safe."

  His grip intensified, his blue eyes glared into mine with impotent rage. He knew I was right, but he hated me for it.

  His hand slipped away, defeated.

  "They can't sacrifice her," he said to his brothers. "At least they can't sacrifice her."

  I let the wind drop. The captain quickly restored order and glared at me. "Air magic? But you are a woman."

  "So it seems, although I should have been born a man. Would you like to test my fighting skills, Captain. I am very skilled in that male domain, too." I smiled sweetly. "So it comes to this. I can go with you quietly and you can allow these men, who have done nothing but capture me for you, to be left in peace. They are valuable, so I am told. They give you the airlings you value so highly. Punishing them for some perceived crime will lose you their airlings and my acquiescence. You do understand that word, do you not, Captain?"

  He nodded, grudgingly. A man of about forty suncycles, he carried his authority with arrogance. I did not like him. But then, I did not have to. He had been sent to take me home. No one who had been tasked with that mission would have been viewed in a favourable light by me.

  "Very well, you made your point. These men will be left alone. You will come with us, quietly."

  I nodded, as if he was a little boy who had performed a difficult task. I would have patted his head, had I been close enough.

  Darkin's hand gripped my wrist as I was about to step forward. "Death isn't the worst they can do to you, now you've shown what you are."

  I nodded and shrugged. "Did we really think this could work?" My voice was soft, only loud enough for him to hear. "I am just grateful that I had my chance to fly, after a lifetime of being pinned. They will pin me again, of that I am sure. But now I know what it is to fly free and love. They cannot take that away from me." I looked at him with all the love I felt for him, the responsible brother, the voice of reason, and my safe haven. If I had regrets, it was that I never had the opportunity to give him pleasure. He was the only one.

  Before they could do something stupid, I let myself be pulled up onto the back of the nearest beastling. I placed my hands lightly on the trooper's waist in front of me, and sat ramrod straight. I would not give in to my tears. I would not show my captors how much they were taking from me. Not just my freedom, or my life, but the love I had so newly fo
und.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Long, gruelling days later, we arrived at the palace. During that time I was not given the opportunity to bathe or even much freedom to meet my basic physical needs. They were too afraid I would escape them. Too afraid that I would use my magic on them again.

  The captain brought me directly to my father. He sat on his throne, garbed in his finest robes of scarlet. His grey hair hung in shiny skeins down his chest. At eighty suncycles, he was aging. But until this moment he had never looked his age to me. Now, his thin, ramrod-straight body looked bowed. His parchment skin was sagging. Even his blue eyes seemed more shadowed and deeply set than they had been. Wrinkles like riverbeds ran across his face. My father had become an old man overnight.

  His shocked expression when he saw me, combined with his aged appearance, was almost more than I could stand. I hated to disappoint him. Even now, when he would plunge a dagger into my breast to appease the gods, I hated to disappoint him. And I was doing just that in so many ways. Not only had I run away from my duty. I had shown myself to men. And not in modest woman's attire, but in male breeches and tunic, my calves and feet bare for all to see.

  But worse awaited him. I had no doubt that my secret would not remain a secret much longer. And having it known that one of his daughters had magic, when his sons did not, would be another indication of the disfavour of the gods. I was not even sure castrating me would be enough to hide the breakdown of divine order anymore.

  "Captain. Well done. You have returned my daughter to me. Although I would have preferred you maintain her modesty in some way. Did all your men see her in such a state?"

  The captain turned bright red. "Aye, Highness. But this is how we found her, and we had no other more suitable clothing with us. My one goal was to get her back to you as quickly as possible. The longer it took, the more likely she was to break our agreement. She said she would come peacefully, you see, if we left unpunished the men who were with her. I am not sure we could have taken her had she not come peacefully."