Traditional Japanese Literature

by Haruo Shirane

  Every spring I would gaze at the garden of Her Highness of the First Rank next door thinking “Ah they are about to bloom” and eagerly await them; “Ah, they have scattered,” and regret their passing. It was as though those blossoms were in my own yard in the spring. Toward the end of the Third Month, to avoid the taboo of the earth god, we went to stay at someone else’s house where the cherry trees were in full bloom, so lovely, not a one scattering even this late in the spring. Upon returning, the next day, I sent this to them,

  akazarishi

  Not sated at all

  yado no sakura o

  with the cherry blossoms of your house,

  haru kurete

  spring drew to a close,

  chirigata ni shimo

  you must have seen them

  hitome mishi kana

  as they began to fall.

  Always at about the time the cherry blossoms fell, since that was the season when my nurse had died, I could not help feeling sad; moreover, looking at the calligraphy of the major counselor’s daughter who had died around the same time would also make me sad. Then, in the Fifth Month as night fell, when I was still up reading tales, I heard the soft mew of a cat coming from where I knew not. I was startled to see an incredibly charming cat. When I was looking around to see where the cat had come from, my elder sister said, “Hush, don’t let anyone know. It is such a lovely cat, let’s keep it for ourselves,” and so we did. The cat got very used to us and would lie down right beside us. Since we wondered if someone might come looking for it, we hid it from others and did not let it go at all to the servant quarters. It stayed right with us all the time, and if something unclean was put before it to eat, it would turn its head away and refuse to eat it.

  It stuck to the two of us; we were so happy and enchanted with it, but just around then, my sister fell ill. Since the house was in an uproar, I shut up the cat in the north wing239 and did not summon it to our side, whereupon it raised a fuss, meowing noisily. Of course, this was understandable. Then my sister woke up from a painful slumber and said, “Where is the cat? Please bring it here.” “Why?” I asked and she said, “In my dream, the cat came to my side and said, ‘I am the daughter of the major counselor who has been reborn like this. Because of some small bond of fate from a former existence, I have somehow come to be loved by you two sisters. Just for a while, I could be with you here, but now you have shut me away with the servants, how awful it is!’ and the appearance of the cat crying was just like a wellborn beautiful woman. I woke up with a start and hearing the cat meowing, I was smitten with pity.” I was very moved by her story and brought the cat out of the north wing, treating it very kindly after that. When I was all by myself, the cat would come to me and I would stroke it saying, “So you are the beloved young daughter of the major counselor. How I would like to let him know.” When I spoke like this, the cat would stare into my eyes mewing softly. There was no doubt about it, even from one glance one could tell this was not an ordinary cat. The way its face looked when it seemed to listen and understand was so touching.

  I heard about someone who owned a copy of “The Song of Everlasting Sorrow”240 that had been adapted into the form of a tale.241 Although I was so curious to see it, the person was not someone I could approach directly. Seeking out a suitable intermediary, I sent over this poem on the seventh day of the Seventh Month,242

  chirikemu

  Curious this day

  mukashi no kyō no

  upon which long ago they

  yukashisa ni

  must have pledged their troth;

  ama no kawa nami

  like the waves rising on the

  idetsuru kana

  River of Heaven, this is sent out.

  The reply,

  tachi izuru

  This is sent out to

  ama no kawabe no

  the one so curious

  yukashisa ni

  by Heaven’s River;

  tsune wa yuyushiki

  one forgets this is a story

  koto mo wasurenu

  that was unhappy in the end.

  On the night of the thirteenth of that same month, the moon shone brightly, lighting up every corner of the house. When everyone was asleep, my elder sister and I went out onto the veranda, and my sister stared intently at the sky, “How would you feel if I were to simply fly away and disappear right now?” Seeing the uncomfortable and fearful look on my face, she changed the subject and laughed merrily. Just then, at the house next door, a carriage for which the way had been cleared stopped, and someone called out, “Reed leaf, sweet reed leaf,” but there was no answer. Tired of calling out, whoever it was played charmingly on a flute and moved on. I said,

  fue no ne no

  Since the voice

  tada akikaze to

  of the flute sounded just like

  kikoyuru ni

  the autumn wind,

  nado ogi no ha no

  why then did the reed leaf

  soyo to kotaenu

  not rustle in response?

  With an air of “Well done,” my sister responded,

  ogi no ha no

  That he did not keep

  kotauru made mo

  playing until the reed leaf responded,

  fuki yorade

  but passed by just

  tada ni suginuru

  like that, the voice of that flute,

  fue no ne zo uki

  it is really depressing.

  In this way, right until dawn, we contemplated the brightness of the moon, and when dawn finally broke, we both went to bed.

  That next year,243 in the Fourth Month in the middle of the night, there was a fire and the cat on which we had lavished such care, thinking it to be the reincarnation of the major counselor’s daughter, was burned to death. When I recalled how the cat would come when we called “Young Miss of the Major Counselor,” looking as if it understood what we were saying (even father said, “This is truly marvelous; I should tell the major counselor about it”), I felt terribly bereft and thought what a shame it was to have lost her.

  Since the spacious grounds of our house were like the scenery in the deep mountains, I had got used to seeing the flowers and crimson leaves of the passing seasons, which were as splendid as those of the mountains, on all sides. Now we had moved to an incomparably cramped place with hardly a garden at all and no trees; how depressing I found it. When the white and red plums of the house in front of this place were blooming in gay profusion, even when I was bathed in the fragrance brought by the wind, how much I missed the old home I was used to and yearned for it.

  nioi kuru

  Redolent with scent,

  tonari no kaze o

  the wind from the neighbor’s yard

  mi ni shimete

  soaks into me,

  arishi nokiba no

  oh, how I yearn for the plum tree

  ume zo koishiki

  of the eaves I once knew well.

  On the first day of the Fifth Month of that year,244 my elder sister died in childbirth. Ever since I was a child, even the news that someone I did not really know had died would plunge me into deep sorrow; I grieved now with a sorrow that beggared all description. Mother and the others observed the wake with the departed one, so I took her young children, the keepsakes she had left behind, and put one on my left side and one on my right side. Through the cracks in the rough boards of the roof, the moonlight leaked in and shone on the face of one of the little ones. Finding this inauspicious, I covered his face with a sleeve and pulled the other one closer; how terrible were my thoughts!

  An interval of about two years passes.

  In this way, life went on and my mind was constantly occupied with nothing in particular. When on the rare occasion I went on a pilgrimage, even then I could not concentrate my prayers on becoming somebody in the world (nowadays people read sutras and devote themselves to religious practice even from the age of seventeen or eighteen, but I just could not
put my mind to that sort of thing).245 Somehow my thoughts were captivated by this scene—I would be a noble and elegant woman, beautiful in appearance and manner, whom some hero in a tale, someone like the Shining Genji, would hide away in the mountains like the Lady Ukifune and would visit, even if it were only once a year.246 There I would gaze out at the blossoms, the crimson leaves, the moon, the snow; sunk in a melancholy languor, I would wait to read his occasional letters, which would of course be splendid—this was all I dreamed about, and I even felt this was the future I wanted for myself.

  Then my father’s life came to a turning point.247 He had somehow hoped to see me settled in even a distinguished position, but time had just passed by without his intentions taking any direction, and now, finally, he was to take up a post far away in the distant East Country. “For years now, I have been expecting to receive a posting in the nearby provinces, and then with a mind free of worry, the first thing I could attend to would be taking care of you in fine style. I could take you with me on tours of duty, show you the seaside and mountain scenery, and, as a matter of course, see you settled into a higher social position than mine, in which all your needs would be met. This is what I wanted, but since it is our fate, both yours and mine, not to be blessed with good fortune, after all this waiting and hoping, now I am to take up a post far away. In your youth, even when I took you with me down to the East Country, I felt a little bad about it. I thought, ‘What would happen if I have to abandon her to wander lost in this wild province? If it were just me alone facing the dangers of this alien country, I would be calm, but dragging her and the household with me, I cannot even say what I want to say, nor do what I want to do. How painful this is,’ and my heart was torn to pieces with worry. Now this time, how much more am I concerned. I cannot take you off to the provinces as an adult when I cannot be certain about my own life (even though left behind in the capital, it is to be expected you will be living in reduced circumstances). Still that is preferable to imagining you adrift, wandering around as a country rustic in the East Country; that would be too terrible. Yet even in the capital, there is no relative or close friend on whom I can rely to take you in. Nonetheless, since I am not in a position to refuse this posting I have just barely been given, all I can do is leave you behind in the capital and resign myself to a long separation. Yet it is not as though even in the capital, I can leave you maintained in the style I should.”248 I felt so sad listening to my father lament like this day and night, I even lost my feeling for the blossoms and crimson leaves. Although I bemoaned this situation terribly, what could I do about it?

  Father went down to his province on the thirteenth day of the Seventh Month. For five days before his departure, he had been unable to bear seeing me and so had not come into my room. On the day he was to leave, everyone was busy with the departure; how much worse I felt at the very moment when he raised the bamboo blind of my room and looked at me with tears pouring down his face. He left just like that. My eyes were blind with tears, and I had just lain down in my room when the household servants who were to remain behind had come back from seeing him off and delivered this letter written on folded note paper:

  omou koto

  If I were in a

  kokoro ni kanau

  position that fulfilled the

  mi nariseba

  wishes of my heart,

  aki no wakare o

  then would I savor deeply

  fukaku shiramashi

  the feeling of this autumn parting.249

  This was all he had written, yet I could hardly read it through. Even at ordinary times, I can only think up verses with “broken backs,”250 but somehow I felt I must say something, so in that state of mind I wrote almost unconsciously,

  kakete koso

  Never at all

  omowazarishika

  did I ever think that

  kono yo nite

  in this world,

  shibashi mo kimi ni

  even for a little while,

  wakarubeshi to wa

  I would be parted from you.

  Now more than ever, no visitors came. I gazed constantly into space feeling lonely and bereft, imagining day and night how far he might have gone. Since I knew the path he was taking, as the distance grew between us, there was no limit to my yearning, loving thoughts. From dawn until dusk, I would spend my days staring at the rim of the mountains to the east….

  In this way as I drifted along in life, I wondered why I had not gone on pilgrimages. Of course, my mother was very old-fashioned. “A trip to Hatsuse Temple? How frightening the thought! What would I do if you were abducted on the slopes of the Nara hills? Ishiyama Temple? It would be terrifying to cross the Barrier Mountain. As for Kurama, the thought of taking you to that mountain is also frightening. Anyway, until your father gets back, it is out of the question.” She seemed to think me troublesome as though I were some kind of outcast. Finally, she took me on a retreat to Kiyomizu Temple. But that time, too, as was my habit, I simply could not concentrate on my prayers. It was around the time of the equinox rites, and the temple was terribly noisy to the point of being frightening. When I finally fell into a fretful slumber, I dreamed that a monk, apparently a kind of steward, dressed in a blue woven robe and wearing a brocade headpiece and brocade shoes, came up to the railing where my curtain was and said in a chiding way, “Unaware of the sad future awaiting you, you just waste your time on idle concerns.” Then he made as though to enter my curtains. Even having seen such a dream and having woke up with a start, I did not tell people, “I have seen such and so,” and not even taking it particularly to heart, I went back home.

  Then mother had a mirror cast one foot in circumference, and saying that it would be in place of taking me on a pilgrimage, she sent a monk on a pilgrimage to Hatsuse. She apparently told him, “Go perform devotions for three days. Please divine what future is in store for my daughter by having a dream.” For that same period of time, she also had me maintain a regime of abstinence.

  This monk returned and gave the following report: “Were I to come back without having at least seen one dream, it would be so disappointing, and what would I have to say for myself, so I made obeisances fervently and when I fell asleep, I saw a wonderfully noble and lovely looking woman emerge from behind curtains of state garbed in lustrous robes; she carried the offering mirror in her hand. ‘Was there a letter of vows with this?’ she asked. I respectfully replied, ‘There was not. This mirror by itself is the offering.’ ‘How strange,’ she said. ‘This should be accompanied by a letter of vows.’ Then she said, ‘Look at what is reflected here in this mirror. When you look, it will be deeply sad!’ and she wept and sobbed softly. When I looked in the mirror, there was the reflection of someone collapsed on the floor crying and lamenting. ‘When you look at this reflection, it is very sad, is it not? Now, look at this,’ and she showed me the reflection on the other side of the mirror.251 Amid beautiful bamboo blinds and other hangings, various robes poured out from under curtains of state; plum and cherry blossoms were in bloom and from the tips of tree branches, warblers were singing. ‘Looking at this makes one very happy, does it not?’ she said. That is what I saw in the dream.” Such was his report, but I did not really pay attention to what had been seen.

  Even though I was of such a frivolous turn of mind, there was someone who was always telling me, “Pray to the Holy Deity Amaterasu.” I had no idea of where Amaterasu might be or even whether this friend was speaking of a god or a Buddha.252 Even so, gradually I began to be interested and asked about it. I was told, “It is a god; this god dwells in Ise. In the province of Kii, the one they call the ‘Creator of Ki’ is also the same holy god.253 Moreover, it is also this god who is the guardian deity in the Sacred Mirror Room in the palace.”254 As far as going to the province of Ise to worship, that did not seem to be anything I could consider, and as for the Sacred Mirror Room of the palace, how could I go and worship there? Since it seemed that all there was to do was to pray to the l
ight of the sky, I felt rather in the air.

  Four years pass.

  My father, who had been down in the East Country, finally came back up to the capital,255 and since he settled down in a residence in the Western Hills, we all went to see him there. Wonderfully happy, on a bright moonlit night, we spent the whole night telling one another stories. I composed,

  kakaru yo mo

  That there could be

  arikeru mono o

  a night like this in a world like this,

  kagiri tote

  beyond the limit of joy—

  kimi ni wakareshi

  that autumn of parting from you,

  aki wa ikani zo

  it passed the limit too.

  Father broke into tears and composed in return,

  omou koto

  Things not going

  kanawazu nazo to

  the way I had wished,

  ito hikoshi

  why live on? I thought;

  inochi no hodo mo

  now, to have lived as long as this

  ima zo ureshiki

  what happiness it is!

  Ah this, compared with the sadness I felt when he came to tell me of his imminent departure, this joy of having him return safely after the long wait could not be exceeded by anything. Yet when father kept saying, “From what I have seen of people even in superior positions, when an old man whose abilities have declined mixes in society, he is regarded as foolish. So, as for myself, I have decided to close my gate and retreat from the world like this.” The way he seemed to have given up all interest in the world made me quite unbearably forlorn….256