by Jaycee Ford
I stared into her eyes of blue and green, and I swore that I could see it. I wasn’t just a stupid man in love for ten years. She was stupidly in love with me too.
I kissed her and then groaned as her walls clenched around me. I needed to come. I twitched as I waited for her to pulse around me. Her eyes fluttered closed as my name echoed from her mouth. Her chest rose against me as she moaned, gripping her arms around me.
“Oh, God, Ellie.” I held on until she screamed out again, and I forfeited, releasing into an undying pleasure. She shook under me as I tightened my arms around her. I gazed into her eyes as I slowly stopped pulsing into her, and she sighed out a sated breath.
“I’m really diggin’ this boyfriend thing.”
I chuckled as I recovered my breath that she had stolen.
“I’m really diggin’ that I’m him,” I whispered. Her eyes lit up, and caressed her face. “Can we lie like this all day? Me buried inside of you?”
“If we didn’t have a fest to go to tonight, then I would say yes.” She moved her hands from my shoulders and wrapped her arms around me.
I kissed her lips, which had colored to a deeper pink. “Does that mean I can finally have that dance I’ve wanted since you first walked into my life?”
“What … what about Lance?”
I shook my head. “He’s not coming.”
Her eyebrows perked up. “And Tom?”
“He’s … looking the other way.”
Her eyes brightened like the dawn. She dragged her finger down my cheek and whispered in the sexiest voice, “So, I get to have you tonight?”
“You get to have me every night.” I kissed her as I told her good morning all over again.
• • •
The late summer morning engulfed me as I walked to my truck from Ellie’s. There was a little bit of pep in my step. The cause was definitely because of my beautiful girlfriend. I dug the keys out of my pocket; I needed to head home.
“Hey!”
I dropped my keys as fear encased me. I knew that voice as well as my own. I turned for the approach.
“Lance! Hey, man. What’s up?” I couldn’t look him in the eye and I cussed myself for not bringing my hat to hide behind.
He propped his arm on the back of my truck, and nodded toward Ellie’s. “What are you doing coming out of there at”—he checked his watch—“six thirty in the morning?”
I rolled my eyes in exaggeration at his heated stance. He glared at me. My heart thumped in my chest with anxiety, as if my parents had caught my brother and me sneaking out his bedroom window when we were in high school.
“The fest is tonight. Ellie needed some help with some of her heavier items. This was the only time I could come,” I lied. I lied to my best friend.
He shifted his stance and leaned off the truck. His shoulders sagged in disappointment. This would only end up hurting him, but I couldn’t stay away, not anymore.
“Well, why didn’t she call me … or-or Tom?”
“I guess she didn’t feel comfortable calling you, Lance.”
He nodded and shrugged his shoulders at my lies.
“Well, I’m off. Have fun tonight. I needed a night away from the leech, so I don’t feel so bad about missing it.”
“Drive safe. I’ll see you on Monday, then.”
He waved as he went in the direction of the hardware store.
The anxiety left me, but I was still bothered by the disappointed look on his face. I grabbed my keys from the pavement and let out a sigh as I hopped into my truck. I sat in the heat, resting my hands on the steering wheel, and stared at Ellie’s place. I flicked my eyes to the rearview mirror and watched Lance walk into the store. I looked forward again and my heart sank. How could I do this to Lance?
• • •
I parallel parked my truck in front of The Inn. The streets were crowded with people heading to the festival. The block down to Main Street was transformed due to my handiwork. Lights were strung from one side of the street to the other. A bluegrass band echoed in the distance as hundreds of cowboy hats danced ahead. The heels of my boots clacked on the cobblestone street as I passed the bakery and then Ellie’s Boutique. My cheeks rose again for the millionth time today just thinking about her. We texted on and off throughout the day, but she refused help with her booth. I should have shown up earlier, but a part of me thought that she wanted to impress me. I had never not been impressed by her.
A dude in a different kind of hat caught my eye. Even with a gun strapped to his waist, I slapped him hard on the back.
“What’s up, bro?”
“Asswipe! How’s it going?”
I shoved my hands into my pockets, breathing in the late summer air, and answered, “It’s going damn well.”
He looked at me wearing a shit-eating grin.
“You got her, didn’t you?” The answer to his question was written all over my face. He patted my back. “Good job, asswipe.”
I punched him in the arm and headed in the direction of the bright yellow booth, the only yellow one out here. My girl wanted to stand out, but she didn’t have to try. Her beauty always stood above the rest.
I waded through the waves of people as I caught sight of her radiant hair. I stood close behind her as she handed a business card to a prospective customer. “All of the information is here, and anything you wish to order can be purchased online and mailed the next day. The boutique will be open tomorrow if you want to stop by before heading back.”
Pride buzzed through me as I watched her introduce people to her New York design. She did this all by herself. It didn’t matter where the money came from to front this. She had made a name for herself. It made me proud to call her my girlfriend.
“Thank y’all. See y’all tomorrow.” She waved off the group of women and her smile was one of content.
“You really know how to work a crowd.”
She turned her head, and her face glowed when her eyes found mine. My chest ached with the brilliant light. She took three steps toward me, and as she lifted her arms, she stopped and put her arms back down.
“We probably shouldn’t do that in public just yet.”
My face fell as disappointment crossed hers. I had disappointed two people I was close to today: one because I was with Ellie, and the other because I couldn’t be with Ellie.
She walked behind the counter of her booth, and I leaned across it to get closer.
“Come here,” I whispered over the roar of the crowd. She leaned across, our fingers slightly touching. “Soon. I promise.”
She nodded and I smiled at her. Her doubt seemed to roll away when someone cleared their throat, interrupting our moment. I turned around to … Tom’s naked tub girl. Ellie squealed in my ear as she bounced up and down.
“It’s beautiful! You’re beautiful! I’m so awesome!”
I reached over and touched Tom’s naked tub girl’s elbow. She turned to me. Tom was one lucky son of a bitch. I was the luckiest of all, but he had done pretty damn well.
“Jordan, I’m Paul. It’s really nice to finally meet you.”
She eased her hand inside mine. “Likewise.”
She flicked her eyes to Ellie and I was sure that we had an ally.
“So, pretty ladies, is it a wine or beer night?”
They turned to each other, and in unison, they both replied, “Beer!”
I laughed as I left the girls to do what they did best, and sought out the beer booth. I eased through the crowd and found my best friend hanging back and staring at Ellie’s booth.
“Tom!” I pushed through a few people. He stared with his eyes wide. “Tom, what are you doing? Jordan is over there.”
“I can’t go over.”
“What the hell? Why the hell not?”
“I’m going to screw it up. Look at her, man. How do I keep her and not fuck up? I’ve never really dated a girl before. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“And you think I know what I’m doing?” That sna
pped him out of his stupor. He finally glanced at me instead of wearing that blank look of fear. “I have no fucking clue what I’m doing, but I must be doing something right. And that’s all that matters. You have her now. She wants you, man. Just go get her.”
He nodded. “I’m gonna go check on my aunt and uncle for a bit. I’ll catch up with y’all in a while.”
I just hoped I got through to him.
After getting three beers, I made it back through the crowd without spilling a drop, and the three of us drank and laughed while Ellie and Jordan handed out a few fliers and business cards. The retail booths started to thin out as the mass of people headed toward the dance floor.
I reached out and grabbed Ellie’s hand, spinning her on her heels. I pulled her to my chest and bent down to her ear. “I believe you promised me a dance, girlfriend.”
She took the last sip of her beer and followed me to the floor. The band played a slow country tune, and I wrapped my arms around my girl. No words were said, but there were words that wanted to come out. My heart wanted to tell her, but it was too soon. If I couldn’t tell the world that she was mine, I couldn’t tell her that I loved her.
THE SWEAT TRICKLED down my face. My feet hurt as if I had ran a marathon. Blood pumped through my body. Beer buzzed through my system. The beat of the band mimicked the beat of my heart. It pumped hard and fast, and it wanted more of the man grinding in front of me.
Jordan snuck off with Tom almost an hour ago, and Paul and I were surrounded by the drunks of this town. We blended in with them. I wasn’t drunk and neither was Paul, but we danced like the rest of the crowd. My body loved every second of it.
“You know that thing you did this morning?” he whispered in my ear, loud enough for me to hear over the music. I blushed from his question and nodded my answer. “Can we do that in let’s say fifteen minutes?”
“Did you not get your fill of me yet?”
His eyes mirrored the same look he gave me this morning. I would never tire of the way he looked at me. “Baby, we’re just at the age of sixteen.”
I laughed, remembering his declaration in New York. I playfully pushed his chest, causing him to take a step back.
“Ellie!” I turned around to see the salt-and-pepper hair, topping a button-down shirt with the sand oozing out of his system. His boat shoes were so out of place in the midst of cowboy boots.
“Dad! What are you doing here?” I was shocked as he picked me up and squeezed me in a big bear hug.
“I never miss these things. Glad I found you though. The Inn is booked, so I’m crashing with you.” My dad gulped his beer.
I glanced at Paul for a split second. His whole body slouched; he wasn’t getting any tonight.
“Awesome!” I was excited he was here, but, God, I hated messing up Paul’s plans. My father came first though. “How long are you in town?”
“Just until tomorrow morning. I’m gonna catch up with my buddies tomorrow night for the college football opener.” He took another drink of his beer. “Phew! It’s hot here.”
“Dad, do you want to go to the apartment now?” I asked. He clearly had had a few tonight.
“Yeah. I think I have mingled enough.” He turned a bit. “Paul Harris!”
“Mr. Caldwell, how are you?”
Dad looked at me and then at Paul. “Oh, that’s right! You did tell me you had a boyfriend!”
I looked at Paul and he smiled, giving me a little wink. I laughed off the embarrassment. “Let’s get you home, Dad.”
“Yep, that’s a good idea, kiddo.” He slugged down the sidewalk a little heavy legged, but not falling down drunk. He had a good time, but at least he knew when he had had enough.
“I’ll walk with y’all.” Paul walked with us through the patches of crowd that remained. As we came to the clearing of the street, my dad slapped Paul on the back.
“So, Paul, how are your parents doing? Are they still in Tennessee?” He tossed his half-drunk beer in a trash can on the street. Just a little weekend fun.
“Yes, sir. My dad retired from the force about three years ago, and they have a cabin near Pigeon Forge.”
I walked behind them as they continued down the street. I turned back to glance at the booth; it was locked down tight. The businesses typically tore everything down in the morning. I had a feeling tomorrow was going to be a busy day.
“Do they ever make their way over to the casino in Cherokee?”
We headed down the side alley between my shop and the bakery.
“They do. My brother and I went during the Fourth of July.”
I watched their back and forth conversation as if it were an ongoing tennis match.
“What’s your game?”
I squeezed between them to get to my door.
“Blackjack.”
Dad slapped his back again. “That’s my kinda guy.”
I unlocked the door and held it so my dad could walk through first. He waited like a gentleman, and I nudged my head to the side, instructing him to go upstairs.
“Oh! Paul, it was good to see you again. I told El the other day that y’all are more than welcome to come down to the beach to visit.”
Paul looked at me and back at my father while extending his hand toward him. My father shook it while Paul said, “That sounds like fun, sir.”
“Have a good night,” my dad said.
I closed the door behind him and sagged into Paul’s arms. “I’m sorry that he ruined your plans.” I buried my face in his chest. He lifted my chin, coddled my face, and kissed me.
“Get him settled and come back down.” I gave him a questioning look, and he continued, “I’d like to tell my girlfriend goodnight properly without me wondering if he’s watching us. I’ll go get my truck and park it over here.”
“You sure?”
He guided my face to his, and as our tongues met, he pulled my body closer. His lips kissed down my neck as he held onto me, continuing to my cleavage. He pulled away, his eyes memorizing my face.
“I’d walk to South Carolina if it meant that I would have five minutes with you. I don’t mind walking half a block.”
His words made me weak. I placed a chaste kiss on his lips, and after smiling at him one more time, I turned to head inside.
The door closed behind me and I leaned against it for support. A deep breath exhaled from my lungs. The drum of my heart fluttered to a hopeful beat. Something told me that I had reason to hope. Things between Paul and I might actually work. So many years of hoping, and it was really happening.
If only we could tell people.
• • •
She whispered my name. I blinked my eyes open to see a bright light seeping through the window. The darkness that had consumed me vanished with the day’s sun. Shadows blanketed one side of the wall, hidden from the sun’s rays. The dull white walls on the opposite side glowed in the color of dawn. The silent hum of the ceiling fan whirred in the heat of summer.
In a few short weeks, the fireflies would follow the heat and golden brown leaves would cover the ground. The flickers of light drew me back to our night under the stars. I reached over to wrap my arm around my girl, but the space next to me was empty. The sheets were cool from the air conditioning. My eyes fluttered open and focused on a familiar room. My own.
The harsh cold of loneliness consumed me. I was far too familiar with the insufferable ache. I didn’t want to wake up alone; I wanted to wake up with her in my arms. I wanted her here with me every morning. You’re moving too fast, Paul. I glided my hand down the empty pillow next to me. I knew I was moving too fast, but I finally had her. I needed to ensure that I would have her forever.
Yearning grew deep within my heart. I rolled over and picked up my phone. It was close to eight in the morning. I didn’t know if her dad was still there or not.
Good morning, baby. I miss you.
I waited with the phone in my grasp. After a moment’s passing, that awful feeling crept over me. I would not freak out. Th
ings were different now. They weren’t like our time apart while she was in New York. I would make sure of it.
After my shower, I stared at my phone from across the room. I exhaled as I threw the towel in the hamper and grabbed my cell from the night table. I blew out a calming exhale as I lit up the screen.
Hey, babe. Busy morning already.
The underlying boyfriend duty pulled at me, my fingers flying in response.
Why? What’s up?
I tossed my phone on the bed as I ran to the kitchen in all my naked glory and pushed the button on the coffee maker. I ran back and saw my screen light up.
Tearing down the booth all morning. So glad dad was here. Shop opens in two hours.
A frown creased my face.
Why didn’t you tell me? I can come help.
I tossed my phone back on the bed and headed to my dresser, pulling out underwear and a pair of jeans. With them on, but not buttoned, I grabbed my phone again.
It’s okay. Dad’s leaving now. Going to get ready to open early.
Okay.
I stared at the message that didn’t show as being read. Anxiety rumbled in my chest. Nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. You can go a morning without her. Just breathe, Paul. That woman made me crazy.
• • •
The day continued like any other Saturday. The farm was Tom’s sole responsibility on the weekends since I managed it during the week. Lance would float in and out as time permitted from his classes at Appalachian State University. Although, giving the way that Tom and Jordan took off last night, I didn’t think there would be much farming this weekend.
I glanced around my house, and it hadn’t looked this clean in a while. I was determined not to stress over Ellie, but as I rocked on my porch, gazing at the setting sun, I realized that I had not talked to her since our text this morning. The phone read quarter after six, but on Saturdays, she closed at seven.
A sigh escaped from annoyance, not with Ellie, but at myself. I didn’t know why I got so worked up. I had her. She called herself mine.