Celebromancy

by Michael R. Underwood

  “That’s what you get for living in Diva Central.”

  That earned another smile.

  Jane indulged Ree a bit longer, and the two kept talking until Ree passed out again.

  • • •

  Ree was mobile in the morning and accompanied Yancy, Jane, and Danny to the short memorial for the four crew members who lost their lives during the dragon attack. Ree might not be able to make the full ceremony down in L.A. with the families, but she wanted to make sure she had the chance to learn their names, etch them on her memory. If she was Pearson’s self-styled protector, then they had died on her watch, for her production, and they deserved to be remembered.

  Kalolo Grant, the security guard with the big smile.

  Christopher Yao, one of the camera grips.

  Georgia Summers, the lighting tech who had climbed around in the rigging like she was born to it.

  Vanessa Yen, the PA who had dragged Ree into makeup for the press conference.

  Yancy, Jane, and several other cast and crew spoke, each with a story about one or another of the fallen teammates. Most of One Tough Mama had worked together for years, some even decades, going back to film school. They were truly a family. And for a little while, Ree had been a guest in that family.

  • • •

  After the memorial, Yancy, Ree, Danny, and Jane piled back into the town car, the two heads of One Tough Mama still red around the eyes, while Danny looked out the window, watching the city scroll by. Ree held Jane’s hand on the way to the airport, stumbling over how she could help. She hadn’t known any of the deceased more than the tiniest bit. So she did what she could, just to be present.

  They rode in silence to the airport as Ree locked the stories into her memory, dwelling for a time on the cost of ambition, the dangers of the crazy world she insisted on making her own. And on the implications of a walking, talking, smarmy mastermind who was also the same kind of not-human as the monsters he commanded.

  Thankfully, her dad hadn’t hopped on a plane, and she had been able to placate his panic enough, promising a full after-action later that day. She sent Grognard a text during the drive, and his response came within a minute, saying that Drake had already touched base and for her to heal up. She still didn’t totally get Grognard (like how he could prefer the AD&D rule set to Pathfinder), but as far as bosses went, she’d had far worse.

  The team stepped out onto the curb, where Ree gave teary, tender goodbyes all around, until it was just Jane and Ree, with Danny keeping the crowds at bay.

  “Keep in touch, okay?” Jane said.

  Ree nodded, tearing up in an uncharacteristic public display of not-put-togetherness. At least, uncharacteristic while sober.

  “Sure thing.”

  “And since he’s no longer the competition, I might as well tell you that Drake is crazy about you,” Jane said with a knowing smile.

  “Really?”

  “I get that he’s all man-out-of-time and such, but there are only a few reasons for someone in his position to be so devoted: he’s paid to do it, like Danny, he’s family, or he’s completely in love with you. Plus, one side benefit of celebrity magic and cultivating desire is that I’ve got a pretty damned good sense about these things. I saw the way you looked at him, even when I was around.”

  Ree’s ears got hot. This is not me at my sexiest, she thought, imagining how she must look: beaten, bloodied, teary, and snotted up.

  But Jane still looked at her with that kind but sad look. “The way I see it, you were playing it cool like you tried to do with me. Somebody has to be the one to take the plunge, to put themselves on the line. This one is all you.”

  Ree chuckled. “This might be the only time that I actually take relationship advice given to me by an ex during a breakup.”

  That got a full-belly laugh from Jane. “That’s probably for the best. Go get him, tiger.” Jane kissed Ree on the lips, hugged her very gently, then sighed and stepped back.

  “And send me your next script as soon as it’s done.” Jane turned and winked over her shoulder, and Ree swooned all over again. Though that might have been the battering talking.

  She slid back into the chartered car, and it pulled away from the airport, headed back into town.

  Ah, Drake. This is either going to be amazing, or we’re going to make Buffy and Spike look like a minor fling.

  After all, when have I ever stuck with the safe and boring choice?

  Acknowledgments

  This last year has been a marvelous, smile-so-much-your-cheeks-hurt blur. Countless people have been part of getting my writing career off the ground, and I count myself honored to have had such support.

  Above all, thanks to Meg White for her tireless support and her keen eye for character motivation. And for not minding when I have to spend whole weekends holed up tapping away at the keyboard.

  Thanks to my mom, dad, and sister for listening to countless hours of shop talk, speculation, and brainstorming about how best to handle my nascent career.

  My heartfelt thanks go out to everyone who gave Geekomancy a shot, and twice over to those who came back for another round. The absolute best thing about becoming a published author has been connecting with readers and seeing my work come to life in the experience of others. Without readers, I’m just a guy talking to himself and writing it down.

  Big props to Annie Corrigan, Anton Strout, Gregory A. Wilson, Bradley P. Beaulieu, Dave Robison, Brion Humphrey, Joe, Revan, Flagoon, FireBird, Mary Robinette Kowal, Megan Christopher, Chuck Wendig, Alex Bledsoe, and everyone else who welcomed me into their digital playgrounds to talk writing, geekdom, and all things Ree Reyes.

  Special thanks to the Codex Writers, especially Beth Cato for her astute first reader response, as well as Anaea Lay, M. K. Hutchins, John Murphy, Rebecca Roland, Grayson Bray Morris, Amanda E. Forrest, Marina J. Lostetter, Lisa Shapter, Thomas L. Martin, Keffy Kehrli, Michelle Muenzler, and Laurie Tom for their comments on the early draft of Celebromancy.

  Thanks to Scot Shamblin, Andrew Reyes, Megan Christopher, Meredith Levine, and everyone else that helped me learn about the Film and TV world.

  Great thanks to my Angry Robot overlord Marc Gascoigne, as well as John Tintera, Lee Harris, Amanda Rutter, Emlyn Rees, Darren Turpin, Roland Briscoe, and the entire Osprey crew, for their active support of the weird Yankee and his writing career.

  Huge thanks to Sara Megibow and the Nelson Literary team for their extraordinary efforts shouting to the ends of the earth about my debut onto the scene.

  Last but never least, my most ginormous thanks to my editor, Adam Wilson, as well as Ellen Chan, Julia Fincher, and everyone behind the scenes at Simon & Schuster for helping get these books out and into readers’ hands.

  About the Author

  Michael R. Underwood is a speculative fiction writer and the North American Sales & Marketing Manager for Angry Robot Books. He holds a B.A. in creative mythology and East Asian studies from Indiana University and an M.A. in folklore studies from the University of Oregon. He has worked as a fiction reader for Fantasy Magazine, as well as writing for PopMatters.com as a DVD reviewer and essayist. Geekomancy was his first novel and also features Ree Reyes.

  Follow him at www.MichaelRUnderwood.com or on Twitter at @MikeRUnderwood.

  Keep reading for an excerpt from GEEKOMANCY

  By Michael R. Underwood

  Available now from Pocket Books

  Chapter One

  Did You Say BOOM!?

  Café Xombi was nestled gently (read: “squashed improbably”) between a high-art gallery, which seemed to never have anyone in it but still managed to stay open, and the around-the-corner side of a bank.

  The owner-manager, Bryan Blin (Strength 14, Dexterity 11, Stamina 15, Will 15, IQ 16, and Charisma 14—Geek 6 / Barista 3 / Dad 4 / Entrepreneur 3), paid a premium for the location, just a half-block up a side street from
one of the main drags in Pearson’s University District. Café Xombi was the city’s premier coffee shop/comic store/gamer hangout, and in a geek town like Pearson, that actually meant something.

  The formula was simple. The café served a normal assortment of coffee for the walk-ins as well as geek-themed coffee and treats to help it stand out. Additionally, its decor and staff fostered a social atmosphere to help convince customers to pick up that role-playing game book or graphic novel they’d been on the fence about buying for the last three weeks. It was a perfect geeky home-away-from-home.

  Rhiannon Anna Maria Reyes, (Strength 10, Dexterity 14, Stamina 12, Will 17, IQ 16, and Charisma 15—Geek 7 / Barista 3 / Screenwriter 2 / Gamer Girl 2) was Bryan’s secret weapon. Rhiannon (known to practically everyone as “Ree”) kept the café in fabulous baked goods, talked authoritatively about subjects from Aliens to Zork, and drew the attentions of countless lovelorn geeks.

  She got hit on, sure, but the guys were easy to let down, and no one had made a scene about it in a while. They came in, saw her across the room like they had just walked into a meet-cute, and then proceeded to try to cast her as their own Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

  Ree fit the bill—visually, at least. She wore thick glasses (being legally blind and all), had long black hair that she kept braided in a variety of styles (to keep it out of people’s lattes), and had the “ethnically indeterminate” look that came from the mix of her Irish and Puerto Rican heritage. Ree’s figure was more boyish than bombshell, though, despite her teenaged prayers to fill out a C-cup.

  In truth, Ree wasn’t anyone’s dream. She was a near-broke frustrated screenwriter who would rather just talk with a guy for an hour about the ideological condemnation of super heroes evident in Alan Moore’s comic work during the mid-to-late ’80s—without them going straight to imagining her naked.

  Café Xombi was a twenty-by-twenty front room, with a small prep and office area in the back and a basement accessible from the street. Nearly every inch of the front room not devoted to walking space was filled with something. The front half of the store was dominated by tightly-packed round tables and their corresponding chairs. A tall shelf of graphic novels lined one wall, matching shelves filled with RPG books and miniatures on the other side. A six-foot-tall shelf-on-wheels held the comics, currently pushed forward to allow Ree to move out into the seating area. Bryan had painted the walls with a mural, decked with planets, spaceships, super heroes, and java-bean alien monsters, to round out the look.

  As of eleven in the morning on this particular blustery Thursday, there had already been the normal AM rush of young techies and professionals stopping in for their triple mocha lattes and chocolate espresso breakfast bars and then . . . nothing.

  And for Ree, that nothing was scary.

  Taking a lap around the Internet on her phone, she was eager for distraction. Nothing useful in email, but she had three voicemails, including one from her dad.

  Not dealing with that now, she thought. She’d call him when she got home.

  The other messages were from Priya and Anya. Ree didn’t think she could handle the outpouring of support from her friends right now. She just had to lie low until her heart put itself back together. A burst of emotion bubbled up in her mind.

  Fuck you, Jay. “We’re not on the same path anymore,” my ass.

  Red crept into the corners of Ree’s vision, and she flailed mentally, trying to find something to do, something to keep from losing her shaky equilibrium.

  Ree looked over and saw Charlie, the other full-time cash-wrap monkey, straightening some comics and staring absently out the window. Ree squatted down and checked the food case, starting a mental list of what they’d need to bake to replenish the store.

  As she was counting the Mario 1-UP cookies, a theremin-tune door chime rang, signaling another customer. Ree looked up to see a vaguely familiar young man in a polo shirt and khakis. He was on the skinny side, with medium-brown hair, a soft jaw, and the start of laugh lines. Ree was sure she’d seen him in the café before, but she didn’t remember anything in particular about him other than that he was one of the shy ones.

  “Hello,” Ree said, but got no answer. The customer wove through the sea of tables silently and pulled an issue of Action Comics off the shelf, shifting his weight side-to-side as he read.

  Ree turned to Charlie, who had come back to the counter. Charlie French (Strength 13, Dexterity 13, Stamina 15, Will 15, IQ 16, and Charisma 14—Geek 5 / Barista 2 / Social Media Ninja 4 / Trekker 2) was five-five, had sandy red-blond hair that was consistently a mess, and was in the top twenty for the “install a phone in my brain, please” wait-list.

  Ree asked, “You want to start bake prep or should I?”

  Charlie reached down to a coffee mug and drew out two d20s. Ree nodded and took one. Roll-offs solved nearly all trivial arguments at Café Xombi, per Bryan’s lead. Ree cupped the die in both hands, blew on it, and shook, warming up its inherent mojo. Charlie shook his d20 in one hand near his head, then threw. Ree rolled as well, and the dice kissed on the counter, Charlie’s nearly rolling off the far side. His read 13. Ree’s: 18.

  Charlie sighed, then knelt to fiddle with the music station, an iPod permanently plugged in to their PA. Bryan was eight months into a XM discounted-rate trial, but Charlie only baked to Weird Al. He queued up Running with Scissors and set to work.

  Ree slid around him and tried to get the customer’s attention. “Looking for anything in particular today?”

  The customer looked up briefly at Ree, opened his mouth as if to speak, then looked down again, his cheeks red.

  Make that “one of the really shy ones.”

  Ree waited for a response. A beat passed, and she said, “Let us know if you have any questions.”

  She waited another moment for the customer. He was unresponsive, immersed in the comic.

  Okay, whatever, she thought, nonplussed. Some folks just wanted to read in peace. The café wasn’t a library, but if she took to banishing customers for loitering and reading comics, they’d run out of customers pretty damn fast.

  Charlie made a sad-angry face at his phone as he picked up Ree’s bake list.

  Ree asked, “What’s up?”

  “Tweet linking to a news story. There’s been another suicide in town.”

  “That’s the second this month, isn’t it?”

  Charlie nodded. “I don’t know if these things are happening more or if I’m just psyching myself out by reading all of the news all of the time.”

  Ree put a hand on Charlie’s shoulder. “Maybe you don’t need to follow every news outlet on the planet through Twitter.”

  “But . . .” Charlie said, then nodded. “Still a shame.”

  Ree nodded back at him, ducked down, and turned up the Weird Al a notch. “Maybe put down the phone for a while?”

  Charlie laughed, disappearing into the back for the construction phase of the baking. Ree heard the sound of the fridge and freezer opening as Charlie gathered culinary forces to wage delicious war.

  Ree killed time by cleaning the espresso machine and the counter, keeping an eye out for movement or indications of help-needing-ness from the silent reader. He eventually replaced the comic and left without a word.

  • • •

  Charlie clocked out at two, leaving Ree to woman the fort by herself.

  The alarm for the peanut butter chocolate d6 cupcakes went off, and Ree spun in place from the register to grab the robot-claw hot mitten and shimmy through the narrow behind-the-counter walkway to the oven. The lack of customer traffic gave Ree the chance to slide off her wobbly plateau of emotional stability right back into her least favorite, yet most frequent, train of thought: Jay.

  Jay. The man who had been, up until last Sunday, the love of her life, the guy she thought she might actually marry, against all odds. Instead, he announced that they’d “grow
n apart,” that he didn’t think they could make it better. And that there was this girl from work . . .

  And so Ree had spent each of the last three nights drinking heavily and trying to keep everyone else out of the splash zone of her self-destruction. Last night she’d drunk mojitos until Anya and Priya carried her home so Sandra could stay with her in the bathroom and hold her hair. Ree was, in retrospect, not doing so great.

  On top of that, yesterday she’d heard back from the friend of a friend in Pasadena who had pulled some strings and gotten her script, Orion Overdrive, in front of Damon Lindelof. No comments, no invitation to send more, just a “no thanks.” She’d spent a year writing and rewriting the script, trying to make something fun, feminist, and optimistic, but so far it had gotten even fewer nibbles than her far-less-awesome but very hook-y SpaghettiWesternCthulhu mashup, Shibboleth Showdown.

  Even with the one-two whammy of that rejection and Jay’s bombshell, she couldn’t miss work. So this morning, she had picked herself up off the floor, put on her big-girl pants, and dragged ass down to the café.

  Ree sighed and checked her hair to make sure it hadn’t spontaneously changed into an Emover.

  She set the cupcakes on the cooling rack under the counter and checked on the coffee. It had been on for two hours but was still hot enough to serve. Back at Big Corporate Coffee Land, they’d had strict regulations about coffee rotation, but Bryan wasn’t much of a stickler. They stuck close enough to health code regulations that the place had never gotten more than a warning.

  She looked around the empty room and felt the shadow of Jay creeping back in.

  This was going to take some intervention. If she was left by herself, alone with the cupcakes, the angst would run on repeat.

  She checked her texts.