The Beast Inside

by Monique Singleton

  ‘Not really, when I look at what humans are capable of.’

  ‘No, well they are helped by the riders. And in that capacity, by you.’

  Silence.

  ‘How do you know all this?’

  He hesitated, had to swallow. Then continued.

  ‘We call ourselves the Watchers. And that’s exactly what we do—We watch. We watch each of the “subjects” as we call them—as we call you.’

  ‘Are you immortal?’

  ‘No, we live somewhat longer than regular mortals, but we die eventually.’

  ‘So how do you keep up?’ It seemed so strange to talk this way.

  ‘There are many of us.’

  ‘You watch all the … subjects?’

  ‘No, each clan is specific to one of the subjects. Ours is Primal—you. The responsibility has been passed on from parent to child for thousands of years. It stays in the clan where all are sworn to secrecy. My family and I have been following you since you were in the laboratory.’ He was hesitant, knowing the implications. ‘We lost you for a few decades, but when you surfaced again in the war, we picked up where we left off.’

  ‘You knew what was happening to me at the lab?’ My anger was rising. He felt it in the air.

  ‘Yes’ he whispered.

  ‘You knew, and did nothing about it?’ He stayed where he was, but it was an effort.

  ‘We couldn’t.’

  ‘Couldn’t or wouldn’t?’

  ‘We can’t interfere directly. All we can do is watch, and maybe drop a hint here and there.’

  ‘You just let me rot there?’ I felt the fur ripple.

  He was silent for a while.

  ‘We didn’t know for sure that you were the one. When a new “subject” is needed, we never know where or when he or she will surface. It could be anywhere in the world. What we do is follow anyone we think is a candidate and then wait until the change manifests itself. Only then are we sure that we have the right person.’

  ‘You said that your clan has been watching the Primal for centuries. If the “subject” is immortal, why did you need a new candidate?’

  By the look on his face he had been dreading this question.

  ‘Because the last one died.’

  ‘How?’ now this was interesting. ‘I thought I couldn’t be killed. Believe me I tried, and a lot of others did too for that matter.’

  ‘There is only one way that the subjects can die. They frankly “will” themselves to die and more or less implode.’

  He was observing me closely. Almost reading my thoughts. So there was a way out of this.

  ‘Don’t go there, please’ he added. ’There are repercussions if one of the horsemen die, especially with Primal. With the last one, your predecessor, the fallout was enormous. More than half a million people were sucked into the implosion and died alongside her.’

  He was already trying to talk me out of it.

  Mind you, half a million was a lot of collateral damage.

  ‘Did you hear of an island in the Pacific that exploded at the beginning of the 21st century? Taking all the inhabitants with it down to the bottom of the ocean.’

  ‘That was her?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘The severity of the fallout seems to be connected to the imbalance. The greater the balance issue, the more extreme the fallout’ he added.

  ‘The balance is even worse now than it was in the 21st century, so if you were to die, the effect would be catastrophic.’

  ‘Where are the others?’

  “That’s not your concern.’ He was quick to point out.

  ‘Why not?’ I had finally found out that I was not alone, I wanted to know how they coped, how they lived.

  ‘You can never meet.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘If you get close to each other, the impact that you have on humanity escalates exponentially. In your case you will lose control and the bloodlust will overcome you. This happened during the war in the southern Americas. You remember? There was a period when you let the Primal loose, when you couldn’t control it anymore.’

  ‘I thought that was just the result of the pain and loss after Alex died.’

  ‘That probably was an aspect, but more importantly War was too close.’

  ‘Should you ever all meet, then that will definitely be the end of mankind. Not the world, but mankind. That is the real meaning of the prophecy of the Apocalypse.’

  It was all a lot to take in. I couldn’t believe it anyway. But in all the chaos there was one question burning in my mind:

  ‘Why me?’

  ‘I don’t know. We never know who the next one will be, we don’t know why either, we just wait and watch. Then when it becomes apparent who it is, we try to help in small ways.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘Do you remember the young scientist in the lab?’

  ‘That was one of you?’

  ‘Someone from our clan.’

  ‘How come you never show yourself to your subjects?’

  ‘We can’t.’

  ‘Says who?’

  He looked at me strangely, not understanding the question.

  ‘I want to know who decides on what can and what cannot be done. Who makes the rules?’

  He hesitated, not willing to answer me. He looked at the elders.

  ‘The council’ one of the them answered. They must have decided that it didn’t matter anymore. I was here, that should never have happened, so they were already in over their heads.

  They remained silent. The only sound I could hear was a soft whirring, like a distant elevator.

  I looked directly at the old man who had spoken earlier. He held my gaze. He was a lot stronger than he looked.

  ‘There is a council that oversees the Watchers. They have the insight into all the subjects.’ This was getting weirder by the minute. ‘They know what each one is doing?’

  ‘In general.’

  ‘In general?’ I asked surprised. ‘Don’t they know for certain? I thought you were Watchers?’

  ‘Not all the subjects are easy to follow, not all the time.’

  ‘Does the council control the subjects?’ This was the question that I was most interested in. Was I just a puppet?

  ‘No’ he answered. ‘They don’t.’

  ‘So…’

  ‘Stop!’ A tall man stormed into the room. His face was flushed. Not with exhaustion, but with fear and anger. He didn’t seem happy to see me. Mind you none of them did, and fear was the main emotion here.

  ‘You will all hold your tongue. Not another word’ he ordered. This was obviously a man of power. They all deferred to him and dropped their eyes, even the man who had welcomed me and the elder.

  I observed him closer. He was somewhere in his fifties. A handsome man—six-foot-tall, with steel grey hair, broad shoulders and a deep barrel chest. He radiated power and authority. He observed me, as I did him. Not shy, even though his aura showed me that he was terrified of the situation. Interesting.

  ‘You should not be here’ he stated.

  ‘I gathered that.’

  ‘Please leave.’ It was worth a try.

  ‘Can’t do that’ I answered. ‘I have a lot of questions, and you lot seem to know the answers.’ I stayed where I was, seemingly relaxed in the chair, and held direct eye contact with the main man.

  I won the staring contest. He sighed and turned his head to the elders. They shrugged and all remained silent. I let them think.

  ‘We need to discuss this’ the leader said. More to the elders than to me. They stood and followed him out of the room. I was obviously not invited. The guy who had spoken to me first glanced my way, shrugged apologetically and followed the elders out of the room. All was quiet, the only things I could hear were the retreating footsteps and after that the soft whirring sound again. This house seemed to be larger that it looked. There were many secrets here. I was determined to find out what some of them were. I wasn’t going anywhere, not for a while.
>
  One of the women approached me and asked whether I would like something to drink. I thanked her and a few minutes later she returned with some sweet-smelling tea and something to eat. It was very welcome. The trip had been somewhat Spartan.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  The meeting was a heated one.

  Seated around the horseshoe-shaped table the elders listened to Kahdi’s argument. He strode inside the horseshoe, looking the elders in the eye, one by one.

  As the leader of this clan of Watchers, Kahdi was adamant that no more information was given to the subject. To the Primal force.

  ‘She is here, you can’t change that’ Panat, the younger man who had recognised her first remarked. ‘She has a right to know.’

  ‘No!’ Kahdi roared. ‘You know what happened last time one of the subjects met his Watchers.’ He paused for a moment. ‘That will not happen here.’

  ‘And how do you think you can stop her? If that’s what she plans on doing.’

  Kahdi stayed silent.

  ‘I don’t believe that she would harm us.’ Panat continued. ‘We have followed her, watched her for years now. There is nothing in her mannerisms that indicates that she kills indiscriminately.’

  Kahdi countered. ‘We do not know her. She has only been here for a few decades. Azazel was watched for thousands of years, and still he was unknown. Still none could predict the outcome.’ He continued his walk, engaging each person in turn. ‘They thought they could control him, and we all know how that ended.’

  He returned to Panat. ‘We cannot allow her to repeat that catastrophe.’

  ‘And how do you propose to stop her?’

  ‘We will ban her from here.’

  Panat laughed. ‘And you really expect that she will let herself be pushed away?’

  Kahdi changed his tactics. He confronted Neerav. ‘How could you bring her here? You, an apostate, a heretic, a deserter.’

  Neerav cringed. He had expected to be held accountable. He knew the dangers, yet still, he had brought her here. ‘She forced me.’ He tried. ‘She insisted that I lead her here. She can be very convincing’

  ‘But how did she know about us, about the Watchers?’ Kahdi was relentless.

  ‘She read the Vedas’ Neerav answered softly. ‘She is smart—she can connect the dots. She came to her own conclusions.’ He raised his head and looked at Kahdi, some of his courage returning. ‘She had already heard of the legends and was searching for answers. She needed to come. She needs more answers.’

  ‘You should have killed yourself before bringing her here.’ Kahdi said. ‘You know the danger she represents.’

  ‘Yes, maybe I should have. I do know the dangers. But every cell of my body is convinced that she is different, that she will not go on a rampage.’

  ‘Well. The future of your people now relies on your feelings, on your perceptions and your beliefs.’

  He delivered the final blow. ‘Was it not enough that you left your family, that you deserted them. Now you put us all in harm’s way, you basically kill us.’

  ‘Stop Kahdi.’ Panat intervened on behalf of Neerav. ‘He has suffered enough. Can you not see the man is torn?’

  ‘I don’t care. He has endangered us all. It is in the hands of the council.’

  Turning from Neerav, Kahdi issued commands for the evacuation of the non-combatant women and the children. Just in case.

  The meeting dispersed. Kahdi left to contact the council, Panat and the rest returned to the house.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  By the time the elders returned, once again preceded by the strange whirring sound, I had been in the house for more than three hours. They didn’t come back into the room, but left the house instead. I guess the meeting didn’t go so well.

  The younger man did return. He came and sat to the right of me. Observing me.

  ‘Is there anything you need?’ he asked.

  ‘Besides answers?’ I commented.

  ‘Yes, besides answers.’

  ‘No, I’m ok. The people here were kind enough to give me food and tea.’ I watched him intently. ‘Answers are out of the question right now I presume?’

  ‘Yes’ he answered. ‘It is out of my hands. We are forbidden to tell you anything.’

  ‘Ok. That’s to be expected.’ He seemed surprised at my compliance. ‘For now.’ I added. He nodded.

  ‘I will show you to a house where you can stay.’ He stood and indicated that I follow him. ’You will be comfortable there.’

  ‘Until?’ I rose from the seat and walked past him as he intended.

  ‘Until Kahdi decides otherwise.’ He answered. I chose not to push the subject. The time would come for answers. Threatening would not help now. These people were scared stiff of me as it was, so more terror would not illicit any more information.

  He led me to a house at the far edge of the village. I noticed it was as far away as possible from the entrance of the village and the road back down to the valley. I had seen the frantic packing and glances of the inhabitants of the village. They were preparing to flee—from me. What were they afraid of? They had been watching me, so obviously they knew what I could do. But this was way out of proportion.

  Sitting alone in the allotted rooms, I had time to think.

  There was a lot to think about. The past weeks had been very enlightening, but at the same time, extremely frustrating. The more I found out about myself, the more mysteries were added. It was one step forward, and ten steps back.

  Before Kahdi had arrived, the elders had given me a glimpse of what was going on. There were more like me—four more, the origin of the Riders of the Apocalypse. I was number five. What did that mean?

  The riders were here to strike a balance between man and nature. How? What did the balance entail? Every answer caused more questions. What was my role in all this? And what if I didn’t want to play the game?

  Just before he was silenced, the elder had hinted at one of the riders being rogue, uncontrollable. Was that why they were so terrified of me? Because they couldn’t control me?

  My head hurt with the frustration. I bent over and lowered my face into my hands. I had come here with dreams of finally finding out what was happening and how I could cure the blood rage. But I was no closer than when I had been in the jungles of Columbia. Was this my destiny? To kill? To live alone all my stinking eternal life? An eternal nightmare.

  I don’t want this.

  I don’t want the monster inside me.

  The bloodlust.

  I want peace.

  If not in life, then in death.

  But even that is not an option.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  So this was the council.

  The members were not all physically here. There were holograms. I had no way of knowing where in the world they really were. Not that it mattered. I had deduced that the Watchers organisation was a global one anyway. The inhabitants of the village came from all corners of the globe. The main language here was English, but I had heard many different tongues in the three days that I had been here.

  Some kind of peace had returned, probably because I hadn’t killed anyone. Or gone on a rampage or whatever they feared I would do. But they were still uneasy around me. Guarded. Ready to run.

  Anyway, all this had culminated in me being here in this virtual reality council meeting now.

  It turned out that the strange whirring sound had indeed been an elevator. It led deep into the mountain.

  Panat guided me through long corridors with doors on both sides. We entered one of the doors at the far end of one of the corridors. It opened to a cavernous room lined with high-tech equipment. Four people manned the computers, two of whom I recognised from the village, the others I had never seen before. There were screens everywhere. I looked around, trying to make sense of what I saw. I couldn’t. I saw scenes from the major cities of the world, but also views of much smaller villages. People —no one I knew. Just people for me. We moved on t
hrough a glass door to another room.

  It could not have been more different. This one was smaller. With a roof and walls, blocking off any signs that we were underground. The room was much more ornate than the rest I had seen. It had an extremely traditional and maybe even ritualistic feel to it. All drapes and deep velvet in warm colours with symbols decorating them. There was a lot of history here, this entourage had been around for a long time, possibly centuries, though not exactly as it was now. There were four official-looking and very elaborate chairs facing a line of white circles on the floor. The holograms were projected onto the white circles. A technical feat blended into age old tradition. The result was eerie.

  There were seven holograms and four physical people here besides me. The physical ones I knew: Kahdi, Panat and two of the elders—Francesca and Ilya. The holograms were all strangers to me. I looked at them one by one. Two women and five men. They were all seated on ornate chairs in their respective locations. All in all, it was a strange combination of ancient entourages and high-tech.

  Panat indicated the empty chair and I sat down facing the holograms. He stood behind me, to the side.

  The silence continued for a few minutes more. There probably wasn’t a procedure for a visit from one of the subjects. So, I just waited. I’m good at that.

  Kahdi finally broke the silence. ‘We are now in an unprecedented situation.’ The others welcomed the fact that he was speaking. That way they could move their attention from me to someone else. I could even feel the tension in the holograms. Everyone was that nervous.

  ‘We must decide how to proceed’ he continued. ‘There are global implications to consider.’ That was new to me. How did I have a global impact? Or weren’t they talking about me?

  He turned to me. ‘You should never have been here.’ He started. Yeah, tell me something I don’t know. They had made that very clear. ‘But now that you are here, we needed to decide what information we can give you, and what the price would be.’ Hmm. Price for them or for me? This could be interesting after all.