The Beast Inside

by Monique Singleton

  Even here, there were no answers. But it didn’t seem to matter anymore. It was. And that was ok.

  Panat must have known that I had found it. He anchored the moment with the Nepalese word for peace—Shanti. Giving me a direct link to come back whenever I wanted to.

  Very reluctantly, I left Shanti and came back to the mountain. Tears were streaming down my face. The rising sun was warm on my face, everything was much, much clearer. I looked at Panat. He was smiling. I could even see a small tear at the corner of his eye. He bent forward and took me in his arms. It felt good. Everything felt good.

  We stayed like that for a while. Enjoying the peace.

  Slowly, he sat back and we observed each other.

  ‘You found it.’ It was a statement, not a question.

  I nodded. No need for words.

  ‘Good.’

  The feeling lasted.

  It wasn’t gone just because I was back in the real world. A residue of the overwhelming peace that I had felt there had accompanied me back and stayed with me. I could see a lot clearer now. I understood that there was more to the whole picture of Azazel than just me killing him. Not that I was all of a sudden a willing participant, but I at least decided to give the council a chance to explain. Something I hadn’t done in the past weeks. I had been so wrapped up in my frustration, so sceptical of the rationales of the council, paranoid really.

  But most of all I think it was the disappointment. Not being able to find the answer to the question that had plagued me since this whole transformation started—Why me?

  Now I know it didn’t matter. It was me. And that was that. Now I had to get on with life. With my destiny if you like, though I still think that I make my own. Still the control-freak I guess.

  Panat showed me how to connect to my peaceful place whenever I wanted to. He had placed what he called a sound anchor. If I said the anchor word, even if it was only in my mind, it helped me to concentrate on finding peace. If I was stressed, then just closing my eyes and willing myself to relax helped. I was able to relieve the tension without killing anyone, a new thing for me.

  That way I was able to curb the bloodlust. Just as well, there was no one here that I could have killed without terrible consequences.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  Kahdi and the elders were seated in the meeting room when I arrived. The atmosphere was guarded. I had told Panat to call them together as I had made my decision, but they had no idea what it was. They were apprehensive. There was still no trust here. Even though I had been here a while and no one had died.

  Yet.

  I walked straight up to Kahdi, he flinched a bit.

  ‘You have come to a decision,’ he asked, feigning a courage that he didn’t have. I nodded.

  Looking around the table at the others, I locked eyes with each one. I would say this only once, and they would definitely listen. I made sure of that. Panat stood behind me and to the side. He alone knew what I was about to say.

  ‘I will go to Europe.’ I said.

  ‘You will kill Azazel’ Kahdi stated relieved.

  ‘I didn’t say that.’ I answered much to his discontent. ‘I will go to Europe, and then I will decide what I will do.’

  ‘But you must kill him’ one of the elders spluttered.

  ‘I don’t have to do anything.’ I said coldly. He flinched under my stare. ‘You do not determine what I do. That is my prerogative. I am not convinced of the need to kill Azazel. This is something I will not commit to with the information that I have now. You have not been forthright with your knowledge and information and I will not be manipulated into doing what you want. If I choose to kill him, it will be my decision. Based on what I know. Not because you push me in that direction.’

  My words, accompanied by my demeanour, were very convincing to most of the elders. But Kahdi spluttered and refused to comply. ‘You cannot refuse.’ He tried to gain control even though he must have seen how adamant I was.

  ‘Your proposal is not acceptable.’ He stated with more conviction than he felt.

  My next words were measured, extremely cold and calculated.

  ‘It is not a proposal.’

  I leaned forward with my hands on the table in front of him. The claws slowly emerged out of my hands and dug into the beautiful oak surface. I made my point. ‘You are misguided if you think this is open for discussion. You have no right to order me around. Or even to ask me to do anything. You let me rot in the lab. For five fucking years I endured unspeakable things, and you just watched. Then, later, in the jungle, when I fought to keep my sanity, all you did again was watch. You could have helped me. Shown me the reason for what was happening to me. Reassured me that I was not going mad. That there was a higher goal. But no. You stood on the side-lines and let me suffer. I owe you nothing. This is the deal. Take it or leave it.’

  He was completely flustered. ‘But the people you would save.’

  ‘I have no love for mankind’ I told him. ‘They have none for me. They are not my problem. And you will not make them that. If I decide to help—and that is in no way a given—then that will be my decision alone.’

  Kahdi paled. He was stunned. The claws made my decision extremely clear. There was nothing more to say.

  I looked at the rest of the elders. As one they were silent. Staring at my talons. I had brought the realism home in a major way. There was no sugar-coating or avoiding what I was, or what I was capable of. They had grown complacent in the weeks that I had been here. Falsely underestimating my state of mind. This brought it all out in the open. The terror that had been apparent when I first arrived resurfaced with a vengeance.

  I was frankly disgusted with all of them. After all they had let me endure in the years they “watched” me, they still thought to manipulate me. To them, I was no more than a tool.

  Well. This tool has her own agenda. And no one. Absolutely no one, tells me what to do.

  With a last glance at Kahdi, I turned and left the meeting room. Panat accompanied me.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  It had been annoyingly quiet with regard to Primal. This exasperated Azazel no end. He was fully focussed on finding her.

  He had to. He needed to.

  There was an attraction, even if he had never seen her before. His first thought every morning was her—as was his last. Even the endless stream of beautiful women in his bed didn’t ease the feeling of loss. The conviction was that he missed part of himself. He was convinced that she would be able to fill that void. She was like him. They were as close to gods as it gets. They were made for each other.

  In the many discussions he had ever had with the Watchers, either voluntary or not, he had deduced that there were more of his kind. Not many, but a few. Only they had always spoken or thought of males, not females. When he found the first Primal he had been elated. A woman. A Yin to his Yang. That would finally make him whole.

  When instead she had attacked and almost killed him, he had been shocked. How could she possibly attack her other half? Her subsequent death had left him heartbroken. His only chance at a long-lasting relationship was gone. She was no more. His dreams were crushed. The years between then and now, had been lived. He had existed, tried in vain to find some splinter of pleasure and fullness in his existence. Causing pain and suffering softened the blow a bit, but it was not anywhere near as satisfying as it used to be.

  He was borderline obsessed. And he loved it. For the first time in more than a thousand years he felt he actually had something to live for. He would find her, and what happened then was up for grabs. Not the same as last time, of that he was sure. He hadn’t been prepared then. He hadn’t known what or who she was. Or what she could represent.

  It was different now. He was different. Everything was different. He knew.

  His spies were all out looking for her. They started in India, where she had been seen last. Azazel was convinced that the Sadhu had something to do with her disappearance, and she with his. They were
connected. He had an idea that the holy man had known who she was. Otherwise she would not have left him alive. Not after killing the Emperor. He assumed that they left together. Probably not completely voluntarily on his part. That meant that if he found the Sadhu, he would find her. He deduced that the Sadhu would have more of a digital trail than she would. So, his people concentrated their efforts on looking for the holy man.

  The information he had up till now was not encouraging. He knew all there was to know about the Sadhu after the man came to what used to be India. But everything before that was still shrouded in silence and secrecy. It seems that he had just appeared. Out of the blue. He must have studied somewhere. You don’t become a holy man without studying for years and years. So that was where they were looking now.

  Azazel was impatient. He had convinced himself that this was what he had been waiting for his entire life. The whole twenty-six-hundred years had been geared up to this moment. This was his destiny.

  So why couldn’t they find her? How difficult could it be? A woman with ochre eyes should be quite conspicuous. Especially if she was the beauty that the idiotic advisor had said.

  She was a Force of Nature. That meant that she must have left a trail of dead bodies, like he always did. Only she was obviously able to hide them a lot better.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  The council convened again. This time Jess was calmer, though she and Panat were the only ones. The council members were all very nervous. The last meeting was still very fresh in their memories. Those physically present had not expected to leave that meeting alive. Her anger had been so palpable that even the members in the holograms who had heard the story, were scared out of their wits. One had even broken the connection. All in all, there had been a lot of tension. No one knew how she would react this time. They had even placed her seat at the far end of the room. As far away from the door as possible. They had an escape route, or so they thought. No one really took into account that she would be able to get to the door in one massive bound should she change to the cat. She smiled at their attempts at safety and calmly took the proffered seat.

  Kahdi started the proceedings. ‘Welcome all.’ He gestured to all those present, physically and virtually. ‘We are here to discuss the road forward.’ He looked at Jess sheepishly. Not really knowing how to continue. She nodded to help him along.

  ‘I think an update is in order.’ It was Joseph to the rescue. He turned in the hologram and someone gave him a tablet. He viewed the content for a moment and then started his report. ‘After Bharata’s death the country fell into disarray, and with it, Azazel’s plans. Instead of a massive all-out attack on the west with the new drug, he has now targeted a new group--the same Jet Set he himself is part of. He no longer wants to corrupt the common man. His objective is now to create chaos by corrupting those in power. Azazel is currently in London. There he hosts parties to distribute the drug and create a demand. He has a watered-down version of Shiva that he is introducing to the British Jet Set. This version is not instantly addictive, it does however reportedly give the user a massive high, endless energy and an enormous sex drive. The experts agree that the user is not hooked physically after the first use, but mentally they are lost. He is restricting the supply at the moment, creating an enhanced demand. The drama he constructs around the drug makes it an almost celestial experience. People are flocking to him. They all want to be part of this new trend. Some very important names have been connected to Aze’s parties. As yet, there have not been any noticeable effects of the drug use outside of those who we know use it. There still seems to be a measure of control. But it is just a question of time before he tires of the game and takes it to another level.’

  ‘How much of the drug does he have?’ Kahdi asked.

  ‘We are not sure. The authorities managed to intercept most of the drugs in the western countries after Anadi sent the information to the British secret service.’ He nodded in Jess’s direction. Everyone here called her Anadi, the age-old name for the Primal force. She had even started reacting to the title, it fit her. ‘However,’ he continued ‘there seems to have been a last shipment sent out just before Bharata died. One that we haven’t been able to deflect. We are not sure how much is in the shipment, but it was substantial. We think a forty-foot container.’ There was a massive intake of breath in the council at the last bit of information. A forty-foot container of Shiva was frankly an unbelievable amount. It spelled death for hundreds of thousands of people. That volume of the drug would wreak havoc in the western countries.

  ‘I don’t have to tell you what that would entail.’ Joseph linked the tablet to the screens in the meeting room. It showed photographs of Azazel playing the ultimate playboy. After that came photos of him with some very famous and influential people at one of his parties. In a few of the pictures he looked directly into the camera, as if he knew who was viewing the end products.

  This was the first time that Jess had seen a picture of her new opponent. She had heard about him, but never actually seen what he looked like. He was a handsome man, on the surface. Light chocolate skin, neither Caucasian nor coloured, his ancestry seemed to be a hodgepodge of races that made him ultimately appealing to all. His hair was jet black. His features clean, strong and masculine. He was the quintessential macho man. A magnet. His physique was athletic, muscled and well proportioned. At six-foot-four, he stood out.

  And then there were the eyes. His were of a darker hue, but still inescapably ochre. There was a depth in his eyes. It showed his real self. He was a maniac and that was visible there.

  Jess was momentarily mesmerised by his eyes. He was the first person she had seen with the same colour that she had. It felt strange. There was a connection there. But the depth was a completely different thing. There she saw the sociopath, the malice, his black soul.

  Joseph took up the narrative again. ‘You will be going to the Netherlands. That is a stronghold for the clans. There you will meet some of the remaining people in my clan. Because of Azazel’s continuous hunt for Watchers we are keeping the location secret. You will be accompanied by Panat.’ I looked at Panat in humorous surprise. He smiled. ‘This will expedite your trip.’ Joseph continued. ‘We have a new passport for you in the name of Anadi Steweart. To get you accustomed to this name we will all use it from now onwards when addressing you.’

  Ok, I thought. Another name, nothing new about that. I change names like other people change clothes. Sometimes I can’t even remember my original given name. It was so long ago. And so many identities back. I can live with Anadi. Most of the people here had been calling me that anyway, so it had already stuck.

  ‘Panat has the passport and all other documents that you will need—credit cards and so on.’ They were well organised. And wealthy too. I still wondered where the clan got its money from. Everything here—all the equipment and the entourage—had a hefty price ticket. This was serious money and I had seen no obvious form of income. It made me curious. I would have to ask Panat about that once we were underway.

  ‘Once you are there, we will discuss the situation and decide how to continue.’ Joseph said. So, he would be in Holland as well. Interesting, and Kahdi had obviously conveyed my sentiment about the subject of how to continue.

  ‘Thank you, Joseph.’ Kahdi ended the meeting. Panat and I stayed where we were, Kahdi had mentioned that he wanted to speak to me after the meeting. We waited until all the holograms had switched off and everyone else had left.

  Kahdi joined us, pulling up a chair, though I expect he would rather run away, he was so scared of me. ‘Thank you for your decision.’ He addressed me carefully. ‘Panat will fill you in on more details while you travel, and in Holland you will get more answers.’ He sighed. ‘As you can probably understand we cannot allow vital information to be out there. Azazel is a very acute danger not only to his own clan, but to all Watchers. To the whole world actually. If he finds out where the other forces are, there may well be the Apocalypse of the proph
esies.’

  ‘I have a question I need answering now.’ I said. He nodded. ‘When I arrived here I was told that if I died my death would have far reaching consequences and that my predecessor imploded, resulting in the demise of half a million people.’ He nodded again. ‘So is that something that is unique to me, or does that happen when any of the forces die?’ This had been plaguing me ever since I had decided to listen to their wishes. What would the fall-out be if I did kill him?

  ‘That is partially true. The consequences would be enormous if you were to die. Nature designed you to be immortal and the power you have is part of the power of Nature itself. If your life is terminated, the powers return to her. That is a very violent act. In turbulent times the impact is even greater.’ Didn’t sound very reassuring. ‘This specific impact is solely connected to you. Yours seems to be the most extreme. Azazel has a different impact, each force does. When his predecessor died, all that had been tainted by him died alongside their master. Or so the scriptures say.’

  ‘What do you mean by tainted?’ I asked.

  ‘All that had joined forces with him against Nature and mankind. This rebellion that the current Azazel shows is not new. The last one started out the same, though he did not slaughter his Watchers. He corrupted many of them. Dreams of world domination are part and parcel of his character, or so it seems. All those who willingly conspired with him died as soon as he exhaled his last breath.’

  ‘What about the people who he manipulated? You told me that he was a psychic. That he could bend minds.’

  ‘Yes, that is also true, but all those he controlled by his psychic abilities were set free the instant he died. His power over them and their mind died with him. They had not willingly colluded with him, and were not part of his destiny.’