Elliott

by Catherine Lievens

  “We met briefly when he first came back.”

  “It wasn’t a very nice moment. Merle’s mate was gone,” Mihaja said.

  Merle smiled. “But I got Nootaw back, so everything’s fine. Elliott, are you up for coming in and meeting Nootaw?”

  Elliott nodded, feeling ashamed at the way his friends and his mate had to treat him with kid gloves. He hated it, and he couldn’t believe no one had anything to say about it. They all went along with it, and Elliott was torn between feeling happy and grateful he had such good friends, and hating himself for having them do it.

  Merle stepped aside. He made sure to walk in front of Elliott so that Elliott could see him. Elliott heard Mihaja close the door and he dried his hands on his shorts.

  “Nootaw is in our room with Aranck. Uh, I don’t know if you know what Aranck and Nootaw are?” He looked back at them, apprehension obvious on his face.

  “They’re both wendigo shifters,” Mihaja answered.

  Elliott had known that, and oddly, it wasn’t the wendigo part that scared him. He wasn’t afraid of Aranck, but Nootaw... well, he didn’t know Nootaw, so he’d probably freak out, but he’d try his best not to run.

  “They won’t hurt you,” Merle said. “Well, Aranck might try to gnaw on your fingers, but he only has one tooth right now, so it doesn’t hurt much.”

  “We’ll be fine, Merle. It’s not Aranck I’m worried about,” Elliott said honestly.

  Merle stopped in front of a bedroom door and looked at him. “I understand. Nootaw won’t hurt you, neither in his wendigo form nor in his human one. I understand why you might get scared, and I’m not sure we can do anything about it, but he won’t touch you. I swear.”

  Elliott nodded. “I believe you. It has nothing to do with him as a person. It’s just, well, I’ve been scared of men I don’t know and most of those I know since I came back. Nothing personal.”

  “And you’re trying.”

  “Yeah. Really hard.”

  “Just let me know if you freak out and I’ll walk you out. We can go to the living room and talk, just the two of us, and Mihaja, if you want. I’m fine with anything. I don’t want you to be afraid.” His bit on his lower lip. “I’m glad I have my friend back, and I’ll do anything I can to help you with this.”

  Elliott nodded, not sure he could say anything without crying. Merle seemed to understand that, and he smiled, then pushed open the door. A baby’s gurgles welcomed them, and Elliott followed Merle when he stepped inside.

  * * * *

  Mihaja kept his eyes focused on Elliott as they walked into Merle’s room. Elliott looked determined, but Mihaja could feel how scared he was. He squeezed Elliott’s hand harder and Elliott looked at him, a small smile on his lips.

  “So, this is Nootaw, and the little guy is Aranck.”

  Mihaja finally looked away from Elliott. Nootaw was sitting cross-legged on the bed, a baby settled in the space between his legs. Aranck beamed at them, showing his tooth, and Mihaja couldn’t help but smile back.

  “Hi. I’m Elliott, and this is my mate, Mihaja.”

  Nootaw nodded at them, but he didn’t move, not even to shake Mihaja’s hand. Merle had obviously told him about Elliott, and Mihaja was glad. Elliott wanted to get better, to have a real life again, like he always said, but he was pushing himself too hard. Now that he’d decided to come out of his self-imposed isolation, he wanted everything to go smoothly, but it wasn’t realistic. He was too hard on himself, but he didn’t seem to understand that.

  “Sit wherever you want, Elliott,” Merle said. He himself sat next to his mate, and Aranck immediately reached for him. He took him, and Mihaja wondered if that was something he could one day have.

  He shook his head. He and Elliott had mated just a week before. It was too soon to think about children, even though he wanted them. He supposed it was a product of his culture—everyone had children in his tribe, even most of the gay couples. There were always kids who needed parents, and the tribe elders didn’t see any problems in having those children raised by same-sex couples.

  Elliott sat in the chair next to the window, as far away from the bed as he could. There was only one chair, so Mihaja went to stand by it. Elliott looked up at him and started to get up, but Mihaja shook his head and pressed a hand on Elliott’s shoulder until he settled back down.

  There was silence for a few moments, interrupted only by Aranck, who was happily chatting to himself. Elliott fidgeted in the chair, looking lost, and Mihaja decided to take the lead. “I’m happy to see you’re fine, Nootaw. I met Merle when you were gone, and he was very worried.”

  Nootaw smiled. “I know. I needed to get Aranck, and to keep the pack safe.”

  Silence fell again. It was awkward, like everyone was afraid of talking. Then Elliott snorted and everyone looked at him. He pressed his lips together. “Sorry. It’s just that this is weird. I mean, me and Merle spent months sitting in cages next to each other, and we never were this awkward. I’m not going to freak out, I swear. You can talk, ask questions, whatever. I’ll let you know if I’m uncomfortable.”

  “How are you?” Merle asked.

  “That’s... it’s hard to answer that. Better. Not well enough yet.”

  “Give yourself time.”

  “Gosh, not you too.”

  Merle looked surprised. “Me too what?”

  “Everyone’s telling me to give myself time, but I’ve had a year. Isn’t that enough time?”

  “I still have nightmares, and I haven’t been through half what you have. It’s actually how me and Nootaw met. I had a nightmare and ran away in the woods. My mom freaked out, and Kameron sent people to look for me. Nootaw and Craig found me.”

  Mihaja could feel Elliott was surprised.

  “So you still have nightmares? You’re not over what happened to us yet?” Elliott asked.

  “No, not yet. I’m seeing Gentry, and I know I have to give myself all the time I need. We can’t rush this, as much as we’d like to.”

  Elliott was about to say something, but Aranck grunted in Merle’s arms. Everyone looked at him. He blinked, then he shifted.

  Merle squeaked and let go of the tiny wendigo he was now holding. It was a weird sight—Aranck’s hair was now white and his skin was grayish. His eyes shone red, but instead of being terrifying, it was oddly endearing on a baby so small, especially when he tried to catch his fingers—complete with claws—with his other hand. Aranck grinned, and his mouth was full of teeth, wicked fangs gleaming in the sunlight. The fangs were tiny, but Mihaja had no doubt they’d hurt if Aranck tried to bite someone.

  “What the fuck?” Merle yelled.

  “It’s normal,” Nootaw tried to reassure him. He reached for Aranck, but the baby clearly had other ideas. He slithered out of Merle’s lap and fell on the floor. Everyone held their breath and Merle leaned to catch him, but Aranck was already crawling on the floor, making his way toward Mihaja and Elliott. He fell a few times and got distracted by a ray of sunlight, but he never stopped.

  It was a weird sight. Aranck was a lot slimmer now, and he was losing his diaper as he moved. He was also quite a bit taller than he’d been before, so it was lucky he hadn’t been dressed when he’d shifted.

  He stopped in front of Elliott and held his hands up. Elliott looked at Merle and Nootaw with wide eyes. “What do I do?”

  “You can take him,” Nootaw said. “Just make sure he doesn’t bite you.”

  “I wasn’t going to let him, not with those fangs.” Elliott leaned forward and grabbed Aranck under his armpits. He hauled him up, and Mihaja knew he had to get his phone out and snap a picture.

  Elliott sat on the chair, his back straight, not looking too comfortable, with a baby wendigo on his lap. Aranck was happily chewing on the seam of Elliott’s T-shirt, and Elliott wasn’t making any moves to stop him.

  “Isn’t he too young to shift?” Merle asked, his voice calmer.

  “I don�
�t know when shifters first shift, but wendigoes can do it after only a few months, usually before they learn to walk. Something to do with being able to defend themselves even if they can’t walk yet,” Nootaw answered.

  Mihaja could see how Aranck would be able to defend himself. He was using his new teeth to rip apart Elliott’s T-shirt, and Elliott still wasn’t saying anything. He looked a bit scared, as if Aranck might rip his fingers off, too, if he as much as tried to get his T-shirt away from him.

  Nootaw started to get up, presumably to take Aranck again, but Merle stopped him with a hand on his arm and shook his head. “I’ll go. Unless Aranck needs another wendigo?”

  “No, either of his parents should work.”

  There was a bit of shuffle around since Aranck wasn’t happy to let go of his new chew-toy, but Merle offered him a bottle full of milk. Aranck cooed and shifted back, then latched on the bottle.

  “That was... something I can’t say I’ve ever seen before,” Elliott said.

  It was taking everything Mihaja had not to laugh at his mate’s sight—Elliott’s eyes were wide and his T-shirt was wet and missing bits and pieces.

  “I’ll get you another T-shirt as soon as Aranck’s done with his milk. He should go to sleep after that. Sorry, though.”

  “It’s fine. It’s weird, but I feel better, more at ease.” He looked at Aranck, then at Merle and Nootaw. “You’re a family.”

  “Yeah.” Merle looked at Aranck and smiled. “I guess we are.”

  “Can I ask about Aranck’s mother?”

  “She should leave the hospital in a few days.”

  “Will she move in with you?”

  “No. She might take one of the free rooms here, but we still don’t know. We haven’t seen her yet.” He smiled wickedly at Elliott. “So, are you up for some babysitting? Aranck seems to like you.”

  Elliott looked surprised. “I don’t know. Is he going to eat all my T-shirts?”

  “Maybe?”

  Elliott laughed, and God, it was so good to hear it. It was happening more often now, and it made Mihaja happy. “I’ll help,” he proposed. “I’m sure that between the two of us we have enough T-shirts to sate him.”

  * * * *

  “It went well,” Mihaja said as they stepped out of the alpha’s house.

  “Apart from the fact that it looks like we’re going to have babysitting duties? Yeah, it did.”

  Mihaja reached for Elliott, and the only thing Elliott felt when he saw it was happiness. He smiled, and Mihaja pulled him close enough to kiss his temple. “I’m proud of you.”

  “Thanks.”

  “What do you want to do now? Go back home?”

  “Mmm, I don’t know. Maybe we could go run?”

  “Human form?”

  “No, animal. I want to see you.” They hadn’t had that opportunity yet. Elliott was still a bit wary of going into the woods, but Mihaja was coming with him, and his wolf really wanted to be able to stretch its legs. It was time, and since seeing Merle had gone so well, Elliott couldn’t see a reason why he shouldn’t go run.

  “Let’s go home, then. We’ll leave our clothes on the porch and keep to the forest around it, just in case.”

  Elliott huffed. “I’m fine. I didn’t even freak out when Nootaw shook my hand goodbye.”

  “I just want you to enjoy this. You’ve already been so strong today. Don’t you need a little relaxation?”

  Elliott rolled his eyes. “Right. You’re coddling me, huh?”

  Mihaja grinned. “Of course I am. Who doesn’t like coddling their mate?”

  “I can’t really tell you that. I haven’t had the opportunity to coddle mine yet.”

  They headed home still talking and bantering, and it was great. Elliott had never thought about how his friends had come out of their ordeals. He knew it was selfish, but he’d had to think about himself first, and he honestly hadn’t thought they’d still have problems. He’d thought he was the only one—that it was because he was weak and wallowing. Merle still had nightmares, though, so it couldn’t be only Elliott’s fault if he still was like this. Merle wasn’t weak, never had been, and he clearly wasn’t wallowing. Mihaja was right—Elliott needed to stop listening to people who didn’t know him. If only that was as easy as thinking it.

  The house was empty when they got there, and Elliott wondered where Mal was. Probably with Arlen, or at Arlen’s house. Elliott was worried, because while he was getting better, it was obvious Mal still was hurting, and Elliott wanted to do more for him. The situations weren’t the same, they weren’t even similar, but it didn’t mean he didn’t understand what Mal was going through.

  “You look worried. Have you changed your mind?” Mihaja asked as they climbed the porch steps.

  Elliott shook his head. “No. Just thinking about Mal.”

  “Ah. You’ve noticed he’s still isolating himself?”

  “Yeah. I don’t know how to help him.”

  “I think you need to concentrate on your healing first.”

  “I know that.”

  “But I’m sure we can spend more time with him, maybe with Arlen, Gentry, and Nick too.”

  “God, I love how you want to take care of my friends as well as me.” The words were out of Elliott’s mouth before he could stop them, or even think about them. He realized he’d said the four-letter word too late, and he hurried to correct himself. “Wait, I didn’t mean that I love you, because I don’t.” Shit, that sounded even worse. “Not that I couldn’t love you, but you know, it’s still early. Just a week. So yeah, too early. But I’m sure I’ll fall in love with you eventually.”

  Mihaja laughed and Elliott breathed again. “You’re cute when you’re flustered,” Mihaja said.

  “I’m not cute!” Elliott protested. “I’m handsome and—and dashing.”

  Mihaja grabbed the back of Elliott’s neck and pulled him close to kiss him. “Dashing. I’ll need to remember that.” Mihaja seemed to realize what he’d done only then and his eyes widened, but before he could release Elliott and step back, Elliott reached out and pulled him closer. He kissed Mihaja, happy that for once he wasn’t scared, or worried, or any of the other emotions he’d spent the last few years feeling. He knew it wasn’t realistic, but the only things he wanted to feel now were happiness and love. And lust—he couldn’t forget that one, even though he wasn’t sure he could do anything about it yet. The idea of sex terrified him, but Mihaja was his mate, and Elliott knew that as much as he’d said he could do without, he probably had a bad case of blue balls right now. It was Elliott’s fault, and he would make sure to solve the problem, even though he didn’t know how just yet.

  Mihaja pulled away and Elliott followed. Mihaja laughed. “We have all the time in the world to kiss. Didn’t you want to go run?”

  “We have all the time in the world to run too. Why don’t we kiss a bit longer?”

  “Mmm, let’s make a pact. I’ll kiss you all you want tonight, when we’re comfortable.”

  “In bed?”

  “If that’s what you want.”

  “Oh, yeah.” The thought didn’t scare Elliott anymore. Mihaja had been kissing him for an entire week, and yes, in the beginning it had startled him sometimes, but now he was getting a lot better. He wanted to kiss his mate.

  Since the sooner they were back inside and in bed the better it would be for Elliott, he quickly stripped off his T-shirt—or what remained of it anyway—and let it fall on the floor. Mihaja quickly caught up, and they raced each other until they were both naked.

  “Not fair,” Mihaja said. “You started before me.”

  Elliott couldn’t answer. His mouth was dry, and he couldn’t look away from Mihaja’s naked body. He’d never seen it before. Yes, he’d seen Mihaja half-naked often, because it was summer and it was hot, but not naked.

  Mihaja was hot. There was no way around it. He was hot, and damn, when Elliott looked down at himself, he wondered what Mi
haja found in him. He was kind of scrawny and pretty pale, because he’d spent a lot of time inside. He also had scars, something rare for shifters.

  Mihaja, though... he was perfect. His skin was dark and flawless, and while he wasn’t buff, he had a sleek grace Elliott envied. Neither of them had much muscle, but Mihaja was proportionate, while Elliott was sickly thin.

  “You’re beautiful,” Mihaja breathed, startling Elliott.

  “How can you say that?”

  “Because you are. I don’t care about the scars, Elliott.”

  “What about the paleness? Or the fact that I’m too thin?”

  “You can do something about that if you want to. You can spend more time outside, and you can eat more and better. I don’t care, though. You’re perfect just the way you are to me.”

  Elliott could feel it was true. Mihaja felt only affection for him, no disgust, no disappointment. He didn’t know how to answer, so instead of doing that, he shifted and trotted down the steps. He shook his fur out and looked back at Mihaja, who was smiling down at him.

  “All right, I’m coming.”

  He bounced down the steps and came to stand next to Elliott. After a last grin, he shifted, and Elliott blinked. Mihaja looked like a bit cat, but not quite. His face was pointier than a cat’s, his ears rounder, his legs shorter, and his tail a lot longer. It was weird, but it didn’t take away the beauty, especially when he flicked his tail at Elliott and ran for the closest tree. He climbed it, faster than Elliott would have thought possible. It was almost like looking at a monkey rather than a cat, but then Mihaja had said he wasn’t actually a cat.

  Elliott trotted to the tree Mihaja was in and sat under it. He looked up. It was hard to keep track of Mihaja as he climbed up and down the tree trunk and jumped from one branch to another. He was obviously having fun. He must have missed shifting and climbing trees.

  As much fun as watching him was, though, Elliott wanted to run, so he barked a few times. Mihaja’s head poked from between a group of leaves and he quickly climbed down. He butted his head against Elliott’s, maybe in an apology, if the feelings coming through the bond were any indications.