The Love List

by Jean Joachim

  Great time to have swollen fingers!

  His gaze dropped from her eyes to her hand and he paled as a look of horror swept over his face.

  "If you don't care where I sleep then we shouldn't be engaged," she said, continuing to pull at the ring.

  "No, no, Carrie, don't…" In two long strides, he crossed the room. He placed his hand over hers, preventing her from removing the ring. "Don't…please," he whispered.

  "Grey, marriage is messy. Shit happens. Plans go down the toilet. Life gets screwed up. It isn't always going to be boeuf bourguinon and drop-of-the-hat hot sex. I don't think you're ready to do this…to get married. Our first mess and look…look what you said…to me…" She couldn't hold it in any longer, tears cascaded down her face faster than she could wipe them away.

  "I'm sorry, Carrie. Honey…I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. Of course I care where you sleep…with me, always with me, with or without sex. Please, please…don't walk away."

  He moved closer to her, putting his hands on her shoulders.

  "Why should I stay?" She stuck out her chin, placed her hands on her hips and stepped back.

  "You're right. I don't know long-term, committed relationships. I've never had one. But you have. You've been married. Teach me, guide me…tell me what to do…what to expect. I need you. I love you. You're my life. Please, please be patient with me, stay with me."

  She looked up at him as he poked his handkerchief into her fist. Angst showed on his face, wrinkles deepened at the corners of his eyes, his mouth was set in a grim line. He raised his brows in a question while his eyes pleaded with her. His pathetic expression reminded her of the way he'd looked at Aunt Delia's when he had begged her to marry him. With his light brown hair falling in his eyes, he reminded her of a large puppy with his tail between his legs, and her heart lurched. Grey slipped one arm around her waist and drew her to him. His other arm went around her shoulders and he tightened his grip.

  Carrie melted into his arms, resting her forehead against his chest and sobbed. He stroked her hair.

  "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I love you so much. Say you'll never leave me, no matter what stupid thing I say or do."

  "That's what vows are for," she sniffled into his hanky.

  "The sooner we take them, the better," he said, kissing and stroking her shoulder-length hair.

  "I love you. You know that, right?" She asked, leaning back, her head tilted up.

  "I don't want to destroy your love by being an idiot."

  He brought his mouth down in a tentative kiss, barely brushing her lips. She fisted the lapels of his jacket and pulled him down toward her while she deepened the kiss. His hands slipped down, cupping her behind, pulling her closer.

  After a few moments, she stepped back. He combed his hair back from his face with his fingers.

  "I have an idea. Why don't I make you another drink to take into a long, hot bath. When you come out, I'll have some food for us from Googie's down the street. We can eat then relax in the living room and ignore the furniture here. We're leaving tomorrow for Pine Grove anyway."

  Carrie nodded, "Sounds like a plan."

  ****

  While she went into the bathroom to start the tub, Grey mixed her drink. She joined him in the kitchen, watching him stir the potent liquid and started unbuttoning her shirt.

  "Our first fight," she sighed, putting her hand on his arm, looking up into his eyes.

  "I guess it was." He bent down and kissed her.

  Grey returned to the drink he was making and squeezed some lime in the tall glass then looked up when she approached.

  "Right after the bath, lesson number two…make-up sex." A saucy smile swept over her face.

  He noticed her eying his shoulders and desire grew in his chest.

  "Avid student here." A grin spread over his face.

  Carrie slid the shirt off her shoulders and unbuttoned her jeans. She wasn't wearing a bra and the indirect lighting gave her breasts a soft, golden glow. Grey's gaze lingered there.

  "Do we have to wait for the bath?" He stopped what he was doing.

  "But I've got paint…"

  "So?"

  "And the bed…"

  "We have the sofa."

  "Good thinking," she said, sliding her jeans down her legs before retreating to the bathroom to turn off the water.

  Grey's gaze switched to the sway of her rounded hips as she sauntered away from him.

  "Food can wait." He murmured before he unbuttoned his shirt then shrugged it off his shoulders.

  "My thinking exactly," she said, rejoining him before pulling her panties down to the floor, then stepping out of them.

  Their eyes connected.

  "You look very sexy when your apologizing, Mister."

  "Come closer and say that again, slowly," he teased.

  Carrie crept closer until her breasts grazed his chest. He wound one arm around her waist as his other hand tugged at his belt buckle. After his pants hit the floor, Carrie took his hand and led him into the living room.

  "Lesson two begins now," she said easing down onto the sofa and gently tugging him after her.

  "Homework?"

  "Most definitely."

  Chapter Two

  Carrie sat back against the fine black leather front seat of the Jaguar XK as Grey maneuvered it skillfully along the curves of the Palisades Parkway. On the day before Christmas at seven o'clock in the morning, there was almost no traffic. Grey depressed the gas pedal, pushing the limits of the sports car on the winding road. Carrie looked out at the stark scenery thick with bare trees and bushes. She slipped a Christmas CD in the slot and turned the sound up. "White Christmas" was the first song to play.

  The ground had a slight dusting of snow clinging to frozen grass. Carrie expected there would be more snow in Pine Grove and she smiled at the idea of an old-fashioned white Christmas with Grey's family.

  "About last night…" he ventured, glancing quickly at her then back at the road.

  "I thought we covered that."

  "One more thing. I had a difficult week, aggravating, stupid dumbass accountant and I thought when I got home…I envisioned your boeuf bourguinon and hot sex…"

  "At the same time?" She laughed.

  He stuck out his lower lip in a momentary pout.

  "You know what I mean. So when everything was a mess and I was disappointed…"

  "What are you trying to say?"

  "You had no idea what I was expecting. It wasn't fair to get mad when my fantasy didn't come true. I never even told you what I wanted."

  "Glad you see it that way."

  "Guess I'm apologizing again."

  "No need, sweetheart. I get it," she reached over, rested her palm on his shoulder and smiled up at him.

  "Good. Wanted to clear the air."

  "Thought we did that on the sofa," she murmured.

  "I guess we did," he said with a snicker, stealing a sly glance at her.

  "…and on the kitchen counter…the stairs…" she added with a grin.

  "How's the rug burn?"

  "I'll live," she chuckled. Carrie pulled a small pad and a pen out of her purse. "I think we should start an engagement list."

  "Engagement list?"

  "Like the marriage list you had…but different." Carrie flipped the pages of the pad until she found a blank one

  "How so?"

  "A list of ways to behave with your lover…spouse…fiancée, whatever."

  "Oh, you mean a how-to love list?" Grey gave a slight nod.

  "Good. Yeah. A love list." She clicked the pen and ran her tongue over her bottom lip.

  "I'm game. Go ahead. What's the first item?"

  "First is…hmm…let's see, life is no longer only about you and what you want."

  "The maybe-she-had-a-bad-day-too thing?" He suggested with a wry grin.

  "Yeah and don't assume your lover knows what you want…can read your mind."

  "Got it. Good, good, Carrie, put that down." He gestured with hi
s hand while she scribbled on the pad.

  "I'm going to keep this on the refrigerator, okay?"

  "Perfect. There…or on the bedpost." He added with a sly smile.

  Carrie smiled at him, replaced the pad and pen in her purse and stared out the window. She sat back, breathing in the smell of the expensive leather while she looked for signs of wildlife, a rabbit or bird in the woods hugging the road. They rode in comfortable silence for a while.

  "Grey…"

  "What, honey?" He switched his gaze from the road to her face for a moment.

  "I'm a little concerned about Christmas…" She shifted in her seat, crossed and uncrossed her legs.

  "Why?"

  "I bought all these gifts for your sibs without any input from you."

  "I always gave them gift cards. I'm not good at shopping for people, knowing their sizes and all."

  "So what if they hate what we got them? It'll be my fault."

  "They won't hate anything. You have great taste. Relax. My family likes you. I like you…that's all that counts, babe," he removed his hand from the wheel for a moment to pat hers, then went back to concentrating on the road.

  "I bought a little something special for you…" he said.

  "You did?" She sat up in her seat and turned to face him.

  "I happened to be in Bergdorf's yesterday and…"

  "Bergdorf Goodman's?"

  "And I saw…well, it's a surprise. Can we have our own 'private' gift exchange tonight?"

  "I have something for you, too." Her cheeks color slightly.

  "Let's go up early, like eight o'clock?"

  "Isn't that a little too early? Won't it look like we're…uh…going to have sex?"

  "So what if we are?" He checked his side view mirror, signaled, then depressed the accelerator and moved into the passing lane.

  "It's so…so…obvious."

  "I don't care. I want some private time with you. You don't have a big family, it can get pretty crazy. We'll have no time to ourselves. Remember Thanksgiving?"

  "A bit of a madhouse," Carrie agreed, chewing on her lower lip at the memory.

  "And this will be worse, opening presents, meals…seven other people around all the time."

  "I'm convinced. Eight o'clock. It's a date." She rested her hand briefly on his thigh.

  He looked over at her and she detected a small gleam of desire shining in his light eyes. Carrie sighed, pushed the thought of the gifts she bought out of her mind and focused on the music. When "Jingle Bell Rock" came on, she turned it up and burst into song, bobbing up and down in her seat. Grey laughed and joined in.

  Once they crossed over the mountain and settled into growing traffic on Route 17, her eyelids grew heavy and before they had gone ten miles, Carrie was fast asleep.

  ****

  The gentle push from two fingers into her shoulder roused Carrie from her slumber. She opened her eyes and yawned.

  "We're almost there…Route 517 up ahead," Grey said, maneuvering the car into the turn smoothly.

  "Nine o'clock? Already? Seems like we just left."

  "It's only a two hour drive, honey."

  "Right, right. I forget."

  The music was off and the heater whirred softly keeping Carrie's feet toasty. She stretched as best she could in the small space and looked over to admire his profile. He turned to face her when the traffic light at 517 and Forest Avenue turned red. His eyes swept over her as his lips curled into a smile.

  "Well, sleepyhead, ready to face the Andrews family again?"

  She nodded and moved closer to him. He bent over and brushed her lips with his quickly before the light changed, then took his foot off the brake and drove slowly down the street. Grey pulled over to the curb and stopped in front of the three-story, white Victorian house with taupe shutters. When he shifted into park, Grey didn't turn the ignition off. The XK purred quietly.

  Carrie moved as close to him as the gear shift would allow as he scooted toward her, lowering his head until his mouth covered hers. She wriggled her tongue between his lips, deepening the kiss, bending toward him, snaking her hands over his shoulders. He slipped his right hand over the back of the bucket seat and around her shoulders. His fingers played with the ends of her hair that spilled over her collar and a few inches down her back. Time seemed to stand still for Carrie as she lost herself in the delicious taste of Grey. The feel of his tongue caressing hers, coaxed her into intimacy.

  Her pulse began to climb and warmth that had nothing to do with the car heater traveled through her body. Carrie reached blindly for the zipper of her jacket and lowered it, allowing some of her body heat to escape. He settled his left hand on her waist, then, as if waiting for her to unzip, he slid it up inside her jacket to cover her breast. He squeezed and Carrie moaned as she melted under the heat of his touch.

  She hadn't been able to resist him from the beginning. Once he touched her, she wanted him. Now she squirmed slightly as his hand continued its massage. She felt warmth between her legs and clamped them together in the hopes of stopping her growing desire, but the maneuver had the opposite effect.

  His thumb found her peak through her thin cashmere sweater, pressed against and circled it at the same time as faint sounds of voices drifted to her ears. She groaned, lifting the fog of passion enough to discern people were coming toward the car, calling to them. The voices kept getting louder.

  "Grey…" she muttered, attempting to control her breathing.

  At the sound of her voice, he withdrew from her, removing his hand, his lips, his tongue, leaving a sudden coolness on her skin. When her eyes met his she could see heat and knew he also wanted to take their make-out session to the next level.

  "If we don't stop now, I won't be able to get out of the car…" he whispered.

  Carrie withdrew from him, moving back into her seat when she heard…

  "…making out like a couple of teenagers…never know they're engaged…"

  Carrie turned her head toward her window and spied Colin's face on the other side. Instinctively she closed her jacket to hide her hard nipples the same way she did in high school. Her cheeks colored at being discovered.

  Right behind him was Jenna, Grey's jacketless younger sister, flapping her arms around her chest in an effort to ward off the cold, giggling as she came up behind Colin. Carrie looked back at Grey one more time. He was grinning at her as he turned the ignition off, his eyes glistening with raw desire. He leaned over, took her chin in his hand and planted a final kiss on her nose. She touched her palm to his cheek then opened the car door.

  "I wish we could have had fifteen more minutes alone," he whispered.

  Carrie chuckled as she placed one foot outside the door onto the frozen ground.

  Colin extended his hand to help Carrie out of the car. When Grey punched the trunk release, the flap flew open and the four buzzed about the luggage. The gifts were wrapped and placed carefully in shopping bags sporting logos from Bergdorf Goodman, Paul Stuart, Tiffany and Sak's Fifth Avenue. Two weekend bags, one in black and one in red were nestled snugly in the small trunk. Carrie took two bags of gifts and Jenna took the other two, leaving the heavier luggage for Colin and Grey.

  "Not packing together in one suitcase yet, eh?"

  Carrie and Grey exchanged a glance.

  "Is that in the vows, Jenna? For better, for worse and to share one suitcase?" Grey asked, cocking an eyebrow.

  Jenna shoved him in the shoulder as they headed toward the front door. The sound of dogs barking grew louder as they approached the house.

  "Daisy and Buster have been waiting for you," Jenna teased her brother.

  When the front door opened, two pugs raced out the door, heading directly for Grey. They jumped up on his leg woofing and pawing at him. He dropped down on one knee petting first Daisy then Buster, and then Daisy again. Buster managed to jump high enough to lick his face. Carrie stopped to greet the dogs, too, running her hands through their soft tan fur. Wide pug grins took over their faces and t
heir curled tails wagged at a furious pace.

  Fran waited to the left in the open doorway. She wore a red, green and gold apron fastened around her waist. Her husband, John, stood behind her, raising one hand to wave, resting the other on Fran's shoulder. Barbara, the oldest, stood to the right of the doorway, peeking around. Grey smiled broadly at them and raised his hand in a return wave.

  Grey stood up, waving the dogs back into the house. John Andrews clicked his tongue and the two pugs picked up their ears. He clapped his hands and the dogs ran back to the house with Grey and Carrie following. Carrie was enveloped first in Fran's arms for a hug. Each family member gave her a hug, then moved on to Grey. John eased everyone inside so he could close the door.

  "I'm not paying to heat the outdoors. Get your butts in here," he said, putting his hand on Grey's shoulder. "Glad to see you, son."

  Fran linked Carrie's arm through hers as she walked her into the living room. The tall Christmas tree was decorated with more home-made ornaments from many years of school holiday projects stretched over four children than it had been at Thanksgiving. Carrie smiled. Perhaps Fran found an old box of treasures in her attic. The entire house sported festive decorations. Evergreen swags hugged the mantle and twined around the banister. Snow globes, small statues of Santa Claus and other Christmas figurines perched on the wide marble mantle and the baby grand piano. One white electric candle stood proudly in each window.

  A roaring fire in the large fireplace warmed the room, which was bordered with cream-colored molding stained with soot in a few places. With the two pugs close on her heels, Fran steered Carrie to the wide brown velvet sofa. Jenna followed them in and sat cross-legged on the floor in her fleece workout outfit. Bill joined her, and then petted the two dogs, who had stretched out on the floor in front of him. Barbara and her husband, Earl, took over the love seat. John commanded the leather wing chair. Grey joined his mother and fiancée on the sofa and Colin pulled up an ottoman.