UnStable

by M. Piper

  “Why are you crying?”

  “I don’t know,” I laugh, wiping my face. “Hearing you say those words… I was terrified you didn’t feel the same way. And when you said them, it was like… Whoa.” I smile and laugh, taking his hand. “This beach hasn’t ever felt this happy before.”

  I think back to the times Eric and I visited here and even then, it wasn’t this nice. It wasn’t this perfect and peaceful.

  “Let’s head back to your parents’. I need some coffee.” He holds my hand tightly and we start walking back. “I brought one of my mugs. You think they’d be offended if I used it?”

  I laugh loud. “You didn’t bring your own mug, did you?”

  “You’ll see.” He winks and I laugh harder.

  “You’re insane.”

  “That’s why you love me.” He nudges me and my heart skips a beat.

  “I do. I really do.”

  He wraps his arm around my waist and as we walk up to my parents’ house and around to the back porch, he drops his arm and grips my hand.

  “You two were out and about early,” my dad says, coffee in hand and smile on his face. He’s aged in the two years since I’ve been gone but even still he’s the same old man I Ieft here when I moved to Illinois. Old, cuddly, and sweet as a bar of chocolate. My parents tried for years to have kids so when I finally came around, they were almost in their mid-forties. They never tried for more. I was sort of their miracle baby, and I think all of that is why I feel like I’ve always had such a great relationship with them. They wanted me. Badly.

  “I wanted to show him the sunrise on the beach. Tonight I’m showing him the sunset.” I smile up at Ford whose eyes are twinkling down at me. I want to kiss him. I never want to stop kissing him. But I’m not sure my parents would appreciate that.

  “That’s so romantic,” my mom says, sighing. “Ford, dear. Would you like some coffee? We just finished brewing a pot.”

  “That would be great.” He steps up onto the porch and when my mom moves to get up from her chair, I stop her.

  “Mom, I can help him.”

  “Nonsense. We’ll bring you out a cup. You sit and visit with your father.” She stands and pats my cheek, her smile bright on her face and when Ford and she disappear into the house, I take a seat next to my dad.

  “You guys have the best back porch,” I say, watching the water.

  “Do you love him?” my dad asks, taking me by surprise. I turn and look at him.

  “Ford?” I ask, smiling. My dad nods, stern faced. “I do, Daddy. A lot. More than I maybe should.”

  His jaw twitches and his eyes go back to the water.

  “Did you love that Eric tool?”

  My eyes go wide and I can’t help but snort out a laugh at my dad’s choice of words.

  “I thought I did. But I didn’t know him, Dad. Looking back, there were signs. I never met any family. I didn’t see him that often.” I shrug. “You can’t love someone you don’t know, Dad.”

  My dad nods, then smiles at me. “Ford seems like a great guy, Mackenzie. I just worry about my girl.”

  “There’s nothing to worry about. He’s an amazing guy. And I’ve met his entire family and friends and everyone. I know he’s the one for me, Dad.” I can’t stop smiling today but I also can’t help but feel that knot in my throat. All the emotions today are taking a toll on my system and I think I got so giddy I worked my stomach into knots.

  “I hope one day your mother and I can meet them.”

  “You should come up for a visit! I’d love to show you around town.”

  “Maybe we’ll do that.”

  “Ok you two! Let’s start cooking this Thanksgiving dinner!” Ford announces as he bursts through the front door with his own coffee mug in hand.

  “I can’t believe you actually brought it!” I laugh, taking one from him.

  “I simply brought your parents a ‘thank you for having me’ gift.” He looks so proud and when my mom walks out with her own ‘You’re Bacon me Crazy’ mug, I laugh even harder.

  “Mom!”

  “This is the cutest mug I’ve ever had!”

  My dad chuckles and lifts his plain black mug to his lips.

  “Don’t worry, Dan. We have one for you too.” Ford winks at him, earning a chuckle from my dad.

  “You guys are insane.” I smile at Ford and take a drink of coffee.

  I was worried about nothing. Ford’s a huge hit with my parents.

  “That was the best vacation I’ve had in a long ass time, Mackenzie,” Ford says, sighing and falling to the couch. Yellow runs over and attacks him with so much love I almost feel bad for not bringing the dog with us to Florida.

  “I think my mom wants to move here just to be closer to you.” I lie on top of him and he wraps his arms around me. When Yellow jumps on top of us and starts licking and nuzzling his way between us, I shriek and the three of us fall off the couch into a pile of laughter.

  “What’s on the agenda for this weekend?” I push my lips to his neck as we lie on the ground and he groans. We just got back in town an hour ago after an extended stay at my parents’ and the weekend is almost already here again.

  “Lincoln’s birthday bash. I think Reagan’s got something big planned. Hopefully.” His arms wrap around me again.

  “At a bar?” I furrow my brows, holding on to him and resting my head on his chest.

  “Maybe.” He chuckles. “Don’t worry so much, Mack.”

  “I’ll always worry about you, Ford.”

  “I love you, Mackenzie.”

  “I love you, Ford. And I have to go into the shop tonight if you want to come with me.” I nudge him when he holds me against him tighter. “Free cookies?”

  “Hell. Fucking. Yes.” He hops up. “Come on, let’s do this.” He pulls me up and heads to the bedroom. “Let me get changed!”

  I head for the bathroom and while I’m sitting there I notice the box of tampons he got for me to keep here. That…that was a while ago.

  Those are still unopened…

  My brows furrow and I start to count backwards to my last period…but I can’t. I can’t remember it.

  Holy shit.

  “Mmm yes,” she murmurs in to my ear, her hand gripping tight onto my dick. When she slides on to me, I squeeze my eyes closed.

  “Fuck, Mack, you feel so fucking good.” My hands grip her thighs and she starts to grind on my dick, moaning loud and not holding back when it comes to riding me. It’s hot as fuck, watching her come undone on top of me. Her pussy’s milking me and the way she’s arched back has her tits on perfect display. Easy access.

  I reach up and run my thumbs over her nipples and her head falls back, her long hair grazing my shins and her moans and hips pivoting are bringing me closer to release than I’d like to already be.

  “Like that?” I whisper, grunting then bringing my hands to her hips and when I let my thumb slide over her clit, she lets out a loud moan and fucks me harder. I squeeze my eyes closed, trying to hold off longer, and when I open them again, Caroline’s there…not Mackenzie.

  “The fuck?” I blurt and her face twists.

  “You think you love her, Ford?” She growls, bending closer to me then lets out this shrill laugh.

  “Fuck!” I scream out, bolting out of bed and staring at the mattress like she’s going to be right there next to me. My dick’s hard as a rock, I’m sweating profusely, and my heart’s about to beat out of my chest. “What the fuck?” I mumble, rubbing my face. I start to pace the room, the anxiety over everything getting to be too much. I’m a week out from the anniversary. I’ve been doing fine.

  What the fuck was that all about?

  My head starts to spin and I pace the floor. I need a drink. I need a fucking drink and I need to calm down. This is normal. The nightmares typically start right around now and don’t let up until at least January. I thought I was beating it, though. I thought fucking falling in love with Mackenzie would make it better, but that dream was too real
and too fucking horrifying.

  I grab my phone and shoot her a text, praying she’s up. It’s two in the morning and I doubt she is but I made her a promise and I will stick to it.

  Me: I need you.

  I hate using those words in that manner. I hate needing her so much for this…but she’s it. She’s my addiction. Though if I’m being honest with myself, a shot of whiskey sounds fucking amazing right now. My hand’s twitching and there’s still sweat beads forming on my forehead.

  Text me back, Mack. I need you.

  I huff and stand, pacing the bedroom. I can do this. I can make it through this. It was just a dream. I know she wants me happy. I know I love Mackenzie in a much different way than I ever loved Caroline.

  Motherfucking hand, stop shaking.

  I walk to the kitchen for some water and the bottle of scotch I bought for Lincoln’s birthday present is sitting there staring at me. One swig would do fucking wonders right now.

  I reach for the cabinet and fill a glass with water from the sink, keeping my eyes trained on the scotch bottle. One drink won’t hurt anything, will it?

  As I reach for the bottle, I hear my phone ringing from the bedroom and pause. That’s Mack’s ringtone. Who else would call me at this time of night? Blinking a few times, I notice my hand not shaking as bad and the need for the scotch replaced with a waning want.

  What the fuck am I doing?

  I run to the bedroom so I don’t miss her call.

  “Hey,” I say immediately.

  “Are you okay? You’re not answering my texts. What happened?”

  “I uh…” I rub the back of my neck. “I had a dream,” I mutter.

  “Bad?” she asks, sleep lacing her tone. I feel bad for waking her up, but I need her and once again, she’s saved me. I’d like to think I wouldn’t have done it had she not called…but I’ve done stupider things in the past.

  “Pretty. Yeah. We were…me and you…we were fucking.”

  “That doesn’t sound bad,” she says and I can tell she’s grinning.

  “Yeah, except at the end you turned into…well into Caroline. And she was pissed about me falling in love again…”

  “Damn.” Mackenzie’s tone is more awake now and I hear some background noise, probably her sitting up in bed.

  “I’m sorry, Mack. I don’t fucking know what happened. Or what it means.”

  “It means you’re stressed. That’s it. There’s a lot going on this month…” she trails off and I press my lips together, pacing my bedroom.

  “I didn’t do it,” I blurt.

  “Didn’t what?”

  “Drink. The scotch. I didn’t do it. I wanted to, but I didn’t.”

  “You’ll get through this. Maybe I should start sleeping there until the worst of it’s better?”

  I smile, because she knows the date’s coming up this week and she’s not annoyed or angry. She wants to help me and I don’t know how lucky I am to have her. My heart rate’s returned to normal. I’m no longer afraid to lie down in bed and when I do, I realize my body’s stopped shaking.

  “Probably be for the best,” I whisper, grinning. “Probably just forever,” I mumble.

  “Can we talk about this tomorrow? Or…shit…later today?” Her voice sounds like she’s lying back in bed, muffled and sleepy.

  “I love you, Mackenzie.”

  “I love you, Ford. Get some sleep, okay?”

  “You too.” I end the call and stare at the ceiling, the threat of the scotch in the kitchen no longer even a worry in my mind. It’s amazing how she does that.

  “You fuckers ready for this?” I blurt, walking into the room. My sister’s eyes immediately go wide and Lincoln blurts out a laugh.

  “This is a church basement, Ford,” Reagan says, shaking her head. “You can’t talk like that here!”

  “Since when do I go to church, Sis? I’m surprised I’m not bursting into flames right now anyway.” I shrug off my jacket and help Mackenzie with hers. She’s smiling softly at me and sets the cookies down on the table. She’s been quiet all night and it’s almost disarming.

  “My mom’s recipe. Something about oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies.” She says to Wren and Wren dives in, taking two for herself.

  “Beer, Mack?” Lincoln’s hand is already in the cooler grabbing her one and the look on her face when she answers is more awkward than it usually is.

  “No…thanks. No thank you. No. Nope.” She plops into her seat and grabs a handful of candy.

  “You can drink in front of me, Mack. It won’t hurt my feeling,” I whisper in her ear as I sit in the empty chair next to her.

  “Just that one feeling?” She smirks at me and touches my dimple. “I’m fine. Seriously.”

  “You sure?” Wren says, giving her a weird look.

  “Positive.” She beams a smile and Wren’s face twists into a strange smile.

  “The fuck’s your guys’ problems tonight? Did we get high before this and no one invited me?” I furrow my brows and cross my arms in front of me. “Whose idea was it to have a trivia night for Linc’s birthday?”

  “I, for one, love trivia nights. And don’t love going out and getting smashed. So this is perfect for a birthday party!” He pats my back as he walks over to his seat.

  I roll my eyes, making fun of how nerdy he is, but secretly excited to show him up. We haven’t done trivia night in a long time, and last time I almost knew more than he did. I’ve been studying up over the last few months so I’m about to rock his fucking world.

  “Hey isn’t that Ford’s shirt?” Lincoln asks Mackenzie and I grin.

  “Looks better on her,” I say, winking at Lincoln as a smile lifts his lips. He knows what this shirt means to me, but seeing Mack so fucking cute in my goddamned shirt and leggings makes my dick do things it never did for me when I wore it.

  “You want a hug?” She asks Lincoln and starts to stand but I pull her back to her seat.

  “My hands on that ass only,” I say, laughing when Lincoln blurts out a laugh.

  “Mom and Dad are here, finally,” Reagan says, helping my parents with all the food they brought. “It’s almost time to start.”

  We all get settled and the evening starts with a bang when I know the answer to every single question in the first round. Granted, the round is titled ‘beers of the world,’ so it’s a given I’d know, but still. One point Ford, no points Lincoln.

  “Next round, Presidents of the United States,” the caller announces and Lincoln smirks from across the table at me.

  “You ready for this, Bro?” he asks and Wren bursts out a laugh.

  “You two are mega nerds,” she snickers.

  “Oh it’s on,” I say, rubbing my hands together.

  “You idiots know we’re all on the same team, right?” Reagan tosses a pencil at me and grins. “Beat his ass.” She winks and Lincoln scoffs and when the first question is read out loud, I don’t even have to wait to answer.

  “What was Lincoln’s nickname?” the announcer calls out and I immediately write ‘Honest Abe’ on the paper then smirk at my brother.

  “I knew that,” he says, rolling his eyes and leaning back in his seat.

  “Fucking twat!” Someone from a table nearby yells out and I glance around to see who’s already drunk tonight. These nights usually end in lots of drunks, but this early is a little surprising. “Wait, we’re talking about the President?” I hear again and this time I perk up a little. My family’s known around here, and most people don’t have a problem with us. Wren’s parents don’t really like us that well, but they tend to stay away and not cause any trouble.

  “Who the hell is that?” I ask anyone at the table that’ll answer.

  “Next question!” They’re ignoring the drunk and pretending he’s not here, but he’s going to start something if he’s not careful. I still have yet to find the man. It’s busier in here tonight than usual. “Who was the thirty-fifth President of the United States of America?”

  I
smirk at Lincoln when his eyebrows pull together and I write the answer on the sheet.

  “So, who is it, big brother?” I ask, showing Mackenzie the answer. She grins and nudges me.

  “Be nice,” she whispers, then grabs the paper. “I like that name.”

  “You like Kennedy?”

  “As a name. Yeah,” she states blankly at the paper.

  “You know we’re all named after the presidents, right? Even Carter. All of us.” Reagan asks Mackenzie.

  “I did…I just really like Kennedy…” she trails off, her behavior off tonight from the other nights we’ve hung out with my family.

  “Not a fucking West, that’s for sure!” The voice yells and this time I shoot out of my seat, finding the source of the outbursts tonight.

  “Mother fucker,” I growl. Glancing down at Mackenzie, she’s in her own little world staring at the paper. “Mack. You know he was gonna be here tonight?”

  “Who?” Her eyebrows pull together and she’s snapped back to reality.

  “Eric.” I nod towards his table and he’s snickering, glaring at us. “He’s fucking drunk again and spouting things off.”

  “Leave it be, Ford,” my father says, watching me carefully. “It’s not worth it tonight. And not here.”

  “He’s right, you know. You don’t want to start a fight in the basement of a church.” Lincoln’s arms are crossed in front of him and his eyes are on Eric’s table.

  “He’s starting it!” I boast and Mackenzie pulls me back down into my seat.

  “Please. Not here,” she whispers and I huff, annoyed. The man shouldn’t be allowed to get away with shit like this. Nobody did anything wrong to him.

  “Fine,” I say, resigning and trying to let the anger roll off my shoulders.

  I try, but the rest of the evening his comments keep getting louder and more inappropriate. At one point he even pointed towards my sister, talking about sluts, and I thought my dad was going to lose it. Lincoln’s been giving me looks the last few minutes that tells me he’s done, too.

  So fucking done.

  By the end of the night I’m ready for a drink, and that’s saying something because Mack is right here by me, holding my hand as we walk out of this place. I’ve never disliked being in a church so much.