Angel of Redemption

by J. A. Little

  I feel my mouth drop open. I shouldn’t be surprised that Richard is too much of an arrogant bastard to cooperate, but I am.

  “Is he going to?”

  “I don’t know. He said he would consult his attorney, and that was it.”

  “So what’s the plan?”

  “Right now, the plan is for her to stay in your care. My hands are tied. I tried to talk to him about what he thought was appropriate for the plan, but…I’m not sure he wants to work toward reunification.”

  This surprises me as well. Claire was always his golden child. But then again, maybe he doesn’t want another symbol of his failure anywhere near him.

  “There’s something else, and you didn’t hear this from me.”

  “Okay.”

  “I think something is going on at his work. I don’t know what, but he was on the phone before he realized I was waiting for him, and he was yelling something about being put on probation. That’s all I know.”

  “Thanks, Jasmine. I really appreciate it.”

  “My pleasure. I’ll let you know if anything changes. And you’ll let me know if you find out anything?” I agree and hang up. The second I do, my cell buzzes with a text.

  I can’t explain if you won’t talk to me. Please, baby.

  I gaze down at it, then text back.

  I wasn’t ignoring you. I had a meeting. We can talk tomorrow night.

  Within seconds, he responds.

  Thank you.

  His text reminds me that I did actually ignore Emily. I begrudgingly hit her number and wait for her to pick up.

  “Hey!”

  “Hi.”

  “Can you hold on a minute?”

  “Uh…”

  I can hear her cover the phone with her hand and talk to someone. Then she’s back.

  “Sorry. I’m at work ,and I had a very distressed, tattooed man in my office,” she sighs. “For such a tough guy, he sure does look defeated.” I don’t respond because I’m not sure what to say. “Honey, I know he fucked up.”

  “How long have you known about her?” I interrupt.

  “I just found out. He told me yesterday as he was heading over to the apartment. I know you think he was hiding it, but I really don’t think that was the case. He swore to me he was going to tell you last night. He said he was going to get closure.” I feel a little of the tension release as she tells me this. A very tiny bit. “How did you find out, anyway?” she asks hesitantly.

  “I know Stephanie’s worker,” I respond vaguely. “She was in the hallway as he was leaving. She saw them…in an intimate position.” There’s silence on the other end, and then I can hear her take a breath.

  “Kayla, Dean told me everything that happened while he was there. I’m not sure what the social worker saw, but whatever it was, he certainly didn’t see it as intimate.”

  I don’t want to talk about this, especially not while I’m at work. “Okay, well. He and I are going to talk about it tomorrow, so… Hey, what happened with Simon?”

  “Oh my God!” she groans, allowing me to change the subject. “That asshole was making Matty steal shit!”

  “What?” I screech, making Dana look up at me.

  “Okay, you know all the stuff that’s turned up missing lately?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, Matty had a panic attack yesterday. Dean was able to calm him down, and he admitted to the thefts. He said Simon was blackmailing him with the knowledge of Claire and Logan’s relationship. I think Matty was afraid that if we found out, you’d find out, and you’d wash your hands of Logan for good.”

  “Oh, God,” I groan, rubbing my fingers against my temple.

  “When I talked to Matty this morning, he said he thought it was done with when you found out anyway, but then Simon came back and told him he’d made sure that everything could be pinned on Logan and he’d have him arrested if Matty didn’t keep stealing. He didn’t think he had a choice.”

  I cannot believe what I’m hearing. My gut hurts. “Why?” I cry. “Why would Simon do that?”

  “Matty’s the most vulnerable in the house,” Emily says quietly. “Simon pegged him as the easiest target.”

  “But why? What the hell did he need so badly that he’d put a child in that position?”

  “The boys said they heard him talking about gambling debts a few weeks ago. I don’t know. I honestly don’t care what his reasoning was. It’s fucked up. Dean wasn’t going to report it, but Joe told me to. So I did.”

  I try to let it all soak into my already-fried brain. “Was Dean really able to calm Matty down?” I ask after a second.

  “I wasn’t here, but yeah, from everything I hear, he did exactly what you told him to do and was able to bring Matty back down pretty quickly.”

  I smile. “I’m glad. Jesus Christ, Emily. How the hell did that man get a job working with vulnerable kids?”

  “I don’t know,” she says sadly. “I feel horrible that we were the ones who hired him. Dean knew there was something off about him. I called his references to tell them. Hopefully, he won’t ever be able to get a job again. You’d be proud of Logan, though. When I told him what happened, he nearly went out after the asshole, but we reminded him that it was much harder to be a good father from prison, so he went to town on the heavy bag instead.”

  “Good. It’s about time he started thinking about someone other than himself,” I grumble.

  “Dean got in a good hit, though. He had a really rough day yesterday.”

  I sense that she’s going to start defending him again, so I put an end to our conversation. “I’ve got to go. I’ll let Dana know about the thefts. I told Matty I’d bring her to meet him soon. I’ll call and let you know.”

  “Okay. I’ll talk to you later.”

  I hang up and spend the next few minutes updating Dana. It feels weird to push it onto her, but I have to get used to the idea that Matty isn’t mine anymore.

  * * *

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to stick around? I’ll go in my room and put in my earbuds so I won’t hear anything.”

  I smile at my sister. She’s going to a barbecue at Caitlynn’s house, but she’s hesitant to leave. Dean is supposed to be here in less than an hour.

  “Go! Have fun. I’ll be fine.” I hear Logan’s horn honk outside.

  “I’ve got my phone.”

  “Okay,” I laugh, wondering exactly when we switched roles.

  After she leaves, I change into some yoga pants and a T-shirt and pull my hair back into a ponytail. While I’m waiting, I go through bills. Andy’s right, there’s no way I could afford all of this myself. I sigh, tossing the statements into a pile.

  I can hear when Dean pulls up outside, but several minutes later, he still hasn’t come in. Getting up, I head toward the front door and open it, jumping back in surprise because he’s right in front of me.

  “Hi,” he says, scratching the back of his neck.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I didn’t know if I should knock or just walk in,” he says quietly.

  “Oh. Uh, yeah, just come on in.” He follows me down the hallway. I haven’t even looked him in the eye, and yet the tension in the air is palpable. “Do you want something to drink?” I ask without facing him.

  “No.”

  “Are you hungry?”

  “Kayla.”

  I shove my thumbnail into my mouth and turn, lifting my gaze. His eyes are dark green and pleading. I sit down. He does, too. This is painful.

  “Okay, explain.”

  “She showed up at my apartment a little over a month ago. She was fucked up, high as a kite. Said she’d been trying to call me because the state took her kids.”

  “Why would she go to you? I thought you hadn’t seen her since the divorce.”

  “I hadn’t. She said I was the only one she knew who would help her. I threw her out. She gave me her number, but I never called it. I was hoping she’d go away.”

  “But she didn’t
.”

  He shakes his head. “She showed up again two weeks later, clean, enrolled in NA. I wasn’t going to do it, but Jesus Christ, how do you turn away someone begging for help?”

  “So you let her stay with you?” I say, disbelieving. “After everything she did to you, you thought that was a good idea?”

  “No. I was sending her away, but then…I just couldn’t. I took all my shit and left. There’s nothing left of mine at the apartment. Nothing I wanted.”

  “Why couldn’t you send her away?” I ask flatly.

  He shakes his head. “At first it was because of the kids. At least, I thought it was. You know what it’s like in the system, especially for kids of hookers and addicts. They bounce around for years. Sometimes they end up in homes worse than where they started out. It’s hard enough for the seasoned kids to survive, but those kids had never been in the system. I didn’t want that for them.”

  I nod in understanding. “And then?”

  He takes a deep breath and rubs his hands over his thighs. “I’ve spent almost half my life trying to figure out how to be a better person. Trying to fight the belief that I am a criminal and a murderer and that women like Steph were the best I could do. And even she didn’t want me,” he admits. I swallow, watching him fight any sort of emotion trying to escape. “And then I met you. I don’t know how to be good enough for you because, in the back of my head, she is always there. The Wildes are always there. I thought if I could help her, if I could contribute in even a small way to her finding peace in her life, then I could finally forgive myself. I could finally let go and move on. With you.” My head is starting to pound, my eyes ache, and I can’t stop the tears from escaping and rolling down my cheeks. “Kayla, I never saw or talked to her. I gave her an apartment that didn’t feel like home anyway.”

  “What about the other day?”

  “She called to ask me to fix something. The super tried to get her to blow him to do the job.”

  I wrinkle my nose, remembering the slimy little man hovering in the doorway when I showed up at Dean’s all those months ago.

  “You remember when I mentioned I had things to tell you, but I was working with Colin to figure out how?”

  “Yeah.”

  “He’s been helping me work through this. He said I needed to stop basing my self-worth on other people.”

  “He’s right,” I agree.

  “I know. I just…I needed to let go.”

  “And Zachary?”

  “What about him?”

  “Is he yours?”

  Dean looks shocked. “No. That isn’t even possible. I haven’t… Why would you think that?”

  “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to think, Dean. You really didn’t sleep with her?”

  “No, baby. I haven’t touched her,” he insists. “I’d never touch her. You are the only one I want.”

  I wipe my cheeks. “Okay,” I whisper. “I believe you.” He closes his eyes in relief. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you lied to me for weeks. I deserve better than that.”

  “You do,” he says. “I didn’t mean to lie. I was trying to… shit, I don’t know. I thought it was better if I didn’t tell you. You were dealing with Claire and your parents. There was so much stress, and I didn’t want to add to it. I should have told you right away, I know that. But I didn’t, and I can’t go back. If I could, I would.”

  “Look, I appreciate that you were trying to think of me, but I’m not a child. You can’t treat me like I’m some submissive, helpless woman who needs to be protected from all the bad stuff because you’re fucking scared of how I’ll react!” He opens his mouth, but I shut him down. “Last weekend was huge for me—for us. I thought maybe we were finally getting to a really good place. I thought maybe you were finally letting me get past all those walls you have. I don’t understand how you could be there with me like that and not say a word. I just—” My words cut off, the ache in my chest radiating through my body. He’s quiet. I can’t look at him. If I do, I know I’ll break.

  “I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I made a mistake, a big one. But please, baby. Never, ever question what you mean to me. I was scared of this exact thing happening. I was scared…I am scared that you’re gonna leave me, and I don’t ever want to live without you because you are the most important thing in my world.”

  I lift my head and gaze at him. He looks lost. We sit in silence for a few minutes, the weight of our relationship hanging over our heads. Finally, I reach for his hand, which is rubbing over his angel tattoo. He grips my fingers tightly.

  “We obviously still have a lot of work to do,” I sigh. “But I love you. And this would be an awfully stupid reason to end the good thing we’ve got going.”

  Dean’s chest lifts, and he pulls my hand so I have to scoot closer. Wrapping his arms around me, he buries his nose against my neck. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he murmurs.

  “I know you are,” I breathe. “Just know that I can’t deal with lying. I can’t be with someone I can’t trust.”

  He nods and presses his lips against my skin. I don’t protest when he works his way up my throat to my mouth, his free hand cradling my head tenderly. I close my eyes, feel his tongue slide over my lip, and open my mouth to let him in. There’s a slight saltiness to the kiss—my tears. At least, I assume they’re mine.

  Chapter 67

  Dean

  I am such a fucking pussy. My emotions are all over the place. I feel like the lead character in a sappy chick flick.

  The funny thing is, I don’t give a shit. I hold Kayla in my arms as tightly as I can, my mouth working against hers until she pulls away. She’s got streaks down her cheeks. Wiping them with my thumbs, I kiss her one more time.

  “Can I stay?”

  She nods silently. I’m not sure where we go from here. It’s too early to go to bed. I would love nothing more than to take off every last stitch of clothing and make love to her, but I have a feeling she may not be up for that. She’s forgiven me, but I really fucked up. I open my mouth, not quite sure what’s going to come out, but am interrupted by a very loud growling.

  “Was that your stomach?” I laugh.

  “I haven’t eaten much today.” She shrugs. It makes me feel like crap.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t,” she hushes. “I know you are.”

  “Uh, do you want to go out or order in? Or I can cook.”

  She shakes her head. “Let’s just order in. I don’t want to go anywhere. I look like shit.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  She sniffs and drags her fingers under her eyes, frowning at me like I’m full of it. I’m not. I hate that it’s obvious she’s been crying, but I still think she looks gorgeous.

  “What sounds good to you?” I ask, reaching for my phone. We end up ordering pizza and sitting on the couch while Kayla gives me the lowdown on her parents and Claire.

  “What do you think’s going on at work with Richard?”

  “He’s probably screwing a nurse,” she spits. “Hopefully he didn’t knock her up. Although I wouldn’t put it past him to try again for the perfect child since his straight As, gorgeous, intelligent, amazing daughter had the gall to not be infallible. Gotta try again.”

  Reaching for her hand, I squeeze it and tug. She sets down her plate and scoots closer, letting me put my arm around her.

  “Is Claire doing okay? Does she want to see them?”

  She shakes her head. “I don’t know. She hasn’t asked.”

  “Did you tell her he’s not cooperating?”

  “No. The last thing she needs to hear right now is that her dad doesn’t seem to give a shit what happens to her.”

  “She doesn’t need him,” I try to comfort.

  “No, she doesn’t. But I think she misses Mom. Or at least she’s worried about her.”

  I can see in Kayla’s face that she’s worried, too. I’m about to ask her, but the sound of a car pulling into the driveway steals my atten
tion.

  “Am I going to have to face a pissed-off pregnant girl?” I ask, dead serious. When Emily was pregnant, I considered wearing a cup every time I did something stupid. She was mean.

  Kayla laughs, letting out a little snort. “No. I didn’t tell her anything. She knows there was a problem, but not the details.”

  I let out a breath, making her laugh harder as Claire walks in. She glances between us.

  “Uh… Hi.”

  “Hi,” I greet with what is probably a really stupid smile. She looks at Kayla, who’s still chuckling.

  “Did you have fun?” Kayla asks.

  “Yeah, but they all started drinking so Logan and I decided to leave. Can he stay for a little while?” Kayla and I look at each other, not quite sure. If he was still under the state’s guardianship, it would be a violation of Kayla’s code of conduct to have a kid in her caseload just hanging out at her house. And Wyatt House has similar rules about external contact that may be seen as inappropriate. Those rules are there to protect us as guardians and them as children. But technically, he’s not a ward of the state anymore. Kayla’s not his caseworker and Wyatt House is no longer receiving any funding for him. He’s there as a guest until tomorrow when he and Brayden move.

  “I…guess,” Kayla stutters.

  “Um, okay. Are you sure?” Claire says cautiously. Kayla looks at me.

  “I have no idea, but whatever,” I chuckle. Claire disappears back out the front.

  “Are we going to get in trouble for this?”

  “Normally I would say don’t risk it, but he’s the father of your sister’s baby. It’s not like you can really avoid having a relationship with him beyond care.”