Dissolve

by Hunter, L. V.

  Kai’s appetite isn’t satiated until hours later, and my body feels worn; exhausted yet satisfied. I’m definitely going to have to build up some stamina if I want to keep up with him in the future. We lie together in bed until the sun sets, him playing with my hair and me tracing the lines of his body, his mouth, his hairline.

  “What are you doing?” He asks hoarsely.

  “I’m trying to memorize you,” I say.

  “Why?”

  “In case you…in case you go away again.”

  He pulls my fingers to his lips, kissing them softly. “I’m not going anywhere, I told you that.”

  “But I can’t –”

  “I know you can’t be sure of that,” He sighs. “And that’s my fault. So I’ll just have to make up for it, starting now. Every moment, every kiss, every touch. I have to show you I’m not leaving, no matter what. Not again. A third time would be too –”

  “Painful,” I finish for him, and he smile and kisses my forehead.

  “I’m glad you understand.”

  I watch him get up, his muscles rippling in the later afternoon sunlight as he goes over to his phone and orders food for us. While we wait, I shower, and he showers, and when we’re together, clean and eating delicious pizza, he asks the question that makes my stomach drop.

  “I’ve never asked for this in my life, so I might be shit at it,” He starts. “Do you – do you wanna go out with me?”

  I laugh. “It’s a little late for that, isn’t it?”

  “It’s just – we never got to date for real in high school. I always wanted to ask you, but I was too scared you’d say no.”

  My heart feels like it’s being squeezed. “But – what about your scholarship? Don’t you want to go back and get that?”

  “I will,” He smirks. “That was just a frilly awards ceremony. It means jack shit. They’ll mail me the real paperwork later. But right now, I wanna take you out on a date. A real one – anywhere you want.”

  “This is your last chance,” I say. “To choose another girl.”

  He just laughs. “Keep saying that, lioness. But no matter how many times you say it, I’m going to keep choosing you, for as long as I’m alive. Now – enough stalling. Where do you wanna go? Anyplace. You name it.”

  “The zoo?” I try. “I haven’t been there yet, and I’d love to see it.”

  He brushes his hands free of crumbs and stands. “The zoo it is! My treat.”

  “I can pay, too.”

  “I know you can, but I sure as hell won’t let you,” He grins crookedly at me. “I’ve been wanting to take you out for six years, now. Just let me, okay?”

  I feel spoiled, almost, as we get on the motorcycle, and he pays for my zoo ticket. The zoo is huge, but practically empty at this time of day – twilight. All the families have gone home, their children too tired to walk anymore.

  Kai holds my hand as we walk in, his warm palm comforting. He lets go for a moment.

  “Hey, wait here, okay?”

  I nod, and watch him jog into the gift shop. He comes out with a small stuffed penguin, and hands it to me.

  “Penguins are your favorite, right?”

  “Yeah,” I say, awed. “I can’t believe you remembered.”

  “Of course I did. You’d always doodle them in your notebooks. Mr. Watts would get so mad.”

  I laugh. “Do you remember when she sent both of us outside because we’d been passing notes?”

  “He looked like an overripe tomato when he yelled, like he was gonna explode,” Kai chuckles, then looks around. “Alright, where to first, lioness? You lead the way.”

  “The penguins, obviously.” I grab his hand and pull him towards the arctic exhibit. We spend the entire time until closing looking at the animals, sharing stories of the past. He buys me ice cream, and I tell him everything I know about different animals – which isn’t much. He listens to it all, though, fascinated. At the last exhibit, the lions, he wraps his arms around me from behind, murmuring into my ear.

  “See? Look at the lionesses.”

  I look where he’s pointing, to several huge, majestic lionesses basking in what’s left of the sun.

  “They’re beautiful,” I say. “And terrifying.”

  “Like you,” He smiles.

  “Am I really that scary?”

  He kisses the side of my face. “No. It’s just scary how perfect you are.”

  “Okay, corny.” I chide. “Let’s get out of here, before I feed you to these lions.”

  “I’m quaking in my boots,” He smirks. We watch the lions for a moment more, the massive male lion wandering over and, to my total embarrassment, mounting one of the lionesses.

  “Whoa, keep it PG, friends,” Kai shouts. He looks at me. “You’re blushing like a fire truck.”

  “Ugh, let’s just give them some privacy.” I turn away, and Kai follows, chuckling.

  “What’s wrong, lioness?” He catches up, slinging an arm around my neck and whispering in my ear. “I could take you like that, if you want.”

  “Is sex all you think about?” I sigh, but I have to force my legs to keep going and not quake. The thought of him and me like that has my head spinning.

  “No,” He admits. “I think about your smile, too.”

  “And my brain,” I add.

  “Of course. You’re the smartest girl I know, lioness. You’re the only one who’s ever been able to give me a run for my money. That’s why I love you.”

  “That’s it? The whole reason?”

  “Well, that and your ass.”

  I scoff, and he moves in front of me, cupping my face.

  “You know I’m joking, right?”

  I let my mouth soften into a smile. “Yeah.”

  He kisses me right there, the night cool on his lips. And I know, deep down, that this is where I’m meant to be – with him, beside him, dissolved in his heart and his mind as he is in mine.

  We aren’t perfect. But we’re together. And that night, my nightmares are nowhere to be found. They become less and less, and soon I stop having them altogether. Soon, Kai shows me he’s not going anywhere – his tenderness and possessiveness more than enough to keep me coming back for more. Every day I learn something new about him – and even when we have our rare arguments, it always ends up with us learning more about each other than ever. I have my memories of being abused to work through, and he has his own memories of abuse. We’re mirror images of each other, and our similar hurt knits us closer than I ever thought I could be with another human being.

  I don’t know what the future holds, but as long as I have him, I know I won’t dissolve.

  One Christmas break, we go back to our old town, just to see how much it’s changed. All the mom and pop stores are replaced by strip malls, but our favorite parks are still here, our high school still the same as it always was – run down and full of old gum and graffiti. He kisses me on the football field.

  “I imagined, after every game we won, that I’d kiss you,” He confesses. “I imagined you running down the stands and into the fields, right at me. I’d pick you up and spin you around, like this.”

  He picks me up, spinning me slightly, and I shriek delightedly.

  “Let go to the dam,” I say when he puts me down.

  “Good idea,” He smirks.

  The dam is a good twenty minutes away from the school, but on his motorcycle we make it easily. It’s a view I used to despise, a view that was the only thing that could calm me, sometimes.

  We stand on the edge of the damn and watch the sun go down.

  “I’m glad,” I say finally. “I’m glad you found me up here, when we were kids.”

  “Me too,” he grins. This place is so different now that time’s passed – but it’s then I realize I’m the one who’s changed, not the place itself.

  “I feel like, if I could tell my past self something, I would.”

  “You can,” he insists. “It’s worth a try. Who knows – maybe the flow of tim
e and space will weaken, or the dimensional barriers will collapse, and your younger self will hear it.”

  “Okay, don’t make fun of me.”

  “I’m not!” He protests. “Seriously, lioness. Sometimes it’s better to say these things than keep them inside, no matter how silly it seems.”

  I breathe in slowly, and out even slower. I try to call up my memories of all those nights alone up here, wondering what death was like, trying to convince myself death was better than to keep living.

  “You’re wrong,” I say to the air. “You’re wrong, young me. I know it hurts, but you’re okay in the future. In the future, you’re in love. You’re not broken forever, I promise.”

  Kai hugs me closer, and clears his throat.

  “You too, young me,” He says. “Do me a favor and get over yourself and ask her out. She’s the best thing that can ever happen to you.”

  “God, I take it back,” I say to young me. “Never date a guy named Kai. He’s so cheesy he’ll make you vomit.”

  “You love it,” He laughs, and I snuggle into his chest further with a satisfied smile.

  “I do.”

  We eventually leave, the dam too cold to stay for long. I look back once at the edge, Kai waiting for me on his motorcycle. The wind plays with my hair, and the last thing I can think is of the girl sitting on that edge, so alone, wishing only to dissolve into the water as if she never existed.

  Don’t dissolve, younger me. Life is worth living.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  As always, you the reader are the first person to thank. Thank you for reading this story, for joining me on this adventure of two heartbroken characters finding each other. If you want to find more sweet and sexy stories like this, please keep an eye out on my amazon author page.

  A big shout out to Gina, my editor and forever partner in crime. Kai is hers, but she’ll have to fight Evelyn for him, and that’s a book for another day.

  L.V. Hunter is the romance penname of an Amazon bestselling author. With a penchant for angst and happily ever afters, L.V. writes hot, sweet, and sexy tales of couples finding true love, and true happiness. She can be reached at lvhunterbooks@gmail.com