Waiting for Baby

by Cathy McDavid

  “She stole a vehicle.”

  “She took a ranch truck without permission and called me the minute she got to my house to let me know what she’d done and where she was.” Not to mention hurl unkind accusations, which he’d chosen not to address in front of Lilly.

  “Her behavior’s out of control. We have to do something about it.”

  “You’re right, Ellen. Maybe we should consider family counseling. For Briana and all of us. I could use some advice on how to deal with the girls.” And how to bring harmony to their relationship with Lilly and their soon-to-be-born sibling, but he refrained from mentioning that to Ellen.

  “Sure, blame them for your problems,” Ellen said with disgust. “Briana’s only giving us grief because you got that woman pregnant.”

  “Me? What about you? You’re the one who—”

  Fortunately, at that moment, Jake’s phone died. He snapped it shut and tossed it on the passenger seat. What he needed to do—more than argue with his ex-wife—was think about what to say to Briana. Her actions might be sympathetic and understandable to a degree, but that didn’t make her unauthorized use of a ranch vehicle, let alone what she’d said about Lilly, acceptable.

  He pulled in to his driveway and parked beside the old truck. Angry as he was at his daughter, a small part of him took pride in her. He knew from personal experience that the truck drove like a tank. Briana had managed to make the three miles from the ranch to his house in the dark and on a narrow, winding mountain road. It seemed he’d been wrong, and she was capable of handling her mother’s new convertible after all.

  Briana sat curled on the couch in the family room, the TV on, but muted, and her iPod earphones in place. She yanked out the earphones and turned off the TV when she saw him.

  “Before you start in on me, I admit I screwed up. I shouldn’t have taken the truck without permission.”

  “Taking the truck without permission is the least of your mistakes. You broke the law. Your mother and I have good reason not to let you get your driver’s license.”

  “Dad! You wouldn’t.” She shot upright. “That’s not fair.”

  “I didn’t say we’d do it.” He sat on the opposite side of the couch. “Only that we have good reason. But rest assured, there will be a punishment.”

  “I figured as much.” She sat back down, hugging the corner cushion.

  “Why’d you do it, Briana?”

  “I told you, Mom and I had another fight.”

  “That’s not what she said.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Briana.”

  His needling succeeded in unleashing her anger. “Why’d you have to leave early—with her?”

  “I brought Lilly to the party. Of course I took her home.”

  “And stayed there.”

  Yes, he’d done that, and it had been worth it.

  “Lilly and I are involved. We’re having a baby together.”

  “You don’t have to remind me.”

  Okay…it was obvious reasoning with her wasn’t going to work. “If you’d told me—”

  “I couldn’t. You left.” Briana’s face crumpled, her anger apparently spent.

  Jake realized in that moment he’d been missing something important. “Why did you come here, sweetie? What’s really bothering you?”

  She wiped her nose with her shirtsleeve and said in a tiny voice, “I wanted to talk about moving in with you. Permanently.”

  “I see.”

  “You could act happier.”

  “It’s not that. You know how much I’d love to have you live here. But your mother and I have an agreement.”

  “She has no say. I was talking to some other kids at school, and I’m old enough by law to decide for myself which parent I want to live with.”

  Who needed an attorney when they had informed friends? He tried a different approach.

  “You’d be moving away from your sisters.”

  “Not really. I’d see them every day at the ranch. And Wednesday nights and every other weekend.”

  “Is that enough?”

  “It is for you.”

  Ouch! “Let’s talk about this some more tomorrow. I’m not opposed to the idea,” he said before she could interrupt him, “but there’s a lot to consider.”

  Like Lilly and the baby moving in. Many of Briana’s problems with her mother stemmed from her feelings of being displaced, physically and emotionally, by her stepfather and periodically visiting stepbrother. The same thing could happen here with a new stepmother and baby, especially one who might need a lot of attention. “I want you to be sure you’d be moving in for the right reasons, not because you had a fight with your mom and you’re mad at her.”

  “Yeah, I get it.” Some of her defiance returned. “Everything’s changed now that you knocked up Ms. Russo.”

  “Briana!” It took every ounce of his willpower not to respond in anger.

  “Oh, please. What about all those talks you gave me on being responsible and abstinence and waiting until you’re ready. Weren’t you listening?”

  He cringed inwardly. Was talking about sex with your children ever easy? Jake weighed his words before speaking them. He couldn’t mess this up.

  “Lilly and I didn’t have indiscriminate sex. We care a lot about each other. We were also responsible and used protection. Unfortunately, it failed. Or not unfortunately, depending on how you look at it.”

  “What do you mean?” she said snippily.

  He’d been planning to wait until next weekend to tell the girls about Lilly’s medical history. Now might be better.

  “Lilly’s been pregnant before. Three times.”

  “She has kids?”

  “No. Two of the babies were stillborn. The last one had severe birth defects and didn’t live long.”

  “Oh.” Not unexpectedly, his news appeared to disturb Briana.

  “Lilly has a genetic disorder. I don’t understand much except that she’s always wanted children and hasn’t been able to have them. Her doctor thinks her chances are better with this baby because he or she has a different father. And I care about Lilly and I want her to have a healthy baby.”

  “What if the baby’s not healthy?”

  “Then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

  “You’d be stuck. You’d have to pay for that kid.”

  “I’ve never thought of myself as being ‘stuck’ with any of my children.”

  “Because it’s your duty.”

  “A duty I’ve always enjoyed. I love you girls.”

  Just when he assumed he was getting somewhere with Briana, she showed him how very far he still had to go.

  “Well, your duty shouldn’t have to be my duty,” she said and sprang up from the couch, snatching her iPod. “You’re trying to make yourself sound all noble and everything, giving Lilly the kid she’s always wanted. But the truth is you got her pregnant, and now we’re all forced to put up with that baby in our lives whether we like it or not. A baby who could be born screwed up or even die. How fair is that?”

  She fled the family room and ran down the hall. A few seconds later, Jake heard her bedroom door slam.

  Some time passed before he moved from the couch. Briana might have thrown a childish fit but he couldn’t dismiss her feelings or the painful points she’d raised. He wanted to be a good father to Lilly’s baby. But in so doing, was he being a lousy father to his daughters?

  Chapter Eleven

  Lilly studied her computer screen, scrolling through the photographs one by one. Her mother had taken the pictures at the enlistment party of their neighbor’s son, Peter, and e-mailed them to Lilly together with a long, newsy letter. The last photo showed him in uniform with his wife and their young baby, Peter’s military cap perched crookedly on the child’s little head. They all looked so happy and so…complete.

  For several seconds, Lilly envied them. Fortunately, the emotion didn’t last. She had much to be grateful for, including a job she loved tha
t gave her tremendous satisfaction. If she never attained that complete family, she’d still have a wonderful life.

  But, oh, it would be nice to have at least one child….

  She imagined pictures of her holding a baby, Jake by her side. Would he be her husband or simply the father of her child? He hadn’t proposed to her again, but as the weeks passed with more good reports from Dr. Paul, Lilly expected him to pop the question again any day.

  She only wished she knew how she’d answer him if—and when—he did ask.

  Lilly dashed off a quick e-mail to her mother. She thanked her for the pictures, told her about Jake’s aunt’s birthday party last week, and assured her of how well her pregnancy—nearly six months and counting—was progressing. She also officially accepted her mother’s offer to fly out when the baby was born, saying they’d firm up a date later. Lilly’s mother wouldn’t be satisfied with that response, but she’d have to live with it. At this point Lilly refused to make any more plans than the bare minimum because of the risk that they’d change or become unnecessary.

  She was both elated and scared to be approaching her third trimester. It was around this time that she’d lost her first baby, and she couldn’t help recalling that terrible day. Sadly, those memories were sabotaging her happiness—and her relationship with Jake, which also seemed to be going well.

  Clicking the send button, she exited her e-mail program and shut down the computer. Jake was due any second. They were going to the Payson Rodeo, an annual event that drew thousands of people to the small town and had filled the ranch’s guest cabins to capacity.

  What made this outing special was that they were having lunch with his cousin, Carolina, and her boyfriend, then meeting Jake’s family at the rodeo where they’d all sit together. Briana, along with other students from her school, was performing in the opening ceremony.

  Jake arrived on time, as usual, and walked Lilly to his Buick.

  “I thought we’d be driving in your truck,” she said, taking his hand.

  “Carolina and Denny decided to come with us rather than meet at the restaurant. Then they’ll hitch a ride home with my folks after the rodeo.”

  It was then that Lilly noticed the couple in the backseat. “Great.” She liked Jake’s cousin. Though they weren’t quite friends yet, they’d been getting along well since the night of Millie’s birthday party. “I finally get to meet the boyfriend.”

  “One of them.” Jake shot her an amused look. “I think she has two on the string these days.”

  Lilly had gotten an earful about Carolina’s dating habits. From Carolina, not Jake. His cousin made no secret of the fact that she had zero intention of settling down, or at least not for years.

  The trip to the restaurant went quickly. Lilly took an instant liking to Denny, Carolina’s guy du jour, and the four of them savored a lovely meal in the outdoor dining area of the restaurant. But Lilly’s nerves kicked into high gear the moment the rodeo parking lot came into sight. She had yet to make the kind of progress with the rest of Jake’s family as she had with Carolina and LeAnne.

  His two youngest daughters sat in the bleachers beside their grandparents. Next to them were the Forresters, Gary, his wife, their daughter, Natalie, and their granddaughter, a squirmy and very pretty toddler.

  Natalie’s husband, a former national rodeo champion, wasn’t with them. He’d retired from the circuit after his first wife, Jake’s sister, Hailey, had died, and he now worked for a radio broadcasting company. Jake and Lilly had stopped by the station’s booth on the way to their seats to say hello to him.

  Jake helped Lilly up the aluminum steps to their seats in the bleachers. The girls scrambled over to him as soon as he sat down, chatting excitedly about their day and what he’d missed so far—namely the petting zoo, cotton candy and a trip to the icky portable toilets. Everyone moved and shifted to accommodate the change in seating arrangements.

  For the second time that day, Lilly experienced a stab of envy. It was much harder to rationalize the emotion away when happy families surrounded her. Jake’s daughters hung all over him, their small hands resting on his shoulders and knees. Even harder to deal with was Natalie’s toddler, who giggled and squealed and reached her chubby arms out to her grandparents in a bid for attention.

  Lilly might have gone on feeling sorry for herself if not for LeAnne.

  “Hi,” she said, squeezing in beside Lilly, displacing her father in the process.

  “Hi, there.”

  Without asking, she put her hand on Lilly’s stomach. “How’s the baby today?”

  “Good. Sleeping now, I think. He or she hasn’t moved much since lunch.”

  LeAnne lowered her head until her mouth was inches from Lilly’s protruding stomach. “Hello, baby.” She gently patted Lilly. “Can you hear me? I’m saving all my old toys so I can give them to you when you get older.”

  Lilly lifted her hand, hesitated, then tentatively touched LeAnne’s hair. The little girl had included Lilly in her family circle, and she was enormously moved.

  She glanced up to find Jake staring at her, his expression tender and paternal. “What if the baby’s a boy?” He addressed LeAnne but grinned at Lilly. “He might not want to play with your Barbie dolls.”

  “I’m not giving him my Barbie dolls.” LeAnne abruptly sat up. “He can have Ken. I don’t like Ken all that much anyway, not since the dog chewed his arm.”

  Lilly’s laughter vanquished the last of her envy. However things turned out with Jake and the baby, she had a new friend in LeAnne and another reason to be grateful.

  If only forging relationships with the rest of Jake’s family were as easy. His parents’ greeting to her bordered on reserved, and Kayla kept her distance, always making sure either Jake or LeAnne was between her and Lilly.

  A loud electronic screech pierced the air, causing one or two nearby people to raise their voices in protest. The arena speakers crackled to life, and a male voice came on, announcing the start of the rodeo, which would run through Sunday. Sponsors were acknowledged and thanked, concession stand and restroom locations identified and a brief summary of events listed. The emcee finished with a rousing welcome to fans and participants alike and with that, the opening ceremony began.

  A gate at the far end of the arena opened. Arizona’s reigning rodeo queen galloped out on a stunning palomino horse, a flag of the United States held high. Everyone stood. As she circled the arena, the national anthem played. When it was over, the audience cheered and took their seats. More riders followed, some dressed in period and Native-American costumes, some carrying banners.

  “Look!” Jake’s mom shouted. “There she is.”

  Briana burst from the gate with six other riders. Bright turquoise sashes identified them as the high school’s equestrian drill team. They trotted in unison to the middle of the arena, where they performed a series of complicated dressage maneuvers.

  Lilly was impressed. She’d seen Briana ride at the ranch and practice her barrel racing, but nothing like this.

  Jake’s mother leaned into his father, and they shared smiles that were both proud and sad. “She looks just like Hailey did at her age.”

  “Like you did, too.” Mr. Tucker patted his wife’s leg.

  Watching Jake’s parents, Lilly felt a small connection with them that she hadn’t before. They’d lost a child, and that realization gave her pause. Could his parents’ reaction to her be based on the fact that they didn’t want their son to experience the same type of tragedy they had?

  The drill team executed their last moves and lined up in the center of the arena. On cue, all seven horses went down on one knee in an elegant bow. The audience applauded wildly, showing their support for the hometown girls.

  Lilly jumped to her feet, clapping and calling Briana’s name. She didn’t realize what she was doing until Jake joined her, and so did the rest of his family. Lilly sat back down only when the drill team had exited. Jake put an arm around her and drew her close. They exc
hanged a lingering glance before he let her go.

  The crowd finally quieted, and the first event was announced.

  Lilly didn’t see the saddle bronc rider explode out of the chute. Kayla stood in her way. She’d crawled over her father to get to Lilly.

  “Were you really happy for my sister, or were you faking it in order to impress my dad?”

  “Kayla,” Jake said sharply.

  “That’s all right. I’ll answer the question.” Lilly looked Kayla straight in the eyes. “Your sister Briana and I don’t always get along. Neither do you and I. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate her hard work and her talent, whether it’s with her school drill team or at the ranch. I cheered for your sister because I was genuinely impressed with her performance. And I would’ve done exactly the same thing even if I was sitting alone on the other side of the arena, and your dad didn’t know I was here.”

  “Okay,” Kayla said after a moment and sat down.

  On the other side of Lilly. Not next to her father.

  Again, everyone shifted in their seats.

  No one, Jake especially, seemed to mind.

  “GOOD MORNING.”

  “Morning to you, too.” Lilly snuggled closer to Jake, her cheek against his chest, her hand draped over his middle. Sunlight seeped through the partially open blinds, casting horizontal lines across the foot of the bed.

  “Go back to sleep,” he said, tracing the outline of her ear with a fingertip. “Just because I need to get up early doesn’t mean you do.”

  “I wish you didn’t have to go to work today.”

  “Me, too. But we have a lot to do to get ready for the annual breakfast ride. It’s only six weeks away.”

  “Natalie said last year Aaron put the whole thing together in three weeks.”

  “It’s bigger this year. And he wasn’t a newlywed then.”

  Lilly almost hadn’t expressed her wish that Jake stay home out loud, afraid he might misunderstand and assume she was ready to take another leap in their relationship. She was glad to see he’d treated her remark for what it was, a longing to extend the nice time they’d had, starting with lunch and the rodeo and ending with making love in his bed.