by Kip Nelson
The streets again were lined with abandoned cars and the first thing Adam noticed was how quiet the city was. In the first throes of the apocalypse there still had been a lot of noise. People screamed and yelled, buildings creaked under the strain of having planes lodged into their sides, but now there was only the sound of falling rain, and it made him feel incredibly lonely. The place had changed so much in such a short amount of time. He wondered how much it would change in the future, and how much nature would encroach upon it. Would the skyscrapers turn out to be buildings like the pyramids, which served no practical purpose any longer? There were so many buildings that relied on technology, most of them were not good for anything other than shelter.
“Where are we going?” Peter asked.
“Before we do anything I want to go back to where I worked, just in case anyone I know survived,” he said, even though part of him was afraid to see the place in ruins.
They walked on in silence. Peter hummed to himself and seemed to be content with his own thoughts, but Adam was filled with solemnity. The more he walked the more he realized the rain was fitting, for it was as though the world was crying and mourning the great devastation that had taken place. They soon reached the area where Adam's work was located, a place that used to be busy with people rushing to and from work, always attached to their cell phones while they walked. He remembered how streams of taxis and sleek black sedans used to pull up and people poured out, making their way to important meetings, meeting they thought were important anyway. Now the streets were bare and he had no idea where anyone was. For all he knew they could have been rescued and he and Peter were the last ones in the abandoned city.
In some ways he hoped he would find someone he knew, but in other ways he wanted it to be deserted. Since the EMP occurred in the dead of night there wouldn't have been many people in the office, but deadlines were tight and some people liked to work through the night anyway. They said it was more peaceful than during the day. The door to the building opened easily, and the lobby was quiet. The computer screens were dead. Usually there had been music playing in the background and the silence was eerie. Their feet echoed against the floor. Adam pushed past the security barrier, which was no longer functional, and instinctively went toward the elevators before he realized his mistake. He looked up at the high ceiling and the levels that lay beyond it.
“We're going to have to take the stairs. It's a long way up, so you can stay down here if you want,” he told Peter, but the old man shook his head.
He didn't want to be left alone again, not after what had happened with the two men. Adam shrugged, made his way to the stairs, and began the slow ascent. Sweat beaded on his temples the higher he rose, and he could tell Peter was struggling. So, he told Peter to stay in the stairwell and wait for him to return. Peter looked frightened, so Adam left him with the spear, although if anyone did come across Peter, Adam didn't like his chances. However, he continued his journey up the stairs toward his offices.
On the way he peeked through the doors into other offices to see if he could see anything, but they all were cloaked in darkness. When he reached his old place of work he pushed the door open slowly and made his way in. The place was a mess. Someone had been there and ransacked the entire place, although from first glance it didn't look as though anything was missing. He was somewhat surprised that nobody was using it as a shelter, but then again there were probably better places in the city to stay that were nearer sources of food.
He went up to his old desk and looked at his forlorn computer that was completely useless now. So many great ideas had been conceived here, and so many hours spent doing what he loved. There was a small Spider-Man figurine sitting beside his mouse and he picked it up, turning it around in his hand. He pocketed it, figuring he might as well at least try keeping some of his old life intact. He went to another room and saw the Hololife headset, looking like a generic piece of technology. Adam picked it up and held it in in his hands. It was a billion-dollar idea that was now just a hunk of metal, and if he had shown it to anyone, they wouldn't have thought it was anything special. He wished it still worked, that he could put it on and submerge himself into a brand-new world where the misery of this reality could wash away.
Sighing, he checked the rest of the office and was even brave enough to call out, but nobody answered. He walked past photos of the team. They looked so happy. He looked happy. It was likely that he never would see any of them again. He thought about taking one as some evidence of his life before the world ended, but then he thought better of it. He didn't need to keep reminders of the past with him. After this he checked the kitchen and opened the fridge just in case there was any food left. He closed it immediately as the stench of rotten milk and yogurts blasted him. His search for life had found nothing but emptiness and he turned away from his office with a sense of despair, as though nothing he had done up to that point had mattered. Was it just a delusion that he actually had achieved anything in life?
He tried to quell the thoughts that throbbed in his mind as he returned to Peter. Peter had a hopeful look on his face, but that disappeared when Adam offered him a grim smile, and the two of them went back down to the lobby.
“Your friends weren't there?” Peter asked.
“No, I'm afraid not. I guess they must have had other plans than to come back here,” Adam said.
He was a little annoyed that the place already had been ransacked. He would have liked to get more supplies, but he supposed that he surrendered the right to have first pick at the city when he left. They exited from the building and were talking idly, wondering where to go next, when they turned a corner and bumped into a family. There were two adults and two children, and they instantly cowered. The man pushed himself in front of the mother and children. He was trying to look brave, even though Adam could see the fear in his eyes, a look he knew all too well because it was one that often was etched upon his own face. Adam and Peter were so startled they weren't quite sure what to do at all, and were at a loss for words.
“Please don't hurt us. We don't have anything. We're just trying to get somewhere safe,” the man said.
The rain was pouring down all around them and Adam was shocked he and Peter could be thought of as monsters. His silence didn't exactly help, but he was so stunned he didn't quite know what to say. He looked at each of them in turn. All of them were frightened, especially the children, and Adam wondered what they had been through.
“It's alright, we're not going to hurt you,” Adam said.
“We don't have anything, we promise, just please, we'll be on our way and you can forget you ever saw us,” the mother said.
Adam looked confused because, as far as he was concerned, he hadn't made any threatening movements. Yet, when he tried calming them down and talking, he failed for they had given into their fear completely and didn't believe him at all. They quickly ran, splashing away from Adam and Peter, hoping that a spear wouldn't be flung at their backs.
“We could have been their friends,” Peter said.
“We could have,” Adam replied, but it was clear he wasn't the only one ruled by fear.
The family disappeared into the distance and Adam and Peter walked in the opposite direction. Their stomachs were beginning to growl louder and louder and Adam didn't think they could go too much longer without food. They quickly found a store and had to search for a long time before they found anything to eat. It was not appetizing at all, but at least it was food to sustain them.
Without anywhere specific to go they were left asking each other where they should go next. Since seeing his place of work Adam was tempted to return to his apartment and remind himself of his old life. It may have been a mistake, but he was filled with this need to confirm his identity. They walked back toward his apartment, keeping an eye out for anyone roaming the streets, staying to the alleys where they could to increase their chances of avoiding people. When they returned to his apartment Adam was almost afraid he would find m
any of the people from the brawl there, but the place was deserted. His went up to his own apartment and found the door ajar, but the place was much in the state that he had left it. All of his prized possessions were there.
“You know, Peter, it's funny, I always was afraid of someone breaking in here and stealing everything I owned. Now I can leave the door open and I know nobody is going to want any of this because it doesn't serve any practical purpose. I don't even want it myself. Everything in here used to mean so much to me. It was my identity, you know? Like, I defined myself by my possessions and my interests, but all those are gone now. I'll never be able to watch any of these DVDs again. I could take these books, but that only would add extra weight to everything we're carrying and, frankly, we don't need that. There's just nothing here for me now,” he said, and that was a sad realization to come to.
He was cold and tired and hungry, and ran straight to the faucet. He spun it and held his mouth to the tap, expecting a strong flow of water, but there was nothing, not even a drop, and his mouth was left scratchy and dry. He still was glad to be in a place of comfort and safety, though. He went to his room and sank onto his bed. Peter looked out of sorts, so Adam made him feel welcome. The bed sank underneath his weight and the thought of a pillow was all too tempting. He could have stayed there forever. His foot was annoying him, though, so he pulled off his shoes and socks, inspecting his foot. He went to the bathroom and dried it with a towel, then pulled out a spare pair of sneakers from his closet, and some other clothes. He offered some to Peter. They got changed, but it was strange for Adam to be sitting in his apartment. He thought coming back here would feel like home, but it only served to remind him of everything he had lost, of the life that he had had before. It made him feel depressed.
They could have stayed there and used that as a base. They could have barricaded the door to make sure nobody came in, but it only gave Adam a hollow feeling in his stomach. Like his place of work, it was the same, but different. Although the comfort was tempting, he couldn't stand the reminders of his old life. In his way of thinking he already had wasted enough time there and wasn't about to waste any more.
“Is there any place you'd like to go?” Adam asked.
Peter thought for a couple of moments. “There is somewhere,” he said, and promptly turned away without telling Adam where he was going.
Adam had no choice but to follow, and was surprised when Peter led them to a rundown part of town. It was a place of squalor, a place that Adam never had been to before because it was one of those places that was better avoided. He didn't see why Peter would want to come to this place.
“What's here?” Adam asked.
“We're almost there,” Peter replied, and soon enough Adam saw why Peter had brought him to that place. They entered a cemetery and walked along the path to a particular grave. Peter bowed his head, and Adam did the same. Adam felt stupid for talking so reverently about his possessions when here lay the woman that Peter had loved.
“I used to come here a lot, but I suppose I won't be able to as much anymore,” he said.
“I guess not,” Adam replied.
“I'll try and see you soon, Evangeline, and you're always in my heart,” he said, and placed his fingers to his lips, then touched the tip of the tombstone. It filled Adam's heart with sadness as well as he hope to see how love could endure. It showed him that just because he had lost some things, it didn't mean his life didn't matter.
Chapter Sixteen
Adam let Peter spend as long as he wanted saying goodbye to his wife. The rain continued pouring, but they were soaking wet, so it didn't really matter. Adam wondered what Peter's life must have been like before all this. He didn't seem to have a strong grasp on what it took to live, but he must have been able to make it himself, and he had to endure sadness the likes of which Adam never had known. Whenever Adam had lost someone close to him he had been sad, but he never really had felt that all-pervading sense of loss that some other people that, and in this he felt guilty. For example, after his parents died life simply went on. Of course, it was strange not hearing from them or seeing them, but it was just one of those things, and since Adam hadn't had any strong romantic love he couldn't imagine how Peter felt. In some ways, Adam was afraid he was an emotionally distant monster who didn't process emotions like other people, but he always was trying to find something wrong with himself.
He stayed silent while Peter paid his respects. Adam never really had known what to say in these situations. “I'm ready to go now,” Peter said, and the two of them began to move away.
However, just as they were about to leave the cemetery they heard voices, and loud laughter. Adam quickly grabbed Peter and the two of them ducked behind tombstones, keeping a close eye on the gate. Being so low down and out of sight they hoped they wouldn't be seen, because as the group came into view Adam saw they carried guns, and from the way they walked it looked as though they were part of a patrol. They didn't carry backpacks and seemed to be enjoying life, which wasn't the way most people looked when they were making their way through the city. Adam overheard jokes, and they swung their guns around, fully confident in their strength.
“Should we say hi?” Peter whispered.
Adam glared at him, trying to make sure he was quiet. Adam hoped they wouldn't come into the cemetery and simply would pass on by. They didn't look too friendly, although if they were patrolling the area, then it meant there was some group nearby. They were wearing regular clothes, so they weren't part of the police or army or anything such as that, and that meant they were an unknown quantity. Adam didn't know if they would help him and Peter, or seek to subjugate them.
Since a spear and a knife were not going to prove any use in a fight against men armed with guns, Adam decided the best course of action was to stay put and wait for them to pass by. But it did make him wonder how many groups had formed in the aftermath of the apocalypse. Many people would have sought comfort and safety in groups, because that was the human way, but how would they find them and join them? The men certainly looked well-fed and in good spirits, so perhaps it wasn't the worst thing in the world to be involved with other people. It was tiring to survive by themselves.
His thoughts turned back to the family they had run into. They had been so scared of Peter and Adam, perhaps they thought the two of them were a part of some dangerous group and that is why they had made a point to run so quickly. In the old world it had been easy to tell the good people from the bad people. The bad people often clustered together and were sent to jail when they had done something wrong, but the city’s social groups all had been shaken up and mixed together. The bad people suddenly had opportunities and skills that made them the superior force, while the good people who had spent their time working hard now were left with nothing to show for their efforts, and sometimes young children to look after as well. Adam didn't envy the people he had met earlier. It was hard enough taking care of himself in this world, let alone having a dependent child in tow as well. There were some times when it paid to be a lone wolf.
The patrol moved on and Adam again wondered if he had made the right decision. For all he knew his paranoia had gotten the best of him, and they had been reasonable people looking for others in need to help. He had a bleak view of humanity, but he had to look outside of his usual way of thinking and admit to himself that not everyone was selfish. There were good people around and many of them would want to help those in need and offer some relief. If it wasn't coming from the government (Who knew if that even existed anymore?), then it would have to come from somewhere.
If he hadn't been so hell-bent on retreating from the city, he and Peter could have been part of those efforts, but he had missed his chance to get in on the ground floor. Now people already had formed groups, and if he tried joining one, he would be the one viewed with suspicion, just as the family had reacted to him. It felt as though his new life already had begun with mistakes, and he continually was trying to make up for them. He won
dered if he ever would be able to change his way of thinking and trust anyone ever again. Peter was different, and if he met more people like Peter, then he would be alright, but other people?
Adam couldn't shake the thought that there was always the chance they were murderers, and that they would cause him harm. It was a big risk to take and he wasn't sure if he was ready to take that yet. He wanted to get away from the area for fear there would be more people wandering around. He thought he was able to handle being in the city, but being back here filled him with that same sense of dread that had driven him out in the first place. It felt as though danger was lurking around every corner, and that every moment could have been the last of his life.
“Do you think they were like the other men?” Peter asked.
“I'm not sure, but my gut tells me they were,” Adam replied.
“Maybe it was good that we avoided them then.”
“I think so,” Adam said, then paused. “Peter, are you sad that you won't get to visit Evangeline as much as you used to?”
“Yes, but that's just the way things go, isn't it? I still have her in my heart and in my mind. I liked that she was there so I had an actual place to visit because I felt like I still could talk to her. I'd like to go back there again to tell her about the adventures we've had together. I think she would have liked you, and you would surely have liked her. Everyone did. But I still have thoughts of her and memories, and those never will leave me. So, it's not like I have to be completely separated from her.”
“I'm sure I would like her. It's a shame I can't get to know her myself. Do you think she would have handled life in this world better than the two of us?”