Cold As Ice

by Paige, Violet

  “Hi, I’m Sophie. Roman texted and said Jack had invited you.”

  My shoulders relaxed. She looked nice and normal. Not that Bonnie, wasn’t. But wife mom gave off an intense vibe that I wasn’t sure I was emotionally equipped to handle tonight.

  “Yes.” I nodded. “He did. I promised I wouldn’t miss his first game.”

  “Sit with me.” She grinned at Bonnie. “I think Hope might need help with the twins.”

  “Oh, I’ve got it.” Bonnie turned and disappeared into the family box.

  Sophie giggled. “Hope is going to hate me, but I have to use that every once in a while, when I need a Bonnie break.”

  “I won’t tell her.”

  Sophie showed us where she was sitting. There were rows of seats attached to a private box and sectioned off by glass. The view was amazing. Phoebe already had her nose smashed against the wall. Sophie turned awkwardly to wedge herself in the seats. These seats were wider and had substantial legroom, but for a pregnant woman there was no row of seats big enough.

  “How far along are you?” I asked.

  “Eight months,” she replied. “We tried to schedule this baby around hockey season, but we failed miserably.” She laughed. “He’s going to be here in the middle of playoffs and there’s nothing Roman or I can do about that.”

  “Will he be able to take off?”

  “No. But we have a plan. It involves his mother, a traveling nursery, and not going into labor when he’s on the road. Do you think I’m insane?” I recognized worry.

  “No. No. That’s not insane.” I had done it on my own with no dad. No husband or boyfriend. Sophie and Roman would figure it out. “It’s going to be fine. Things like that work out unexpectedly.”

  “How old is your daughter?”

  “Phoebe is six but going on fifteen.”

  “Ahh, one of those.” She seemed to have some intuition about kids. It was refreshing.

  “Yes. And you’re having a boy?”

  She cradled her bump. “A very active boy who likes to stretch so much I haven’t slept in the past month.”

  “Sorry.” I winced. “It doesn’t get any better the last month.” I enjoyed my pregnancy with Phoebe when I wasn’t worried about how I would raise a child alone. I wondered if there would ever be a time I’d experience another pregnancy. A chance to savor it without fear and regret.

  “I’ve read that.” She pouted. “Anyway, I want to hear about you and Jack Novak. Pregnancy discomfort isn’t really fun to talk about. But I think Jack is. He’s the new guy.” She waggled her eyebrows.

  “He is the new guy. To me too.”

  “Oh?”

  A member of the waitstaff descended the steps and offered Phoebe a slushie on a tray. She was in heaven. I didn’t have to entertain her.

  “We’ve only been dating a few weeks. I guess three weeks exactly,” I explained. The number of days didn’t reflect what he meant to me. What we had shared. “Tonight is important to him. It’s all he’s worked toward since he moved. It’s a miracle he’s out there.”

  “They work hard. All of them do. I hope he’s the kind of player that values having something off the ice too.” I saw the way she looked at Roman. It was the most devoted adoring look I’d ever seen that wasn’t on a movie screen. She loved her husband.

  The buzzer sounded as the announcer spoke into the microphone to introduce the players. Sophie pushed off the back of the seat to stand. I offered her my arm to help her. We both clapped when the team took the ice.

  But then the curtain I had been holding up. The thin flimsy layer that protected me from six years of pain and what-ifs skated on the ice. The boos were deafening when his name was announced. The fans hated Alexi VonCalco. Phoebe booed with them. My throat tightened. I should have stopped her, but I didn’t.

  25

  Jack

  The lights were low in the arena. The siren blared and the crowds pounded on the glass. I was able to find the family box and seats. Barb had marked it well on the map. If I squinted hard, I could make out Phoebe and Noelle. They were here. I couldn’t believe they had made it. Did Noelle listen to my voicemails? By now she knew Alexi was facing me. She could see everything I did. Only, my view was a lot closer.

  I swore I wasn’t going to make comparisons, but I couldn’t stop myself. I saw his rounded chin and blond hair sticking out from his helmet. They were Phoebe’s features. There was no doubt she was his. I fucking choked when I saw he held his stick the same way she did.

  I had to look away. I had to break the focus and get back in the game or I’d end up in the wall like the last time I was on the ice.

  Suddenly the lights were on, the puck was dropped, and we started playing hockey. I couldn’t worry about Alexi. I couldn’t search for Phoebe’s reaction to plays. I had to get my head in the game and earn my place on this team as the best defenseman in the NHL.

  By the end of the second period my leg felt like it was going to fall off. It throbbed with a deep pain that made me question my decision to play. I didn’t tell Coach or the trainers. I had to play through it. There was only one period left and we were up by a goal. I didn’t want Phoebe or Noelle to see me crumble in pain.

  I also wasn’t going to let Alexi stay on the ice while I was on the bench. I was the only thing standing between him and Roman. I had a job to do.

  * * *

  As soon as the horn rang, I wanted to find Noelle. I didn’t want to do press. I tried not to limp in front of the guys in the locker room. I wanted the quickest exit out of here so I could explain what happened. I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t focused when I should have been. I never meant to invite her to see Alexi play.

  “Fucking amazing, man,” Luca Salak howled from three lockers away. He and Roman were close friends. I heard they played college hockey together.

  “Thanks.”

  “You saved my ass more than once.” Roman nodded. “Outstanding game. The first game back is always the hardest. It’s behind you now. Welcome to the Dires.”

  I grinned. It felt good to be part of a team again.

  Shower. Press. Noelle. I repeated it over and over. I could stand tall and even if I kept saying those three words.

  Alexi had scored once, but so had Luca. We won by a single goal. It hadn’t been a clean game or an easy game, but I had survived. I was back. It was official.

  “Novak!” the equipment manager shouted.

  “Yeah?”

  “There’s someone here to see you.”

  I groaned when I stood on my leg. I prayed no one heard me as I hobbled out of the locker room.

  “Jack!” Phoebe squealed. I wasn’t prepared when she ran toward me. “That was so awesome. We had the best seats in the whole place.”

  “Hey, kid.” It was instinct that made me pick her up and hold her in the air.

  Noelle approached. “Hi. Congratulations on the win. Sophie told helped us get down here so we could see you,” she added. “You had a great game.”

  “Thanks.” I put my free arm around her and dragged her to my chest. I was sweaty and my sweater was soaked with melted ice, but I needed to hold her. To tell her how damn sorry I was for the mistake I made. “I’m glad you came.” I kissed the top of her head.

  She gazed up at me. There were questions in her eyes. Questions I couldn’t answer in the hallway outside the locker room.

  “I’m sorry.” My forehead creased. “So sorry. Do you think you could stay until after I’m done with press?” I asked. “We could talk.”

  “I did something,” she answered.

  “What’s that?” I loved that Phoebe was in one arm and Noelle in the other. Was it stupid to think this was what family felt like?

  “I called Lucy. She’s going to spend the night tonight.”

  “She is?” Phoebe shrieked.

  Noelle hushed her. “Yes. I wanted to make sure we had time.” She left it at that.

  “All the time you want. As soon as I’m done here. Want me to pick
you up on my way home?”

  “I’d like that. I’ll pack a bag?”

  “Okay. I’ll get through this as fast as I can.” It wasn’t the overnight I’d wanted with Noelle. I’d been trying to figure out a way for her to stay over for a few weeks but slowing things down meant we were going to work toward the physical relationship, not live in it. The idea of not sharing her bed killed me. We’d had one night together that was hot and intimate. I’d made her come until her body shook with fever. That’s why I wanted her to pack a bag—not so we could stay up and talk about Alexi VonCalco.

  “Mommy says I have to go to bed.” Phoebe pouted. “Can’t we stay longer?”

  “I think that’s what you do every night. Isn’t it, kid?”

  She giggled wildly when I dangled her over the floor, but not letting her shoes touch the floor.

  “Come on,” Noelle urged. “I need to get Wonder Woman tucked in.”

  I finally let Phoebe touch the floor. I heard the procession before I saw them. My arm curled around Noelle and I gathered Phoebe close to me. The Score leaders were walking through the hall on their way to the press room. It was the only chance I had to shield them from running into Alexi. I never expected their paths to intersect. Fuck.

  I eyed Alexi as he walked past. I’d stared him down plenty on the ice, but this had an entirely different context. I was holding the two people he had hurt the most in life. He was too much of an asshole to even care.

  He glared at me, but it was from the rough play on the ice. I’d shoved him a few times, even come close to hooking him with my stick, but stopped myself. I didn’t need the penalty box.

  I waited until he had walked past with the rest of the Score before I released Phoebe.

  Her eyes shone bright. I didn’t know if I’d ever seen her this happy.

  “Oh wait, kid. I have something for you. Don’t go anywhere.” I knew it was safe to leave them outside the locker room for a minute. I darted inside and grabbed the puck lying on the top shelf in my locker. I staggered toward them.

  “You look like you’re hurt,” Noelle whispered. “Are you okay?”

  I ignored her. “Here you go.” I handed Phoebe the puck. “It’s the last goal Luca scored. He said you could have it.”

  “He did?” Her tiny fingers wrapped around it. “Wow. Wow. Wow.”

  I chuckled. I hadn’t done much right today, but I had done this.

  “All right. Tell Jack thank you and let’s get out of here.”

  “Thanks, Jack.” She launched herself in my arms.

  “You’re welcome, kid.” I kissed the side of her temple.

  “I’ll pick you up soon,” I echoed to Noelle as she took her daughter’s hand and led her out of the building.

  26

  Noelle

  When Jack closed the apartment door, I knew he wasn’t only locking the world outside, he was locking us in. He had barred the interruptions and distractions from slinking their way in. Tonight, was about sorting the truth. There was a lot to sift through.

  “Are you hungry? Can I get you something to drink?” he offered.

  I nodded my head. “A drink would be good.”

  I had nibbled on some of the food in the suite. There were chicken fingers and a massive fruit and veggie tray. I didn’t think Phoebe had stopped eating the entire time we were at the game. I had fifty pictures on my phone of her cheering for the Dires. All of them featured a different piece of food she sampled.

  I watched Jack. His broad shoulders rotated as he stood over the bar, dropping ice cubes in a glass. I saw him wince when he knelt to grab a bottle on the lower shelf.

  “Hey, are you okay? Is your leg bothering you?” I asked.

  He rose from the floor, obviously in pain. “I’m fine. Just working through the first night back. Everyone’s banged up.” He handed me the glass of bourbon. I noticed he had filled it higher than usual.

  “Banged up and reinjuring yourself aren’t the same thing,” I argued. “Did you tell anyone you’re in pain?”

  He shook his head. “I’m fine. I’ll soak for a while and it will ease up for me.”

  “Do you even fit in the tub? It’s big, but is it big enough?” I tested. I tried to imagine his enormous body curling into the free-standing tub in his master suite. Ever since I saw it on the first visit to Jack’s apartment, I’d wanted to float in it.

  “It’s deeper than you think. I can get my whole leg in and stretch out. Hot water has been the best thing for it. I feel like it’s healing in there. Ironic. I’d prefer to sit under a block of ice.”

  We sipped our bourbon. Neither of us wanted to bring up Andrei. I didn’t know how we could continue if we didn’t. I had to tell him about the museum. I had to confess what Charlie had done to me today. My life had been shorn by the erratic actions of a psychopath. I almost hadn’t been able to drive to the game.

  But the longer we sat and sipped, the easier it was to pretend nothing horrible happened on the other side of Jack’s apartment door.

  We were insulated from the ugliness and the regrets as long as we didn’t unlock the latch. The lights of the city danced on the river water. It was naïve, but I felt like we were the only two people in the world. People who didn’t have to shatter the calm by talking about reality.

  “Is there room for a second person in that tub of yours?” I asked cautiously.

  Jack tilted his head. “I can make room. Always.”

  I tipped the glass to my lips and gulped until the bourbon was gone. I rose from the couch. “Want to join me?” I didn’t bother to turn around. I peeled the Dires shirt over my head and let it drop in the hallway. I took another step closer to the master suit, tugging the zipper on my jeans.

  I stood next to the enormous porcelain tub while I shimmied out of the jeans. The marble floor was exceptionally cold when I was only wearing a matching bra and panties set.

  Jack appeared in the doorway, holding the two glasses and the bottle of bourbon. “I thought you wanted to talk.” He seemed confused. His eyes raked over my body. I saw the deep inhale when they settled on my breasts.

  For weeks, I had told him how important it was we build a relationship. How I had to do things differently this time. I had to put the physical part of us second to our emotional connection. We needed to be friends. We needed to be confidants. We had to trust each other. Sex was the easy part. We had already proven that. The pieces that made up the in between—that’s what I wanted with him. I worked hard to learn about the man behind the rough and strong exterior. Underneath, I found someone who was caring and lost. A man who longed for family and a place to belong. A man who threw his body into danger just to keep his place among his teammates.

  He walked past me, placing the glasses on the empty vanity and refilled them. My eyes followed his movements. I knew my actions were confusing in comparison to what we had spent hours talking about every night. But sometimes, a girl just needed to be touched and shaken to her core. She needed to be loved without words or discussion.

  “You said you feel healed in this tub.” I leaned over to twist the hot water knob. “I need to know what that feels like tonight.”

  The water began to lap and splash, covering the first few inches. Jack didn’t have jars of bath bombs, or even a canister of bath salts. The man used a bar of soap. I almost giggled when I spotted it in a silver soap dish.

  I pivoted on my bare feet to face him. He placed the drinks on a stool next to the tub. His wide hands gripped my shoulders, caressing the skin along my collarbone.

  “I keep fucking everything up,” he spoke lowly.

  I reached behind my back and unclasped my bra. It fell between us, landing at Jack’s feet.

  “You can’t fuck this up.” I gazed in his eyes. The hot water poured into the tub. I tucked my thumbs along the silky edge of my underwear and wriggled them over my thighs. Jack growled. He quickly shirked the shirt over his head.

  My fingertips traced the lines of his abs. I touched one glori
ous cut muscle after another, memorizing how they were perfectly assembled. His eyes closed briefly before he unbuckled his belt and dropped his jeans with his boxer briefs.

  I licked my lips at the sight of his magnificent cock. The hard shaft was swollen and thick. I ached for it. I ached to feel it blister my skin. I ached for it to heal me in deep slow bursts.

  “I want to make you feel better.” He exhaled. “But, I don’t know how much restraint I’m going to be able to show like this. You’re so fucking gorgeous, Noelle. Your body does things to me. Dark. Dirty things.”

  His fingers dug into the side of my hips. It was as if he was clawing at me for strength.

  “I don’t want your restraint,” I whispered.

  His hands fell from my sides as Jack eased his enormous body in the tub first. I saw the pain shoot across his face when the scar became immersed. He held his hand out for me to follow. The water was scalding hot. My body tingled from the temperature, but I settled into the tub, leaning against Jack’s chest. I was careful not to bump his leg or put any pressure on it.

  He shoved the glass of bourbon in my hand. “I think you need this.”

  I nodded, inhaling another mouthful. I let my head rest on his shoulder. The water covered our bodies, just reaching the tops of my breasts. It consumed us with gentle waves, circling the tub.

  “Hmm. This feels good,” I whispered. I closed my eyes, melting my skin into his.

  Jack wrapped his free hand around my waist. His palm splayed across my stomach. I arched into the contact as his fingers curled against my skin, dipping lower, sliding over my clit, gripping my pussy, thrusting a finger inside me, drawing a whimper from my lips.

  The ice cubes rattled in my glass. My hand shook.

  My hips jerked and he pushed another finger inside me. I breathed heavily and the razor-sharp tips of my nipples breached the water’s surface.