Forever,
Oli
Once I finished reading the letter I had not noticed that tears had been streaming down my face, how could he not tell me? How could he keep that from me? It was Max’s plan all along to kill me. As much as I did not want it to hurt, it did, there was a point in my life where I loved Max, or when I thought, I did at least. The whole time he wanted to kill me for money.
The thoughts were making me sick; my faith in men was slowly fading. As much as I love Oli I am angry with him for keeping such a secret from me, on the other hand how could I have been so stupid and not have known what Max was planning? I know that I want to be angry with someone but whom? I am already angry enough for a lifetime at Max, dead or not, but can I really be angry with Oliver? I sat down at the kitchen table and grabbed a pen and pad of paper; I want to write him back. I want to be able to send this out in the mail today and have it arrive to Oliver this week.
He needs to know all of these things before he is released from jail, he needs to know how I feel. I started to write on the piece of paper and then I realized…I need to tell him these things in person. It is important that he hear it from my lips. I crumple up the paper and throw it away. Four more days, his bail hearing was in four more days. I can last that long…I have lasted six weeks already.
CHAPTER 2
I woke up on Friday morning in a terrible mood. Apart of me was excited to be finally able to know if they would let Oli come home or what his fate would be. He had one month to go until his trial. I need to believe this will all work out or I will surely lose my mind. I heard eager feet running down the hall, “Mommy, I am so hungry is it breakfast time yet, “Belle Said. My sweet Belle she was a good eater. She always wanted breakfast first thing in the morning. I have not slept well in weeks and I think she is starting to figure it out. I smile sweetly at her and say, “Of course Belle what would you like this morning?” She put her finger to her mouth like she was thinking very hard about her selections, “Hmm today I think we should have French Toast, I love it so much mommy,” She said.
“Ok French Toast it is my girl,” I said. She squealed with excitement, jumped off my bed, and ran down the hall, oh to have that much energy again. I was happy we finally had a home but sad that Belle may never have a steady male role in her life. Oli was exactly what she needed and she loves him already.
After breakfast, I cleaned up the house and tried to stay busy. I knew that Oliver’s hearing was at noon, I checked the clock, 11:35 ok I can do this. Stay busy that was my new motto, stay busy. I know exactly what I am going to say to Oli when he gets here. I have thought and thought and thought about it until I was blue in the face. At first I was going to say how sorry I was that this happened to him…how I felt like Belle and I, walked into this sleepy little town, and ruined his life, how he would get out of this trouble and then move on from us. Yes ok, I will admit I was going to run, again. I have to say I have gotten good at running, it is what I do.
I have been running from my problems and emotions long before Oliver, way before Max. I was comfortable with it, but then I decided that maybe I should take the blame for Oliver, yes that was the best most brilliant idea I have ever had! It will get him out of trouble and he can be free of us. Ok, honestly I am not a rocket scientist these ideas suck completely. So when I finally realized that I cannot run my entire life and that Belle and Oliver both deserve more it was a good day, I decided to stay, yes I am not small town, and yes we probably don’t quite fit in here, but I have gone through a lot to finally get to this place. I deserve this, it is liberating really to finally accept your fate and this is mine, here in this town with my daughter by my side and great friends, and of course…Oliver. We do belong here; once I finally stopped with the excuses and let it all go, I was whole again. I know what I want, I know what I need, and I am going to tell him the second I see him.
It was late afternoon, noon had come and went a long while ago, why haven’t I heard anything yet? I literally feel like I cannot breathe normal when Oli is not here. It is like a bad dream that just will not end, its 3:15 and I am picking up toys and praying for a drop of news to give me back my sanity. I had let Belle sleep a while longer for her nap so that I could finish cleaning even though the house had been spotless all friggin’ week. I was going overboard I get it, but I cannot help it. I made my way into the kitchen once I heard the sounds of the tea kettle whistling on my stove I grabbed my tea cup and turned to pour the scalding hot water into my cup, I looked out the kitchen window and my heart stopped…
I thought I was hallucinating, have I seriously lost it. “Oli, I screamed!” He just grinned from ear to ear. He motioned for me to come outside. I carefully put the teakettle down and ran as quickly as I could to the back door. I slowly turned the knob and took a huge deep breath; as soon as I opened the door, he had me in his arms. He was holding me as tightly as he could without hurting me.
“Grace, my God I have missed your scent, I love you so much,” He said breathing in my scent. I could not hold back the tears, I had not cried this hard the entire time we have been apart but I wanted to, it was as if he opened up the floodgates and they consumed me. “Oli, I honestly cannot believe you are here, I have been waiting all day to hear the news and I am so happy you’re here,” I said. He smiled down at me and bent his head down to kiss me, it was tender at first and then it turned into something different, it was a longing kiss, I felt it too, the longing for him these past few weeks has been so difficult but now that he is here it was like no time had passed at all. I did not want to break the kissing off but I had to know. “Oli, how are you here right now?”
I had to admit it was quick if his hearing was at noon. “They surprised me with a hearing first thing this morning. It was at 9 am and the judge had already made up his mind. He was letting me out on bail early for good behavior, my lawyer thinks they will let me off on self-defense, so I called Maggie and she was already almost there and well here I am, I came straight over when I got back into town,” He said grinning. I looked up into his eyes, mine were tear stained.
“Oli, I missed you so much, none of this is fair to you, but now I finally understand why you did what you did, and I love you so much for protecting me and Belle, I am so grateful to you and I know that I do not deserve you, but I want you to know that I am in this forever. I swear I will not run ever again, please don’t leave me,” I pleaded with him. It hurt me just to say it because the thought of him not being here with me was unbearable. “Grace I will never leave you, I promised you that I would fix this and I meant what said, I will fix this. I swear to it. I have wanted to say so many things to you and now here I am and I cannot find the right words, “He said. I put my hand up to his mouth and said, “We can talk later, right now all I want is to be lost in your love, please Oliver, make love to me.”
He scooped me up and carried me into my bedroom, I knew Belle was dead to the world while she slept and I needed him, needed his love. He started by trailing light kisses up and down my jawline. “Grace you are so beautiful, I swear I almost forgot not seeing you every day, I will not forget again,” he said.
He kissed me down my chest undid my bra, feeling his warm hands on me was enough to make me scream with passion before we really even got started. I had never been desired like this nor had I ever desired someone the way I desire Oli, he is perfection. He carefully undressed me saving my panties for last; he is crazy if he thinks that I can much longer. “Oli please I cannot wait anymore, I need to have you inside me now or I am going to combust. Please I need you so much,” I was begging him.
He quickly tore through my panties with his fingers and sank himself inside of me. “Shit, Grace I’m sorry I don’t have any condoms I got so caught up I forgot,” He said. “It’s ok Oli, I don’t give a shit about a condom, and I want you inside me, nothing between us, just us,” I said desperate for him. He smiled and we continued into bliss.
A few hours later we were sitting in the living room waitin
g for Belle to fall asleep watching her favorite movie Frozen, Oliver had bought it for her right after we moved in and she watched it nonstop. I had to admit I liked it too. I was laughing at her favorite part when Oliver grabbed my hand and kissed the back of my knuckles. “I love you Grace, I love you so much that I never want to know what it feels like to not have you in my life, “He said. Where was he going with this? “I love you too Oli, I always will,” I said. He sighed heavily.
“I know it hasn’t been that long but I wanted to ask you something, and honestly I was going to ask you before you Max returned and screwed up our lives but I guess things change…I have never met anyone like you Grace, you have this strength about you that I cannot get over, I hope to one day be as strong as you, you are so beautiful it hurts and you are an incredible woman,” he said his eyes never leaving mine.
“When I lost Lindsay I thought that my life was over, I loved her so much and I thought to myself for a long time about how unfair life was, don’t get me wrong I still miss her but you have brought so much hope and joy into my life that I realized Lindsay was the start of my journey in life…you are my ending. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want to adopt Belle, please Grace Elizabeth Peterson will you marry me?” He said getting down onto one knee. Holy shit, did he just propose to me? I cannot breathe, what do I do?
Oliver James has lost his mind, yep that is the only logical explanation for this kind of question, and what is he thinking? Marriage was not kind to me the first time around, I am not sure I am cut out for it. I know that I want to be with him forever, but marriage. I have had the whole deer in headlights thing going on for a total of 5 minutes, Oli is standing here staring at me intensely, waiting for a response. “Grace I know this is sudden and I know it probably comes as a shock to you, but I love you, I think I have loved you since you thought I was a predator on your porch that first night,” He said laughing.
Oh, the man does know how to flatter a girl. Say something you fool. “Oli, you know how much I love you, right?” He nodded his head yes, “But I didn’t exactly have the greatest marriage the first time and I am just not sure how I feel about it.” His face fell, I hate that I am making him wait for this. “Grace I get it, really, I just want you to know that I am not Max; I will honor and cherish you for the rest of my life, I will crawl on my knees through fire into the pits of hell and back for you and for Belle, I think I already have.” His confessions made me smile. He is so honest and he really is all mine. “Oli, I don’t know what to say,” I really did not.
“It’s ok Grace; I need to head home for a few minutes to get a few things squared away,” He said it with almost a cold undertone. He walked over kissed my forehead and left. I stood there and watched him walk down my driveway. Grace you are an idiot. What are you doing? You have waited your whole life to be loved like this. My subconscious was not letting me off the hook on this one, she was a meddling bitch but I loved that about her sometimes. Run, Run you fool go to him! Marry the poor bastard that you loves you! My subconscious was screaming at me but my feet would not move. Suddenly I had this vision of my future, one without pain and suffering and running, it was peaceful and so beautiful; I took off like a bat out of hell down the driveway. The entire time I kept thinking how ridiculous I felt for trying to run from him all this time. I deserved to be happy and so did Belle. I felt like I was running toward my future the entire way and I know that I had a damn stupid grin on my face the whole way to him.
I kept running until I literally almost ran smack into him. “Oliver, wait,” I was screaming, he stopped and turned to me. “Grace, what are you doing?” He asked. I smiled and opened my mouth to say “Yes,” I said. He stopped and looked confused. “Yes, what,” He asked. “Yes I’ll marry you!” I said at the top of my lungs.
He scooped me up in a huge hug and clung to me as if I was his lifeline, when in all reality he was mine, I was seizing the day in this moment and choosing a life with a man who honestly loved me more than I could have ever imagined. He set me down on my feet and I steadied myself, it was then that he reached into his pocket and pulled out the biggest freaking diamond ring I have ever seen. “I got this for you before Max came back, I was waiting for the right time but there never seemed to be a right time. I just thought now was as good a time as any,” He said holding the box.
I gladly held out my left hand and he slipped the ring on my finger. “Oliver this ring is absolutely beautiful, how did you afford this, I mean its huge,” I laughed. He laughed at first and then his face twisted into a frown. “Grace I have money, I have a lot of money. Don’t worry about it,” He said grinning. Ok well that was unexpected but ok. “Now take me inside and have your way with me,” I said grinning this time. He smiled a wicked grin. “With pleasure, with great pleasure.”
CHAPTER 3
Two weeks later
Oliver and I had been very busy planning our future, we wanted to have just a small ceremony for the wedding, with it being both of ours second wedding and all. I had no interest in a big show and neither did he, simple was how it should be. Especially since our first, few months together had been so chaotic. We had no idea what was going to happen with Oliver’s trial either. As we got closer and closer to the date I was beginning to go into denial of the fact that I might not get to have my happily ever after with him. I did not like the feelings I had on a daily basis; it was hard to ignore them though. Love just rather kicks you in the gut when you are not expecting it. Oliver was so unexpected and everything he has done for us has been unexpected. I am so grateful to him but I do not want to lose him after all we have been through.
I was very excited though to be getting ready to marry my best friend; Maggie was having a field day with wedding plans. She was mad at us when we announced we just wanted to keep it simple, “Fine she said, but I get to plan a reception in your honor on my terms!” Oliver thought it was best to just humor her; she was not a force to be reasoned with, I was happy to have her in my life too.
Tomorrow was our big day, we were just going to the pastor in town to get married in Maggie’s living room, nothing fancy but it was what we wanted. I found myself growing nervous. I have no reason to be nervous though. Gloria stopped by this morning, no doubt to check up on me and make sure I was not running for the hills, but she said it was normal to be nervous. This I know because I was much more nervous when I married Max, maybe because I hardly knew him and he was so intimidating.
I know that something has been bothering me for weeks now, something Maggie said to me before Oliver came home. She talked about how he liked control, and how she was surprised when he was not very dominating with me. I have no clue what she meant by that. Oliver was far from dominating and never tried to control me. It was bothering me though, Max was very dominating with me and I hated it. I do not like to be controlled and I was for years with Max. Oliver was due at my house any minute; we were going to go over some last minute details for tomorrow, I need to tell him what Maggie said to me and let him know how I feel, I also need to know if this is really something he struggles with.
No sooner than I thought it, he was pulling down the drive. Belle was lying on the floor with her blankie and watching Frozen for the zillionth time. “Morning baby, how are you today,” He said. His voice always sends chills down my spine.
“Hey there, I am doing well, how are you?” I said. He bends down to give me a chaste kiss on the lips. “Much better now, I didn’t sleep well last night,” I confessed. Oli did not sleep over every night, but Maggie insisted we spend a few nights apart this week because of our upcoming nuptials. I agreed because I wanted to spend some extra time with Belle, I wanted to make sure that she understood what was happening. She was talking about Max some days and it broke my heart.
“Well I didn’t sleep well either, I hate it when you are not here, but I am grateful for this time with Belle. I think she will be ok but I want to make sure,” I said. Oli smiled sweetly. “You are not having cold feet are y
ou?” his smile fell into frown. “No of course not, but there is a few things I want to talk to you about,” I said quietly. He looked worried, as if I had just aged him twenty years. “Relax Oli, I am not running,” I said quickly to reassure him. I cannot blame anyone but myself for his doubts; I am the champion of running.
“Ok well whatever it is I will gladly offer up a solution or information if that is what you are after,” He knows that I want to ask him something. “Ok well since Belle is about to be asleep, let’s go into the kitchen and talk.” He smiled and followed me into the kitchen.
“Well first of all, I really just need clarification, when you were gone, Maggie mentioned something to me and she didn’t really clarify. I guess I am just concerned and confused. I was going to say something sooner but I figured it was nothing, and then it just kept bothering me more and more.” He looked at me wide eyed and confused. “Grace, whatever it is I will tell you, just tell me already,” He said concerned.
“Well she mentioned that it was strange how you acted with me, she said that you are usually so dominate with woman. That you had been that way with Lindsay, but you’re not that way at all with me, I mean I noticed the wanting to take care of me and help me in the beginning, but I figured that was just because I was so broken. Max was really dominating with me and it was scary, it was not until after I had gotten pregnant that I noticed and at first, it was just little things like wanting to know where I was, or wanting to make decisions for me. Then it all was screwed up, I do not think that you would do those things to me, but I have to know…” he blinked up at me wide eyed and almost afraid, there was about a 10 second pause and then he let out an exasperated sigh and finally said.
Save Me Page 7