“Grace, that is a part of my life I have been trying to leave behind since Lindsay, but yes I am a very dominate person, I do not know where it comes from I just have always had this urge to take care of the woman I am seeing. Things changed when Lindsay died, I was not abusive towards her at all, but I was always concerned with her wellbeing and I always wanted to know where she was, yes it was a problem with us, she didn’t like it and I didn’t care, I demanded to know at all times what she was doing and since I have the money that I do I hired personal security to detail her 24/7, we had weird work schedules so she wasn’t always home and neither was I, I needed to know she was always safe, we live in New York for Christ’s sake, but at times I found myself getting possessive, I tried to hold back but I couldn’t,” he said.
“So when I first met you I had to fight the urges to do the same things, believe me it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, I didn’t want to be that way with you after learning what you had been through, but don’t think for a second that I haven’t felt the urge to control situations with you, walking away the day I proposed was really hard for me. I knew that I could make you happy and I knew how you felt, all the times you ran from me, from us was hard for me, I had to fight it every time not say no, you will do what I say, or fight the urge to not pick you up and haul you over my shoulder,” he confessed.
He was eyeing my reactions carefully, a part of me understands what he is saying but now I am afraid he will always struggle with this. “Oli, thank you for being so honest with me, I do understand what you are saying, and while I trust you irrevocably, I am also afraid that these urges will only get stronger from here, so where do we go now?” I asked confused.
“Grace, we are getting married tomorrow, mark my words, whether or not you are afraid of my alter ego or not, it will happen. We are meant to be together, everything else is just stupid shit we can work out along the way. Just trust in me and know that I will never hurt you, it is so much easier to control the urges to boss your pretty ass around when I know that Max is gone. I do not have to worry as much, but I do still worry,” He said grinning from ear to ear. I guess I understand it, wanting to protect someone you love makes perfectly good sense.
“Oli, I do trust you with my life, please don’t ever forget that. I just want to get our lives started together; I don’t want anything else to get in the way of it, not anymore.” He kissed my forehead, swooped me up, and ran down the hall to the bedroom, “Shh…you’ll wake Belle,” I giggled.
CHAPTER 4
Today is the day, the day I marry the love of my life, it seems like I have waited my whole life to be in this bliss. I bought a tea length white dress, simple and plain, but elegant and beautiful. I also bought Belle a matching dress, she was so excited, and “I have never been to a wedding mommy, “she squealed. I had talked to her about what it meant that I was marrying Oli, she understood well for a four year old. She asked why I was not married to her daddy anymore and when I explained what little I could so that she would understand, she surprised me by saying, and “Well I want Oli to be my new daddy,” she confessed. When I told Oliver, his eyes swelled up with tears, he loves kids and could not wait to have a family, I am afraid to say that everything feels perfect…but it does.
Maggie and I had a heart to heart before the ceremony, “Oh Gracie, I am so thankful that you came into our lives, especially into Oliver’s, he was so lost without you and you have brought him back to life in so many ways, he loves you and adores Belle, don’t let all the little things get you down, don’t run, ever, just love each other and I promise you the rest will fall into place, it always does,” she said with tears in her eyes.
I was standing in the doorway waiting to walk in; Belle had a hold of my hand and was admiring her pretty bouquet that Maggie has made to match mine. Ok, Grace just breathe. Belle and I walked hand in hand down the tiny little isle covered in flower petals, when I reached my destination where Oliver was standing I felt my eyes swell up with tears, I feel so blessed to have this man, this beautiful man standing here wanting to marry me. “Grace you look so beautiful, and my Belle you are as pretty as ever,” Oli said sweetly. “Thank you daddy,” Belle said sweetly. I heard Maggie gasp with excitement and Oliver’s eyes started to tear up. Mr. Ambrose was the town pastor, he was an elderly man with a long white beard and he always wore sandals, rain or shine, he grabbed my hand, placed it in Oli’s, and smiled.
“Today two people become one, Marriage is one of the oldest symbols of love in the world, and it is fragile and must be handled with care, so many people take marriage and love for granted; I have known Oliver James his entire life, he is kind and deserves nothing but the best, so when he came to me and told me in a confession one day that he was in love with Ms. Grace Peterson I wasn’t sure what to say, besides, well son marry the girl, ”Mr. Ambrose said. The whole room laughed. We had about 20 people in attendance, what a sweet man, the pastor. “To say that it has been an easy road that has led them here would not be accurate. It has taken them a lot of tears and heartache. So today I stand here as proud as ever to be joining these two in marriage,” he said with a smile. Everything seemed to be happening exactly how I pictured it would, everything that Pastor Ambrose said was true and I seriously cried the entire time. Once we said our vows and our I do’s Oliver kissed me so tenderly and that was it! We were husband and wife, finally!
Maggie through us a very small but elegant reception, the entire town was there, considering it is not very many but a lot for this town. It was so beautiful, we danced our first dance to God Blessed the Broken Road, by Rascal Flats, I of course cried again. Humming the lyrics of the song Oliver kissed me gently and quietly sang in my ear, “Every long lost dream led me to where you are, others who broke my heart they were like northern stars, pointing me on my way into your loving arms…” he said singing proudly.
“Are you happy, Oli?” I said quietly. “Happy doesn’t even begin to cover it baby, I am so much more, I am complete, and you and Belle complete my life,” he said and kissed my forehead.
CHAPTER 5
1 month later
Being married to Oliver is amazing; he is an amazing father and partner. Things have been chaotic since the wedding; we have been meeting with lawyers nonstop about his upcoming trial. I am growing more and more anxious as the days pass. I have tried to keep busy, working with Gloria and then trying to update the house. We stayed in the house that Gloria is lending me because Oliver and I agreed that it is best for Belle to not change too much all at once. Belle has adjusted amazingly well; I am not worried about her at all. Oliver on the hand…well he claims that he is not worried about this trial, but I do not see how. I am scared to death; I just want things to go back to normal, but I am not even sure I know what normal is anymore.
I was standing at the washer folding clothes when I felt warm arms wrap around me. “Hello Mrs. James,” Oliver said. I will never tire or hearing him say my new last name. It is like a dream I am afraid to wake up from. “Hello to you too,” I said as I was grinning from ear to ear. “So have you given anymore thought to what we talked about last night,” he said calmly. We had been discussing our future and Oli decided to slip in this curveball about how Max had been married to another woman just like me, same name, same hair, same everything, we could almost be freaking twins. He had the picture of her that he found while investigating but I did not want to see it. I wanted to put Max Peterson behind me. I have a 24/7 reminder of him for the rest of my life as it is.
“No not really Oli, I mean I don’t want to know her, he obviously had some serious issues that nobody knew about. The whole thing kind of makes me sick, “I said trying to avoid the conversation. I had not been feeling all that well lately. Too much stress in my life, I needed to see a doctor soon, but there has not been any time.
Oliver frowned slightly, “I guess I just think it would help put some of this behind you, I mean if you knew her, or knew why, and then maybe you could understand,” he s
aid lowering his head. I am not sure why he does not get it. “Oliver I don’t want to know, I don’t want to know her or why he ruined me or some other woman who happens to look like me. Please just leave this be,” I said rudely.
I feel guilty for being so rude with him but I have made up my mind. Oli did not say another word, he knew me well enough by now to know that once my mind was made up, it was hard to steer me in a different direction. He shook his head and we left it at that.
Trying to get ready for an appearance in a courthouse is overwhelming. I have never been to court in my life. What do I even wear; I have been through my closet about one hundred times. Oli had to leave early to meet with his lawyers and I stayed behind to wait for Gloria to drop by to keep an eye on Belle for me. Maggie was on her way over to pick me up, she was a tough bird most days but I could tell all of this was really starting to weigh on her. I looked at myself in the mirror for the 10th time and settled on my gray pencil skirt that was graciously given to me by Maggie, and a black blouse with a gray blazer. This will have to do, it’s not a fashion show Grace, get it together. I heard Maggie pull up; I grabbed my purse and keys and headed out to meet my fate.
Once we got into the courtroom, I literally started to have a panic attack, my hands were sweating and my knees were shaking. Get a grip Grace; you need to hold it together for Maggie and for Oli.
We sat for about thirty minutes until the door opened and the judge came in and sat at his spot behind the bench. My heart was beating faster and faster, Maggie grabbed my hand and just held it tight. Thank goodness, she was keeping it together because I was not. I sat nervously fidgeting for what seemed like forever, I glanced around the courtroom and noticed a woman looking straight at me. I quickly turned away; ever have one of those feelings where someone is watching you? Well I have and I looked back towards her way and she was still staring. Um…can I help you, is what I wanted to say, but I did not. The way she was staring at me made my skin crawl. Maybe she just recognized me from around Boston. I have no clue but I quickly tried to put any thoughts out of my head and focus on what was happening.
Four exhausting hours later the jury had reached a verdict. I heard Maggie starting to twitch in her seat now, this was really putting a lot of stress on all of us. Oli tried to reassure me every chance he got, Maggie was optimistic too, apparently she knew her brother a lot more than me. She said he was too hard to say no to so his lawyers would get him out of this, no matter what.
I sat and waited for the jury member to stand up. It almost felt like my entire life was flashing before my eyes. I jerked my body when I saw the man at the end of the row on the jury line stand up. He had a folded piece of paper in his hand and he handed it to the bailiff to give to the judge. The judge opened it up and read it, his face was blank with emotion, I tried to read into it but couldn’t , when he handed the folded up piece of white paper containing my husband’s future on it I thought I was going to pass out.
Take a deep breath Grace, you can do this, he unfolded the piece of paper and in slow motion his mouth opened and the words, “Not Guilty” came out of his mouth. I wanted to leap from my seat and kiss that man straight on the mouth! I did not realize that I had dug my nails into Maggie’s arm until she said “Ouch Grace, you trying to kill me woman,” Maggie yelled. Oops, “Sorry Mags, did he just say what I think he just said?” she smiled so sweetly to me, “Yes Gracie, not guilty, our boy is coming home…this time for good,” she said grinning.
The judge came down to shake Oli’s hand, I was surprised, it didn’t look like they knew each other but more than a fair share of people had congratulated us and I could tell that Oli was very well respected in New York, he had a lot of his old friends from his old office there to support him. I just could not believe that he had gotten out of this; sure, I know it was self-defense and Oli was trying to save my life, but he had killed him. That will stay with him forever and whether he wants to admit it or not, spending time in jail and living with the guilt of murdering someone will always be with him.
He says that if he had to go back he would not have changed anything. I understand him needing to protect me but if I could back…I would not have put him in this situation, but I cannot go back, I cannot change anything or the fact that I fell so deeply and irrevocably in love with Oliver James.
We were saying our good byes to Oli’s old coworkers and friends when a woman walked up to me, it was the creepy woman from earlier who was apparently either trying to have a staring contest with me or she was crazy, either way, I got the creeps again. She walked right up to me and it took us all by surprise, she was staring me down, until finally I just had had enough…”Excuse me mam, is there something I can help you with?” I said sternly. She looked down at her feet and shook her head.
“Well I saw you staring at me during the trial the entire time. Have we met before?” Again, she shook her head, ok this was getting weird, I looked over at Oli who had a look on his face that said he knew her. “Oli, do you know this woman,” I said urgently. Oli looked like a ghost, his face went so pale, “Grace, you and this woman have something in common, I am so sorry,” he said. I was seriously confused. “What do we have in common?” I said agitated now. The woman looked up and let out a long sigh. “Grace, it’s nice to meet you after all these years, my name is Grace as well,” she said smiling lightly. Crap.
I usually do not have trouble finding words, but now I am mute, nothing is coming out of my mouth and I cannot think of the right words. Maggie gasped so loud her lungs probably were out of air. “Look, I didn’t come here to start any trouble; I just wanted to meet you,” she said shyly. “Well, ok but how did you even find out about me? I mean Oliver found you because he is a detective and he wanted to know what I was hiding when I ran away from Max, so my question here is…how did you find me?” she looked nervous almost sad, “Well it is a long story, I really want to explain it all to you, but not here. Can we meet for coffee perhaps soon,” she said. Meet for coffee? Like I want to be friends with this girl.
Ok calm down Grace, she was a victim too, but she went into hiding. I looked over at Oliver and he gave me a nod of approval, but he has wanted me to meet her all along. I felt Maggie nudge my arm and when I looked over at her she was looking at me as if I would be crazy to agree. “Grace you don’t even know this fruit loop of a woman, maybe she is angry that Max married someone who looked exactly like her,” Maggie said. Oliver looked over at Maggie and shook his head. “What, you have to be thinking the same thing Oli, I don’t like it but it’s your decision.” She backed up and folded her arms.
“Okay, Grace?” she looked up at me and said “Peterson, my last name is Peterson as well.”
Awesome. Someone is trying to torture me, why is this even happening to me, “Ok I will meet you for coffee tomorrow just name the time and place and we will be there,” I said grabbing onto my husband’s arm. I had to admit, I was curious the more info she shared with me, tomorrow could not come soon enough.
I was quiet on the way home, I was exhausted and over thinking as usual. Oli held my hand almost the entire way home. Watching the other cars rush past us and hurry on their way was the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. Oliver knew I was so not ok, he was so sweet and I knew that he was so happy about the verdict for today, I was happy too. I was not sure what would have happened to us if things had gone the other way. Now that it is over, I cannot dwell in the past. I just want to live for our future that is it; I want a future with Oli and Belle.
“Grace, baby tell me what’s wrong, I can feel how clammy your hands are, are you nervous about meeting with her?” he said, her; I knew who he meant and I knew he purposely was not saying her name. I could not bear to hear it right now.
“I don’t know Oli, I guess all of this is just so overwhelming, I mean it’s not every day you find out your ex-husband had another wife who not only looked just like you but in a way is you, and not every day that your current husband stands trial for murdering some
one. I just feel like our lives have been stuck in this T.V. drama and I am waiting for the suspense to end, but it never does,” My voice trailed off, how do we even move past all of this, and what could she want to talk to me about?
“Grace, shit happens you know, we have gotten past the hardest obstacles in the short time we have been together. We can do anything together; I promise you that I will not let anything bad happen to you ever again as long as I can control it, nothing will happen. Which is why I am most definitely going with you tomorrow to see her, you can never be too careful,” He smirked. There he was again, my hero.
When I had finally laid down to sleep it felt like I had been hit by a truck, I felt as if I had whiplash and my entire body ached from all the emotions I had been dealing with in a span of twelve hours, Oli was already asleep, the man could fall asleep in a tornado. I was restless and not feeling well, but after I got up and drank some cold water I cooled down and relaxed I felt better, I went back to bed and fought the urge to stay awake; I slowly drifted off and succumbed to my exhaustion.
The next thing I knew I was back in my old house in Boston, it looked different, how did I get here? The walls were painted a different color and the furniture was all-different, what is going on, I thought I had just fallen asleep in my home away from this place that only reminds me of dark days. I walked slowly down the hallway into a room I never wanted to see again, it was the bedroom I shared with Max all those years, the room where more hurt came from than love. I worked so hard to decorate that house so that I could make it a home, painting the walls the colors that Max allowed me to, buying furniture online that he had to pick out, now when I think about it I hated everything about that house. I heard voices in the bedroom, who is here besides for me? My heart cannot take much more, but I shut my eyes and reached for the doorknob, when I opened it I saw him…
Save Me Page 8