Magic Flirts! 5 Romantic Short Stories

by Scott, Lisa

  “Fine. You want to know? I’m annoyed enough to tell you.” He set his elbows on the table and blew out a breath. “All my life, I’ve had these horrible nightmares that come true. Relatives getting hurt in car crashes, bad things happening to friends.”

  I thought my heart might stop beating.

  He looked up at me. “And one of the nightmares shows me marrying a cute strawberry blonde. A woman I’d never seen before until I saw you at the library.”

  I stared at him, words disappearing from my head.

  He laughed. “Crazy, I know.”

  I shook my head no. “Are your nightmares shiny?” My voice cracked.

  His eyes widened and his voice quieted. “They’re like glossy pictures. All my other dreams are like matte.”

  I nodded. “Me too. I have shiny dreams that come true, too. And one of them is of me marrying you. That’s why I was so stunned to see you. Excited, too, I guess. Until you turned out to be an asshole. Sorry, but that’s how you’ve been acting.”

  “Can you blame me? All the other glossy nightmares have been horrible. I have to assume marrying you would be, too.”

  I was about to argue marrying me would be a dream, but stopped. He was right. All of my shiny dreams had had bad results, too. “I never thought of them as nightmares, but you’re right. They’re like warning dreams of bad things to come.” My heart started pounding madly. “Maybe we get married and you murder me.”

  “Me? Maybe you kill us in a car crash.”

  “I’m an excellent driver. I’ve never even had a speeding ticket,” I argued.

  “Whatever. There just doesn’t seem to be reason to be hopeful about a union with you after all the other things that happened in those nightmares have come true.”

  I slumped into the seat next to him. “I don’t know what to do. Bad things have happened to everyone I’ve recently dated, like the universe is trying to keep me single. Take earlier tonight. The guy being taken away in the ambulance was my date. Did anything bad happen to the woman you were with?”

  “No. That was my sister. But the same thing has happened to me. One woman moved overseas. Another joined a convent.” He frowned and lowered his voice. “Another was in quarantine after being exposed at work to a highly infectious bacteria the day after our date.” He gulped.

  We sat there in silence, the sound of muffled music thumping from the bar.

  “We seem pretty happy in the dream,” I offered.

  He nodded. “We do. And you look beautiful, by the way. I love your wedding gown.”

  “What does it look like? I can’t see it in my dream.”

  He twisted his lips. “It’s sleeveless. A puffy skirt.”

  “Puffy? Like tulle?”

  “I don’t know what tulle is. It’s just puffy. Big.”

  “Huh. Doesn’t sound like something I’d pick out.”

  “Well, it’s you in the dream, I’m positive,” he said.

  “Yeah, I’m certain it’s you as well.” I bit my lip.

  We were both quiet for a minute until he said, “I’m not sure how we end up a couple.”

  “Take off your pants.”

  He jerked back. “Excuse me?”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, embarrassed. “I’m worried your pants won’t fit me. I can’t date someone whose pants are too small for me.”

  “What?”

  “It makes me feel fat. Just take them off.”

  Mumbling to himself, he shook his head, but he took off his jeans and tossed them to me.

  I slid off my own jeans, grateful I chose to wear a long t-shirt that covered my skimpy undies. Auggie was a boxer man, thankfully. I tugged on his jeans, and sure enough, I couldn’t get them over my hips no matter how hard I yanked. Kicking them off, I slumped in my chair. “I’m too fat for your pants.”

  “You’re not fat. I’m narrow-waisted. Your curves are…perfect.”

  I snorted.

  “Why does it matter if you can wear my pants or not?”

  “What if I can’t find mine in the middle of the night and want to slip into yours so I can run out and get us ice cream?”

  We stared at each other. “I can’t marry you,” we both said at the same time.

  “You’re right,” I said. “It certainly would be a nightmare, like you said.”

  “So your dreams always come true?” he asked.

  I nodded. “The shiny ones always do. But I haven’t had a new one since I started having the wedding dream in college.”

  He cocked his head, thinking. “You’re right. I never have a new nightmare until the previous one comes true. I’ve been dreaming about the wedding for years.”

  “Maybe we should get married and quickly divorced,” I offered.

  He chuckled. “That’s funny. I know a good divorce attorney.”

  “So what do we do now?” I asked.

  “Keep ignoring each other?” he suggested. “My parents got divorced. The last thing I want is a nightmare relationship like they had.”

  “You’re not even my type,” I said.

  “Why not?”

  “I’m a dark-haired-guy kind of girl.”

  “So you wouldn’t date a nice guy just because he had red hair?”

  “So far, you haven’t been a nice guy,” I said. “You’ve been very rude to me.”

  “Hey, I took off my pants for you.”

  “True, that was very accommodating. Thank you.”

  The door swung open, and we both hopped to our feet. The guy coming out did a double take, his eyes darting back and forth. “What’s going on out here?

  Then I realized we were both still pantless. I grabbed my jeans and slipped them on. “Nothing. We got locked out.” I pushed past him and went back into the bar. I scanned the crowd, looking for Lara. I spotted her and waved.

  But she didn’t notice me. She was talking with a cute guy. I pushed through the crowd to get to her. “I want to leave.”

  “Kim, I’m still chatting with my new friend here. This is Fergus. He’s from Scotland.”

  He was the redhead I’d seen earlier and mistaken for Auggie. “Hello.”

  He smiled while looking me over.

  I almost asked her about Chuck, but bit my tongue. A long-term relationship for Lara could be counted in days and weeks, not months or years. “I need to leave. Please?”

  Auggie was behind me. “I’m headed home myself. I can give you a ride.”

  Lara’s jaw dropped. “You better call me tomorrow.”

  I nodded and left with Auggie.

  “I live about ten blocks away. I can walk.”

  “You’re too drunk to walk, let me drive you home.”

  We went to his car parked on a side street. It was a cute little mini-cooper. “I’d never fit my suitcases in here if we went out of town.”

  He laughed. “Like I said, you and I are a nightmare.”

  I climbed into his car and I gave him my address. “Where do you live?” I asked.

  “Ten blocks in the other direction.”

  “I can’t believe I’ve never seen you before,” I said.

  “And now we see each other all the time.”

  “Maybe if I told you where I was going tomorrow, you could make sure to go somewhere else.”

  “That’s an idea,” he said.

  “I have to go to the grocery store. Probably in the afternoon.”

  He nodded. “I’ll go later then. Are you stopping at the library?”

  “No.”

  “I’m going to the park after lunch,” he said.

  “I’ll make sure I’m not there. That’s my building up there.” I pointed up the street.

  He parked nearby. “Let me walk you inside.”

  I opened my mouth to protest, but he said, “It’s late, you’re drunk, and you have on high heels.”

  “If I broke my ankle, I probably wouldn’t see you out as much.”

  “If you broke your ankle, I’d probably end up in the ER, too.”

&nbs
p; “True. Fine, walk me in.”

  “’Cause I’m such a jerk, right?”

  “’Cause you don’t take no for an answer.”

  He came around to my side of the car and opened the door for me. He wrapped his hand around my arm and led me into my apartment building.

  “Eighth floor,” I told him, wobbling into him.

  He led me to the elevator, still holding me. It wasn’t horrible being so close to him. Still, I had to keep in mind I couldn’t wear his pants.

  When we got to my floor, he walked me to my door and I took a step back from him. “Thank you. I’ll do my best to avoid you tomorrow.”

  “It would be a relief.”

  Searching my purse for my keys, I lost my balance and fell into him. My lips landed on his. I jerked back. “That was not a kiss!”

  He rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand. “Not at all. More like lip assault.”

  “Maybe if you were wearing cinnamon lip balm you would’ve enjoyed it more,” I said.

  “Yeah, what was with that? Why would I want your used lip gloss?”

  “It’s balm, not gloss,” I told him.

  “And was that some kind of joke—cinnamon because I’m a redhead? I must have a fiery temper?”

  “Looks like you do. And trust me, you’d love a cinnamon kiss from me.” I fished the tube out of my purse and slicked on a coat, then made obnoxious kissy noises at him.

  He glared at me, then shook a finger. “Stay away from the park tomorrow.”

  “Don’t worry!” I let myself in my apartment, shut the door on him, and flopped onto my couch. What a jerk, I thought. What a semi-charming, sometimes funny, narrow-waisted jerk. Luckily, I was too drunk to remember whether or not I dreamed about him.

  ***

  I had a slight hangover the next morning. I needed food, and not the salad or too-old-to-eat leftover Chinese in my refrigerator. I decided the grocery store couldn’t wait until the afternoon, and I’d be safe since Auggie was going at night.

  I showered and changed, putting on huge sunglasses to block any sun that might make my head feel worse. I needed coffee, so I stopped at a shop on the way to the grocery store.

  Auggie was there, holding two cups. I turned and ducked my head, like maybe he wouldn’t see me or recognize me with my glasses and my hair up in a half-wet bun.

  But he walked over and handed me a coffee. “I figured you’d be here.”

  “How did you know it was me?”

  “You may be wearing giant sunglasses, but no one has lips quite like yours.”

  “What does that mean?” My cheeks felt hot.

  “They’re just very big. In a good way. Shaped like a heart almost. Very… memorable.” He cleared his throat. “Plus, they were on mine last night.”

  “It wasn’t a kiss!” I said loud enough people turned to look. I grabbed the coffee from him and took a long sip so I wouldn’t say anything else stupid. I paused. “Did you put salt in this?”

  He nodded. “I saw you doing it the other day. I do it, too.”

  “I know. Thanks, by the way. For the coffee,” I said.

  He headed for the door. “No problem.”

  I left through the other door and climbed into my car, letting my head rest against the seat. This is beyond crazy, I thought.

  I drove to the grocery store, desperate for a scone to go with my coffee. Had I not been so thoroughly distracted at the coffee shop, I could’ve bought one there. My shopping list wasn’t long, so I hit the bakery department, then the dairy aisle. I needed almond milk and cereal. That was an easy meal when I was out of food or feeling lazy. Which was often. I turned the corner, and yes, my redheaded friend was there, comparing nutrition labels on two cartons.

  “The vanilla version has more calories than the regular version,” I said.

  He turned to me and his shoulders slumped. “You said you were shopping in the afternoon.”

  “And you said you’d go at night.”

  He placed a carton in his cart. “Have you tried the coconut-almond milk blend? It’s amazing.”

  “No, I haven’t,” I said, reaching for one. “You probably know a thing or two about what tastes good since you like salt in your coffee.” Maybe it wouldn’t be one hundred percent horrible to be with this man. What else does he eat? I looked in his cart to see what else he’d bought. My jaw dropped. “Dog food? You have a dog?”

  “No, I enjoy snacking on kibble. Yes, I have a dog. That’s why I’m going to the park—that you’re not going to.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t like dogs.”

  He blinked at me. “And now I know why marrying you would be a nightmare.”

  “There will be no wedding. I couldn’t marry someone with a dog,” I said. “They slobber, they bark, they shed.”

  He stared at me, shaking his head. “They’re loyal, and cuddly, and nice company when you live alone.”

  I gripped my cart. “Have fun at the park with your friend.”

  “Stay away. Stay far away,” he said.

  “I’ll be at the beach,” I decided, walking off. “Be sure you don’t make a detour there.”

  I unloaded my groceries and returned my cart to the corral—where Auggie was returning his, too. We said nothing, and I drove home, eating a scone with my lukewarm coffee on the way.

  Lara was up for a trip to the beach, and she even offered to drive. I told her all about my adventures with Auggie, and she laughed the entire way. “What color bridesmaid dresses are you planning to have? Could you do something neutral like champagne or gray?”

  “Lara! Aren’t you listening to me? We’re not getting married. We hate each other. He thinks marrying me would be a nightmare, and I’m starting to think the same thing.” I explained how we realized all of our dreams that had come true were actually nightmares.

  As we drove down side streets headed for the highway, she parked her car.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Going into the drugstore to get some ice for the cooler.”

  I shook my head. “You can’t. We’re right by the park. Auggie is going to be here today, and I promised I wouldn’t come to the park.”

  She shrugged. “I’ll be gone five minutes. Stay in the car.” She shut the door and wagged a finger at me. “Stay,” she mouthed.

  Taking a deep breath, I slunk down in my seat. Even if he walked by the car, he wouldn’t see me. But I grabbed my towel from my beach bag and draped it over my head like a turban so he wouldn’t recognize my hair. Didn’t cover my lips, though. What had he called them—memorable? I rolled my eyes. He so didn’t deserve that almost-kiss last night.

  I watched people walk by, and there was no sign of Auggie. Lara was taking much longer than five minutes. That loser was probably trying on lipsticks. Get me a pack of gum, I texted her.

  It was getting hot in the car, and I couldn’t roll down the windows because she had taken the keys. This is friend abuse, I thought. A woman walked by with one baby in a stroller and one in a sling hung over her chest. I shuddered. Children were not on my wish list anytime soon. Auggie probably wanted them, like, tomorrow.

  The kid in the stroller dropped a stuffed animal on the sidewalk. The woman didn’t notice. I tried to roll down the window, then remembered I couldn’t, so I cracked open the door. “Excuse me! You dropped something.”

  But she kept on walking. Shoot, I thought. I did not want to get out of the car knowing Auggie could be here. I looked around and saw no sign of him. Surely, I could grab the stuffed animal and give it to the kid in under a minute, right?

  I dashed out of the car for the animal when I noticed a little creature running towards it, too. What the heck was that, a giant, furry squirrel?

  I scooped up the tiny blue bear just before it landed in the jaws of the little animal that was now barking and yipping at my heels. A dog, I thought. It ran circles around me. I glanced around, but no owner was to be seen. I worried it would step out onto the street, so I picked it up an
d dashed over to the woman with her babies who was now far down the sidewalk. “I’ve got your bear!” I said, running up to her.

  She looked at me with bulging eyes. And that’s when I realized I still had on my towel turban.

  “That’s not a bear, that’s a dog,” she said, pointing to the wriggling, panting creature. I swear, it was smiling. “And it’s not mine.”

  I held out my other hand. “No this bear. Your baby dropped it.”

  “Oh my gosh. Bear-bear. Thank you so much. That’s Jack’s lovey. He would’ve been devastated if he lost it. Thank you. Cute dog, by the way.”

  “It’s not mine.”

  She looked at me strangely. “Well, thanks,” she said, walking away.

  I headed back for the car, where Lara stood on the sidewalk staring at me.

  This had to be Auggie’s dog. Our coincidences were too great for it not to be. And he had to be around here somewhere. “Auggie!” I called. “I’ve got your dog. Auggie!”

  “What the hell, Kim,” Lara said, appearing beside me, eyes wide. “I leave you alone for five minutes—and I come back to this?”

  I pointed at her. “That was definitely fifteen minutes, so this is one hundred percent your fault.”

  “Fluffenstein!” Auggie came up to me, panting.

  “No,” I said, inspecting the dog. “Your dog is not named Fluffenstein.”

  His cheeks reddened. “My niece named him.”

  “And how is this even a dog? This is like a stuffed animal that moves. And moves fast, I might add.”

  “It’s a Chorkie, and yeah, he saw something and took off.”

  “Chorkie?”

  “Cross between a Chihuahua and a Yorkie.”

  “Of course,” I said.

  Thanks for catching him.” Then he frowned. “I thought you weren’t coming to the park today.” He blinked at me. “In a turban.”

  I yanked the towel off my head. “We’re headed to the beach, and the ice queen here needed to fill up her cooler. I was hiding in the car with this over my head so you wouldn’t see me when…well, when the cruel fates intervened.”

  Lara stuck out her hand. “Hi, I’m Lara, and I’ve been lobbying for neutral bridesmaids dresses, and please don’t do a destination wedding. I can’t afford it.”