Love Me Again

by Teresa Greene

  Even though it was snug around the middle, she donned her best Sunday dress. Because her father could no longer order her how to wear her hair, she pulled it back with pins leaving it cascading down her back. As she headed downstairs for supper, she tried to convince herself she would find happiness in her new home.

  ****

  “All aboard!”

  Abby held Nick a little tighter as her depression returned. “Can’t you stay a couple more days, Nick?”

  He placed his hands on her shoulders and smiled. “I wish I could, Sissy, but I must return. I need to get back home to help father with the harvest. I’ve already stayed longer than I planned.” Because of the new farm machinery they had fields of crops to get to market. Usually, they barely survived on what they grew, but this year would be different. With a huge surplus of corn and wheat, they would have money in their pockets for the first time in their lives.

  Uncle Taylor’s plantation was so different from their small farm. Never before seeing the use of slaves, Abby was amazed to watch them prime the tobacco leaves, tie them onto sticks, and then put the leaves into huge barns to be cured. Curious, she asked lots of questions which Uncle Taylor didn’t mind answering.

  However, she was having a hard time keeping her opinion to herself about slavery. She thought it barbaric to own a person and insist they work from morning until dark without pay. Not wanting to upset Uncle Taylor after he so graciously accepted her into his home, she did not convey her feelings to him. All the surrounding planters used slaves to run their plantations, and it seemed to be accepted in Durham.

  The past week had been wonderful for Abby. She and Nick rode every morning after breakfast. Never had they had so much leisure time on the farm because there were always chores to perform. They spent so much time together the bond between them grew even stronger.

  Nick pulled Abby to his broad chest and kissed her forehead. “I have to go, Sissy.”

  Holding back her tears, Abby whispered, “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you. Who is going to do all the canning? Who will cook your meals?”

  “We will be fine, Abby. You think about yourself and your baby. If father has a change of heart, I will come back and get you. If you are not happy here with Uncle Taylor, do not travel without an escort. Telegraph me and I will return and get you.”

  Of course Nick was worried about leaving her. “Don’t worry, Nick. I think I will be content. Uncle Taylor has been wonderful. I will write you everyday. I know this is a busy time for you, but take time to write me once in a while.”

  “Tell me about the changes as your baby grows. I hate I will miss seeing you get fat.” Abby smiled at Nick as she wiped away a tear. Nick took Abby’s hand. “Here is the rest of the money Cord’s brother gave you. I took out enough to pay for my train ticket.”

  When Abby tried to pull her hand away, he forced her hand open, placed the money inside, and pressed it closed. “Don’t be stubborn. You will have to buy new clothes for you and your baby. There is not much left, but it will hold you over until after the harvest and I will send you more.”

  The train lurched and Nick whispered in her ear, “I have to go, Sissy. I will come back after the harvest and spend more time with you. Maybe I’ll be here when your baby is born.” As the train pulled away, he gently pushed her away, and raced to catch the train.

  Unable to hold back the tears, Abby sobbed softly. She watched Nick standing on the steps of the train car waving until he disappeared from sight.

  Two strong arms wrapped around her pulling her close. Abby leaned against her uncle taking comfort in his embrace. “Let’s go home, Abby.”

  The way he said home made her feel warm all over. She would miss Nick, but at least she still had her Uncle Taylor.

  ****

  Time passed quickly and Abby eventually considered Uncle Taylor’s plantation her home. She missed Nick terribly, but she enjoyed her uncle’s company and they spent a lot of time together. Now four months into her pregnancy, Abby was getting bigger everyday. She filled her days sewing tiny clothes for her baby, reading, and helping in the kitchen. Not use to idle hands, she kept herself busy.

  She decided the most beneficial change since coming to live with her uncle was the time to read. He owned a study full of books on a variety of topics. She just finished reading a riveting book about The Revolutionary War.

  She opened the door to Taylor’s study, and gasped in shock. Her hand flew to her mouth as the book fell to the floor with a thud. There on the huge desk in front of the window was her Uncle Taylor and a strange woman in the throes of making love. Both were nude and their clothes littered the floor. The woman’s legs were thrown back and Taylor was plunging himself between her spread thighs. Their grunts and groans caused her face to go up in flames.

  Slowly, Abby backed up hoping they would not see her. Panic gripped her as Taylor’s eyes met hers. Immediately, she turned and ran from the study, the intimate scene of her uncle having sex etched in her mind. She raced up the stairs, ran into her room, and slammed the door. Why did she not knock before she entered? She would never be able to face her uncle again without remembering the look of desire in his eyes. Unable to calm down, she paced the floor. Would he send her away? Of course he would send her away.

  Moments passed and she heard a faint knock at the door. Abby backed away from the door. Surely, he would not speak about it to her. If he did, she would die of embarrassment. Abby stood glaring at the door praying he would go away. Her eyes focused on the doorknob. Sweat trickled down her neck as she rushed forward to turn the lock but it was too late. Her heart stopped beating when the door slowly opened. There standing in the doorway was the woman she had just seen her Uncle Taylor fornicating. Abby paled a sickly white.

  The woman stepped into the room, and shut the door behind her. She smiled as she leaned against the door still breathing heavily. “Hello, Abby. My name is Judith. I am a friend of Taylor’s.”

  Abby thought they must be more than friends. People didn’t do what they were doing if they were only friends. It was the first time seeing someone making love and it had embarrassed her terribly.

  Very pretty with long blond hair, which was still in disarray, light blue eyes, and sensual lips, Judith’s smile wobbled. She was petite, almost a head shorter than Abby.

  Her discomfort was evident as she wrung her hands together. “I’m sorry. I guess we should have locked the door.” Still too embarrassed to speak, Abby just stood there staring at Judith. “Your uncle is worried. He doesn’t want you to think he behaves this way everyday.” Judith moved to the edge of the bed and sat down.

  It occurred to Abby she was probably too weak to stand. She still struggled to breath. “I came by to speak to him about a matter, and one thing led to another.” The strange conversation was not easy for her. She kept hesitating and her hands had not been still through the whole explanation, constantly waving in front of her face.

  Abby thought of the time she almost made love to Cord in the garden. Anyone could have stumbled across them rolling around on the ground like a couple of animals in season. She should not judge them harshly for something she was also guilty of herself. She lost her virginity in a barn of all places, to a man that only felt lust for her. Deciding to put Judith at ease, she touched her belly and smiled weakly. “Do I look like I can cast stones?”

  Judith giggled beginning to relax. “Taylor and I have been lovers since my husband died. He has been neglecting me as of late, so I came by to find out why. He usually paid me a visit at least twice a week. I thought maybe I did something to make him angry. I guess he was afraid you would find out about me.”

  Abby sat down on the bed across from Judith and asked, “What happened to your husband?”

  “His horse threw him. He died two days later of his injuries. He was a very passionate man and I miss his touch. Your uncle is very virile and I enjoy his company. In other words he takes care of my needs without the demands of marriage. I hate
we have to keep our relationship a secret, but society snubs its nose at women like me, women who seek pleasure, but have no desire to wed.”

  Surprise showed on Abby’s face when she asked, “You don’t want to get married?”

  Abby almost laughed when Judith’s nose turned up in distaste. “Maybe some day, but for now I enjoy my freedom. My husband was very passionate but he was also very jealous and controlling. He chose my clothes, decided my hair styles. If he didn’t like one of my friends, he would forbid me to associate with them. I could not even leave the house without him hovering close by. I could make no choices of my own.”

  Abby thought Judith was extremely honest and sophisticated for one so young. She could not be more than twenty-four years old. Most women her age desired a husband.

  “Don’t you worry that you will find yourself in my condition?” She wrapped an arm around her slightly protruding stomach. “I never once thought about having a baby. I guess I was too busy enjoying the sins of the flesh.”

  Judith took Abby’s hand. “I was married for two years and never conceived. I fear I am barren. I would love to have a baby, but do not believe it will happen. I enjoy a man’s touch and do not intend to deprive myself of such pleasure. Taylor and I have the perfect arrangement. We make no demands on each other.”

  Since Judith was being honest, Abby conveyed, “It seems so cold to me. It sounds like sex without love.”

  A wicked glint came into Judith’s eyes. “That is what I enjoy most. I am very fond of Taylor and he is a very exciting man.”

  Abby would never have known her uncle was such a rake if Judith had not told her. It was hard for her to imagine him enjoying the pleasures of the flesh without commitment. Surprised, Abby thought he would want a family of his own.

  “Enough about me. Please tell me about your circumstances.”

  It would be nice to talk to a female for once, but wondered how to begin. “Has my uncle told you anything?”

  “Only that you took in a stranger that had been shot, and he repaid your kindness by seducing you.”

  Abby’s cheeks turned pink when she thought about her short relationship with Cord. “I think I did most of the seducing. He fought the desire he was feeling for me, but I pressured him. I fell in love with him even though I knew nothing about him. For all I know, he could be a cold blooded killer. He would not tell me who shot him or why. I am responsible for the condition in which I find myself. My brother Nick blames Cord, but I should shoulder some of the blame.”

  “Did he not offer to marry you when you told him you were carrying his baby?” A look of disbelief crossed Judith’s face.

  “He left before I knew myself. Nick, my brother found us in bed together and forced him to leave. Cord asked me to go with him, but I was frightened Nick or my father would be hurt if I tried to leave. I feared my brother would have died before he would have let me leave with a man we knew nothing about. So I told Cord to wait for me in town. When I arrived in town, I found out he was at the saloon. I was directed to a room upstairs and found him in bed with a whore.” Abby shivered when she remembered Cord’s hands touching the woman. How could he make love to someone else when she had given him her heart? Even after four months, the pain was still so fresh. Abby chewed her bottom lip determined not to cry. She was tired of crying over a man who did not care about her.

  “Regardless of how you feel about Cord, you should tell him you are carrying his child. If he asked you to leave with him, he was probably in love with you. It would be hard not to love you, Abby. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. Maybe he turned to the woman when he was drunk. You did find him in a saloon. Men can be stupid when it comes to sex, seeing it only as pleasure. A woman brought up in a Christian home as you were, would only sleep with a man for love.”

  Abby let out a sad sigh. “He never asked me to marry him, only to leave with him. For all I know he was using me. I will raise this child alone. I will not take the chance he may take my baby. I think he is wealthy and has the means to do so.”

  “Abby, you have no idea how much of a burden you have taken on yourself. You and your child will be shunned from society. If you have a change of heart and want a husband, I’m sure Taylor can find you one. If a husband is not what you seek, then maybe you should consider finding a couple to raise your baby. I don’t think you understand the pain and ridicule you may be subjected to by narrow minded people.”

  “I will not give up my baby,” she stated with calm finality.

  “Are you going to be able to tolerate people calling your baby names?” Judith took a deep breath. Instead of continuing the conversation, she seemed to realize it was futile to try to talk her into allowing someone else to raise her baby. Her head tipped to one side. “If there is anything I can do for you, don’t hesitate to ask.”

  Abby smiled. “I will be fine, Judith, stop worrying about me. I have made up my mind.” Leaning close, Abby hugged Judith. “Thank you for letting me unburden my problems on you. It feels wonderful to talk to a female for once, especially one that is not judging me. I know it is hard to believe, but I had no friends in Tarboro. I never had time for any. I guess that is why I made a connection with Cord so quickly. I felt lonely.”

  “Anytime you feel the need to talk, Abby, I am here for you. I’m sure Taylor is anxious to hear you didn’t pack your things to leave. He has become quite fond of you. I should let him know everything is okay.”

  Before Judith could exit the room, Abby replied, “Tell Uncle Taylor we will not speak of it ever. Please tell him I do not want him to change his life because of me.”

  Judith laughed. “We will refrain from making love in the study and other strange places. I promise from this moment on we will only use his bedroom.”

  Abby gave an unladylike snort. “I’ve learned my lesson. As a precaution, I will knock before entering a room.”

  Chapter Eight

  As Abby’s time to have her baby grew near, she became more nervous. The baby was a constant reminder of Cord. Many a night she lay awake as her baby kicked and pressed against her stomach. Was she doing the right thing not letting Cord know of the baby growing in her? Fearing he would take her baby, she decided she had no other choice but keep her secret. Still it weighed heavily on her conscious.

  The heaviness of her baby was almost impossible to bear. Taylor feared the baby would be much too big for her to deliver without the help of a doctor. An old, colored midwife in the slave quarters behind the house delivered everyone’s babies, but he feared Abby might need medical attention. He convinced Judith to move in so Abby would have a female for comfort. The two had become extremely close and Taylor knew she would be a Godsend stepping in to help with the blessed event. Abby telegraphed Nick to let him know her time was near but he had not yet arrived. She feared he would miss the birth of her baby.

  While preparing for bed she felt wetness between her legs. When she lifted her gown, she saw the puddle of water pooling at her bare feet. Panic gripped her as the first pain tore through her body. To keep from crying out, Abby gritted her teeth, and clutched the bed post. She ran to Taylor’s room not bothering to knock as she threw the door open wide and ran inside. Her mouth gaped open in shock when she saw Judith sitting on top of Taylor grinding her hips against him. She was stark naked and his hands were cupping her breasts. Abby snapped, “Don’t you two ever rest?!”

  Judith grabbed the sheet covering their nude forms. Only her eyes were visible as she hissed, “I thought you said you would knock before entering a room!”

  Abby clutched her stomach and gritted her teeth as another pain ripped through her body. “I’m having my baby!”

  Judith jumped out of bed, forgetting she was nude. She held Abby’s arm until the pain subsided. Taylor lay in bed holding the cover up to his neck, not knowing what to do.

  “Let me get my robe and I’ll help you back to your bed.” Judith slipped on her robe. “Go get the midwife, Taylor.”

 
It had only been an hour since Abby’s first pain and they were coming extremely close together. Her uncle peered into the room several times only to be shooed away by Judith.

  Popping his head into the doorway one more time, Taylor asked, “Should I go to town to get the doctor, Judith? If I hurry, I can have him here in a couple of hours.” His face was pale and his voice timid.

  Judith pushed a lock of hair from her face with the back of her hand. “There is no time. The baby is coming soon.” Abby let out a scream, and Taylor left the room without a backwards glance. Judith hurried back to Abby’s side and wiped the perspiration from her face. Her hair was soaked with sweat. Eyes closed to fight the pain, she was gripped by another intense spasm. Then she felt the need to push.

  Abby squeezed Judith’s hand as she pushed with all her might. The midwife stood at the end of the bed between Abby’s open legs. “Push, honey! Push!”

  After several more pushes she collapsed back onto the bed, exhausted. Then she heard the loud wail of her baby. “It’s a boy, Miss Henley.”

  Abby began to laugh and cry at the same time. Judith took the baby and placed him in her arms. He must have good lungs because his wailing was loud enough to wake the dead. She would have no trouble hearing him during the night when he was hungry.

  “He is huge, Abby. I can’t believe you had such a big baby so easily.”

  “What was easy about it, Judith? I feel like my insides are hanging out. Are you sure he didn’t bring them with him?”

  Judith smiled lovingly at Abby and her baby boy. “Most labor lasts all day and night. You were blessed with an easy delivery.”

  Abby snapped, “Let’s put him in your womb and see if you think it is easy to push him out.”

  Judith chuckled, “You did great, Abby.”

  Abby took the tiny hand into hers and peered down into his face as his fretful cries continued. Baby fists were shaking, little balls of rage. “Isn’t he beautiful, Judith?” At that moment the baby opened his dark brown eyes and Abby thought of Cord. She touched his head of thick black hair. She wished her baby boy looked more like her. Now she would be reminded of Cord every time she gazed at his perfect little face.