Say It With Ink

by C. C. Dado

  Every dirty fantasy Levi had ever had about Jamie rushed through his head, but at the same time his protective instincts flared to life. “Please tell me you’re messing with me.” Levi leaned up against his desk, trying to be patient. Most of Jamie’s decisions seemed impetuous, but the rasher it seemed, the more important it probably was to him.

  “It’s not that big of a deal.” Jamie raised his arms up and cushioned them under his head as he spoke. “I kept seeing this ad for event entertainment, and nothing else was panning out, so I applied.”

  “You do know you’re not gay, right?” Levi tried not to notice the strip of bare skin on display below Jamie’s green Sounders shirt.

  “Yeah, I know I’m not gay, fucker,” Jamie said, ripping the pillow out from under his head and then throwing it across the room at Levi.

  “I’m not even sure what to say other than your family’s going to murder you.”

  “Hey, you know how I feel about my parents spending their retirement money on my education. I’m not going to make the kind of money I need working part-time at a coffee shop or flipping burgers. Dancing I can make a week’s pay in one night.”

  “Have you done it yet? Danced for guys?” Levi knew he sounded like an idiot, trying to act nonchalant as he bent to pick up his clothes and the pillow off the floor.

  “Yeah.” Jamie seemed embarrassed. “Last night was my first gig. It was a birthday party.”

  “Was it weird? You know, dancing for guys?” Levi felt like he was going to swallow his tongue, the conversation was so awkward. Levi had never had a problem with confidence, in a “screw you” kind of way, but talking to Jamie about this—he felt like the eighteen-year-old virgin that no one knew he really was.

  “I don’t know. I guess at first,” Jamie admitted, staring up at the ceiling.

  “Why aren’t you dancing for girls?” Levi asked, grabbing his gray knitted cap and pulling it on, feeling like he could somehow hide behind the baggy hat.

  “’Cause girls tip dollars, and guys tip tens or twenties.”

  “Yeah, ’cause they want a blow job,” Levi said trying not to let his anger show.

  “Well, wanting and getting are two different things.”

  Levi had to change the subject fast. “Okay, so, if your parents don’t find out and murder you, when are you planning on moving into the dorms?”

  “By second semester definitely. Maybe there’s a waiting list for first semester? We could get on that and maybe get a spot by Thanksgiving break. We can ask to be roommates if a full room opens up.”

  Waking up with Jamie every morning? Levi thought that sounded amazing and torturous. “Yeah, sure,” Levi said, even though he knew he should have come up with an excuse not to room together.

  Chapter 3: It’s a fungenda (Levi)

  JAMIE SPENT the next five months working all the events he could get booked, and it was playing hell on Levi’s mood. Trying to get through the night knowing what Jamie was out doing was like being stuck in a constant wet dream/nightmare. First semester was pretty tough having to make the commute, even though they were able to cram all their classes into three days a week, so they didn’t have to make the drive quite as much. Levi was almost to his breaking point when he got the call that there were spots open in the dorm.

  Ten minutes later his phone rang again.

  “Hey, roomie, did you get the call?” Jamie’s excitement blared over the phone line.

  “Yeah, I got it. We’re in on the twenty-seventh.”

  “Two weeks, Levi. Two weeks! My folks are going to be up that weekend, too, so it’s perfect. You can come have Mom’s french toast, and we can head out.”

  Levi couldn’t resist Jamie’s mom’s french toast. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

  “David’s going to be stoked to have his apartment to himself again. Okay, I got to call my folks. Road trip,” Jamie hollered as he hung up the phone.

  Funny how much Jamie loved road trips yet had absolutely no desire to drive himself anywhere, always preferring just to ride along with Levi. Levi had saved every penny he’d earned working at the local auto-body shop and used it to fix up the ’68 Dodge Charger his dad had left rotting behind their trailer when he took off. The owner of the shop let him work on it after closing. Jamie would come hang out in the shop when he didn’t have soccer, constantly trying to convince Levi to paint it like the Dukes of Hazard, which Levi adamantly refused to do. He did give up on stopping Jamie from climbing in through the passenger window, though.

  Sometimes with Jamie he felt like a parent trying to choose their battles. Besides, the smile on Jamie’s face after he slid into that passenger seat was worth any scratches he might be putting on the doorjamb. Not that the car was show quality, but it was respectable, and that was enough for Levi. For him that car was freedom, but taking a road trip with Jamie in it might make it feel more like his own personal prison. It was hard enough to remember Jamie was straight and off-limits before he started making a living dancing for other men, wearing who the hell knew what. Levi’s imagination had filled in the blanks on that one many times over the past few months: Jamie slowly pulling his shirt up, teasing, to the sound of the music in the background. Jesus, he had to go pack his bag. Levi pulled himself from getting sucked into another daydream and walked back to his room to pack up his stuff.

  LEVI SAW Jamie’s dad walking out of David’s apartment when he pulled up. He was the picture of a perfect father to Levi, always supporting Jamie in whatever made him happy.

  “Hey, Mr. D.”

  “Levi, are you ever going to call me Frank?”

  “Probably not, Mr. D.”

  Frank just smiled. “Jamie’s in the house trying to get his mom to stop crying and smothering him. Go on in. Although I know when she sees you she’s just going to cry more.”

  Levi tilted his head in acknowledgment of Mr. D.’s words. Levi didn’t think he would ever get used to the affection Jamie’s parents gave him. It was so different from the way he grew up. Not that his mom was mean or anything—she just wasn’t that affectionate. It was like they had missed that whole bonding thing at birth and just settled in as acquaintances.

  Levi didn’t see David’s truck outside the apartment, so he was able to relax as he walked in. David always made Levi uncomfortable, like somehow he knew Levi’s feelings for Jamie weren’t just friendly. “Jamie, let’s go,” he hollered as he closed the door behind him.

  “Crap. I was just jumping in the shower. Five minutes, Levi,” Jamie said from the back bedroom.

  “Oh, Levi.” Mrs. D. sniffled as she walked toward him out of the hallway, wiping her nose with a Kleenex. She threw her arms around him. She had on a long hippie skirt, and her hair was pulled back in a loose bun.

  “I’ve missed you boys so much.”

  “You too, Mrs. D.” Levi awkwardly returned her hug.

  Mrs. D. pulled back and looked up into Levi’s face without letting go of his arms.

  “It was very nice of you to wait for Jamie to move into the dorm. I just want you to know we appreciate it. It was hard on him not getting the full-ride scholarships he had tried for, and it would have been even harder to watch you go.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t be going anywhere if it wasn’t for him. I probably wouldn’t even have a high school diploma, let alone a free ride through college.”

  “You earned that, Levi. Jamie may have pushed you along, but you did the work,” Jamie’s mom said. “I don’t think he would have gone without you either. You are too important to him. He’s always had a way of knowing what was important to him even if he didn’t always understand why.” She paused as if wondering if she should continue. “Do you know why David was a soccer all-star and Jamie wasn’t? It wasn’t skill, that’s for sure. You’ve seen what Jamie can do on that field when he’s just playing around with David and his cousins—he’s unstoppable. But we knew that was just something to pass the time for him. He never wanted to be a famous soccer player like David did. But my
boy will move mountains when he decides on something he wants. I remember when he brought you over for the first time. I saw it in his face then, if I had told him you couldn’t stay. You were important to him in a way nothing else had ever been, and I wasn’t sure why, but I knew you were something he needed.” She leaned her forehead to Levi’s just like Jamie did. “You take care of my boy, Levi. That is my heart you are driving away with.”

  Levi had a moment of déjà vu to the night he got his driver’s license and came to pick up Jamie.

  “I will, Mrs. D.,” he assured her just like he had back then.

  They both heard the shower turn off as they stepped away from each other.

  “Come have some french toast before you two head out.”

  LEVI HAD just finished up the french toast, eggs, and muffin that Mrs. D. had loaded onto his plate when Jamie walked out of the hallway carrying his bags, his hair still damp from the shower.

  “All right, let’s go,” Jamie said before giving his mom a last kiss on the cheek. “Tell David I said bye. Something’s up with him lately, by the way. He must have a new girl or something because he’s never home anymore. Maybe you can get it out of him while you’re here. Have a safe trip back home.” Levi grabbed his bags and headed out to the car as Jamie gave his mom one last hug.

  “Okay,” Jamie said, sliding in through the passenger window Hazzard-style. “I made us a fungenda, and I got snacks. Did you know there’s an eight-pound hair ball on display at a museum in Oregon? I wish we were going to school at Oregon State just so we could see that.”

  “Yeah, gross. What the fuck is a fungenda?” Levi asked. He started the car and pulled out into the street.

  “It’s something my mom always did when we took road trips when David and I were little.” Jamie glared at Levi. “Don’t fucking ruin this for me. I’m making memories.”

  “Whatever. But this is not snacks.” Levi peeked into the bag filled with apples and carrots.

  “If you didn’t eat like a homeless person, you’d know those are snacks. I also made a road-trip playlist, so… you’re welcome,” Jamie said, plugging his phone into the stereo.

  “Dude, you know this is the same drive we make three times a week to school, right?”

  “Au contraire, mon frère,” Jamie said, grinning at Levi over the top of his “fungenda.” “Not this time. This time it’s a road trip, not just a destination.”

  “You are a complete nut.” Levi shook his head at Jamie, secretly loving the idea of Jamie planning a day for them.

  It took them the entire day to make it to campus. They walked the world’s largest hedge maze, which was exhausting, but seeing Jamie lost in a maze was worth it. They bought apple cider from an unmanned roadside store that worked off the honor system. They toured a kangaroo farm, even though Levi wasn’t sure why there were kangaroos in Washington in the first place.

  They stopped for lunch in a little seaside town that claimed it had the world’s best fish and chips, which was nowhere near on their way but did end up having the best fish and chips Levi had ever tried, and afterward, of course, Mr. Fungenda finally dozed off. It was one of the best days of Levi’s life. He sure as shit was not telling Jamie that, though. He had wanted to grab Jamie by the back of the neck and kiss him so many times, but he wouldn’t risk losing him. He was resigned to the friendship they had and wouldn’t risk it for a long-shot dream. He did snap some amazing pictures on his phone that he would torture himself staring at later, he was sure: Jamie running scared from an adult kangaroo at the Kangaroo Zoo, and his favorite, Jamie leaning back in the passenger seat, feet up on the dash, singing to the Eagles’ “Take It Easy,” his face completely stress free and happy. Jamie was officially the world’s worst voice-over singer ever, though, and Levi was pretty sure half of Jamie’s playlist was from his childhood road trips, but he didn’t mind a little old school.

  Levi shut the car off outside Nash Hall and turned to wake up Jamie, who was as bad as a toddler about falling asleep in the car.

  They had gotten their room key after class the previous week, so they were all set.

  “Hey, sleepyhead. Wake up.” Levi nudged Jamie’s shoulder, then reached into the backseat and grabbed his backpack. They would have to make a couple trips to get everything.

  “Best day ever.” Jamie sighed sleepily, attempting to curl back into the door.

  “No way, dude. Get up. I’m not hauling you and your shit up too.”

  “Fine.” Jamie got out and went around to get his stuff out of the trunk. “Wish we didn’t have class in the morning.”

  “Yeah, you and me both,” Levi agreed, yawning.

  “Let’s get our stuff up there and get to sleep. Unpacking can wait until after class.”

  Levi was hesitant about sharing a room with Jamie in the first place, and hearing him talk about going up to “their room” to get some sleep made it even worse. Levi’s whole life felt like this huge lie that was going to come crashing down around him at any moment.

  Levi followed Jamie into their room and saw the two twin beds positioned on opposite sides of the room, along with two empty wood desks.

  “Home sweet home,” Jamie said, throwing his stuff down on the bed to the left.

  “I’m going to go grab the last of the stuff out of the back of the car.” Levi quickly escaped back out into the hallway before he started weaving thoughts of happily ever after.

  This was ridiculous. Levi wasn’t sure when being around Jamie had gotten so uncomfortable for him. Being friends had always been enough for him, but he wasn’t sure how long he could go on this way. Maybe he should have opened up to Jamie a long time ago about being gay. He knew Jamie would accept him for who he was. Who knew, he might have told him already if he hadn’t fallen in love with him. Maybe now that he was in college he would try going out and meeting new people. Maybe even go on a date. It wasn’t like he couldn’t get a guy. Not to sound too cocky, but he was aware of the effect he had on guys. And girls, for that matter. He’d had his share of offers. He’d even gone out on one date in high school, after Jamie had confided to him, in detail, about losing his virginity to Mandy Garcia. Levi had been crushed and took off and went to an eighteen-and-under club. He had met a guy there and agreed to go out. The date was fine up until they said good-bye. The guy had reached up and pulled Levi’s face down to his, but right before their lips touched, Levi’s stomach had clenched, and he’d pulled back. As mad as he was with Jamie, he still wanted this to be his. He didn’t want to kiss anyone else.

  Levi grabbed the last two bags out of the car and headed back up to the room. He did a double take as he opened the room door to find Jamie pulling his shirt up over his head. This was his own personal purgatory. Jamie was oblivious to Levi’s struggle as they both fell into their own single beds.

  THE FIRST week of school living in the dorms was exactly what Levi had thought it would be: blessed torture. It was amazing to live with Jamie. They were perfect complements to each other, but Jamie’s openly friendly nature and invasion of others’ personal space made it hard for Levi not to play house in his head and imagine what it would be like to be able to kiss and touch Jamie. Yesterday Levi had been sitting on his bed, leaning back against the wall, trying to finish his reading for class, when Jamie came in after soccer, threw off his shoes and socks, and laid himself out on Levi’s bed, throwing his feet on top of the book on Levi’s lap, groaning.

  “Dude, please rub my feet. I will do your laundry for a month.”

  “Are you kidding me right now? Get your feet off me.” Levi attempted to throw Jamie’s feet off his book, but Jamie held strong.

  “Come on, man. Please. If I could afford a massage, I would totally go. My arches are killing me. I’ve been out of soccer too long. Working sucks. Come on, I won’t tell anyone you rubbed my feet, you big homophobe.”

  If he only knew, thought Levi, giving in and reaching out a hand to Jamie’s foot, leaving the book on his lap as a barrier. Jamie had sexy
feet. They were tan and long, with just a sprinkle of hair on them. Jamie moaned as Levi stroked his thumb up the arch of his foot. Levi tried not to groan with him. Levi was hanging by a thread of sanity by the time Jamie started snoring. Jeez, he should totally be tested for narcolepsy.

  Chapter 4: Check yes or no (Levi)

  ECONOMICS 101 was the only class Levi and Jamie had together. They’d been in the class for weeks already, but now that they were living on campus it somehow felt different. Getting up in the morning together, hitting the cafeteria for breakfast, and heading to class. It was a nice routine, one Levi could definitely get used to.

  They slid into their normal seats about half way up the lecture hall, hoping to blend into the crowd and not get called on. Listening to Professor Hasselwood explain world economics was mind-numbing.

  Levi was almost asleep in his chair when Jamie nudged his side to get his attention and slid a folded piece of paper on his desk.

  He gave Jamie a raised eyebrow look and opened up the paper.

  Do you think the girl in the front row, four seats over, red hair, gives a good blow job? Check yes or no.

  There were two labelled boxes at the bottom of the page.

  Levi couldn’t help but shake his head, as he checked no and sent the note back.

  Jamie immediately leaned over the paper on his desk and started scribbling on the page. This time flicking it at him, like a football. Levi barely caught it before it hit the person sitting in front of him.

  I bet old man Hasselwood trades blow jobs for grades. Just sayin….

  Levi couldn’t stop himself from teasing Jamie.

  So your saying there’s still a chance you’ll get an A?

  His mouth dropped open as he read Levi’s response. Not even bothering to toss the note this time, he wrote across the back and held it up for Levi to see with a slight grin on his face.

  You’re so dead after this class.