Say It With Ink

by C. C. Dado

  “Hey, bro, what’s all this? I didn’t even know you knew how to cook.”

  “Mom’s helping,” David said, seeming to relax a little, giving Jamie a smile. “I think I’m done. Mom,” he hollered into the living room. “Am I done?”

  “Take the bread out of the oven, and yes, we are all set.”

  A knock sounded at the door, and Jamie turned to get it.

  “I got it,” David said, rushing past him to get to the front door.

  Jamie could tell his parents were as curious as he was about the person on the other side of the door.

  Jamie was a bit surprised to see a slight gentleman with dark wavy hair and glasses, on crutches, standing on the other side of the door, looking even more nervous and uncomfortable than David. He looked vaguely familiar to Jamie, but he couldn’t place him.

  “Hi,” David said, moving out of the way. “It’s going to be fine,” Jamie heard David say softly to the guy as he made his way in, sparking Jamie’s curiosity even more.

  “Mom, this is Nathan,” David said as his mom moved toward Nathan.

  “It’s so nice to meet you, Nathan. My name’s Angela. The kids forget I actually have one sometimes.”

  Nathan lifted a small bouquet of flowers toward their mom, which he had been trying to maneuver around his crutches. “These are for you.”

  “Oh, thank you. They’re beautiful,” she exclaimed.

  “Dinner just got done. Let’s get you settled at the table.” David ushered Nathan into the dining room and helped him get seated, setting his crutches off to the side.

  Jamie noticed David was acting different—he was almost hovering, protective in a way. Jamie wondered if maybe this guy was sick. Maybe David was going to give him a kidney or something.

  Jamie’s earlier concerns came rushing back. He wasn’t sure he could get on board with his brother risking his life for a stranger. Their parents had raised them to always watch out for others and help when they could, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a scary thing to actually do sometimes.

  David and his mom brought the food out and set the dishes along the middle of the table.

  Dinner was tense, to say the least. All of them trying to casually take bites of lasagna while waiting for David to drop some horrible bomb on them, but it never came. Instead he spent the entire time telling everyone about what an amazing man this Nathan guy was.

  Jamie wasn’t sure if David was trying to make them all aware of why this person was worthy of his kidney or what, but he was about to come out and straight up ask what the announcement was. Jamie could tell his mom was just as puzzled as he was, even though she was trying to hide it. His dad was the only one keeping the conversation going, asking questions about Nathan’s research at the University of Washington, where he worked as a research scientist currently working on a cure for Alzheimer’s. Their dad was enthralled.

  When dinner wound down, Jamie noticed that David reached over and squeezed Nathan’s hand and knew whatever “it” was, it was time.

  “Um, Mom, Dad, Jamie,” David started, and then he stopped to take a breath and smile over at Nathan. “I wanted you all to come over to meet Nathan because he has become very special to me.” He paused again as Jamie was trying to process what his words might mean. “I know this might not be what you expected, but I hope that you will support me. Nathan is important to me because he’s my boyfriend.”

  Utter silence descended on the table. Jamie thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head from shock. His mom was the first one to recover, getting up from the table and walking around to David as he got up from his chair to face her.

  She immediately embraced him in a hug. David instantly wrapped his arms around his mom, like he was a small child needing his mother’s love.

  “Do not ever doubt our support of you. We just want you to be happy, and if Nathan is what makes you happy, then we are so glad you found him.”

  Their dad got up then and came around the table to pat David on the back. “She’s telling the truth, son. We don’t care who you love as long as you’re happy. Isn’t that right, Jamie?” his dad prompted in a way that left no doubt what Jamie’s response better be. Jamie looked over at Nathan, whose dark-rimmed glasses had started to slide down his nose, and looked back up at David, who moved out of their mother’s embrace and stepped behind Nathan, placing his hands protectively on his shoulders.

  “Uhhh, yeah, of course,” Jamie said, realizing everyone was waiting for him to speak. “Sorry, I’m not going to lie—I’m a little shocked but totally happy for you. Seriously.” Jamie continued to stare at them both, thinking if he stared long enough he would adjust to what had just happened. “Wait a minute, didn’t you come into David’s shop a while back?” Jamie remembered going to David’s shop to try and get him to come out with everyone for a drink, and this guy came in and knocked a bunch of stuff over, then ran out when David asked if he could help him. “Was that how you met? You didn’t break your leg when you fell in the shop, did you?”

  “No. It was a car accident,” Nathan said, looking down at his plate.

  David rubbed his hand over Nathan’s shoulder. “That wasn’t the first time we had met. We were already dating.” David looked at his mom’s questioning face. “I almost lost Nathan before we even got started because I was too—” David paused, looking ashamed. “—confused, embarrassed to admit I liked a guy. I don’t have any excuse for the way I treated Nathan, but I know I won’t make that mistake twice.” David moved his hand up the side of Nathan’s neck in a gesture that showed everyone how much he meant the words he was saying. “Which is why it’s important for me to be open with you guys. Your reaction was what I should have expected but was afraid to hope for.”

  JAMIE’S MIND was still spinning a bit when he hopped into Levi’s Charger and headed back up to school the next afternoon. He was happy for his brother, but for some reason it was like a weight in his stomach that he just couldn’t kick. He needed to talk to Levi. He always felt better after he talked to Levi.

  Chapter 7: Clean up on Aisle 5 (Levi)

  LEVI RECOGNIZED Jamie’s number as it flashed across his screen showing the incoming call. He was out grabbing dinner at the grocery store. So far it was fried chicken and a Coke.

  “Hey, dude, what’s up?” Levi said as he hit Accept, trying not to let his voice show how much he’d missed having Jamie around the last two days.

  “Hey, you should’ve came with me,” Jamie said, sounding like he was still slightly irritated but also there was something else. Levi couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but Jamie sounded off.

  “I told you I had to study. What else is wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong, just a crazy night.” He sounded sad to Levi. That didn’t happen very often, and Levi hated it when it did.

  “Crazier than that night I caught you running down the street naked, carrying your clothes, with Misty Foster’s dad chasing you?” Levi heard him chuckle into the phone.

  “Maybe not that crazy, but you are not going to believe what just happened,” Jamie said, apparently still in awe of whatever was currently blowing his mind.

  “Oh, yeah?” Levi chuckled his response. He was glad Jamie’s mood was lightening. He loved how animated Jamie got when he was happy. He could picture his face in his mind.

  “So, you know my mom summoned me back home this weekend. Technically summoned us both, but whatever. Your loss, ’cause you are seriously not going to believe what the big family meeting was about. Your car drives awesome, by the way. I feel pretty badass driving this.”

  Levi could hear the V8 purr through the phone. “Well, are you going to tell me or just keep building up the moment, drama queen? Is everyone okay?”

  “Yeah, it was good news, actually. My brother’s in a relationship,” Jamie said, confusing Levi on why that would require a family announcement.

  “Cool?” Levi said, still not sure why Jamie was freaking out over his brother dating someone.


  “…with a dude.” Jamie dropped the bomb and awaited Levi’s response.

  And that answered that. “Oh, wow.”

  “Yeah. His name’s Nathan. I saw him when I was at David’s shop one time, but David acted all weird, like he didn’t know him. Well, they worked it all out because they’re, like, ‘in a relationship.’” Levi could hear the air quotes through the phone. “They were both at dinner, and David was super protective of him. Like he was afraid we were going to turn on him. It was super weird, but also super cool because I’ve never seen him that happy. Nathan seems like a really nice guy.”

  Levi didn’t even notice he had dropped the chicken and soda onto the floor until he heard the voice over the loudspeaker.

  “Clean up on Aisle 5.”

  “Hey, listen, I got to go. I’m getting dinner,” Levi said, trying to get off the phone as fast as he could.

  “Uh, okay. I will be back by, like, eight if you want to go grab a beer.”

  “I might be asleep. I’m kinda tired,” Levi said, brushing Jamie off.

  “All right, whatever.”

  Levi turned and walked past the girl cleaning up the exploded soda, apologizing under his breath, and headed straight to the beer aisle, thanking the god of fake IDs with every step he took.

  JAMIE PARKED the car and headed toward the front door of the dorm, hitting the alarm on Levi’s car as he passed a few guys he knew coming out of the building.

  “Hey, man, I’m glad you’re back,” one of the guys from his floor said.

  “Uh, thanks?”

  “I don’t know what’s up with your roommate, but he’s fucking wasted and pissed. We keep hearing slamming around in your room, but everyone’s too chickenshit to go check on him. I tried a while ago, but he told me to go fuck myself and slammed the door in my face. You better do something before the RA gets back.”

  “Okay, thanks for the heads-up,” Jamie said, picking up the pace to go check on Levi. He had sounded a little weird when Jamie had talked to him earlier. Jamie was practically running by the time he got to their room.

  The door was locked when Jamie tried the knob.

  “Levi?” Jamie hissed through the door, trying not to attract any more attention than Levi already had. “Buddy, open the door,” he said. He could have used his key to open the door, but he didn’t want to push Levi when he already seemed like he was close to the edge. He wanted Levi to open it willingly for him. Maybe he was having one of those college breakdowns they talked about at orientation. Jamie knew Levi pushed himself too hard. He heard a crash that sounded like a bookshelf falling over.

  “Levi, open the door before someone calls the police,” he said into the crack of the door.

  “’M’fine, Jamie. Go away,” Levi said. He opened the door and then returned to his apparent spot at the end of his bed, holding a bottle of Captain Morgan’s and looking at all the stuff from his desk, now scattered across the floor of the room.

  “Um, what’s going on, Levi?” Jamie said, taking in the destroyed room.

  “Don’t wanna talk ’bout it,” he slurred, falling back onto his bed and draping his arm over his face.

  “Did something happen since I talked to you last?”

  “Nope, noth’n’ new ’cept your brother being gay,” he blurted almost hysterically, with a hint of laughter.

  “What? What the fuck does my brother being gay or bi or whatever have to do with you going on a fucking bender? I know I joke about you being a homophobe, but I never really thought you were one,” Jamie said, giving Levi a look of disgust.

  “Ha. Fuck. M’not a fucking homophobe, you ass,” Levi said, attempting to stand but falling backward. His second attempt was successful, and he turned and leaned against the wall.

  “Then what’s your fucking problem? What does my brother have to do with you getting shit-faced and destroying our room?”

  Levi looked like he was either going to cry or vomit as he slid down the wall onto his butt. “It’s not fucking fair.”

  “What? What’s not fair, Levi?” Jamie asked. When he squatted down in front of Levi to look him in the eye, the pain he saw reflected back almost broke him. He had never seen Levi like this. He was Jamie’s rock, and seeing him like this made Jamie’s chest tighten.

  “What, Levi?”

  “Fuck’n’ fell in love with the wrong brother,” Levi said, letting his head fall back against the wall. Jamie watched a tear slowly run down Levi’s face.

  Jamie froze, shocked by Levi’s words, his heart beating a million miles a minute.

  “Levi?” he asked. He wasn’t sure if he wanted him to go on, but he needed to know what he meant.

  Levi pushed himself up and stumbled away from him. Jamie stood, turning to see Levi suddenly pull his shirt off over his head, his dark hair mussed from the shirt. Levi’s adrenaline seemed to sober him up a bit.

  “This isn’t all random shit, Jamie. It’s you. All of this is you,” Levi said, rubbing his hand up his tattooed sleeve arm and across his chest like he could wipe them away if he rubbed hard enough. “Every single one of these is a memory of you,” he said, exhausted, sounding like he was on the verge of breaking, as his thumb caressed over the padlocked heart he had tattooed in the center of his chest. Jamie’s name almost completely blocked by the vines and chains. “I don’t even know a girl named Jessica. It’s you, Jamie,” he said, unashamedly letting the tears fall. “It has always been you.” Levi took a step toward him, but stopped when Jamie stepped back, the move not going unnoticed.

  “Levi,” Jamie said, running his hand through his hair, his own emotions completely out of control at that point. He had never felt so much fear and confusion. He didn’t know what to do—how to make it stop. “I didn’t know,” Jamie said, sitting down on the end of the bed.

  “I know, Jamie. All this time I’ve been standing here waiting, fucking hoping. God, I’m such a fucking idiot.” Levi turned around and grabbed his backpack.

  “Levi, stop, please,” Jamie said, making Levi stop at the door and turn back to him.

  “I’m sorry, Jamie.”

  Jamie felt his own tears fall as he watched Levi head out the stairwell, too shocked to go after him.

  Chapters 8: Is the clap really a thing? (Levi)

  LEVI STOOD outside Sy’s door after a night spent wandering around campus, trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do. He had called Sy on the way over and asked if he could crash for a few days to figure shit out. Thankfully Sy was still half-asleep and didn’t ask too many questions.

  Resigned to his fate, Levi knocked on Sy’s door.

  “Hey,” Sy said as he opened the door and moved out of the way to let him in.

  Levi was taken aback by “Morning Sy.” His normally spiked lavender hair that usually made him look so edgy fell in soft waves on top of his head. The lavender was a much softer color without all the stuff he put in it. It made Levi want to ruffle it with his hand, but he was pretty sure Sy wouldn’t appreciate it. When Levi looked past the hair, he noticed Sy was wearing pajama pants with pink flamingos on them and fuzzy slippers, and he smiled.

  “You coming in or what?” Sy asked, making Levi feel like an idiot for gawking. He started to move past Sy but stopped and turned when he heard another door in the hallway behind him open up.

  A disheveled girl, obviously doing the walk of shame, slowly crept out, shoes in hand, and closed the door.

  Apparently Sy was not going to let her walk out undetected.

  “Sweetie, you should run home and burn that vagina. That boy gave me the clap.”

  She gave Sy a horrified look before turning away from him and speed walking to the exit with her head down.

  “And he’s inbred-stupid too, so you might want to pick yourself up a morning-after pill.” The girl was practically running now.

  “That’s right, sugar, run….” Sy leaned out the door and hollered at the girl’s retreating back.

  “You fucked your neighbor? Is the clap really
still a thing? I thought that was something people got in the seventies,” Levi said once Sy had closed the door behind him.

  “No, I didn’t fuck my neighbor, and yes, it’s still a thing. Jesus, did no one ever have the sex talk with you? Do you want me to give you the talk? Or a demonstration, maybe?” Sy said suggestively.

  Levi decide to ignore Sy’s flirting. “Why did you tell that girl he gave you the clap?”

  “Because my neighbor’s an asshole, and gossip around here spreads like wildfire. I’m pretty sure that’s the last piece of ass he’ll get this semester.”

  “You’re seriously an awful human being,” Levi said, shaking his head.

  “I’m helping you, aren’t I?” Sy said, raising an eyebrow in question. “I would love to catch up on your drama, but I’m too tired to even think right now. You can either crash out here on the couch and watch some TV, or come snuggle with me, the door’s always open.”

  “I think I’ll just watch some TV. Thanks,” Levi said, knowing he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again and not wanting to give Sy the wrong impression about why he was staying here.

  “Your loss,” Sy said, heading to his room. It was a small, one-bedroom apartment, so Levi could hear Sy moving around in his room.

  Levi sat down on Sy’s couch and looked around his place. It was as colorful as he was. He had an overstuffed leather couch with purple-striped pillows and a matching purple chair in the corner. His coffee table was covered in textbooks and gossip magazines.

  “Here’s a blanket and pillow, if you’re insisting on sleeping out here,” Sy said, tossing a folded comforter and pillow at Levi from his bedroom door.

  “Hey, thanks for letting me stay.”

  “Oh, don’t think you won’t owe me one,” Sy said with a grin, making Levi smile and shake his head before settling in on the couch and laying his head on the pillow.

  LEVI MANAGED to stay hidden until Wednesday, when he had class with Jamie. The first day he had at least twenty missed calls and texts from Jamie. Seeing Jamie across the lecture hall now, he was pretty sure Jamie hated him.