Bittersweet Farm 2: Joyful Spirit

by Barbara Morgenroth

  “I’m serious about dinner.”

  “I’m sorry. It was a meal fit for a Barbie doll.”

  We ran from the truck into the house where the lights were off in the kitchen but for one over the table. I heard the television on in the den and headed in that direction.

  Jules turned away from the television. “Hi. How was dinner?”

  “What dinner,” Lockie replied.

  “You ate, didn’t you?”

  “It was the Master Chef Grudge Match. They weren’t normal size portions,” I explained.

  “Was it a tasting menu?” Jules was baffled.

  “No, I think that’s how much they thought we should eat.”

  “Everything was three bites.”

  “You can’t be serious.”

  “It’s true.”

  “There’s plenty of food left over,” Jules said standing. “I’ll heat it right up.” She touched Lockie’s arm. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Where’s Dad?” I asked as we followed her into the kitchen.

  “He’s upstairs. He was so tired after all that traveling, he decided to...”

  “Work in bed for a couple more hours,” I finished the sentence.

  “No, I think he’s tired.” Jules began taking bowls and containers out of the refrigerator. “Tell me all about the boyfriend.”

  I didn’t say anything.

  Jules turned to us in confusion.

  “Calling him a horse’s ass would be an insult to horses,” Lockie replied.

  “I definitely need all the details,” Jules said as she began heating dinner.

  By the time we had reached dessert, we had finished the story as well.

  “Is there any possibility you could be wrong? Some people are nervous in social situations and try too hard. Maybe Paxton was so talkative because he wanted to make a good impression on Josh’s friends.”

  “Yeah, no,” Lockie replied.

  Jules shrugged. There’s a Maxene DeWinter marathon on the Classics Channel. Let’s watch it and forget about Josh’s love life.”

  “I wanted him to be happy,” I replied putting my dishes in the sink.

  “He has to make his own choices,” Lockie said.

  “We ... we didn’t make decisions without consulting each other.”

  “Were you married to him?”

  “In a way.”

  “Well, you’re divorced now. He’s found a new main squeeze.”

  “I don’t have anyone to talk to,” I said without thinking.

  “Talia,” Lockie said sharply. “You’re doing it again.”

  I stopped and turned to him. “What am I doing?”

  “I’m here. Talk to me.”

  “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “Yes, you did.”

  I went into the den and sat on the sofa while Lockie stood to the side practically glaring at me. I patted the cushion next to me. “Sit.”

  Lockie didn’t move.

  “Please.”

  Lockie sat, but not close.

  “I came here six years ago. In that time period I lost everyone I had a history with.”

  Jules entered with a tray holding a large bowl and assorted fruit juices on the table. “Excuse me?”

  “Keep going, Tal, insult all of us,” Lockie said.

  “If you would like me to say I’m sorry your feelings are hurt, fine, I’m sorry, but that doesn’t change the facts. I lost my mother. I never knew my father. Greer loathes me. Rogers has not been my best girlfriend, Josh was and now he’s gone. I had experiences with him that neither of you shared with us.”

  “It’s called moving on, Talia,” Jules said.

  “You had experiences with Butch that will never been repeated with CB,” Lockie replied sensibly. “You create new experiences.”

  “You said you’d get me a new best friend.”

  “And you called me an idiot but I did.”

  He was right, of course. In the same way I took CB out on the trails and spent time building our relationship, I had to be willing to do that with Lockie. My reluctance came from fear of being hurt again, of losing someone close to me. I had tried to take care of Lockie, but still hadn’t let him be my confidant.

  “Will you pick out the dresses I should wear?” I asked him.

  From the wing chair, Jules nudged me with her foot. “I’ll do that.”

  Lockie smiled. “You know I’ll just tell you they should be shorter and tighter.”

  “You’re bad.”

  “You noticed.”

  “Is this over because the movie is starting and I want to see this one,” Jules said.

  “Why?” I settled back on the sofa.

  “Maxene deWinter!”

  “Who’s that?”

  “She was one of the most gorgeous film stars ever.”

  “If she’s so gorgeous, why haven’t I heard of her?” Lockie asked.

  “Do you know who Anne Hathaway is?”

  “No,” Lockie replied.

  I patted his leg. “Let’s just watch the movie and we can see for ourselves if Maxene’s any good.”

  The Clarion Pictures logo came on the screen, a trumpet against a stylized sunrise and the movie began. The story opened in a nameless large city and showed a tall office building. There was a dissolve to the inside, and it revealed a stenographic pool where secretaries were busily typing. There was a close-up of one secretary and Jules was correct, Maxene was a beautiful woman with delicate features and soft, wavy blonde hair framing her face.

  It seemed that secretary was synonymous with escort as far as the boss was concerned and he either bribed or threatened his staff into going out on dates with his business customers.

  “How is this movie a comedy,” I asked.

  “Seems okay to me,” Lockie replied picking up a glass of juice.

  “It is a little dated,” Jules admitted. “But it’s a pre-code movie.”

  “What’s that?”

  “In the early 1930’s Hollywood told adult stories. Then the government cracked down with guidelines, a code, of what was appropriate. After that, there was a lot of fluff, separate beds, no sex, no innuendoes. Maxene made many movies in these early years that couldn’t be made later.”

  “Now they make anything,” Lockie replied.

  “They seem to,” Jules replied.

  “Jules’ father is in the film business,” I told him before he got himself into trouble.

  “Did I offend you?” Lockie asked.

  “No. I’m in the food business. Besides, it’s mostly the foreign rights end of things for my father. Sshh. Let’s just watch.”

  Maxene was brought to a swanky dinner club by a handsome client with slicked back hair. There was a band playing and they danced to the music instead of eating dinner. He smiled almost all the time and she was uncomfortable. He tried to ply her with champagne, and she tried to beg off but her glass kept being refilled anyway.

  “Stop making those tsk sounds,” Lockie said to me.

  “What is with her? Doesn’t she get how he wants the night to end?”

  “Yes,” Jules replied.

  “Don’t get yourself into these situations,” I said.

  Jules pointed the remote at the television and increased the volume. “I can’t hear the dialogue.”

  “Tsk. Well, finally,” I said as Maxene pulled herself out of his grasp, rushed to the coat room, got her wrap and hurried out into the street. She stopped on the sidewalk and turned around.

  “Talia, look at what’s going to happen,” Lockie said.

  “Don’t go back in the club!” I waved my arms at the screen.

  Jules started to laugh.

  “Hail a taxi! Leave! Go home.”

  Maxene stood there, the city zooming around her, wracked with indecision.

  “Animal magnetism is impossible to overcome and she’s in Epic Fail mode,” Lockie said.

  “No! No! She can do it!”

  “Unh unh. She�
��s giving in.”

  “You want her to go back inside.”

  “Sure I do, maybe he’ll get lucky.”

  “Ugh!”

  “Maybe she’ll get lucky,” Jules said.

  “Not if it’s with him!”

  Maxene began to walk back to the club and the uniformed doorman opened the door for her.

  “Dumb!” I shouted. “He’s bad for her.”

  “Why? Because he wants to go out for dinner, and a twirl around the dance floor?”

  “Yes.”

  Lockie looked at me in surprise.

  “It’s not that he wants to eat dinner, it’s that he’s using her for his own pleasure.”

  “Maybe this is fun for her too,” Jules countered.

  “For Bessie, it’s a lark, for Maxene it’s not. Some people you just can’t keep from making mistakes. She’ll be the one paying for dinner and I don’t mean the check.”

  My father entered the den. “What’s all the shouting?”

  “I’m sorry, did we wake you?”

  “No, I was working.”

  I looked over at Jules in my small triumph. “We’re watching a movie about a stupid girl.”

  “She’s not stupid. She’s a little too trusting, perhaps,” Jules replied. “You’re welcome to join us.”

  “Since it is your house,” Lockie added.

  “Have some popcorn.”

  My father looked at the bowl. “It’s blue.”

  “We don’t eat enough blue food,” Lockie said.

  “It’s naturally sweeter, only the hulls are blue. The kernels are white just like regular popcorn,” Jules explained as she pointed out the colors.

  My father sat in a chair and the three of us explained what the movie was about. Unfortunately, we each had our own version of the story and I was certain he was left knowing less than when he came in.

  By the end of the movie, Maxene had been betrayed by this smooth-talker not once but twice and was still prepared to believe him when he said “I will never be completely happy again unless you marry me.”

  “Of course I’ll marry you, darling,” Maxene said.

  And I threw popcorn at the television as the screen faded to black.

  “That gives a new definition to the phrase ‘dumb bunny’,” I said standing up.

  “Tali, she loves him,” Lockie said.

  “He’s not worthy of her.”

  There was silence in the room.

  I turned to my father. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean you.”

  He stood. “You’re right about the movie and you’re right about me but people can change. Even you can change, my adorable daughter.” He kissed my forehead. “Goodnight, everyone.”

  I remained motionless for a moment unable to remember ever being kissed by my father before.

  Greer walked in. “What’s going on?”

  “We just watched a movie,” Jules replied.

  “Why am I never included in these family gatherings?”

  “Maybe if you acted like you were part of the family, you would be,” I pointed out.

  “Bitch.”

  I stared at her. “If you say that to me again, next time I’m going to haul back and hit you as hard as I can. Trust me, you’ll be on the floor and it’s not a threat, it’s a guarantee.”

  Greer regarded me with her elitist arrogance. “Common.”

  I slapped her as hard as I would a horse fly sitting on CB’s leg.

  Coming from behind, Lockie put his arms around me, pinning my arms down. Jules jumped up and inserted herself between us.

  “That’s enough!”

  “She hit me!” Greer shouted as she struggled to retaliate.

  “And I’ll do it again, gladly,” I shouted back, trying to wrench myself from Lockie’s grip.

  He took my arm and dragged me out of the den, pushed me into the kitchen and blocked the way of returning.

  “What is wrong with you?”

  “She had it coming!”

  “Never in my life have I hit anyone.”

  I shrugged.

  “Would you hit a horse to train it?”

  “No.”

  “You don’t hit Greer to train her either.” Lockie grabbed my hand, opened the kitchen door and pulled me outside.

  “Where are we going?”

  “I’m not leaving you in there with her. You think she’s not going to be looking for you all night to finish what you started?”

  “I started it? She called me a bitch.”

  “So what? You’re not a bitch, and everyone knows that.” He opened the passenger door of my truck. “Get in.”

  I stood there without moving.

  “Get. In.”

  Chapter Eight

  That’s why big horses paid attention to what Lockie told them to do. He sounded like he meant it. I got in and he drove the short distance to the barn, then we went upstairs to his apartment.

  “There’s been something going on with you for a couple days now but you didn’t want to confide in me. Tonight you will or we won’t go to sleep.”

  “I don’t really appreciate being told what to do.”

  “And why is that?” He sat on his couch.

  “I’ve been on my own for quite a while now.”

  “Yeah, you’re really on your own here at the estate.”

  “Do not start with the money.”

  “How do you define being on your own when everything you need, the best of it, is provided for you?”

  “My father hasn’t been around.”

  “And your mother is dead.”

  I glared at him.

  “Say it. Your mother is dead.”

  I didn’t say anything.

  “So you’re like an orphan?”

  “I made my own decisions.”

  “With the help of the ex-husband.”

  “Lockie!” I couldn’t believe he was speaking to me like this. “I’m out of here.”

  “You leave and tomorrow at first light I put Wing in the trailer and we leave.”

  “Why are you acting like this?”

  “Why are you acting the way you are?”

  “I didn’t do anything to you!”

  Lockie paused for a long moment. “You’re not figuring this out.”

  “What?”

  “You’re not living your life.”

  “Of course I am.”

  “As someone who came very close to dying, I know you’re not. You’re on a hot walker going in circles. There’s forward motion, but you’re not going anywhere.”

  “I don’t want to argue with you,” I said and meant it.

  “Argue with me. Fight me.”

  “I don’t want to!”

  My life seemed like one long fracas and I needed it to stop. The only time I experienced peace was when I was out hacking a horse or laying down next to Lockie.

  “That’s the problem. That would require you experiencing some emotion.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I feel more than I can handle most of the time.” I walked over to the large window that overlooked the pastures. It was too dark to see anything this late at night.

  “And you don’t do anything with it. You hold it inside like a personal treasure.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “It is, Tal. You’re practically submerged in the loss of your mother, the abandonment of your father, of being alone here with no one but Butch, a gay guy and a girlfriend who is preoccupied with her own feelings of inadequacy.”

  “You got it entirely wrong. I’m happy.”

  He didn’t reply.

  “I am happy,” I insisted.

  “You can’t sleep at night. You can’t concentrate on your riding. CB has done everything he can to woo you but you still can’t connect with him. And you can’t or won’t connect with me. I don’t see how that translates into happiness.”

  “You can’t push me on this.”

  “Wrong. You must be pushed and since no one’s do
ne it before, I’m taking on the job.”

  “I’m doing this in my own time.”

  “You’ll be doing it on my schedule now which means tonight,” Lockie replied.

  “No. I can’t.”

  “You will.”

  “You don’t do this with a horse. I’ve never seen you force one into doing anything.”

  “We never get to this point. They’re trained to go along with me from the beginning.”

  “What about the lessons in small doses so they can be processed? You’re demanding everything in one night.”

  Lockie shook his head. “That’s because you are such a laggard. You have to play catch up.”

  “You wouldn’t do this to Wing.”

  “Wing wouldn’t force me.”

  “I’m not forcing you! This is all your idea.”

  “It really must be a big deal for you or you wouldn’t be resisting me with such determination,” Lockie said.

  “I’m not!”

  “Denying it doesn’t make it so. I wish I knew what your mother would have said to you now because that’s the only person you would listen to. I don’t think she babied you. She didn’t spoil you. Help me. Tell me what she would have said to you.”

  I walked back and forth in front of the window.

  “I want to repaint this apartment and get you new furniture,” I said.

  “Thanks. Quit avoiding the issue. What would your mother have said?”

  “She loved me, Lockie.”

  “Your father loves you.”

  “She made me feel loved.”

  “How?”

  In danger of crying, I shrugged.

  “Come here, Tali, sit by me.”

  I turned to him and Lockie nodded.

  Walking over to him, I took his hand he held out to me and Lockie pulled me closer.

  “What did she say to you?”

  He put his arm around my shoulders and drew me to him, my head on his chest. At least I didn’t have to look at him.

  “She said ‘I have been blessed to have you in my life.’”

  “And then what else?”

  “She would lie and say everything was going to be all right.”

  “Everything is.”

  “She never got better.”

  “I did.”

  “What does that have to do with it, Lockie?”

  “That was the lifespan allotted to her. Death rushed up to me, so close its breath was my breath. For some reason I was given a reprieve.”