The Stainless Steel Rat eBook Collection

by Harry Harrison

  “Take my copy, please, a great pleasure.”

  “Thank you, thank you,” I said with what I hoped was sincerity as I hefted its weight. I peeked at a page and tried to keep the smile on my face. As I had feared, it was set in very small type.

  “You will read for yourself,” Stirner said, “but our history can be summed up simply. Mark Forer was questioned on many subjects and its vast and different intelligence was utilized in many commercial and scientific ways. It was not until it was queried about political systems that its advice was doubted. Before it could comment it absorbed all of the political writings of the centuries, and the histories, and the commentaries on this material. This took months, years they say. After that Mark Forer weighed and considered the material for an even longer period. During this period it composed the book that you see there and loaded it into RAM. By this time Mark Forer had learned a good deal about the human race through their politics, so therefore took a wise precaution. It accessed all of the data banks and downloaded this book from memory into each of them, and into every electronic mail service as well. Mark Forer later apologized to all of the recipients of this rather thick volume and offered to pay printing costs.

  “But he had been correct in his fears. Not one politician in any country, on any planet, agreed with his theories. In fact efforts were made to denounce Individual Mutualism and all who believed in it—as many did. Because, in his wisdom, Mark Forer knew that while established governments would reject his philosophy, intelligent individuals would read and understand and believe. How wise this wise machine was! Those individuals who were intelligent enough to understand the philosophy were also intelligent enough to see its inherent truth. They also understood that they would have to find a place of their own to practice what they now believed in. Mark Forer wrote that the wise do not give up their liberty to the state. The converse is also true; the state does not voluntarily relinquish its hold on its citizens.

  “There were years of struggle and flight, persecution and betrayal. Much of the record was destroyed by those who were jealous of our freedoms. In the end those who believed came here, beyond the contact of other worlds, to build a society where Individual Mutualism, IM, was the norm, where peace and happiness could prevail forever.”

  “Or at least until you got invaded by Nevenkebla,” I gloomed. Stirner laughed at my expression.

  “Do not despair, my friend, for we do not. The first shock of their arrival has disturbed us, as well it might after our peace of centuries. But we have the courage of our beliefs and know that they and IM will survive this test. If they do, then perhaps we have justified our faith in Mark Forer and, more important, can now perhaps show our gratitude by taking our beliefs to other, less happy planets.”

  “I would wait awhile before I starting doing that! There are a lot of hard cases out there who would love to eat your people alive. Suffice for the moment getting these military morons off your neck. And, I hate to ask you people for more aid, but I have been kicked about by professionals and wonder if you have any painkillers in the house?”

  I closed my eyes to rest them for a moment and it worked because when I opened them again I felt in perfect shape. It was also dark outside the curtains and a stranger was bent over me having just given me an injection.

  “You passed out,” Morton said. “You got everyone worried and they sent for Docter Lum here who is pretty good.”

  “Mild concussion,” the doctor said. “Two broken ribs which I have immobilized. I have given you pain relievers. And a stimulant now since I was told you wished to travel this evening. I can neutralize it if you wish.”

  I sprang to my feet and flexed my muscles. I felt fine. “No way, doctor. You have treated me in a manner I would have chosen, had I been conscious to choose it. How long before the drugs wear off?”

  “Do not be concerned about that. I will be staying with you until you are well.”

  “But you don’t understand. I have to move fast, hide, do things that may take a long time.”

  Lum smiled. “I am afraid it is you who misunderstood me. I shall be at your side as long as you have need of me. All of us, everyone on this planet, will give you any aid you may need.”

  “Is that what IM is all about?”

  “Exactly. What do we do next?”

  “Walk. No transportation. The military has all the instrumentation for spotting machines on the move.”

  “What about detecting people?” Stirner asked. “Surely their technology must encompass that concept.”

  “It does. But the human body is an indifferent heat source and hard to tell from that of other animals.”

  “As is one individual difficult to tell from another,” the doctor said with medical intuition. “If we intend to walk in one direction wouldn’t it be wise to have a number of people walking in a number of directions?”

  “It certainly would,” I said, finally beginning to catch on to how these people worked together. “How can you pass the word?”

  “Easily enough. I’ll just step out into the street and tell the first person I see. When that is done we can leave.”

  “Will we reach the dam before dawn?” I asked Stirner.

  “Easily. It is your choice, of course, to tell us of your plans or not. But if you do give us some information about what you wish to do at the dam, we might then be able to assist you in other ways.”

  Fatigue, and the beating, must have addled my brain. I had accepted their offer of help while ignoring the fact that I had never told them what I wanted to do!

  “My apologies!” I apologized. “I am beginning to take your hospitality for granted. Which is not fair. Since your ancestors fled from persecution a modicum of intelligence has possessed the human race. Or it has grown up. Or become civilized. While there are exceptions—like the military louts who invaded your peaceful planet—the overwhelming majority of planets are at peace. This peaceful League pays for the maintenance of an organization, the League Navy, which watches trouble spots, contacts rediscovered planets and so forth. Now this begins to get complicated so stay with me. While I am not employed by the Navy, I was given a communication device to contact them from this planet. This device, for reasons too complex to go into, is disguised as a bird. What I want to do is retrieve it from its hiding place, then actuate it to let the Navy know where this planet is.”

  Stirner frowned in thought before he spoke. “If this Navy group you speak of intends to use violence we cannot help you to summon them.”

  “No fear there. The League is sworn to nonviolence.”

  “Then there are no problems. What can we do to help?”

  “Guide me to the dam, that’s all. I’ll do the rest. There will be three of us. You, I, and the good doctor Lum. We will need food and water.”

  “You forgot me,” Morton said.

  “No, I remembered you. You are out of the army—stay out. I either get the bird by stealth or not at all. As virile as I am I don’t look forward to taking on a trigger-happy company of well-trained thugs. Stay here, talk to Sharla, which should not take too much effort. Get information. Find out all you can about what the army is doing. I’ll be back tomorrow night.”

  “I will be pleased to discuss Individual Mutualism with you,” Sharla said in a voice that was pure honey. Morton melted instantly and did not even know it when we left.

  For all of his gray hairs, Stirner must have been a marathon walker. The doctor matched his pace, while I was riding so high on the drugs that I had the feeling that if I flapped my arms hard enough I could have flown to the dam. We skulked down unpaved roads, then along what appeared to be linear track of some kind, through a tunnel, then through meadows where dark beasts moved aside as we went by. After a few hours of walking like this under a moonless, star-filled sky, the lights of the city were far behind, the dark walls of mountains looming ahead. Stirner called a halt and we sat down on the grass under a tree.

  “This will be a good time to drink, eat if you wis
h, because we will leave our burdens here.”

  “Getting close?”

  “Very. We will approach the dam through a drainage tunnel that is dry this time of year. This emerges on the riverbank close to the generating station.”

  “You are a genius. We will get by the lookouts that way, will be inside their perimeter and hopefully somewhere near the command car. How long until it gets light?”

  “We have at least four hours yet.”

  “Wonderful. We take a break. The doctor can slip me a pep pill or two since I am feeling a bit shabby, then we will finish this affair.”

  Lum sounded worried. “If you have any more stimulants you may become quite sick after the drugs wear off.”

  “And without the aid of you kind people I certainly would have been quite dead by now. So let’s get the bird so I can call in the Navy. Before something really drastic happens and people get killed.”

  We ate and drank, the doctor then concealed our supplies in the tree, gave me an injection, and the march resumed. I was so full of uppers that I had to fight down the urge to whistle and bound ahead of my slower companions. I resisted. Stirner found the gulley we were looking for and led us along it until it ended in a high black opening. I looked at it suspiciously.

  “Could be dangerous animals in there.”

  “Very doubtful,” Stirner said. “The rainy season ended not too long ago. Until then this tunnel was filled with water.”

  “Besides that,” Lum added. “There are no dangerous animals on this continent.”

  “Other than the ones I arrived with. Lead on!”

  We stumbled into the darkness, splashing through invisible puddles, running our fingers along the rough walls of the tunnel to keep from bashing into them. By the time we reached the far end our eyes were so adjusted to the dark that the patch of starry sky ahead almost looked gray.

  “Silence now,” Stirner whispered. “They might be very close.”

  “Then you two wait in the tunnel out of sight,” I whispered in return. “I’ll make this as quick as I can.”

  When I poked my head carefully out I saw that the tunnel emerged from the bank above the river. Perfect. I could slink along the side of the river to the generating plant. Which I did. The roar of water discharging from the plant growing constantly louder. I kept going as far as I could, until spray was blowing over me, before I climbed the bank and parted the grass carefully to look out.

  “Congratulations,” I thought to myself. “You are a genius at night-stalking, Jimmy.”

  Not twenty meters away was the command car, parked beside the generating plant. And there wasn’t a soul in sight. Silent as a ghost I drifted along the building, past a closed door in the wall, and slipped into the car. The booze box was just where I had left it. Neat! I pulled it out and groped inside.

  It was empty!

  At the precise moment that I realized this the door opened behind me and I was bathed in light.

  Sergeant Blogh was standing in the doorway holding the bird.

  “Is this what you are looking for, captain?” he said.

  I looked from the bird to the gun in his other hand and could not think of a thing to say.

  CHAPTER 20

  “You’re an escaped criminal, captain.” He was smiling wickedly, enjoying himself. I still had nothing to say. “That’s what was reported. They sent a chopper rushing out here for all of your equipment. Only after the MPs left did I remember how you were always worrying about those canteens. At the time I thought it was just the booze. Since they said you were an offworlder spy I began to think different. So I looked close and found this stuffed bird. Before I could turn it in, I heard how you escaped. So I thought I would just keep watch in case you wanted to get it back. Seems I thought right. Now—climb out of there slowly and keep your hands in sight.”

  I had no choice. But at least my brain was in gear again after the disconnecting shock of his appearance.

  “I would like the bird back, sergeant.”

  “I’m sure you would. But why should I give it to you?”

  “To save lives. With it I can contact the League Navy and end this invasion before someone is killed.”

  “I don’t mind killing.” His smile was gone and there was a brutal edge to his voice I had never heard before. “I’m a soldier—and you are a spy. I am going to turn you and your cagaling bird in. This is going to mean a lot to my career.”

  “And you put your miserable military career ahead of the lives of harmless, unarmed civilians?”

  “You bet your sweet chunk, I do.”

  I started to tell him just what I thought of him. But didn’t.

  There had to be some way to get to him.

  “Do you take bribes, sergeant?”

  “No.”

  “I’m not talking about little bribes. I am talking about the ten thousand credits in League currency that you will receive when this invasion ends. You have my word on that.”

  “A spy’s word? Ten thousand or ten million—the answer is the same. You are for the chopping block, spy.”

  There was a quick movement from the door behind him, a solid chunking sound, and the sergeant dropped to the ground. I dived for his gun.

  “Don’t,” a voice said. “Just stay away from it.”

  I looked up at Private, formerly Corporal, Aspya who was now pointing the gun at me that he had just used to bash the sergeant in the head.

  “I wondered why the sergeant has been hiding in here all night. Now I found out.” His face split suddenly in a crooked-toothed grin and he slipped his pistol back into the holster.

  “I take bribes,” he said. “But it has got to be twenty thousand.”

  I pointed at the bird. “Let me take that and you will get thirty thousand solid titanium League credits after the invasion is ended. At the League building in Brastyr. You have my word.”

  “My serial number is 32959727. There are a lot of Aspyas in the army.”

  Then he was gone. And so was I—before anyone else joined the party. I grabbed up the bird and ran just as fast as I could back to the river.

  “Get moving into the tunnel!” I called out as I staggered up to my waiting companions. The shots were wearing off and I was stumbling. “Alarm, maybe soon, let’s go.”

  And we did. Back through the tunnel and on into the fields. I must have fallen somewhere along there because the next thing I knew I was in some woods and lying on the ground. The sky was light beyond the trees and my heart began to thud in panic.

  “The bird!”

  “Here,” Stirner said, holding it up. “You collapsed, so we took turns carrying you. The doctor said it would be wisest to let you rest since more stimulants might cause grave injury. We are hidden and safe now.”

  I took the robot bird and shook my head in wonder. “You people are unbelievable—but you have my thanks. Was there a search?”

  “We heard nothing. But you seemed so concerned that we went on while it was still dark. We should be safe here. If these woods are searched there is a place of safety close by.”

  “I hope so because they are going to be very irritated. There were difficulties encountered and the alarm will be out by now. So let us do what we came for.”

  I groaned as I sat up and the doctor appeared with a ready needle. “This is only a painkiller,” he said. “Stimulants are contraindicated now.”

  “You are a genius, doc.”

  The black bird, still smelling of jet fuel, sat heavily in my hands. Silent and still. Time to end that. I pressed down on its bill twice and its eyes opened.

  “This is a recorded message from Captain Varod,” it said, then rolled over on its back. “You will find a panel in the bird’s chest. Open it.”

  “Light-years away and it is still orders, orders,” I muttered as I groped among the feathers. Stirner and the doctor watched with wide-eyed attention. I found a button, pressed, and a feather-covered door flew open. There was a glowing control panel inside. Opening the do
or apparently activated the bird again because it began to croak out more instructions.

  “Enter the location of the sun in this system, as well as the planetary coordinates, on the dials using the intergalactic ephemeris readings.”

  I grated my teeth. “How could I possibly know anything like that? Or anyone else on this planet?”

  “If you do not have this information turn the power switch to full and press the activate button. Proceed.”

  I did this and stepped back. The bird vibrated, opened its bill and squawked. From its gaping mouth there emerged a yellow aerial that moved slowly upward. When it was fully extended, over two meters of it, the bird’s eyes began to glow. The aerial hummed briefly and the glowing eyes went dark. As slowly as it had emerged the aerial sank back and the bird was quiet again.

  “Very interesting,” Dr. Lum said. “Can you explain?”

  “No. But I wish this stupid bird would.”

  “Let me explain,” the bird croaked. “Since you did not enter the galactic coordinates of this planet an FTL message could not be sent. Precision is imperative in FTL communication. Therefore a prerecorded radio message was transmitted. All League bases and ships have been alerted. When it is received its source will be noted and this spybird will be informed.”

  “If you are still functioning!” I shouted and raised my foot to stamp on the bird, but was restrained by the doctor. The bird was still speaking.

  “I am shutting down now to save power. Keep close to this communicator which will be activated when we are within signaling distance.”

  “Keep close to it!” I shouted. “I’ll probably have to have it buried with me.” I saw the way the two of them were looking at me so restrained my anger. “Sorry. Got carried away there. With good reason.”

  “It has to do with distance, doesn’t it?” Stirner asked.

  “Bang on.” I had forgotten that he was an engineer. “An FTL transmission, faster than light, is almost instantaneous, even at stellar distances. But radio waves move at the speed of light—and how far is the nearest star from here?”