Harbor of the Heart

by Katherine Spencer

  Still, she couldn’t forget the last lines of his note and sometimes read them over, alone in her room at night.

  This isn’t what I wanted, Liza. I hope you can remember that. But maybe it’s the right thing, after all.

  Liza wasn’t sure about that now. She wasn’t sure of anything. But she didn’t want to admit that to him. Right or wrong, he had left her two weeks before their wedding. Didn’t that say it all?

  * * *

  LIZA cried herself to sleep each night and woke up with a headache each morning. Despite the tissues with lotion, she looked like a wreck, and felt that way, too. She felt lucky there were no guests coming to the inn. She had never followed through on her idea to drum up last-minute business and was glad now for all the vacancies. As for the wedding invites, family members who had made plans to fly east were able to get refunds or credits on their airfare. She was relieved to hear that.

  Her brother, Peter, had been very concerned and offered to come anyway, to console her and keep her company. She would have enjoyed a visit with Peter, showing him all the improvements she had made lately on the inn. He was still half-owner—a very silent half who mostly let her do whatever she liked. And he visited at least once a year with his son, Will, to check on her and his investment. But she knew she wasn’t up to seeing him and preferred to be alone right now.

  Alone with her confusion and broken heart—and the wedding dress that hung on the back of her bedroom door in a long plastic bag. She felt as if the dress were taunting her. And so was the mess up on their third floor, the torn-up space that was supposed to be their new living quarters—hers and Daniel’s.

  Something would have to be done about that. Maybe she would complete some version of it and rent it as an apartment for families. She certainly didn’t want to finish it for just herself. It would break her heart to live there alone now, in the space Daniel had designed for the two of them. She could never do that.

  It exhausted Liza just to think about it. The night she had called off the wedding, she had taken off her engagement ring and put it back in the velvet box. Her hand had felt strangely light ever since. She wondered if it would ever feel normal again; never mind her heart.

  * * *

  WHEN Daniel had been gone about a week, Molly came by to visit, unexpectedly. Liza had been taking a nap in the middle of the day and felt a bit embarrassed when Claire roused her. She came down to the parlor in her T-shirt and sweatpants, trying to act alert and awake. But Molly quickly saw through her.

  “Liza, you look terrible,” she said in her blunt way. “Are you okay? . . . Of course you’re not. Look at you. I love Daniel, but this makes me so mad at that guy. This whole entire mess . . . Have you heard anything from him? Does he really like it out there?”

  Liza sighed and smiled. She appreciated Molly’s angst on her behalf more than she could say. “Not a word. I guess he’s pretty busy.”

  “I’ll say—pretty busy messing up everyone’s life.” Molly pressed her lips together as if suddenly remembering her tendency to speak too boldly. “That’s all I’m going to say, honestly. You guys will get back together, and I’ll have to apologize for trashing him.”

  Liza doubted there was any chance of that. But she didn’t want to hear Daniel trashed by anyone. Underneath her own anger at him, she knew he had a right to pursue his dream. She would never fault him for that.

  “The reason I’m here is . . . well, it’s September twenty-seventh. That’s nine days to the wedding, so this is sort of the ten-second warning. We need to cancel the rentals and all that by the weekend . . . if the wedding is really off.”

  Liza sighed. She really didn’t want to think about this anymore and wished now that Molly had just done as she had asked last week and canceled everything then.

  “Yes, cancel it. Cancel all of it,” Liza insisted. “I don’t see any reason to wait another day. Give me the receipts; I’ll make the calls,” she added, putting out her hand for the thick folder that held her wedding arrangements.

  Molly deftly moved it out of her reach. “I’ll handle everything. I couldn’t let you make those calls. It wouldn’t be right.”

  Liza understood what Molly meant. If she had been planning a wedding for someone with this problem, Liza would have said the same thing.

  Liza drew a deep breath and calmed herself. “Thanks, Molly . . . I’m sorry if I lost it there for a minute.”

  Molly leaned over and patted her knee. “I’ll give you a pass under the circumstances. And if you call that losing it, you have no idea what losing it really sounds like,” she said with a laugh. “Let’s not even go there.”

  Liza had to smile, just a little.

  “What are you going to do this fall? I think you should go on a trip,” Molly added, answering her own question. “Go out to visit your brother! Doesn’t he live in Texas or something?”

  “Arizona,” Liza replied quietly. She glanced at Molly but didn’t say more.

  “Right . . . I knew it was someplace hot and dry. Well, guess you don’t really want to go there.” Molly bit down on her lip and made a face. “Hey, how about New York? A weekend with some girlfriends? Shopping, eating out . . . getting expensive haircuts? That would be fun. I’ll go with you. I can stick Matt with driving Betty to her soccer games and sleepovers. He’ll definitely pitch in for such a worthy cause.”

  Liza’s smile grew even wider. A weekend in New York with Molly would certainly be diverting. She could barely imagine it.

  “Great idea . . . I’ll definitely give it some thought,” Liza said, grateful for Molly’s efforts to cheer her.

  Molly rose and patted Liza’s shoulder. “Hang in there, kid. Love finds a way,” she promised.

  True love does, they say, Liza wanted to counter. Maybe what she and Daniel had just wasn’t true enough? All she could do was nod her head.

  Liza knew that it wasn’t Molly’s fault, but that evening, one by one, e-mails confirming the many cancellations boomeranged into her inbox. She had been keeping an eye on the computer night and day—despite her vow not to look at it—in the slim hope a note from Daniel would appear.

  Instead, she had to suffer through the torturous reminders that their wedding—their entire future—was now officially canceled.

  She went to bed early and cried into her pillow, so Claire and Nolan wouldn’t hear her.

  She couldn’t sleep and there was no use trying. Her head was pounding, and she felt as if she might have a fever. But she knew it was just the stress and all the tears. Again.

  Liza sat up and took Daniel’s farewell note out of the night table drawer, where she had stashed it. She read the brief lines over again, the last few words still giving her some small hope.

  This isn’t what I wanted, Liza. I hope you can remember that.

  She did remember. She wished she could forget. But she had prayed and prayed for some solution, some answer. For their love to “find a way,” as Molly and Claire promised it would. But she felt time was passing. And without a single word more from Daniel.

  She got out of bed and walked to the window. She pulled back the curtains and looked out at the clear night sky and shimmering blue-black sea below. The sky was full of stars, reminding her of the night Daniel had proposed on the beach.

  How could something so beautiful and fine end this way? she asked herself bleakly. If God put this love in my heart for Daniel—and in his heart for me—how could it be destroyed so easily?

  Liza sighed. She would have cried, but there were no more tears left. She closed her eyes and her mind went blank . . . with only Daniel’s face rising up before her.

  The answer to her question was simple. Their love for each other was not destroyed. She still loved him. She felt it deeply, in every fiber of her body and soul. That’s what made this all so horribly painful.

  She had to believe Daniel felt the same way, too.

&nbs
p; She decided to write him a letter. Her head felt like a pressure cooker about to explode. If she couldn’t talk to him for real, at least she could get it down on paper. Maybe she would feel a little better after that, she reasoned, even if she never sent it.

  She picked up her laptop and got back into bed. With the computer balanced on her lap, she started to write:

  Daniel—

  It’s been a week since you left Angel Island. Since you won’t get in touch with me, I decided to get in touch with you.

  She paused, wondering what to say next. Her fingers wrote automatically.

  Of course, I wonder if you like the clinic and practicing medicine there. And if it’s all that you hoped it would be. I hope it is.

  She stopped and stared at the words. She knew that was her honest feeling. She did not want him to be disappointed, even if that meant he might not come back.

  You see, I still love you. I want you to be happy. That was my whole point, the reason I broke off our engagement. But I’ve realized now, I can’t truly be happy without you.

  Liza knew the truth of that down to the bottom of her soul.

  The inn is important to me, I’d never deny that. And it’s hard for me to picture myself living on the reservation, from what I saw of it. But . . .

  She stopped, wondering if she dare write out the thought that had come to her. Well, she reasoned, I probably won’t ever send this e-mail, so what’s the harm? I’ll just write what I’m thinking. What I’m truly feeling. She started typing again.

  . . . I could have tried harder to figure this out. I think you were right when you said maybe I don’t completely understand what it means to you. But I would like to. And maybe I needed time apart to understand what was most important to me.

  I see now that the thing I want most is just to be with you. Not to run the inn, or even to stay on this island. As much as I love those things, I can see now I love you more. Way more. There’s just no comparison. And this place just isn’t the same without you. It never will be.

  I want you to know that if you’ve found what you were looking for out there, I’d like to visit you, and see the clinic and understand what it all means to you.

  If you want me to, of course.

  That’s all I have to say for now. Except that I still love you and I always will.

  Love, Liza

  Liza read the note over, then stared down at it a moment. The clock on the computer read half past two. She wondered what time it was in Arizona. Earlier—but she could never get those time zones straight.

  She wondered if she should send the note or wait until tomorrow. Perhaps this was just some emotional vent she had needed and she would have second thoughts—and even third thoughts—about it in the cold light of day.

  But from some calm, still place inside, a feeling of certainty emerged. She knew this was the right thing to do. If she really loved Daniel and wanted to be with him again, she had to let him know. There was no reason to be coy about it or play some stupid game.

  What had Claire told her? Sometimes compromise means one person gets ninety percent of what they want and the other gets ten? Liza understood now that she would be more than making up for her missing share by being with Daniel again and knowing he was expressing his gifts in the finest way possible.

  I never expected to take over this inn. Making that choice felt like jumping off a cliff. But I got my mind around it, and it turned out to be the biggest adventure of my life, she realized. This is the same sort of choice. And I have even more reason to jump this time. Liza took a brief breath, then she moved her cursor and hit the SEND button. A window popped up. MESSAGE SENT, it read.

  Liza’s eyes widened. Well, I’ve done it. Let’s see if he even answers me. She suddenly felt exhausted, as if she couldn’t keep her eyes open. She put the computer aside and shut off her light, then fell instantly asleep.

  Liza slept fitfully, tossing and turning, disturbed by vivid dreams. It was almost dawn when she dragged herself out of bed so she could head downstairs for some headache pills. She couldn’t find her robe and felt so chilled from the early morning air flowing through the open windows that she wrapped herself in her quilt and padded downstairs in the darkness.

  She entered the kitchen and walked over to the sink, then took a glass from the drain board and turned on the water.

  She heard a sound. Someone clearing their throat. She dropped the glass in the sink and spun around quickly to see who it was. Her heart thudded and she froze with fear. A man sat at the far end of the kitchen table. He stood up and came toward her, and Liza screamed.

  “Liza, it’s me. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  Daniel reached out, and she felt his strong grip through the thick quilt. She stared up at him in shock. She thought she must be dreaming . . . sleepwalking, definitely. She didn’t dare move. Didn’t dare breathe . . . afraid to dispel this marvelous vision. He looked so real. So true. She reached out and touched his cheek, scratchy with a day’s growth of stubble.

  “Daniel . . . is it really you?”

  His serious expression melted, and he laughed. “Of course it’s me. Who else would it be?”

  “You scared me . . .” She let out a long breath. “What are you doing here?”

  She felt so confused. And so tired. Nothing made sense. Had he read her e-mail already? That was impossible. Even if he had read it, he could have never gotten back East so quickly. He looked exhausted, as if he had been traveling for days.

  “I had to come back,” he said simply.

  “You didn’t like the work?”

  He shook his head. “I liked the work fine. It was wonderful, more than I ever imagined . . . But I couldn’t stay there. I missed you too much. I was utterly miserable. What joy could I find in my work without you near me—to share my thoughts and my worries? To share my life? I thought I knew that already, but I guess I had to learn it deep inside.” He touched his chest. “You and me, forever. That’s the center, and everything spins around that.”

  Liza was so happy, she could barely believe it. Daniel had come back to her. He really loved her the way that she loved him. She had been a fool to ever doubt that.

  “Oh, Daniel . . . I wrote you a long e-mail. I just sent it tonight. I said the same things to you. I’ve been miserable here without you. I don’t care about running the inn or living on the island anymore if you’re not here. I wanted you to know that I should have been more willing to talk things out. To compromise with you. If you want to stay on the reservation, I’ll go there. I’ll try it. I just want us to be together again.”

  Liza knew she was rambling, and crying a little, too. But out of pure joy; her heart felt so full, exploding with love for him. Her prayers had been answered. Love had found a way after all.

  There was so much she wanted to say. So much she needed to tell him. But she didn’t have to say anything. He took her in his arms, quilt and all, and kissed her as if he had been away twenty years instead of two weeks.

  A short time later, they sat curled together on the porch swing, watching the sun come up.

  “So what now?” she asked quietly.

  If he wanted to go back to Arizona after they were married, she was fully prepared to do that. But maybe he would look for a job in some underserved area closer to Angel Island? That might be some compromise for them, she thought, even if he needed to be away a few nights a week. Compared to the alternative, it didn’t look that awful anymore.

  Daniel leaned his head to one side. “Well, I have a suggestion for you; a proposition, actually. I found another doc who wants to be on the staff out there, too—but doesn’t want to stay year-round. So I talked Mitchell into considering a job shared between the two of us. You and I could go out there from October to March, and the rest of the year we could live here and run the inn for the busy season. The other doctor would have April through September. He’s very eag
er to seal the deal. But I said I had to talk it over with my wife. My future wife,” he added softly. “What do you think? Could you leave the island for half the year and go out there with me?”

  Liza sat up and slung her arms around his shoulder. “What a brilliant solution . . . Are you sure Nolan didn’t figure this out for you?”

  Daniel laughed. “This was all my own idea. But I have to admit, I nearly called him to help me think of something. You don’t have to give an answer right now. But does that mean you’ll think it over?”

  “Yes . . . and yes . . . I thought it over. It’s perfect. I’ve been thinking, too. Claire can run the inn with some help in the slow season, or I could close it entirely. And maybe I can find something to do out there, like teaching children art or working at an after-school program? I’m sure Elaine would help me figure it out. And the inn would always be our home base. Our special place,” she added.

  Daniel’s expression lit up at her reply. “You would really do that for me, sweetheart?”

  “I’m willing to try. I can see that, no matter what you say, you would love to be a doctor out there. And I’m willing to try something new, to join in on the adventure . . . as long I have you.”

  “Oh, you’ve got me,” he promised, hugging her tight. “You’ll never get rid of me. Even if you try.”

  “I wouldn’t dare,” Liza whispered back. Holding Daniel tight at that moment, she felt as if she would never let him go.

  * * *

  WHEN Claire came down to the kitchen to start the coffee, she had the shock of her life. Liza and Daniel, at the stove, cooking breakfast together, smiling and laughing. They turned to her and cheerfully called out to her, “Good morning!”