by Abby Moody
That same evening, it was our Monday night junior varsity football game against the Monett Tigers. Being captain, I got to choreograph our quarter and time out routines.
It was the first quarter, and I shouted out a chant “Go Big Red!” We all began chucking little packets of Big Red gum into the stands. I accidently hit a middle aged man in the chest who wasn’t paying attention. Once I ran out of gum, I withdrew to my position in the cheer formation.
All of a sudden, I saw Dawson walking up the stadium stairs towards the student section. I instantly started cheering my heart out. I wanted so bad to be able to perform my newly learned skills in front of him. But, I was used to the spring floor at the gym, and the track was too hard of a surface. Instead, I did several standing back tucks in a row. I noticed out of the corner of my eye him watching me several times.
Then, the stands were darkened by Victoria’s presence. She walked up the stairs with Jenny, and they both glanced down at me cheering. Jenny smiled and waved, but Victoria acted like she didn’t see me. My spirits plummeted when Victoria squeezed between students just to sit by Dawson. The rest of the game I painfully watched them laughing and talking to each other.
My Monday evening was dragging, to say the least. It bothered me that I was the oldest one cheering for JV football Monday nights.
Later that week, it was the first varsity football game of the season. I made the mistake of trying to sit in the student section. As soon as I squeezed between people to sit beside Serena, I was questioned by almost everyone around me.
“Abby! Why aren’t you out there cheering?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be out there with them?”
“Why didn’t you make the varsity team?”
“How come you’re not with your friends out there?”
“Where’s your varsity uniform?”
Before the first quarter had ended, I left the student section to sit with my parents on the opposite side of the stands. They knew the game was difficult for me to watch, so they let me have my space and didn’t ask questions. I held back tears almost the entire game.
The next morning, I saw the varsity sleepover pictures appear all over Myspace. To my slight satisfaction, I didn’t see Dawson in any of the photos, so I assumed it really was an all-girl party. So, Saturday night, to get over my sadness of feeling left out, I invited over Emily, Hannah, and Serena. We spent the night pigging out on bean dip, chips, and my mom’s secret chocolate stash. I was forever thankful to have them as my best friends, and knew I could always count on them.
I decided to tell them all about my new dream to become a college cheerleader.
“Are you sure that’s what you want to do?”
“You have to devote your life to training the next few years if you want to do that…”
“That’s kind of a stretch…”
They were not the responses I was hoping for, but I appreciated their honesty. They were right though – it was a stretch. Circumstances being, I was from a very small town and no one from my high school had ever gone to a division one school for cheerleading. Plus, I had a long way to go in my tumbling and stunting skills. The odds were indeed stacked against me.
Sunday morning, after we plowed through my mom’s homemade, buttery pancakes, the girls got rides from their parents. Emily was the first to fall asleep per usual. So, as punishment we filled her calculator and pencil bag with chunks of garlic. I smiled and waved bye to her as she hopped into her mom’s car. I was already looking forward to the day when she opened her school items in class, and the entire classroom reeked of garlic.
Once I finished with my hair and makeup, I put on a white, cotton sun dress with sequin, yellow sandals. My parents and I headed to church. We took separate cars because I had individuals practice right afterwards. I sat in the navy, cushioned pew and saved a spot for Dawson in our normal row, and anxiously waited for him. Kids filed in on the other side of me, and I didn’t recognize them. I sat quietly, keeping to myself. I was a little nervous he might mention being at the junior varsity game on Monday. He knew I was on that team, but that was the first time he saw me cheer on it as a sophomore.
“Hey Abby. Room for me?” Dawson had snuck up from behind me.
“Always.” I said, like Snape from Harry Potter.
“So, I saw you at the game last week cheering.” My heart leapt.
“Oh. Really? You were there?” I said, trying to act like I didn’t notice him.
“Yeah. I mean, I don’t understand why you’re cheering on Monday’s though. You should’ve been on varsity.” He said, looking down at me with those big, beautiful brown eyes. I thought my heart was about to melt. His words meant the world to me.
Later that afternoon, my mom drove me to Planet Cheer for individuals practice. The giant garage doors in the gym were opened, and I could see the heat waves rolling in. Very similar to the sweat droplets already rolling down my face. It was a sizzling hot day. Most likely around one hundred degrees. That was Missouri weather for you. Extreme heat in the summer, and frigid, icy air in the winter. Sometimes, I like to refer to my place of habitat as “misery”.
I began warming up my tumbling and jumps. Stacey began the music, and I went through the routine over and over. Each time I performed, my tumbling felt weaker.
My hands began to shake.
I kept going. Stacey wanted me ready to go by Saturday. Finally, she let me have a quick drink break. I walked over to the fountain, and started to feel light-headed. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to look like a big weenie. I stepped back onto the spring floor and knew something was wrong. I was seeing black dots everywhere.
“Stacey, can we call it a day?” My voice was trembling.
“Just one more time Abb and we’ll be done. You can do it. Last time I promise.” She said with a genuine smile. She was truly a great coach, and I never wanted to disappoint her.
The music started.
I began my routine with standing tumbling into a full. I landed, and immediately went into my jump sequence. Panting, running out of breath, I felt exhaustion possess my body. I ran to the corner of the mat, and tried to prepare myself mentally for my most difficult tumbling pass.
Black dots scattered across my pathway. Ignoring them, I took a deep breath. I ran. I ran my hardest, pounding my feet into the spring floor. I front flipped, then stepped out of it and went into a back handspring. The power had left my legs. I tried to use them to spring into my full twist, but my body gave its last burst of energy. I lifted high in the air, shot my arms to my side, and began to twist upside down.
Everything went black.
CHAPTER ELEVEN: THE ER
I woke up lying motionless on the floor. My mom and Stacey were bent down leaning over me with horror-stricken faces.
“Abby, how do you feel? Does anything hurt?” My mom said bending even closer to me.
“No.” I lied. My neck was sore.
“You need to go to the hospital.” Stacey said urgently.
“What? No... I don’t want to go there!”
“Sorry. You have to.”
“That was a nasty fall.” Stacey said.
“What happened?” I said, trying to get the strength to sit up.
“Well...” My mom started, but stopped. She obviously didn’t want to re-live what happened.
Stacey spoke up and said, “You were in the middle of twisting for your full, when your body just went limp. You fell…on your neck.” She saw the terror on my face and continued, “I had never seen your mom move that fast. She jumped over all those mats and was by your side in like two seconds.”
I looked at my mom and she still had worry painted across her face. She quickly got up and said, “Let’s get you to the Emergency room now.”
We checked into a hospital in south Joplin, and the doctors ran several tests on me. They put us in the waiting area, where my dad joined us. A long, dragging hour later a doctor finally walked in and called my name. He took us b
ack into another room to deliver the news.
“Abby, you have extremely low blood sugar. We’re diagnosing you with Hypoglycemia.”
“What in the world is that?” I asked, completely outraged.
He explained it in full detail, and then began droning on about how I need to change my diet and eat more protein to level the sugars. I zoned out for several minutes being bitter and not wanting to listen.
“… and she probably won’t be able to cheer for several weeks.”
“What!” I blurted.
“Sorry Abby. You need to take a break after what happened today. And give your body time to adjust to a more protein-based diet.”
“But I have a competition this Saturday that I have to be at.”
“Well, not this Saturday. I can write a doctor’s note if you need me to.”
I didn’t want his stupid doctor’s note! He didn’t realize he just took away my whole life. Who is he to say I can’t cheer this weekend? Instead of saying these raging comments, I nodded in respect. On the drive home, I sat in the backseat feeling robbed of my happiness. I was as salty as the Great Salt Lake in Utah.
When we got home I slugged to my trampoline and tried to bounce away my anger. I was quickly reminded my neck was extremely sore, and stopped bouncing. I rolled onto my back, lost in my thoughts.
How could this be happening to me? First, my confidence was shattered when all my friends made the varsity team, and I was held back to JV. Then, I was hit in the head with a golf club and restricted from cheering for four weeks. I tried to make a comeback and train for my individual competition, to ultimately cheer for the University of Kansas one day. I fell right back down again. Literally like my face hit the floor. Then I was told I wasn’t allowed to cheer for a few weeks. Oh, and one more thing. The patch of hair that was scraped off my head by the golf club, and the remaining pieces that were shaved for the staples, was finally growing back. Only it was the length of a boy’s hair, and was sticking straight up, more noticeable than ever before.
I felt like I was entering a depression similar to several months ago. Why is it that when I was kicked down to the ground, I get kicked again and again? Where was God during all of this? I thought He was supposed to always have my back and not let me fall.
That night, I was curious. Why am I even a Christian if God won’t help me out? Those questions that weren’t answered rang through my head over and over. I waited for an answer, but it never came.
I flipped the channel to my usual show, “Hannah Montana”. For some reason, I began to flip to a few other channels during a commercial. I landed on the “700 Club”, and a woman was sharing her testimony of how she became a Christian. She was saying how Jesus Christ transformed her, she leads such a happy life, and worldly things didn’t matter to her anymore. All she needed was a relationship with Jesus to be happy.
That spoke to me. I got to thinking… do I really dwell too much on worldly things? I fell asleep that night wondering if I had been relying on Dawson and cheerleading to make me happy.
CHAPTER TWELVE: NEW STRENGTH
Over the next few weeks, I missed two JV football games and removed myself from my individual competition. I started eating protein throughout the day, and found more physical strength. I slowly started tumbling again at Planet Cheer, but took my place again to stand in the back of the competition routine. Stacey and Shawn were by my side making sure I didn’t fall again. I viewed it all as a minor setback, and would be my full self again soon.
When I would get really stressed out or upset, I usually retract to my trampoline or somewhere outdoors. I just had to be outside to get my thoughts together.
One autumn evening, I decided to go on a walk behind our house through the woods. It was only a short distance to the creek, but it was well enough hidden from everyone that I could escape for a little bit.
I noticed the leaves were beginning to change. The colors vibrantly radiated red, orange, and yellow. The leaves that had already fallen crinkled beneath my feet. I found a giant, moss-covered rock to perch myself on and watch the glistening water below. This was where I escaped all reality. Just me and the peace of the outdoors. I felt like I escaped into Neverland, and I was Peter Pan. Always seeking to escape into my own world.
While observing the birds whistling their songs, the fish below me were trying to swim upstream. The rich, earthy dirt outlining the creek was riddled with history. The rustling sound from the gentle wind in the trees, all triggered something. It clicked.
This was God’s creation. It had to be. How could something this beautiful appear out of nowhere? Look at the intricate designs of everything… God is behind it all there is no other explanation. A mastermind was behind this.
I pictured God. I pictured His hand reaching down to design earth. Just pondering that reminds me how big God actually is. He can fit our little earth in the palm of His hands. And here we are billions of tiny people to Him. We get so caught up in our own little worlds of being busy and worrying about things that don’t matter. And all that really matters is our relationship with Him. In the big picture of life, we need to ask ourselves an important question… What’s our purpose here on earth?
I started opening my Bible more often. I found a new spark of curiosity I never knew I even had. I wanted to know the answers. I felt like God was calling me to find out for myself, and to develop a relationship with Him. But how?
To my surprise, the more I began to pray to God, and talk to Him about my problems and struggles I was facing, I felt a peace and comfort like I never had before. For the first time in my life, I felt like cheerleading and Dawson no longer were the center of my world. In fact, the more I put God at the center of my universe, everything else seemed to fall into place. My faith was deepening and developing as a Christian.
I began to find a new strength and focus in my tumbling. I believe God helped me fight through my new diagnosis of Hypoglycemia, and gain my skills back. What I feared the most was throwing my full again though. I mean, that was the skill that landed me on my neck last time. Night after night, I stood in the corner of the mat staring intensely at my end destination – the opposite corner of the mat. The only thing that I had to do to get there was to conquer my fear, and throw my full.
Each time, I would run and do a round-off, and stop. I couldn’t get over my fear. I would run back to the corner of the mat, and repeat. Each time becoming more and more disappointed in myself. It was all in my head, and I knew it. I would leave the cheer gym angry at myself, and tell my coaches next time I would do it for sure.
This frustrating process went on for about two months. Almost the entire football season had passed. One evening, I was in the gym and it was just me, my mom, and Coach Shawn.
“Abby – I know you can do this. I have complete faith in you. You need to once and for all overcome this fear, and get it out of the way so you can keep training for college… To be honest, no division one college will look at you unless you have a full.”
“Wait – so KU wouldn’t accept me without it?” My heart sank.
“Probably not… I’m just being honest. You have to overcome your fear.”
“Okay…”
“How many people said they believe that you can cheer in college? Except me and your family.” I thought this was an odd question he asked.
“Ummm… everyone just remains silent usually when I tell them I want to cheer in college… I don’t think people take me seriously since I’m on JV.”
He smiled and said, “Exactly… prove them wrong.”
He knew exactly how to motivate me. I get fired up when people think I can’t do something.
“Okay… I’m ready.” I said, already walking to the corner of the mat. I stared down the end destination, and pictured myself throwing my full perfectly. I bolted forward with confidence. I recited Philippians 4:13 in my head. I was determined to finally shut down my fear.
I threw my full with ease and landed with my feet together.
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My mom and Coach Shawn erupted with claps and cheers. A wave of relief swept through me. I had finally conquered my biggest fear, and I felt on top of the world. I know in my heart, my relationship with God had given me the ability to overcome my fear.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: NEW DIAGNOSIS
Before I knew it, the season of fall laid over Carl Junction like a pumpkin-scented blanket. It was my favorite time of the year. Emily, Hannah, Serena, and I had several more sleepovers. We watched scary movies in preparation for Halloween right around the corner. They always fell asleep during the movies, so every time I had to get up in the dark and scavenge for the power button on the TV. I would run back to my sleeping bag as if the grim reaper himself was going to emerge out of the screen.
One crisp fall evening, my family and I went over to Jenny’s house to carve pumpkins. That was the first time I had hung out with her the entire school year. It was close to Jenny’s birthday, so we celebrated with all sorts of pumpkin and chocolate treats. My family had become friends with Jenny’s parents, and we tried to get together every once in a while.
Jenny and I were joking around like we used to. We were pulling the guts out of the pumpkins, when I paused and said, “I miss hanging out with you Jen… I wish things could be like they used to.”
“Yeah me too… Let’s make a point to hang out more often!” She smiled as she dropped the slimy pumpkin seeds onto the paper towels around us.
“How has it been hanging out with Victoria?” I couldn’t help my curiosity, I just had to ask.
“Oh – you know – it’s been good. She is a really fun person once you get to know her.”
“Yeah? She sure isn’t nice to me though…”
“Hmmm, yeah that is weird. I don’t know Abb. I wouldn’t think too much about it.”
“Yeah… well is there anything going on between her and Dawson?”