by Abby Moody
She laughed out loud, and said, “No, he’s not interested in her. So she moved on to someone else… he’s from another school.”
I tried to hide my huge smile. I said, “Oh, that’s too bad… how long has she liked someone else?”
“Um – several weeks probably.”
I remembered only last week she was sitting with Dawson flirting with him. I was slightly frustrated by this news. I left Jenny’s house with my parents shortly after, and I was happy I got to hang out with her like old times.
Things were finally getting better for me. My prayer life with God was steadily increasing. I felt like my relationship with Him was getting much stronger. I could talk to Him freely about my problems and things I was thankful for. My Hypoglycemia was under control, I had my tumbling skills back, and I had great friends, and an amazing, supportive family.
However, the snide comments were still on full blast from Victoria and her fleet of gnats. They would buzz around the halls flaunting their varsity shirts and uniforms, and would talk loudly about all of their fun events: “Oh varsity gets to do this tonight… oh, sorry Abby, it’s only for varsity… you care way too much about cheerleading, Abby.”
Every time Jenny would see me in the halls, she would give me a warm smile, then she was dragged away by the talons of Victoria.
One day in late October, I was sitting in science class with Jenny. We were studying the biology of squirrels, and had to dissect them every day in class. Jenny and I were partners, and we named our squirrel Bartholomew. Our teacher, Mr. Rogers, kept all the squirrels in the class refrigerator for months. Each class period, he would open it and the stench almost burned our eyebrows off.
That day, Jenny and I began unwrapping Bartholomew like he was a preserved mummy. Mr. Rogers came over to peer inside him to observe our progress. Jenny and I watched the sweat drip from his forehead inside Bartholomew’s thigh. We couldn’t even pay any attention to what he was saying to us. We looked to each other with deep disgust, and then tried to hold in our bursts of laughter.
About halfway through class, I started to feel like I had a fever. Aches and chills crept through my body, and I felt physically weak. The rest of school, and through high school cheer practice, the feeling got worse. Coach Rebecca suggested that I leave practice early, and go home to rest. I went home after practice and went straight to bed. My mom was concerned, and I told her I just needed to sleep it off.
I woke up at 6:00 a.m. the next day. I felt like I was hit by a dump truck. I asked my mom if I could stay home from school and rest. She agreed, and I ended up binge watching Smallville. I felt exhausted, more tired than I had ever been.
Over the next three days, I was too tired to even walk around the house. I had many colds before, but this was different. My mom decided I needed to visit the doctor. She took off work that Friday, and took me to Urgent Care. It felt like déjà vu from a few months ago. Once they were done running all kinds of tests, we were left waiting in a small, confined room. Similar to a prison cell.
“Mom. Why does stuff like this keep happening to me? I mean, this is my third time visiting the doctor the last few months.” I said looking down at her from the mini bed of white parchment paper.
“Sweetie, I don’t know. It’s probably just another form of the flu.”
We heard the door begin to creek open, and I sat up straight. The doctor walked in carrying his notepad and pen, looking disgruntled. He was plump with receding white hair.
“So, is it just the flu?” I asked with hope.
“I’m afraid not.” He sighed, and sat down on the miniature rolling chair. He scooted his small, silver eyeglasses down his nose, and looked me straight in the eye. He continued, “Abby, I’m afraid you’ve been diagnosed with Mono.”
“What on earth? I mean – what is that? What does it mean?” I quickly asked, leaning forward and wrinkling the parchment paper in my hands.
He explained it in great detail that was way over my head. What I got out of it was I had to rest, and I couldn’t cheer or go to school.
“It’s also known as the kissing disease… have you been kissing anyone that might have had it also?” The doctor asked jokingly, but with a serious tone.
“What? No. Absolutely not. Trust me.” I said, feeling the awkwardness that had just settled over the room.
My mom looked at me sideways with suspicion.
“Mom, I haven’t… who would I even be kissing?”
“I believe you.” She responded, but I could tell she still wasn’t convinced.
Moments later of uncomfortable silence, the doctor finally cleared his throat, and wrote me a prescription. On the car ride home, I cried the whole way.
“Like why is this happening? I don’t understand.”
“I don’t have an answer… I’m sorry.” My mom answered sympathetically.
“It’s like the universe is doing everything it can to prevent me from cheering. It’s literally one thing after another.”
“This is just a minor setback… you’ll be back in no time.”
“Then the next wrecking ball will come into my life.”
Her blank stare at the street turned into a frown. “Don’t think like that.”
“Why not? Give me one good reason to think differently?” I held up the number one with my finger by her face. The chains on my mood swing had just snapped.
“Stop it.” She glared at me. I knew she was tired of my negativity. She sighed and said, “God will pull you through it. Just have faith in Him.”
“Ah. Yes, let’s talk about God…why’d He do this to me?”
“He didn’t. Stop blaming Him for your problems.”
Deep down I knew she was right. I was just upset. I didn’t know what to think or say. I was infuriated and confused.
I was fighting back tears and I said, “God and I just started getting closer… I feel closer to him than I ever have before. Then this happens. I just don’t understand.”
For the next five months, I had mono. I physically didn’t have the strength to tumble or stunt anymore. I had to stand in the back of the competition routines like a loser. I was excused from class several days a week when I couldn’t find the energy to go. Many days I left school early because I fell asleep on my desk. I would go home, watch TV, and snuggle with Lilly.
When I did go to school, Victoria laid off of the sarcastic comments. I think she felt sorry for me. She didn’t see me as competition anymore. In turn, that made me even more driven. I actually wanted to be her biggest competition when it came to cheerleading. I was tired of watching all my friends tumbling and stunting at the varsity games. I would sit in the stands in silence, keeping to myself, and watch in agony. The crowd would go wild when they would do back handsprings across the basketball court. I wanted to be happy for them. I just couldn’t be. I wasn’t going to lie about it. It was hard for me watching all of that and not being able to cheer anymore. More than ever before, a fire was igniting inside of me.
It was now the dead of winter in January. I went with Serena to a basketball game. It was about ten degrees outside, and a fine layer of ice was on every surface in Carl Junction. We were all bundled up in our winter attire. I was sporting a white, fuzzy coat that I had gotten from Limited Too years ago, with matching white, furry boots. No one knew that I still bought my bras at Limited Too – they had the only size that would fit me: 32AA. While Serena was wearing her new “apple bottom jeans”, with a black leather jacket that blended in with her hair. Yes – Serena did buy the jeans just because of the new hit single “Low” by Flo Rida. Since I had the “boots with the fur”, we looked like we just stepped out of the music video itself, and were about to bust a move.
When we sat down in the bleachers, we immediately unwrapped our layers of clothing. We wanted to sit on the opposite side of the student section, to avoid socializing and awkward encounters.
“The cheerleaders are looking decent…” Serena pointed out.
“Yeah – Sam
’s scorpion is amazing!” I said truly impressed by the senior’s skills.
“But, you should be out there.” Serena added.
I paused, then said, “Yeah I wish I was… it’s tough watching them all have fun without me, ya know?”
“That tryout was rigged.”
“Maybe… maybe not.”
“Well, I think it was… she was playing favorites.”
“Either way – it’s a punch in my stomach… knowing that I was either not good enough or they didn’t like me enough.”
“Oh look who it is…” Serena pointed towards the door.
Dawson had just walked into the game, already motivating the student section within seconds of being there. He took the lead of the students, and started his usual chants.
The game started. The opposing team was crushing us within the first few minutes. The student section was screaming and clapping, echoing throughout our small gymnasium. Each time-out during the game, the cheerleaders took center court. I watched Dawson cheer them on, watching them intently. I sat in agony, while they ran past the student section waving to the crowd like celebrities, running inches past Dawson each time.
When the cheerleaders did a stunt, or back handsprings, the crowd went wild. I thought back to only a few months ago, when I could do a full and a standing back tuck. I envisioned myself out there on the court… doing as many tucks and tumbling passes as I possibly could… while Dawson cheered me on. But in reality, here I was, sitting in the bleachers like a loser – sick with mono, and unable to do a darn thing. I couldn’t even have competitive cheer as my backup confidence anymore… because all I did was stand in the back of the routine.
“Oh no.” Serena suddenly said.
“What?”
“Taylor is coming over to talk to us…”
Taylor was an acquaintance we both barely knew that went to our school. She had spotted us, and made a beeline towards our seats.
“Hey guys! I just came to say hi – you look lonely over here.”
“Oh, we’re fine! But you can sit with us if you’d like.” I said, and instantly felt Serena glaring at me.
“Thanks!” Taylor said, sitting directly behind us. We all sat quietly for several minutes, not sure what to say to each other.
“Abby, why aren’t you out there cheering with them?”
My heart sank. I was so tired of getting that same question. I turned around and said, “I’m not on varsity.”
“But why not?! I saw you cheer last year and you did great! You were the only one who could do that flip thing with no hands.”
I let out an awkward laugh, and said, “Well, I just didn’t make the varsity team. I’m on JV instead.”
“Oh – I’m sorry. That’s a letdown… well aren’t you on that competitive team? How is that going?”
“It’s going great, thank you!” I lied. I didn’t want to spill all of my failures.
“Taylor, how are you and your boyfriend?” Serena asked, changing the subject because she knew it was a touchy topic for me. For the rest of the game, we watched our poor basketball team lose. We left a few minutes after the final buzzer to avoid traffic and, of course, more awkward conversations. She dropped me off, and I moped to my bathroom to hop in the shower. I cried and cried. Not only was it difficult to watch my friends every game having a great time without me, but it was more difficult because I was constantly reminded I wasn’t good enough to be with them. Plus, Dawson was alongside them, cheering them on while I watched from the opposite side of the court. I was praying that my mono disease would be coming to an end soon. I was tired of not being able to do diddly-squat.
Despite my ongoing saltiness towards the entire situation, I tried to be positive, keep my chin up, and not let anyone see my hurt. No one but my parents really knew how much it bothered me. I was still myself around my friends, and tried to keep my confidence up. I would often take advantage of lying in bed all day, and read through my Bible. I was curious about the life of Jesus in the New Testament. I really did want a deeper relationship with God. I thought I had hit rock bottom several months ago. That was a joke. Despite even more darts thrown into my life, meant to take me down for good, my faith in God’s promise kept my head up… I kept repeating to myself out loud, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”.
I had a dream manifest itself during those five months. I wanted comeback stronger than ever before. I felt like God laid a dream on my heart, to become a college cheerleader someday.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: ER, AGAIN
During the last month of my horrific mono disease, I had one more competition in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Of course, all I was doing was standing in the back and was told to hide behind everyone. But still, I was excited.
The night before our competition, I came home on Friday from school. I grabbed two Hershey’s chocolate bars, and a diet coke. I rolled on my bed to watch “Hannah Montana”. About an hour into my afternoon marathon, my throat began to feel tight. I ignored it for a while until I was wheezing.
“Abb, dinner’s ready!” My mom peeked her head into my room.
“Be right there.” I screeched.
“Ew – did a roach crawl in there?”
“Very funny.” I squinted my eyes at her.
“It sounds like you’re having a hard time breathing...”
“Yeah, maybe so.”
“Maybe I should call Holly? You could be getting sick.”
“I have mono. I’m already sick!”
She decided to call Holly anyways. Holly was our neighbor next door that used to be a nurse for several years. My family and her family were always very close. She had two twin boys, Justin and Josh that were like brothers to me. Holly was always sweet to me, and would invite me over often for her special desserts she would make. I was always thankful to be living right beside such a great family, and we all got along so well.
My mom called Holly, and before I had time to wheeze again, Holly was already in my room examining my throat.
“She needs to go to the doctor.” Holly said urgently, “Like now.”
“Urgent care or the Emergency room?”
“Urgent care. It’s much closer. I’d go as soon as I could.”
Minutes later, my parents and I were on our way to the Webb City Urgent Care. Immediately, the doctor gave me a tube to breathe into. I felt like dark Vader. I could breathe a little easier, but not much. The doctor did an X-Ray on my throat, and disappeared with my parents shortly after.
“Sweetie, we need to go to Freeman hospital. The X-Ray machine isn’t working.” My mom said as they walked back into the room.
“How does that even happen?”
No one answered. They all looked at each other with a loss for words. My dad broke the awkward silence and said, “It’s time to go.”
When we walked into the emergency room, the staff immediately put me in a wheel chair and pushed me into a private room. A male nurse walked in and started hooking me up with all kinds of cold gel pads on my chest.
“Dang. I’ve never gotten back here so fast. Usually we have to wait in line.” I said from my new hospital bed.
“Yep. I know.” My mom stuttered.
“Is something going on? You’re acting strange. Actually both you and dad.”
“Everything is fine.” She said avoiding eye contact. Then she watched the nurse get the needle and IV ready. I grabbed her hand, and squeezed it until the needle pierced my skin.
It hurt every stinking time. The nurse finished and walked out of the room, while I glared at the back of his head.
“I despise hospitals and everyone that works in them.”
“Well I’m thankful for them. After all, you wouldn’t be alive right now. You can’t forget they saved your life many years ago.”
I laid back into the bed, trying not to move my IV arm. “I try not to think about it.”
But it was too late. The memory flooded my mind. When I was four years old, my kidney’s shut down
. I was hospitalized for thirteen days. I had a blood transfusion, and was given a shot about five times a day. Those were some of the worst memories of my life.
“But, some good came out of it remember?”
“Like?”
“Like for one, God blessed us with a miracle.” She scooted her chair closer to my bed. I knew she loved telling this story, so I just listened. She continued, “You were supposed to have a very dangerous surgery. The doctors were on their way to start your operation, when your dad met them in the hallway. He told them you were suddenly better and told them not to do it. They didn’t believe him… so they went to see for themselves. They saw you sitting upright, talking, and eating like nothing was wrong. Your fever had dropped, and the doctors said it was a pure miracle. They decided not to go through with the surgery.” She finished teary eyed, and gave me a warm smile.
The doctor and my dad walked back into the room.
The doctor explained to me that my throat had been closing shut. Urgent Care had an ambulance ready, but the doctor thought the sight of the ambulance could freak me out and cause me to hyperventilate. They had to keep me calm, so that was the reason my parents drove me to the hospital. He said it was a rare incident, but the swelling should be going down within time. I needed to stay overnight in the hospital just in case.
That night, I called my coaches to tell them I couldn’t make it to the competition the next day. They understood, but it killed me on the inside. My mom slept beside me in a chair, while my dad was in a recliner in the corner. A nurse woke us up in the middle of the night to check on me. I couldn’t fall back to sleep after that. My mom stayed up to talk to me for a while.
“You know... Something else good came out of that incident many years ago.”
“What was that?”
“That’s when you came out of your shell for the first time. Don’t you remember?”
Of course. I remembered that night when I was hospitalized many years ago. I was extremely shy to everyone until that moment. The nurse woke me up in the middle of the night per usual. She flipped on the lights and grabbed my arm for a shot. I decided I had had enough.