Sweetness (Bold As Love)

by Lindsay Paige

  “Let’s not forget about that voice and laugh. I bet it’s just music to your ears, isn’t it? Well, to me and to everyone else, it sounds like a nail running down a chalkboard. I can’t even stand the sound of your voice anymore.”

  “You disgust me!”

  “You are the lowest of the low. You are worst than the feared Untouchables in some country out east. You aren’t even worth my breath because you are so pathetic.”

  “And so worthless! You couldn’t do a damn thing if your life depended on it.”

  My mother who I love so much. My mother who I practically worship. My mother who I still miss. Maybe it’s best my father came that day and took me away. Now I won’t be such a leech in her presence. Now she couldn’t pimp me out to her “boyfriends”.

  But what about my father? What about Jake and Drake? What about everyone? Surely, if my mother, the person who loves me unconditionally, sees me this way and would treat me this way, then so would everyone else. My mother wouldn’t lie to me. What she said had to be true. Otherwise, why was I friendless? Why wasn’t I living with her, if I wasn’t such a horrible daughter and person? Why would she sell my body for drugs and booze?

  Which leads me to this: why am I sitting in a car with Jake Benson? Does he have some secret motive? Does he think I’m not capable of watching Drake? He can’t actually like me, can he? I mean, if my own mother doesn’t like me, how can he?

  My inner conversation comes to a halt when Jake’s black Mustang pulls to a stop at the empty park. We get out and make our way over to the basketball court so Drake’s car can run on a smooth surface.

  Seeing Drake bubbling with excitement brings a smile to my face. If he likes me, then maybe I’m not so horrible and disgusting. No time to dwell on the matter. Drake places his car on the cement and starts driving it around. I lean against the rusty pole holding up the goal and watch. “Did you see that Emily?! It was on two wheels!”

  “I sure did. That was really cool Drake.” I try to sound excited, but I just couldn’t. My mind was too flustered. Drake didn’t seem to notice though. I tried to ignore the tall, handsome Jake standing beside me, watching Drake.

  His hands tuck into his pockets and he is quiet. Unusual, if you thought about it. He was always talking. Always asking questions that I didn’t want to answer. The wind blew causing a clinking noise to float over to my ears. I looked to the side of the courts a little ways, and saw a swing set.

  That’s what I needed. I needed movement. I started to walk across the court, narrowly missing getting my foot ran over by Drake who was laughing hysterically, and sat down in one of two swings. To my dismay, Jake followed. I began to motion myself back and forth, swaying. I took my arms around the back of the chains to the front, which allowed me to stuff my hands in my jacket pockets lock myself into place.

  “Something wrong, Emily?” Jake’s deep voice asked.

  I shook my head, hoping that would settle the issue. However, I should have known. Jake wouldn’t be satisfied until I started talking. He reached over and grabbed one of the chains holding my swing, pulling me towards him.

  Once I was close enough, he tugged the other to make me face him. My legs knocked into his as he did this. I looked down at our knees. I could feel the heat radiating from his legs to mine. “Look at me.” I couldn’t do it. I was scared of what I might see when I did. That one thing keeps me from looking people in the eye. I didn’t want to see their disgust and hate for me. I couldn’t stand to see one more person look at me the way my mother did. I wouldn’t look. I wouldn’t.

  Jake wrapped his legs around mine to hold me in place and let go of one of the chains. He curled his fingers under my chin and lifted so I would have to look at him. No! I didn’t want to look. I closed my eyes before I could see his.

  I heard him sign. “Emily, c’mon and open your eyes.” I didn’t budge. His voice was softer when he spoke again. “C’mon Emily. Just open them. What are you so afraid of?” The heat from his legs and his hand was getting to me because before I could stop myself, I told him the truth.

  “Seeing the hatred and disgust.”

  “Jake! Emily! Did you guys just see that?!” Drake’s happy voice squealed. Jake slowly let go of me and when I opened my eyes, he was making his way over to Drake.

  The soft breeze carried his voice over to where I was. “No buddy. Do it again so I can see.” Drake, not seeing or caring one that I wasn’t there, repeated the trick.

  What the hell was that? Did I really just say that? I closed my eyes and leaned back. From my knees to my head, I was lying flat, while my legs dangled. I closed my eyes and let the breeze move the swing for me. Jake stayed on the court with Drake, while he showed him all the flips and crashes he could do.

  Great. Just great. I just told a complete stranger my inner most secret. What was wrong with me? Well, besides to obvious. After this, I wasn’t going to be within two hundred feet of Jake if I could help it. Would he go back to school and tell everyone that I’m a freak and dumb and what not?

  I shoved the thoughts out of my mind. My arms ached and I had to sit up. I was lightheaded for a moment and then it was gone. Drake was running full speed to the empty swing. “Jake, come push me!” Jake obeyed and soon Drake’s attitude rubbed off on me. I was pumping my legs and swinging, enjoying the sound of Drake’s laughter.

  “All right, little boy. You can do it yourself for a while. My arms are tired,” Jake said.

  Drake tried to turn around in his swing to see Jake, but failed in the attempt. “’Little boy!’ I’m not a boy! I’m a man! Tell him Emily!” The determination on Drake’s face was clear and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “That’s right Jake. Drake is a man, not a boy.”

  Jake laughed, “If you say so.”

  A triumphed expression overtook Drake’s as he said, “Told ya! I’m a man, not some little boy.” The tension between Jake and me seemed to disappear with Drake around. We kept swinging for about half an hour, when Drake skidded to a stop.

  “I’m hungry.”

  “What do you want to eat,” I ask.

  Drake ponders in thought, but Jake is the one who answers. “I could really go for some Chick-Fil-A.”

  “That’s all the way in Wilmington, a forty-five minute drive, if you go the speed limit,” I point out.

  Jake smirks at me and says, “I don’t mind. Do you Drake?”

  “For Chick-Fil-A? Of course not! Let’s go!”

  “We’re just waiting on Emily to decide if she wants to go with us.” Jake was giving me a look that seemed to say, I dare you to say no to this kid. I took one look at Drake’s expectant face and knew the two brothers made my decision. I stood up.

  “Well, let’s go if we’re going.”

  On the drive there, Drake talked the whole time. Literally. Neither of us could get a word in. He talked about anything and everything. We were a few minutes away from the restaurant and Drake had been quiet for a few minutes. “Emily, can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure, Drake.”

  “Where’s your mom?”

  The question stole my breath. It was out of left field. Of course, Drake would want to know where she was. He had only seen my dad around. “Um…she’s…,” I tried, but I couldn’t think. I needed to think of something fast. “She doesn’t live around here anymore.”

  “How come? Doesn’t she want to see you Emily?”

  I found the words coming from nowhere. “You see Drake, my mom and dad are divorced. So, my mom moved away when she got her new job. We weren’t really close, so I stayed with my dad.”

  I really hoped that would make the questions stop. “Oh,” was the only reply. Jake tried to brighten the mood when we parked. He was telling Drake that he could go and play after he ate, which definitely brought a smile back to his face.

  Inside we ordered and made our way over to a booth by the glass, so we could look in once Drake went to play. I don’t know if I was glad that I would be alone with Jake or not.
What I did know was that I didn’t want Drake asking me questions about my mom.

  I ate without talking. I let Jake and Drake do all of that. It was cute seeing the brothers together and enjoying themselves. Drake finished his meal quickly and ran off to play. For the first few minutes, our eyes followed him around. Then Jake spoke.

  “Where is your mom?”

  “That’s none of your business.” I tried to speak curtly, but instead I sounded fragile.

  “Okay.”

  Okay? That was it? Are you telling me that Jake Benson just gave up on making me talk? Maybe I should mark this in my calendar.

  We were sitting in silence when three people came up to our table. I recognized the short blonde one as the girl who was by Jake’s locker the other day, but the other two were lost on me.

  The short blonde spoke as Jake returned his hand to his side of the table. Again, my gaze went down. “I thought today was a day for just you and Drake. You know, just brothers.” By her voice, I could tell she was mad.

  All Jake said was, “It was.”

  “Then what’s she doing here?”

  Oh, how I wish I could leave. Why did I ride with him? I knew that if I looked up, I would see what I feared most in the blonde girl’s eyes. The guy that was with the girls spoke up before Jake could. “Yeah man, if you didn’t want to come, you should have just said so. Didn’t have to lie.”

  “I didn’t.” But he was. “Claire, Emily is here because I wanted her to be.”

  “Oh, get real Jake. You have one class project with her and now you are hanging out with her? Really? You shouldn’t hang out with people just because you feel sorry for them.”

  “I don’t feel sorry for her. I like hanging out with her, so I am.”

  “You like hanging with her? Please. She can’t make eye contact, much less talk.”

  Just then, Drake came running out of the playhouse room and found his way into my lap, ignoring our surprise guests. “Emily, this one is more fun than McDonald’s! It’s empty too. Will you play with me?”

  His eyes were pleading me. I couldn’t say no, if I wanted to and I didn’t. This was the perfect escape. To my surprise, my voice came out as it always did when I talked to Drake. Clear and confident. “Of course. Lead the way,” I said as he hopped down and I slipped my hand in his.

  We passed by the evil Claire and her friends. I didn’t even look back. I couldn’t. Instead, I slipped off my shoes and made my way into the playhouse.

  I chased Drake in and out of the crooks and crannies, tickling him when I caught him. After about thirty minutes, I heard Jakes’ voice booming up one of the slides. “Alright you two, let’s go.” Drake was satisfied with his playing time and slid down the red slide. Tired, I followed right behind him.

  Careful to avoid looking at any part of Jake, I slipped on my shoes and we left. The ride home has the sound of only the radio. Jake liked to listen to rock and other popular songs in different genres. Forty-five long minutes later, I was home.

  It wasn’t but about 4 o’clock and Drake wanted to show my dad the car. I didn’t mind, but I was tired from all the conversations from today. Regardless, I told them to stay awhile. I plan to be quiet.

  Jake stopped me just inches from my front door. “Emily, can I talk to you for a second?”

  I turned around and leaned against the brick of the house. Crossing my arms, I suddenly found my shoes interesting. “I feel like I’ve talked all day long. I’m tired of talking.”

  “I just wanted to say that I was sorry about earlier. With Claire. She doesn’t know of what she was talking. She was mainly just jealous.”

  That caught my attention. I was confused. “Jealous? Of what?”

  Jake’s sneakers came into my line of vision. He curled his fingers around my chin and lifted. Why must he keep doing that?! I glared straight into his pretty green eyes. “Not ‘of what’. Of who. She is jealous of you Emily.” What?

  That didn’t make any sense and I told Jake so. He smiled a crooked grin that made my insides melt and said, “It makes perfect sense. She is jealous that I rather spend time with you than her. She called this morning, before I called you, and wanted me to go with her to the movies. I didn’t want to and Drake was upset that I said he couldn’t come here. Therefore, I called you. A solution that made everyone happy…well, besides Claire.”

  I tried to back further into the wall, but it was no use. My confident voice from earlier was gone and with it any want I had to be around Jake. “So you were hanging out with me so you didn’t have to hang around Claire.” There. I said it. I thought I would feel better about it. Finally getting the truth about Jake and his presence out should have made me feel better, but it didn’t.

  For some wild reason that I cannot even begin to understand, I was hoping that finally someone besides a seven year old would want to be around me. I wanted that someone to be Jake, but clearly I was mistaken. Stepping to the side and out of Jake’s grip, I went inside without giving him the chance to say anything.

  Drake and my dad were in the living room playing with Drake’s car. Very oblivious to me, I went straight to my room and shut the door. I heard greetings exchanged between Jake and my dad. I didn’t listen long. Instead, I got my iPod from my bag, which slumps against my nightstand, and crawl into bed. I listened to Monster, thinking that that song seemed to describe me.

  Jake

  Damn it! How in the hell did she manage to get a very different message than what I’m trying to say? First, I was pissed at Claire and at how she behaved around Emily. Now, Emily thinks I was just using her to stay away from Claire. I have to fix it.

  Leaving the distracted Drake and Mike, I walked down the hallway ignoring the pictures this time and straight to the door in which I saw Emily disappear. I knocked three times. No answer. I was going to talk to her whether she liked it or not. Probably a ‘not’. I knocked three more times with the same result.

  I cracked open the door and called her name. She didn’t answer, but I saw her lying on her back, staring at the ceiling. Her room didn’t look anything like mine. Where mine was full of electronics and clothes everywhere, Emily’s room had a bed, a nightstand, and a dresser. My walls had a few posters and pictures of my mom; hers had nothing but white paint.

  The size of her room didn’t help at all with how empty it looked. I closed the door behind me, but Emily still didn’t acknowledge me. Walking closer I could hear the familiar sounds of the song she was playing in class the day I first talked to her.

  Finally, I came into Emily’s line of vision when I stood beside the bed. She glanced at me and then went back to staring at the ceiling. Good to know which she preferred. She was lying in the middle of the bed, leaving plenty of room on each side.

  I took a seat, leaning my back against the headboard and reached down slowly to pull out one of her earphones. I didn’t know what happened to her, but I knew I needed to proceed with caution. The music became clear, but I didn’t recognize the song for the lyrics weren‘t clear enough for me to hear. Emily didn’t even take her eyes off the ceiling for a second. “What song is that?”

  Without hesitation, her quiet voice spoke. “Monster.”

  All of my anger washed away with that one word. This time, my voice was soft. “You don’t really think that you are a monster, do you?” She flicked her eyes over at me. Her eyes instantly watered and a tear escaped.

  “Aw sweetness, come here,” I whispered as I pulled her up to hold her. Her tears flowed easily, quickly soaking part of my shirt. “I don’t know what happened to you, but you are a good person. Emily. You have a huge heart and you are caring, thoughtful, hardworking, and loving. Drake thinks you are so fun. Do you want to talk about what happened to you” I glide my hand up and down her back to sooth her. She shook her head. “Okay, that’s fine.” After about thirty minutes, Emily had quit crying. She was clutching to me for dear life. “I don’t know if I can do it,” she whispered into my chest.

  “Do what?”<
br />
  “Trust. Believe. Let go.”

  “You have me, Drake, and your dad to help you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because we know that you are worth it.” God, I hoped she believed every word, because she was worth it.

  “Ok.”

  “Ok.” We sat there in silence for five minutes, before I spoke again. “And Emily? I didn’t spend the day with you just to get away from Claire. I spent the day with you because I really wanted to be a part of the person you are when you are with Drake.”

  She didn’t say anything, but she did slightly squeeze me tighter. We sat there like that until she fell asleep.

  Three hours later, my whole body was tingling and I was dying to move. Mike opened the door and said, “Supper is ready.” I nodded and he was gone again. Lightly, I shook Emily and called her name. She mumbled something incoherent, but she sat up and rubbed her eyes.

  “It’s time to eat.”

  “We just ate.”

  I laugh, take her hand and lead her to the door. “That was hours ago.” Suddenly she stopped walking. I turned to see why. She seemed unsure of herself and of what she wanted to say. “Emily?” She glanced up at me. “Everything will be okay.” She nodded.

  I turned to walk out, but stopped myself short and turned back to her. “Will you please try to make eye contact?” Pausing and deciding to take a chance, I told her that I really liked her eyes. She gave a small smile and satisfied, we went into the kitchen.

  The aroma of steak and baked potatoes filled the house. Drake gave me a confused looked, and then decided not to ask. We sat down at the kitchen table and began to eat. “When is your next game, Jake?” my little brother asked.

  “Tuesday,” I replied.

  “Oh! That reminds me. Emily, honey, this came in the mail yesterday.” Mike stood and walked over to the stack of mail beside the microwave. He returned with an envelope, promptly handing it to Emily.

  A smile broke across her face and excitement was clear in her eyes. She ripped it open and held two pieces of paper up. “Well, what is it,” Drake asked.