Nearly Broken

by Devon Ashley

  She opened her eyes, but they sagged, the tan colored irises seemingly drowning. “I’m sorry, Megan. But that morning…you were running late.”

  “How would you know that?” I asked carefully. “Mom said no one knew what time I left the house because I was the last one to leave.”

  “Because I came by,” she admitted. “I was the reason you were running late that day.”

  Shrugging it off, I asked, “So what if you were?”

  I wanted to say more, to tell her it didn’t matter what time I left the house, but she wouldn’t let me. With surprising force, she threw her hand out between us, begging me to stop. “Just. Please. Let me say this before I lose the courage.” Biting my tongue, I let her keep going. “The night before, my boyfriend and I had a huge blowout. I caught the bastard cheating on me. He kept blowing up my phone and I really didn’t want to talk to the shithead, so I silenced my phone and came to the house instead of my apartment. I guess Mom and Dad never noticed my car because it was parked in front of the neighbor’s house.

  “I just wanted to talk it out with you, but you were already asleep by the time I got there.” Her tears were stalling, so Thea took a moment to wipe her face clear, her pale skin looking gray and sickly from excess moisture. “Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well. You woke me up in the morning banging all around in the bathroom. I was just so pissed that I went off on you.” She groaned and dipped her head. “God, I was such a bitch. I know we were friends and all, but we were sisters, too, so we were known to have some pretty epic fights.

  “Ever the good sister, you tried to calm me down but I was just so far gone at that point it was falling on deaf ears. Talking was the last thing I wanted to do. We went at it so long you were at least twenty minutes late leaving for school.” Thea began shaking her head again, her face straining to fight the flow that glistened her eyes again. “I know…I know you were speeding to get to school. You had Journalism first period and that class was your reason for getting up every morning. And I can’t help thinking, that if I hadn’t come over, or fought with you, or just not been such a bitch to you that morning, they wouldn’t have noticed you. You would’ve been blending in with the flow of traffic. You never would’ve been at the wrong place at the wrong time. You would’ve missed them altogether, because you would’ve already been in class, safe and sound.

  “I did it,” she sobbed hysterically. “I did all these things to screw with you that morning, to make myself feel better, and it got you stolen in return. And I never told anyone the truth. Because I knew they’d all hate me for it. And I just couldn’t take any more guilt.”

  She completely buried her face in her hands, crying wildly, choking on the fluid that rushed and clogged her throat. My own tears had long been flowing by the time she tried to add, “It’s my fault. The kidnapping. The rapes.” Her fingers splaying, her eyes focused on that horrible burn on my arm. “Your burns. You have no idea how it’s eaten away at me, knowing I did all that to my little sister. I was supposed to be protecting you. I’m the world’s worst sister and I am so sorry.” It was hard to catch all that, since she was blabbering and gasping for air between syllables, but I didn’t need to hear every word to understand her, and to realize how way off-base she was for taking the blame.

  I had to close my eyes off, the liquid blurring my vision, the light on the ceiling fan hitting my face at just the right angle to blind me, inducing the equivalent of a brain freeze. And after all the crying I’d done as of late, everything just ached.

  Why did everybody think my disappearance was their fault? First Nick, now Thea. My parents probably harbored the same thoughts. And the truth was, it was nobody’s fault. Not even my own.

  I know Nick and I agreed it was best to keep what Detective O’Neill told us to ourselves, but right now, I was seriously doubting that decision. I couldn’t let Thea keep suffering from these thoughts. So we fought that morning. It sounded like just another day in the life of sisters and/or best friends. Nick and I thought keeping this to ourselves was best because nothing could be gained by sharing, and that it would never fix anything. Turns out we were wrong.

  “Thea,” I said softly, clearing my clogged throat. Her sobs overpowered my voice, so I said, “Thea,” more firmly a second time. “Look at me.” When she didn’t, I added, “Come on. If you think you’re responsible for my messed up life, then you could at least look me in the eye when I say this to you.”

  Eventually, she found the courage to raise her head, but it continued to jerk as her chest began hiccupping sporadically. And I had serious doubts she could actually see me through that waterfall rushing over her eyes. “They were following me long before they took me. There was even a tracking device on my car. They were going to find me that morning no matter what time I left or where I went.”

  She froze, her eyes bouncing all over the place like a ping-pong game gone on the fritz. “Wait… What?”

  “My car had a tracer on it. Best they can tell, the police think I was the only girl who was selected in advance.” Detective O’Neill said it was possible that one of the girls walking could’ve had a tracer on their belongings, but it was highly unlikely since you never knew what a person was going to carry or wear day to day. Which meant I was their priority pick-up. And like Nick had once suggested, I was meant to be brainwashed and made into more of a companion. “The cops said I was tagged because I was most likely chosen and sold before they ever even stole me.” And it was probably my fault all those other girls got stolen, too. They came to Seattle to grab me but took several more once they had me. That’s what really made me throw up that day at the police station. All those girls…who were most likely still being drugged and raped to this day, were picked up because of me! I wanted to help them, I really did, but I knew nothing that would ever help the cops find them.

  I couldn’t make myself feel better, but maybe I could ease the guilt suffocating Thea.

  I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled us together, grasping her hand with mine. “Nothing you did that morning was responsible for my disappearance. If anything, you spared me twenty more minutes from that life. So please stop hating yourself. And stop crying. Because you’re making me cry. And I am so freaking tired of crying.”

  Unfortunately, my words only made us bawl even more, but I think I caught a hint of relief in her eyes, and our tears slowly became more of a release than us dealing with the horrors afflicting our minds.

  God, I needed all night and the next day to recover from that. Just like when the detective told us at the station about the trace, my insides twisted into a thousand knots and sudden nausea sent me on vacation with the porcelain bowl. Luckily, Nick was taking the day off, so I had him there to help soothe and unclench the grip misery seemed to have on my body. Thea had left early in the morning, looking like she spent the night at a noisy, never-resting frat house. Hopefully she’d be able to clean herself up before her first meeting.

  By mid-afternoon, I was feeling better, but Nick was still hesitant to take me to dinner. “We can do this anytime. It doesn’t have to be tonight.”

  “No. God, if I’ve learned anything from my messed up life, it’s that you don’t even know if tomorrow will come. So let’s go. I’m in need of happier memories.”

  He reluctantly agreed, but I think his hesitance got chucked to the back seat when he saw me the first time in that gorgeous white and black dress. For the first time since I went missing, I actually had an occasion to wear heels, and was completely surprised at how at ease my body was with the strappy shoes securing my feet. The dress looked far better without the cardigan, but Nick didn’t seem to know any better.

  I had to do a double take on Nick too, because I had never seen him in a suit before. And damn it all to hell, after seeing how sexy he could be all cleaned up, I really didn’t want to go to dinner anymore. Damn… I really wanted to head back to my childhood room and toss that place upside down, because somewhere in there were two years worth of
formal pictures I was missing out on.

  I literally dropped my jaw over Kettle Fusion. The exterior was nothing more exciting than the rest of the block, but the inside… Holy hell. It was of modern design, sleek with steel and filled with vivid shades of cranberry, midnight blue and dark orange, which were really soothing to the eyes in dimmed lighting. The seating was so plush it looked more comfortable than the bed I sank into every night. And the walls had the strangest art deco from a local artist, who liked to work with a variety of metals and glass.

  Nick greeted the hostess Sarah, who immediately sat us. Turned out we weren’t eating in the dining room, and we were taken up the elevator to a hidden veranda, where only three tables were available for select clientele. I wanted to smack myself for scanning as many faces I could as we passed, always seeking that particular one I never wanted to see again. And after flipping through so many at the police station, I confirmed my worst fear: his image was beginning to blur. I could remember what his distinct features were, but not the picture itself anymore. What if I did come across him one day? Would I even be able to recognize him at that point? And it made me worry more, continually rechecking the men around me, making sure there was no possible way each and every one of them couldn’t be him.

  I forced a smile to budge my mind from the thought. Stepping out of the elevator, it was a short, straight walk to our destination. A structure of glass protected us from the elements and it was so clean there wasn’t even the tiniest smudge to distort our view. The other two tables were occupied, already eating, and they politely nodded as we took up the third.

  “Wow, Nick. This is really nice.”

  “It really is. Hopefully I can put in a few years here.”

  My head turned towards him, but he continued to stare off at the skyline, completely unaware that his mother told me he was considering a move to Seattle for my benefit. Little did he know, I’d fight him to the death on that. He’d already sacrificed too much for me.

  As I scanned the menu before me, I couldn’t help but notice that the wine section had three times the pages than the dinner section. And sadly, I had no idea what was up with the entrée choices. There were foods I had never heard of before in food, like sea beans, dandelion greens and Adirondack blue potatoes. And there were descriptions that explained their preparation, but I honestly had no idea what to expect if I ordered a meal that included words like reduction, au jus, or fricassee. I finally cried uncle and told Nick to just order my dinner for me. He teased me, but obliged my request. I don’t know what he ordered and I didn’t ask, but when Tara, our waitress, placed the unusual stack of colors and textures before me in all its weird glory, maybe I should have. But he had never steered me wrong in terms of food before, so I reluctantly forced a bite into my mouth.

  He actually chuckled when my face went from cringing, expecting the most God-awful taste, to blissful elation. Who knew all those funky colors slammed together would be so yummy? I still didn’t know what it was, but after reading that menu, I figured it was best not to ask if I was swallowing pureed duck eggs with a chili hollandaise sauce or whatever.

  Ever determined to put some weight on me like my mother, Nick ordered a chocolate soufflé for dessert, saying we’d share it, but of which he hardly touched. “Do you not like chocolate?” I asked, because that soufflé was the best thing ever.

  “I’ll eat it, but I prefer my chocolate to have more of an espresso taste.”

  Which totally explained why he’d rather sip on his coffee than indulge in the plate I was about ready to lick clean. “Ahh, thank God. Because chocolate’s a deal breaker for me. Diss the chocolate and I’ll diss you,” I threatened playfully, giving him a little wink.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll bake whatever you like. Just don’t expect me to eat it with you every time.”

  “You mean you’re going to make me a special chocolate treat and then never try to split it with me? You’re the best boyfriend ever,” I mused.

  “You can have your chocolate. Just give me my coffee and we’re square.”

  “Deal.”

  I was just finishing up the dessert when a new face entered the veranda, smiling and making a beeline for us. “There’s a perky blonde heading over.”

  Smiling, he quietly replied without turning to acknowledge her. “That’s probably my boss, Anne. She’s the manager here.”

  She was wearing a sleek, dark gray, pencil skirt, a black sleeveless satin top with a scooped neck, and had fancy jewelry draping around her neck and dangling from her ears. Once she got to our table, her left hand immediately went to rest on Nick’s shoulder as her blinged out right hand extended to shake mine. “Hello, Megan. I’m Anne. So nice to finally meet you.”

  We couldn’t have been more opposite. Where I had boring brown eyes, had my brown hair pulled back in a sleek ponytail, and wore minimal makeup and jewelry, Anne was a wavy blonde with blue eyes, long legs, a sprayed-on tan and probably used every product ever made to paint her face. But still, the whole package was extremely attractive. “Hi. Nice to meet you, too.”

  She leaned and dipped her head just inches from Nick’s, confirming that there weren’t any problems with the meal. Maybe Nick answered, but I was too busy wondering why she was comfortable enough around him to be leaning that closely to notice. Determined not to let her attentiveness get to me, I pretended to be enthralled by the assortment of potted plants that grew along the glass. When Nick asked, “Right, Megan?” I whipped my attention back their way. Guessing at what he asked, I enthusiastically replied, “Dinner was delicious. The chocolate soufflé was absolutely perfect.”

  I guess I said the right thing, because her smile lit up even more. And call me slightly jealous, but her hand was not only still on his body, but had now drifted closer to the back of his neck. Seriously, I wasn’t sure how to react. Part of me thought normal girlfriend behavior would be to get mad or territorial, but one, she was Nick’s boss, and two, I really wasn’t that jealous. After everything Nick went through to get me back, cheating on me with a girl that’s been there while I wasn’t, just didn’t cause a whole lot of worry on my part. I glanced into Nick’s eyes to ascertain his opinion of Anne’s actions, and I caught his somewhat annoyed expression and the infinitesimal head nod that asked me not to say anything.

  “Wonderful! I do hope you come back again.”

  “Oh, you can count on it,” I replied cheerfully, trying to cover the disdainful curiosity I felt for her at this moment.

  “Great. Well, you two have a good evening, and Nick, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Good night, Anne,” he replied cordially.

  Anne’s hand finally let go, but only because her body progressed far enough back it had to if it wanted to remain attached to her body. I planted my elbows on the table and clasped my hands together beneath my chin, sucking in the right side of my cheek. He loosely crossed his arms, his lips forming a less than amused expression. “Is she gone yet?” he asked quietly.

  My eyes drifted to the elevator. I kept a smile on my face until the door shut behind her. “You know, when you said you got the executive position because your boss loved you, I thought you meant that metaphorically. But that is a woman with interest.” And a little cheeky too.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t believe she just did that. Sort of childish, in fact.”

  “What?” I asked teasingly. “You really expect me to believe this was the first time she’s been super friendly with you?”

  Nick sighed. He clearly didn’t want to have this discussion, but no way I could let him off the hook now.

  “She showed interest when I first began working here and that was the same time I showed my disinterest. I told her about you and why I had no intentions of dating anyone else for a very long time.”

  “You didn’t date anyone while I was gone? Like ever?” Please say no.

  “Are you kidding me? No!” His arms uncrossed and hit the table as he leaned forward. “I never… I couldn’t...” He clos
ed his eyes and groaned lightly. “There were a few people who thought I should try dating someone. Anyone. They said it would help me move on.” He shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Dumbasses didn’t know what they were talking about. It’s not something you can just move on from. I did well just to get through the day. If they couldn’t show me a body…then I wasn’t giving up on you.”

  Great. Now I felt like crap. Was I seriously expecting a guy I didn’t even remember seven weeks ago to never date anyone once I went missing? “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. Even if you had dated someone it’s not really my business. I was gone, and statistics pretty much prove girls like me don’t come back, so I could never be mad at you for trying to pick up the pieces and move on.” Though I probably would’ve hated it if he had.

  “Megan,” he said gently, reaching his arms across the table. I dropped mine and placed my hands within his firm grasp. “Had it been five to ten years or so, yeah, I might’ve tried moving on. But not my heart, my head or my soul was going to allow me to do that anytime soon. Yeah, Anne flirted a lot, and I probably shouldn’t have let her do it. I guess in a way the attention kept me from feeling dead inside. I was never going to act on it, but I wasn’t exactly pushing her away either. I swear she hasn’t done any of that touching crap since we came back to Portland together, so I don’t know why she did that tonight. Maybe she found you threatening.”

  Or maybe she thought that by planting a seed of doubt, she could create a rift between us and sour our relationship. Anne had probably spent God knows how long laying the ground work, thinking I’d never come back and eventually Nick would move on, straight into her arms. And now that I was back, she probably did find me threatening, because I had so easily what she had yet to obtain.

  “But you’re right to be annoyed,” he added, breaking my train of thought. “I know I am. I’ll make sure she doesn’t do it again.”

  I nodded reluctantly. In the span of like ninety seconds, our night fizzled like a sparkler left out in the rain, so I guess Anne managed to knock us off our high a little bit after all.