by Nicki Rae
One of my coworkers, Justin, was really nice. He gave me a lot of pointers and when he thought I was getting really agitated, he tried to make me laugh. He is a sweet guy.
It’s been a super busy month, I have worked almost every day, but in my disappointment, I still have not gotten Logan out of my head. I haven’t had any nightmares but he is still there, in the forefront of my thoughts. I am excited that Shay is coming to visit in a couple of weeks; I have missed her so much. Even though I have made a few friends and I have been hanging out with Justin, more than I would like really, I am homesick. Having Shay around will help with that, I hope.
By the end of my shift on the day before Shay is supposed to be here, I am exhausted. There was some kind of dance competition in the area so that made for an extremely busy day at the deli. I make it home in just enough time to take a shower and pass out.
My tear filled eyes pop open and I stare at the ceiling for a moment. It has been a while since I have awoke from a Logan drenched dream. I could kill him for showing up at my house right before I left. It took me a really long time but I was past this already. He has no idea what I went through because he decided that he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. And he thinks that I should just let him back in my life. I don’t even want to hear his excuses anymore. Nothing he can say will be reason enough to make me suffer the way I did, and he seems to forget that part. Or, he doesn’t care. Either way, he can go to hell.
*Logan*
I feel like I have been in Neanderthal mode. I have put so much thought into how I can get Emily back but I just couldn’t come up with something that I thought would work. So now, I just want to go over to Emily’s house, beat on my chest, and claim her as mine. But I don’t think she would appreciate that, so here I sit. I can’t believe I have stooped this low. I have always been somewhat crazy but Emily brings out the really crazy in me. I know I only have myself to blame but I can’t just let her go; I can’t. I fucked up and she has to know why. Why? Do I even know why? How can I explain what happened? I don’t know but I have to talk to her. Get through to her somehow. She won’t talk to me, and I don’t know where she is. I keep telling myself that this is the only way to find her but if all else fails, I’m sure Becca would tell me what I want to know.
I should have thought this through a little more. I smell like alcohol and haven’t been to sleep, so I can’t imagine what Emily will think when I show up at her door in the morning. I should probably sleep but what if Shay leaves in the middle of the night? Why would she, I think to myself. Surly she doesn’t think that someone is going to follow her . . . I hope.
After my third energy drink, which isn’t really working, I look at my watch; it’s six AM. I know Shay sleeps all damn day; I don’t know why I even waited all night. As I start to turn the car on to go back to the house, I see Shay coming out to get in her car. I am both amazed that she is up this early and that I sat out in front of her house all night and no one called the cops on me. What the fuck was I thinking; I could have been arrested. I shake my head at my dumbass and slide down in my seat a little so she doesn’t see me. I parked enough away that she wouldn’t get suspicious of my car but close enough that I can see her. This girl has to make three trips to get all her shit in her car. Is she moving in with Emily? We take off and I can finally feel some adrenaline running through my veins.
I have never been to Muncie and I am finding there is nothing but corn fields on the way, not good for my lack of sleep. I blare the radio to keep myself awake as I think of what I am going to say to her. What if she has a new boyfriend, I suddenly think. I can only think this isn’t going to end well. I don’t care; I have to talk to her. As we continue to drive, my mind starts to drift back to a more happy time.
“Pull over.” Emily says to me.
“What? Right now?”
“Yes, pull over.”
I look over at her to make sure she is serious. When I see that she is, I pull off to the side of the road. The good thing about living in Indiana is at any given moment, you still, most likely, are traveling on a country road. Or you can be in a very short time. I haven’t seen a car pass us in the last twenty minutes and there are very few houses in sight. Once I pull over, she is unbuckled and is straddling my lap in a flash.
She grabs my face and pulls her lips to mine. She kisses him deeply before saying, “Logan I love you and because of that I will not let you give up on a school you love just because of me. I don’t want a response; I just want you, right now, in this car, on the side of the road.
I take off her shirt and unbutton her pants with one hand while my other is fisting in her hair.
I know she would much rather me stay here and go to school. I love Virginia Tech, but I love Emily more and would do just about anything she says. Hence the reason we are both currently half naked on the side of the road.
“Baby, I love you.” I say breathlessly between kisses.
I don’t know what I did to deserve this but I am damn well taking advantage of it.
“I love you, too. You will not change your mind. You are going to school in Virginia and you are going to fuck me in this car.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I find myself smiling as I am pulled back to reality. Shay has turned into an apartment building. I park in the lot across the street and watch where she goes. I have to give her and Emily a few minutes before I go in.
Chapter 10
*Emily*
I am standing under the hot spray of my shower as I am wondering what my week is going to bring. Shayla will be here today to spend the week with me. I am very excited; I have not seen her in a while. We have been almost inseparable since seventh grade, so not being around her all the time has been really rough. Plus, I miss my family so much; I can barely stand it sometimes. I have been very lonely the past few weeks. I am thankful that I have my job, at the deli; it has kept me busy.
I hurry out of the shower. I’m not sure why; Shay sleeps all day and probably won’t be here until late this afternoon. I dress in a pair of shorts, a tank, and my flip flops. I think I would wear flip flops in the winter, if I weren’t afraid of my feet getting wet from the snow. I walk in the bathroom to throw my hair up in a bun and I hear beating on my front door. I walk over and look through the peep; it’s Shay, so I open the door.
“OMG! I have missed your ass, Em!”
“Same here girl!”
We hug each other and then I take some of her bags.
“I must say, Shay, I am impressed that you are here so early AND happy. You are usually a bear this early.”
“I’m getting to spend the whole week with my best friend, in her new apartment, in a new city. I was kind of excited.”
I knew she would be, I can’t wait until she sees the mall here. I haven’t been here long but I know she is going to love it.
“So, what’s been going on at home?” I ask her, sitting across from her at my kitchen table.
Aside from talking on the phone a few times, I have not really talked to Shay since the night of the bon fire.
“Oh a little of this and a little of that,” she says wearing a coy smile.
“You tell me that you have so much to tell me and now you’re holding out on me. Spill it!”
Yesterday she went on and on about who was dating who and what our friends were doing. The thing I thought was funny though is that she never mentioned anything about herself; that is not Shay, she is always at the center of every story.
“Well, aren’t you at least going to put some coffee on first? It is god awful early in the morning and I don’t even know how I have functioned enough to make the two hour drive.”
I’m going to kill this girl, literally. I am getting the coffee supplies together when I say, “You know if I’m making the coffee that leaves you free to sit at the table and talk.”
“I’m dating Tyler Moore,” she blurts and I instantly drop the little coffee pack I was getting ready to put in the machine and turn aro
und, my eyes as wide as saucers.
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No,” she says.
“Since when?” I ask her.
“Since the night of the bonfire, pretty much. I told you it was going to be amazing.”
Tyler and Shayla have been friends for years and as far as I knew, that was all.
“I have something else to tell you. Just know that it was an accident and I’m really sorry.”
I close my eyes, this can’t be good.
“I was over at the Moore’s last night and Tyler asked me what the two of us were doing this week and Logan may have overheard.”
“He may have overheard or he did overhear?”
Shay has an apologetic look on her face.
“I’m so sorry, Em. Before I could stop him, Tyler told him where you are going to school and that you had an apartment. But he doesn’t know where, so that’s good, right?”
“I can’t believe Tyler told him that, he knew I didn’t want him to know anything.”
Shayla has her eyes scrunched closed but at my remark, she opened one eye, “Does that mean I’m off the hook?”
“It was an accident that Logan heard but Tyler didn’t need to elaborate. And I still can’t believe that you are dating him.”
“Me either.” She giggles like a little girl. Oh man, she has it bad.
“Did Logan ask anything else or try to get out of you where my apartment is?”
“No, I was surprised but he didn’t.”
I’m surprised, too.
BANG. BANG.BANG
Shay and I both jump out of our skin at the urgency of the knock. Who the hell is here? I walk to the door, and peep through the hole and can’t believe who is staring back at me.
“Shay I thought you said you didn’t tell Logan where my apartment is?”
“I didn’t, Em, I promise.” She looks as confused as I feel.
“Did you tell Tyler?”
“Only that it was in Muncie.”
“Well he found me somehow. I wonder if Rebecca told him; she seems to be his number one cheerleader.”
BANG.BANG.BANG
“Em, open the door please. I don’t want someone to call the cops”
I glare at Shay and say, “You are not off the hook!”
I opened the door to face Logan.
“You look like shit.” I say
“Thanks, nice to see you, too.” He counters.
”How did you find me, Logan?”
“The important thing is I did find you and now that I am here, you’re going to listen to what I have to say.”
“Why should I, Logan?”
At that moment, Shayla stands up.
“I’m going to . . . um . . . I’m going to put my stuff in the other room.”
She mouths sorry as she leaves.
“Can I come in or are we going to have this conversation in the hallway?”
I would be quite content talking or yelling, whatever we are going do, in the hallway but I don’t think my neighbors would appreciate it. I stand back and open the door wider so he can come in. I shut the door behind him but I am just not ready to face him yet so I just lean my head up against the door.
“Please look at me, babe.”
Hearing him say those words to me sparks something that I haven’t felt in months and I hate it.
“You do not get to call me babe, anymore! In fact, you have (I looked at the watch I didn’t have on my arm) five minutes to say what you came to say.”
“Are you finished?” he says.
“Excuse me?”
“Are you finished blowing a head gasket?”
This guy has some nerve, showing up at my house and telling me what I am going to do.
“You know that is not a very good way to get me to cooperate with . . .” And then he is kissing me, like his life is dependent on my breath. And as much as I try to fight him, I just can’t. So I kiss him back.
After a few seconds, I come to my senses and pull away.
“What the fuck, Logan?”
I have tears streaming down my face because I not only am pissed that I had to stop the kiss but I also am pissed that he kissed me in the first place.
“I needed you to remember how great we are together and I didn’t know how else to show you.”
I need a drink.
“I did remember how great we were, it was you that seemed to forget that.”
I am screaming with my back to him as I walk to the kitchen. I tried to stay away from the alcohol but I just can’t do it. I have not wanted to drink any until now. I pull out the liquor and just take a drink out of the bottle. I cringe a little at the taste, since it has been so long. But as the liquor is burning its way down, I close my eyes and start to calm.
Logan is watching me, intently. He has never seen me drink before. Yes, fucker, this is your fault. I drink to forget you. I hope you are happy now.
“Em, when did you start drinking?”
I can tell he is uneasy waiting for my answer.
“Three guesses, Logan.”
He looks away guiltily.
“I’m sorry, Em. I had no idea you were so bad.”
“Why would you know? We haven’t talked in so long and it’s not like you have made any effort to come home and see me.”
“Emily, I tried calling you and messaging you. We both have school and I have wrestling. It’s not like it used to be when I lived a few minutes from you and could hop over whenever I wanted.”
“I don’t need to be reminded of that, Logan. I was there, remember? I was there when you tried so hard to tell me you weren’t going but still went. I was there when you ripped my heart out and left for college. I understand, I was your little high school girlfriend and you didn’t want to be bothered with me anymore. It is fine, I am over it.”
His eyes move to the bottle in my hands.
“Emily, you clearly are not over it. I just want you to be happy and if me being out of your life is what is going to make that happen, then so be it.”
“Are you really trying to play the martyr here? Logan Moore, wrestler and womanizer extraordinaire was trying to be the bigger person? Don’t fuckin flatter yourself.”
“What are you talking about womanizer extraordinaire? I have only ever loved you, Emily.”
I take in a deep breath, I can’t believe him.
“Logan, I can’t handle this, anymore. I was over you, I was moving on, and I was happy and yet here you are, again. If you truly want me to be happy, leave me alone.”
“I tried that, Em, I can’t stay away, anymore. I am a selfish bastard sometimes. And now that I see that you are drinking because of me, I damn sure can’t stay away. I am worried about you, Em.”
“Well, I’m not your concern anymore, Logan. Please, leave.”
“No,” he says flatly and shakes his head.
“I’m, sorry did you say no?” I say to him, shocked.
“Yes, Emily, I did. I staked out Shayla’s house all night, getting no sleep. I drove two of the most boring hours I have ever driven to find you and I am running on adrenaline and caffeine to stay awake. You are going to listen to me.”
Holy shit, did he just say that he staked out Shayla’s house all night.
“Why did you stake out Shay’s house, Logan?”
He gives me an incredulous look.
“Because you wouldn’t tell me where you were. And I don’t know how she did it, but Shay wouldn’t tell me, either.”
I’m not sure how I should feel about that. This man that has had no regard, or at least I thought he didn’t, for my feelings for so long, is now putting up so much fight for me. My head is spinning from all of this. My tone changes a little but I still don’t want him here any longer.
“Logan, will you please just go? I am starting to get a headache from all this back and forth.”
“Were you listening to what I just told you?”
“Of course Logan, how could I not? But you have to lo
ok at this from my point of view. I thought we were done, you moved on and that is what I was trying to do, too. Do you know how many times I would cry myself to sleep? Do you know how many times I would drink to blackout stage because I just wanted to forget you? No, because you were a coward and couldn’t talk to me. Now, you are here acting like you are my knight in shining armor. I don’t know what to think. So, I think it would be best if you just left. I need some space.”
He stands there thinking a few minutes before he says, “I will go but this isn’t over.”
“It is, until I say it is,” I explain as I open the door for him to leave.
As soon as he is out the door and I hear him walk away, I back up against the door and slide down, put my head in my hands and begin to cry. Shay is at my side instantly. I am thankful for her but I really just want to cry on my own.
“I think I’m going to take a shower.”
“Are you ok, Em?”
I don’t even answer her as I close the bathroom door.
My phone is ringing. I pull it from my pocket to see that is it Rebecca.
“Emily, are you ok? Logan just called me.”
“Why did he call you?”
“He says he is worried and wanted me to call and check on you.”
“Well how nice of him to be worried about me.”
“What’s going on?”
“He was just here, and we got into a fight.”
“Do you need me?”
“No, I have Shay here.”
“Oh. That would be why he called me.”
“Yeah, probably. I’m sure he thinks Shay will turn me into a street walker or something.”
“He really did sound worried about you, Em.”
“Well good for him. I needed him months ago. It is too late now.”
“Are you drinking, Em?”
“No.” I lie.
“Good, I’m glad, that stuff doesn’t help.”
It may not help her but it sure helps me.
“Thanks for calling, Bec but I am finished talking about this.”
“Ok, Em. Promise if you need anything that you will call before you start drinking again.”