Lather

by Nicki Rae

  *Emily*

  I am trying to pull myself together as I send Shay a quick text:

  Me: Where are you?

  Shay: Justin and I are at some deli. Are you ok?

  Me: No. I’m on my way to get you.

  Shay: Justin said he could bring me to your apartment.

  Me: No, I don’t want him here. I will be there in a minute.

  Shay: K.

  As I am driving to the deli, my mom calls.

  “Hi, Mom,” I answer.

  “Hi, sweetie, how are you?”

  Even though there is no way she can know what’s going on, I still feel like she does.

  “Oh, nothing much. Shay got here this morning and we are trying to figure out what we are going to do this week.”

  “Ok. Now, tell me what’s really going on, Emily.”

  “What are you talking about?” I ask.

  “Dee Moore came by this morning and asked if I had seen Logan. I knew Shay was visiting you this week; I just put two and two together. Now, are you ok?”

  I should have known not to lie to my mom; she always knows when something is up.

  “Logan was here this morning, I sent Shay with one of my friends so I could talk to him. It wasn’t pretty, but I think it was good to get out of the way. I think we are both going to be able to move on now. Or at least, we will be able to start the process.”

  “I’m very glad to hear that sweetie. Just know that I support whatever decision that you make.”

  Here come the tears that I didn’t think that I had anymore.

  “I love you, Mom!”

  “Love you too, sweetie, do you need me? You know that I will be there in a heartbeat.”

  “No, I think I will be ok,” I say to her.

  “Well, ok sweetheart, let me know if you need me.”

  “I will, Mom. Thanks, bye.”

  She doesn’t know what Logan did or I don’t think she would be so calm. She loves Logan as much as I do and I think it would break her heart to hear that this is more than just a young love spat.

  As I pull into the lot of the deli, I see Shay walking out. I ask her if she ate while she was here.

  “Yes, what else was I to do in a deli full of people I don’t know?”

  “Well I need food; I have nothing at my house. Well I had alcohol but Logan saw to it that I don’t even have that.”

  “I’m just going to wait in the car, those people are fucking weird.”

  I laugh, a genuine laugh; with no tears.

  “Ok, I will just be a minute. And, Shay, thanks for the laugh. I needed it.”

  She blows me an air kiss as she gets in the car.

  I go into the deli and I see Justin coming toward me.

  “Emily, is everything ok?” His face is laced with concern.

  “Yes, thanks for entertaining Shay. I owe you.”

  He smiles that big goofy smile of his.

  “Does that mean you’ll finally go to dinner with me?”

  “I’m sorry, Justin. I am just not ready for that yet.”

  I can see the disappointment in his face. I feel like an asshole. Justin is a genuinely good guy and I should be running to him right now, after all that Logan has put me through. But the problem is that he isn’t Logan. I know that sounds pathetic and at some point I hope I can move past that but I haven’t yet.

  “No big deal Em. I will be here waiting when you are ready.”

  I feel even more like an ass after he says that to me. I wave goodbye to everyone and leave.

  I walk out to the car and head for the passenger side.

  “You’re driving.” I tell Shay.

  “You hate it when I drive.”

  “I have been crying for two days, gotten my heart broken and my mom knows about Logan, so I think I can handle it this once.”

  “Oh, shit, your mom knows?”

  “Yes, Dee went over to her house this morning looking for Logan and evidently they just both assumed he was here.”

  Good assumption.

  “Ok, I will drive.”

  She slides over to the driver’s seat and I get in. She turns on the car and flips on the radio.

  “Oh girl, remember this song?”

  The one thing that can pull me out of a sullen mood is a great song. I used to get lost in rock music but since Logan and I have broken up, I can no longer listen to it. I listen to anything now as long as it talks nothing of roses and their thorns or feelings about making love. Just thinking of them makes me tear up.

  “Yes, turn it up. I need a good distraction.”

  We drive singing at the top of our lungs and dancing in the car. We are getting strange looks but I don’t care, I need to let loose of everything that has happened the last few days that is making me crazy.

  We pull up to my apartment building and walk up to the door. As we go in, I am pulled back to the moment Logan was one knee in front of me in the kitchen and us both crying.

  Shay must see the look on my face because she says, “You ok? You want to go shopping or something?”

  “No. I’m ok. I mean next week when the same thing happens and I’m here by myself, I will just have to get over it, you know?”

  “Yes. So can I ask what happened?”

  “I basically told him that I knew he cheated on me and he didn’t deny it. Although, it was pretty clear that he wasn’t going to offer the information up on his own.”

  “Did it happen all year?”

  “He said it didn’t. He also said that he never let it get as far as him actually sleeping with her and that he’s sorry and he still loves me. How do I believe any of that though?”

  Shay cocks her head to the side. “See? Maybe you just overreacted.”

  “Overreacted? Shay I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. Regardless how far he let it go, I saw him kiss another girl with my own eyes. That is not overreacting.”

  “I still can’t believe that you are taking up for him, you are MY best friend. I have never once taken a guy’s side over yours.”

  “Em, the difference is you and Logan are both my friends, I don’t want to see either of you hurt.”

  I can’t talk about this anymore, so I change the subject.

  “So what’s been going on with you and Tyler?”

  She hesitates for a moment, surprised that I changed gears, I guess. Then, I see a smile spread across her face.

  “He is amazing and sooo sweet.”

  “Have you ever even liked Tyler before now?”

  She looks down at her hands and I think I see a hint of embarrassment.

  “I guess I have just never looked at him in that way before. I’m not sure how though, you know those Moore boys are gorgeous.”

  She is right. Logan and Tyler could have any girl they wanted in the whole school. I know that I can hold my own with most of the girls from our school but I never really thought I was up to his league. I guess I wasn’t and that’s why I couldn’t keep him.

  “You know Tyler told me that after Logan came to see you at your house that first day, he came home and was completely lost; he just wasn’t himself. He said that he called his buddy and they all went out to the lake but he could tell Logan really didn’t want to be there.”

  “Did you tell him that Logan turned my world completely upside down when I found out what he did to me? Tell me, Shay, what would you do if you found out that the person you have loved for the last year was cheating with someone that he couldn’t have known for more a couple weeks?”

  “If I was with my soul mate, like Logan is yours, I would do everything in my power to forgive him. You only get one chance with the person you’re supposed to be with.”

  “So you’re saying that I should just let him sleep with whomever he wants so long as he comes home to me every day?”

  I don’t like where this conversation is going.

  “Do you really think Logan would do that?” Shay questions me.

  “Logan did do that,” I say to her.

&
nbsp; “He only did it once and I truly believe that he won’t do it again.”

  Now how the hell would she know that? She hasn’t been here when we have had our conversations. She didn’t see the look on his face when he found out I knew about his secret fling and I know for a fact that she wouldn’t just let it slide if the situation were reversed.

  “You date him then, Shay,” I say to her. “I thought we were talking about Tyler anyway?”

  Chapter 13

  *Emily*

  Shay’s phone buzzes and I get up to get something to drink. I look in the fridge, and start to ask her if she wants something, when she says, “Oh my God, Emily! Charles and Dee Moore were in a car accident and were just rushed to the hospital.”

  “Oh my gosh! Are they ok?”

  “I don’t know, he didn’t say. Emily, would you absolutely hate me if I left to be with Tyler?”

  “No, of course not. Go and let me know what’s going on when you find out, please.”

  She has a look of disbelief and I know what’s coming next.

  “Em, he will probably need you.”

  Damn it! Why is this happening?

  I can’t leave him to handle his parents in the hospital by himself, that would make me a horrible person, wouldn’t it? If for no other reason, I should at least go to make sure that Dee and Charles are ok.

  “Emily?” Shay asks.

  “Ok, OK. But I am only going to make sure Dee and Charles are ok!”

  “Fine, whatever, let’s go.”

  As we head out in my car, Shay calls Tyler to let him know that we are coming. I can only hear one end of the conversation but it sounds like Logan is not there. Why wouldn’t he be there? Of course, now my mind is going crazy trying to think of all the places that he would be instead of being at the hospital with his parents.

  That is when it hits me. If I were to get back with him, I would always have that little voice in the back of my mind asking where he really is, when he isn’t with me. Is that something that you can ever get past?

  “Tyler can’t get ahold of Logan to tell him about his parents. He doesn’t even know where he is. He gave me his number and wanted to know if you would call him?”

  “Of course I will. I don’t really want to talk to him but this isn’t about me; he needs to know about his parents. Did you get the details of where they are?”

  “Yes, they are at North hospital in town.”

  Shay dials Logan’s number for me and hands me the phone. It rings three times before he answers.

  “Hello?”

  “Logan, it’s Emily. Tyler just called Shayla and has been trying to get a hold of you.”

  “I know he’s been calling me, but you would think he would get the hint when I don’t answer after the fourth call.”

  “Well there is a good reason he keeps calling. Your parents were just in a car accident and are at North hospital.”

  Silence.

  “Shayla and I are headed that way but it is going to take us a couple hours before we can get there.”

  The phone clicks and I just look at the phone as if it’s going to explain why Logan just hung up.

  “What did he say?”

  “Nothing, he just listened and then he hung up. Maybe I shouldn’t be going, Shay. I said some pretty nasty things to him. I mean it’s going to be hard enough to see his parents in whatever kind of shape they will be in, he doesn’t need me hovering.”

  “He needs you, Emily.” She says and then we drive in silence.

  My phone starts to ring, “Hello?”

  “Hey, Em!”

  It’s my mother and she sounds upset.

  “Is everything ok?” I question her.

  That is all I need for the Moore’s to be in the hospital and something be wrong with my mom, too.

  “I am ok, I just thought you should know that Dee and Charles were just in an accident and it looks pretty bad.”

  “I know, we just heard. Shay and I are headed back that way.”

  “You both are coming?” I can hear the curiosity in her voice.

  “Yes, why wouldn’t I? I want to make sure they are ok, too.”

  “Well, I know sweetie but I just thought. . . Well, never mind what I thought, you two just be careful.”

  “We will. I will probably just drop Shay at the hospital and come to the house until we find out what’s going on. I’m sure Logan doesn’t want me at the hospital.”

  “Ok, sweetheart.” I can tell by the tone of her voice that she thinks otherwise.

  Am I really that transparent to everyone?

  “Bye, Mom; Love you.”

  “Love you, sweetie.”

  “Where is Logan?”

  “I don’t know. He literally said nothing.”

  “I can’t help but think that I shouldn’t be going, Shay. I feel like if he wanted me there he would have just told me.”

  “You two just got in a huge fight, he probably thought you wouldn’t come, even if he asked.”

  I know that I have been giving him hell, but I still probably would do anything for Logan. What can I say? I am a glutton for punishment.

  ***

  That has to have been the longest drive in history. We finally get to the hospital and I pull up to the ER door to let Shay out.

  She looks at me confused, “You aren’t coming in?”

  “No, I will be at moms, just keep me updated. Logan doesn’t want me here or he would have said so.”

  She still looks unsure but just says.

  “Ok.” She finally says and then she turns and walks in the hospital.

  I know this is right but why do I feel like an asshole? Logan and I aren’t together anymore. I can be a friend but I have to do it from a distance. If I want to keep my heart intact, I know that this is the right decision.

  I park in the driveway at moms and as I am walking up the steps to the door Mom opens it.

  “Hey baby.” She says with a somber voice.

  “So what happened to them?”

  “I’m not sure exactly. I just know that it was a very bad accident.”

  “Could this week possibly get any worse?” I say with a heavy heart.

  I head up to my old room in hopes I have some left over clothes to change into, for some reason it feels like this day is never ending.

  My mom says, “Be careful, Emily.”

  “I’m sure I will be fine just walking to my room mom,” I say to her, somewhat confused.

  “Where are the girls?” I say to her when I realize they are not there.

  “They are at Aunt Kathy’s house for the week before they go back to school. I am going run to the store for some food, I wasn’t expecting company. Be right back sweetie.”

  Aunt Kathy is my mom’s only sister. They are complete opposites. My mom has been responsible with children since she was twenty-two. Aunt Kathy on the other hand wouldn’t be tied down with children, if she were forced to. She has never been married and really has only steadily lived in only place for the last few years. She is a drifter but I love her and I wouldn’t have her any other way.

  We have gone to visit her, wherever she is living, since I was small. She can only handle having us for a week at a time, though. Any more than that and I think she would make us start drinking with her. Since I have started dating Logan, I have not gone to visit. I feel bad but I just couldn’t leave Logan.

  “Ok.”

  I walk to my room and open the door to find Logan sitting on my bed, with a pair of emerald greens piercing through me.

  “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at the hospital?”

  And, why didn’t my mom tell me you were up here.

  “Does my mom know you’re here?” I ask him.

  I wouldn’t put it past him to break in through my window as he has done so many times in the past. I feel a wave of sadness consume me as the thought of Logan climbing through my window, in the middle of the night brings back memories that I didn’t want to think about at the
moment.

  “Yes, when you told me you were coming back, I came over here.”

  “How did you know that I wouldn’t stay at the hospital?”

  He kind of half ass smiles.

  “Because I know you, Em. You would have put too much thought into staying at the hospital with me. You probably thought that if someone saw us together they would get the wrong impression. And heaven forbid someone think we are still together.”

  “We aren’t together Logan.”

  He stands and starts to walk toward me. My heart rate picks up when I see the look on his face. He has sadness in his eyes and his demeanor breaks my heart. I know it is taking all he has to be strong.

  “No, Logan don’t look at me like that.”

  The way he is looking at me at this very moment, I know I will do anything for this man. I am completely helpless to him. After a few minutes, I remember why we are not together anymore and start thinking with my head instead of my heart. I put my hands up to stop him from coming any further.

  “Please, just for a moment can we not fight? Can I just hold you in my arms? It’s for me, Emily. I need this. You don’t have to feel anything for me, but you are the only person that can calm me.”

  All I can think about is how I can make his pain go away. Just like him, I am tired of the last two days of fighting, the crying, the nightmares, and the drinking. I just want to be in Logan’s arms. Even though I shouldn’t, I feel the safest there and just for a little while, that’s where I want to be.

  I close the small distance between us and look up at him. He moves his hands on my arms. I close my eyes at the feel of him touching me.

  “I have missed you so much, Em,” he says as he wraps me in his arms.

  My body melts into Logan’s as we are wrapped in each other. I inhale his fresh scent, my favorite scent in the world. I have missed him so much. He is crying and I don’t know what it is about seeing a man cry but it makes me cry, even more.

  “What did they say at the hospital?”

  “Just that they think Mom is going to be ok; she has a broken leg, cuts, and bruises. But my dad is…” He has to stop for a moment to clear his throat, “He is in a coma. There was a lot of trauma and apparently his body couldn’t handle it.”