by Nicki Rae
I wipe away his tears because I can longer stand to see him cry.
“Logan I am so sorry. What can I do to help?”
“Just stay with me please. I don’t know if I can handle this on my own.”
“Ok.” I say simply.
“Do you want to go to the hospital?”
“No, I just talked to Tyler and told him that I need some sleep and that I would be back in a couple hours. He said he would call if anything changed.”
“Logan, are you sure you don’t want to be there for your parents? What if something happens and you’re not there? You would never forgive yourself.”
“I’m…not going to forgive myself anyway,” he looks away.
“Why?” I ask him, confused.
“They were out looking for me when all this happened. I never came home last night, or today, and they were worried. So they were out looking for me and…”
He is bawling and I can do nothing but hug him to let him know that I am here.
“Logan, they could have been out doing anything when they were hit. It isn’t your fault.”
“Em. Please, just stay with me until I know what’s going on with my parents and after that, I promise I will leave you alone.”
I feel the giant lump forming in my throat. I know what has happened between us and I know that I am supposed to be mad at him, and maybe I will be later. But right now, he needs me and I can’t just leave him like this. I would never forgive myself if I did and something happened to him. I take his hand and lead him over to my bed.
“Why don’t we just take a nap and then go back to the hospital? We can talk about that later.”
He nods his head in agreement.
“Logan?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Where were you today when I called? And why did you just hang up on me without saying a word?”
He is quiet for a few seconds.
“I was at our spot, Em. After you said all of those things to me and I realized you were right to be so mad, I had to go there. It just feels like when I am there you are with me and I needed you in that moment, even if it was just you in spirit. Because even your spirit is pure, Emily. And I felt like I needed your pureness to save me.”
I really wish that I wasn’t supposed to hate him right now because that is the most beautiful thing that anyone has ever said to me. I don’t have a clue what to say to that so I just lay down next to him and put my head on his shoulder. If we’re going to pretend, we might as well pretend the right way.
“Em, I don’t think we have ever slept together in your bed before.”
I smile as I feel his smile on my forehead.
“Do you think we’ll get in trouble?” he says and I laugh.
“I hope so.”
He kisses my forehead and we both fall asleep.
Chapter 14
*Emily*
“Logan your phone is ringing.”
I grab the phone from the nightstand and hand it to him.
“Tyler, what’s going on, man?”
“You should probably get down here. Mom wants to see you.”
“Ok, we’ll be there in a minute, tell Mom I love her.”
“Yeah, sure thing.”
“Mom wants to see me, so we should probably get going.”
“Logan, are you sure I should be going? I mean we aren’t together and I don’t want to give your parents the wrong idea.”
He looks at me sternly. “My mom will probably be happier to see you than she will be me.”
I doubt that.
“Ok, if you say so.”
We head down the stairs and my mom is watching television in the living room, she looks somewhat surprised to see us.
“Everything ok?”
“My mom is asking to see me, so we are heading to the hospital.” Logan assures my mom.
She still looks a little unsure.
“Both of you are going?”
“Yes mom, both of us are going.” I reassure her.
“Ok, well please let me know if I can help in any way.”
“We will mom, bye, love you.” I say to her as I give her a kiss on the cheek before Logan and I head to the hospital.
I head for my car and then change my mind.
“Can I ride with you?”
“Are you seriously asking me that?” he says and he tries to smile but I can tell it’s forced.
“Yes, Logan. I don’t want to push myself on you. This is a trying time for both of us.”
“You can push yourself on me anytime you want, babe.” The sides of his lips curve up into a beautifully mischievous smile.
That is the Logan I remember. He makes every statement into something it is not. And I love it.
He starts the truck up and the music starts blaring. He turns it off but not before, I hear what he is playing. He is torturing himself. I know he is listening to our song, over and over again.
“Logan . . .”
“Emily, I will listen to it if I damn well please. I may kick my own ass for it later but right now this is what I want.”
“All right then. But let me kick your ass later and say, I told you so.”
He glares over at me and I smile at him. He huffs and continues to drive.
So many memories come roaring back to life like the motor of the truck. We went everywhere in this truck. My cheeks flush as I remember some of the things that may have happened in the bed of this truck. And in the cab of this truck…
I sneak a glance at Logan who is now smiling like he knows what I am thinking about. Of course, he knows what I am thinking about, the last time I was in this truck…
“It doesn’t have to be the last time, Em. We have the rest of our lives to enjoy in this truck.”
“We had the rest of our lives, Logan.” I say frowning.
“Emily, I know I told you that I would leave you alone after this ordeal with my parents but I can’t promise that I won’t try like hell to get you back until then. I love you and I miss you. I know I fucked up and I wish you would believe me when I tell you that it wasn’t all that it seemed. I still get sick to my stomach when I think about it. Every time I went to pick up the phone to call you, I just didn’t feel like I had any right.”
“Logan, I could probably have handled that, if you would have just talked to me; we would have figured some way to get through it. The one part of this that still gets me is that I’m still not convinced that you were not going to tell me at all.”
“I know it looks that way, Emily, but I promise you that I was going to. I know my word doesn’t mean squat right now, but you’ll just have to let me prove it to you.”
“I don’t have to just let you do anything. Let’s just worry about getting your parents better.”
“Fair enough,” he concedes.
He puts his hand on my knee while he drives the rest of the way to the hospital. And I lace my fingers in his. I know I shouldn’t but I feel like he needs my support right now and I can’t show him any other way.
***
We are parking in the hospital parking lot, when we see Tyler outside, smoking.
“I didn’t know Tyler smoked?” I question Logan.
“I didn’t either,” he says.
We walk up to him and he quickly puts out the cigarette.
“Since when, man?” Logan says.
“Not all the time, just when I’m real stressed,” Tyler says as Shay comes walking out of the hospital.
“Why don’t you guys head out and get some rest while Em and I go in to see mom?” Logan says and they agree.
Tyler and Logan shake as Shay and I hug then they head out.
I look over at Logan, “Are you ready for this?”
His head is down and I can see how tense he is. I know he won’t tell me but he is not ready for this.
“Yep,” he answers and I see him straighten and his confidence returns. I don’t know where he is getting it but I am in awe of how he transforms himself so easily; I would be a mess bo
th inside and out.
We walk in the hospital and Logan stops, “What am I gonna do if Dad…” He trails off and my throat tightens; so much for that confidence. I will give it to him, he tried.
“He will come through Logan, we have to think positive.”
He looks away for a few seconds, he then takes my hand, squeezes it, and we continue to walk. We round the corner to where Dee should be and there is an empty bed. I see him look around, a little annoyed. I know he isn’t thinking straight so I look around for a nurse.
“We are Dee Moore’s children, isn’t she supposed to be in this room?” I ask.
“Yes, she is off having an X-Ray at the moment; she should be back any time,” Kelly says.
Thank goodness.
“How about Charles Moore? Can we see him?”
She looks from me to Logan and then says, “Who did you say you were?”
I start to answer but Logan speaks up, “I am Logan Moore, their son. And, this is Emily Jenkins, she is with me.”
Kelly nods her head in the direction of Charles’ room and says, “Right this way.”
I notice Logan is shaking a little and I turn to look at him when Kelly says, “This is Mr. Moore’s room.”
“May we go in?”
“You may but keep in mind that he is in a coma, so he isn’t moving or talking. You can talk to him, he may or may not hear you, but don’t get discouraged. Keeping a positive attitude is the only way to get through this type of situation.” She gives Logan’s arm a squeeze for encouragement and walks back to the nurses’ station.
“Do you want to go in by yourself, Logan?”
He is looking straight at the door; however, I don’t believe he is even seeing it. I can only imagine his mind is going in a million different directions.
“Yes, I want to talk to him for just a minute. Are you ok with that?”
“Of course, Logan.” I say incredulously.
He takes a deep breath and starts to walk to the door of the room but I stop him. He looks at me a little irritated until I reach up and give him a kiss on the cheek.
“He is going to make it Logan. You are very strong, you can do this.”
Tears are flooding his cheeks. He is breaking my heart but a different way this time.
*Logan*
As soon as I enter the room, I immediately wish I had brought Emily in with me. Looking at my dad with all those monitors and tubes coming out of him, I suddenly feel sick to my stomach. This is my fault; they shouldn’t be going through this.
I take a deep breath and move to his bed side.
“Dad, I am so sorry! I have been acting like a child for the past couple of months.”
I sit in the chair next to his bed. I don’t know what else to say to him and remember that Emily is in the hall. I look at her watching through the window. She smiles and waves at me. Her warmth and her compassion, that’s what I need. I begin telling him the only thing that is on my mind.
“I really fucked up. The one woman who has ever loved me and I break her heart. I really need your advice about this, and I should have come to you in the first place and none of this would be happening. I love her so much, Dad. And I just don’t know what I will do if I lose you and her both.”
I drop my head to my hands. How did we get to this point? I was right when I told Em that I am a selfish bastard. I think of no one but myself. If I had kept my shit together, none of this would be going on. Em and I would be happy and my parents wouldn’t be sitting in the hospital.
I can’t handle it anymore. I squeeze my father’s lifeless shoulder and head for the door.
*Emily*
It’s so hard to watch him in there with his dad. He isn’t even crying. That’s not a good thing, is it? He should be emotional, anything other than silence. He starts to get up and head for the door and I have to compose myself; I have to be strong for him.
“Are you ok?” I ask when he turns around to look at his dad again before shutting the door.
“He is lying in there with all that shit hooked up to him and it is my fault; no, I’m not really ok.”
I wish I knew what to say to him to make him feel better. I don’t so I just put my arms around him and he hugs me as if I’m his next breath.
“We need to go see if your mom is back in her room now.”
He takes my hand and we walk toward his mom’s room. When we get to the room, she is asleep. Logan starts shaking with anger when he sees the cuts all over her face. She has a cast all the way up her left leg and various bandages on both of her arms.
We stand there a minute and then decide to let her rest. We turn to walk out of the room when she says, “Where are the two of you going?”
We stop walking and just look at each other, then turn to face her.
“Emily, can you please give me a minute with my son?”
“Of course, Mrs. Moore.”
I give Logan a reassuring look and head to the hallway.
*Logan*
I walk over to my mom and kiss her cheek, “I am so glad you’re ok.”
She glares at me, “I would ask, ‘What was so important the last two days that you haven’t answered any of my calls,’ but I see the answer is standing in the hallway.”
I deserved that.
“I’m sorry mom. I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“Well, Logan, it did happen. Your father may never wake up again because you couldn’t pick up your phone and tell us you were ok. I know you and Emily have been having a rough time but son, you need to be respectful of your family. We have been here for you since you told us what you did to that poor girl and this is what we get in return? You need to get your head together. If you want to be with her, there needs to be no more playing around. If you don’t, then leave her be. Emily deserves at least that much from you.”
I can’t argue with her, she is absolutely right.
“So, when are you getting out of here?”
She takes a minute to calm herself down before she answers, “I’m not sure, yet. The Doctor is supposed to be in this evening to let me know.”
She looks away in tears and then back to me, “How can I leave here, Logan, while we’re not sure if your father . . .”
She is crying hard and now I am crying. I walk over and sit on the edge of her bed, and hug her, hard.
“I’m so sorry.”
That’s all I can say. I hold my mom while she cries over something that is my fault and I can’t fix.
“Mom you need to rest. If something happens with Dad, I promise I will let you know.”
She shakes her head in agreement. She lays her head back and even though she is trying to relax, all I hear from her is sobs. I kiss her forehead, turn down her lights, and head out to the hall to see if I can find something out about my dad.
Chapter 15
*Emily*
Logan opens the door and I expect to see sadness in face but what I see is determination. I look at him questioningly.
“You ok?”
“I need to find a doctor or nurse and check on my dad and then we need to talk.”
I can’t read him. “Ok.”
We go back to Charles’ room and find a nurse in with him and Logan says, “Has there been any change with him?”
She shakes her head.
“Will the doctor be in soon?”
“Unless there is a change, he is scheduled to be in later this evening to check on him. You should try to get something to eat and relax for a bit. This type of situation can really wear on you.”
“Thank you ma’am,” Logan says as she leaves the room.
I go over and give Mr. Moore a kiss on the forehead and whisper, “Your family really misses you and would love it if you would wake up.”
I pull back and look at him, and he just lies there with all of the machines beeping and I look up at Logan. He is just watching me; he is obviously thinking the same as me. He puts his hand on his shoulder for a moment and then we head out of
the room. Once we get in the hall Logan grabs my hand and says to me, “We are going to the café, I need to eat and we need to talk.”
With as much determination as he has in his voice, I don’t even question, I just follow.
*Logan*
Up to the point that I talked to my mom, I wasn’t sure that my plan to get Emily back was going to happen. But regardless of what she wants, it’s going to because my family and that includes Emily, needs me, and its time I get my head out of my ass and step up.
We get to the café and as I grab some food, I notice that Emily only gets coffee.
“You really should get some food, babe. I don’t know how long we will be here.”
“I don’t think I can eat right now.”
“Promise me that if you need something, you’ll let me know.”
“I will, Logan. I don’t want to make the situation worse by something happening to me, too. So, what are we talking about?”
I start eating a couple minutes to give myself time to figure out exactly what I’m going to tell her.
“When I came home this summer, the first person I had to see was you.”
“Logan… ” I stop her with my hand.
“No, let me get this out. We need to concentrate on my parents and we can’t with all this tension. I know that I have been an asshole. When it was time to come home, I knew that I couldn’t take away the pain that I had already caused, but I was determined to get you back one way or another. You are my life, Emily.
“When I got back to town, I knew that I needed to see you and try to make it up to you. I was excited as hell when Tyler told me that you and Shay would be at the bon fire that night. I didn’t want to ruin your night, though, so I decided that I would give you the night but I would be at your house first thing the next morning.
“I got up and headed to your house, not even sure if you would talk to me but I had to try. When Becca told me that you were ok with talking to me, I was going over what I was going to say to you the whole way up the stairs. But when I walked in the door, everything I was thinking was gone. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and I started mentally kicking myself, again, for fucking up what we had.
“We started talking and you told me you were leaving for college in a few days, and I panicked. Before I could get out what I wanted to say, you threw me out. I thought maybe I was making a mistake and that I had no chance but I just couldn’t give up. Then you fucking left and didn’t say a word to me. I was in a bad place, real fucking bad.