Lather

by Nicki Rae

  She is eyeing me skeptically, “I just can’t help but think that one of you is going to come out of this hurt.”

  “I told Logan that I would help him through whatever happens with his parents, that’s all this is. Once I see that they are ok, I will step back, and we will continue with our lives.”

  “Is that how this is going to work?” I hear Logan’s voice from behind us.

  SHIT! I turn to look at him and the hurt in his face breaks my heart. I walk over to him and start to say, “Logan…” He stops me

  “Don’t, Emily.”

  “Please, Logan, let me explain”

  “Explain what, Emily? That you were just leading me on? Maybe we are better off apart, we seem to do nothing but hurt each other.”

  “I... I’m sorry, Logan. Maybe I should stay at my mom’s tonight.”

  He just stares straight ahead, “Maybe you should.”

  As much as it hurts me to see him hurt from both his parents and me, I think this is the probably for the best right now. Things were just moving too fast. I head out of the kitchen and grab my purse before I realize that I don’t have my car.

  Shay is running after me. “Emily, I will give you a ride.”

  “It’s ok, Shay, I can have my mom come and get me; you should stay with Tyler.”

  “No, I think Logan needs him right now.”

  Hearing her say that, makes me burst into tears, “I know because I fucked everything up, didn’t I? By sleeping with him again, our chances of getting back together are gone.”

  Shay hugs me, “Let’s go girl, I think you need to sleep.”

  We get in Tyler’s truck and Shay says, “I’m staying with you tonight.”

  “Ok,” I whisper, still wiping my tears.

  We walk in the house and my mom has already gone to bed. I head to the kitchen and grab a bottle of my mom’s wine then we go up to my room to drown my sorrows, again, but this time it’s my own fault.

  Chapter 17

  *Logan*

  Tyler walks up to his room and when he comes back down, he has a bottle in his hand.

  “This should do the trick,” he says as he sits the bottle down on the table and gets some shot glasses.

  “Shay just texted and said that she is worried about Em, so she is staying over with her. Let’s just play some cards and drink. I don’t know about you but I have had a shitty day.”

  “Are you not pissed at me?”

  He doesn’t look up as he pours us a shot and then starts shuffling the cards, “Look man, that could have easily been me that Mom and Dad were out there looking for, I get it. Do I hate what happened to them, fuck yeah I do but being pissed at you isn’t going solve anything. And at least I don’t have female problems on top of everything else.”

  He says as he picks up his shot and hands mine to me. I take my shot and feel it burn as it goes down.

  “Did Shay say if Emily was drinking?”

  Tyler looks at me confused, “Emily doesn’t drink?”

  I close my eyes as I shake my head, “Apparently I drove her to it.”

  “Damn, man. No, she just said she was worried, nothing about drinking. Why don’t we just play cards and try to get our minds off everything.”

  I agree and after every few hands, we take a shot, “You really into Shay, man?”

  “Yeah, she is smart and funny and doesn’t give me shit about everything I do.”

  My brother did well in school but he isn’t the college type. He has worked for the same construction company since the summer before he was a sophomore. Since he is finished in school, he is going full time with them and is making pretty good money. I wouldn’t be surprised if Shay and he moved in together soon. He has never really been a one woman kind of guy; as far as I know, he hasn’t been with anyone but Shay, since they started dating.

  “You know that fucker Justin works with Emily?”

  Tyler takes a minute to try to remember who Justin is. When it registers with him, he says, “Small world, huh? Does he go to Ball State, too?”

  “I guess, I haven’t asked her about that. But I think he wants her. I can’t let that happen.”

  “That must have been why he was being such a dick at the lake.”

  I hadn’t thought of that but if that is the case, that means Emily has told him about me. That makes me feel a little better. Even if that makes me an asshole, I am glad to know that she couldn’t be with anyone else. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that makes me an asshole. I laugh to myself and continue to beat my brothers’ ass at cards.

  *Emily*

  “Emily, let it go. Tomorrow we’ll all go to the hospital and everything will be ok.”

  “You think I should still go? I mean I told Logan I would be there for him, but am I what he needs right now?”

  “You either need to be together or not. Going back and forth is really getting old.”

  Shay is right. We have drank the entire bottle of wine and I am feeling pretty relaxed. I stumble over to my bed and pass out.

  I wake up to hands shaking me. I open my eyes to Logan and I can tell by his eyes and the way he smells that he has been drinking. In my own drunken state, I barely remember the day before.

  “Did something happen with your parents?” He just shakes his head.

  I am confused, “Then why are you here?”

  “Because, Emily, even though you have no intentions of staying with me after this ordeal, I need to be close to you. And, although I may kick my ass for it later, I need you now. So, you’re going to have to deal with me whether you want to or not. Now, scoot your ass over and let me lay down.”

  He really falls down, I’m not sure how he got up to my room as drunk as he is or my house, come to think of it.

  “How did you get here Logan?”

  “I called a cab.”

  I laugh in disbelief, “You could have called, I’m sure my mom would have come to get you.”

  “No sense in waking her, I have already caused enough damage to my parents with my antics. No need to put yours at danger, too.”

  What a sad response. I suddenly feel the need to hold him. I put my hand on his chest as I lay my head on his shoulder.

  “Logan your dad is going to pull through, you’ll see.”

  “I just want to enjoy sleeping with you tonight, please? We can talk about my parents in the morning?”

  “Ok, Logan.”

  Shortly after he kisses me on my forehead, I hear his breathing even out and I know he is sleeping. I close my eyes to try to get some sleep but my mind just starts to race. I know that it will break his heart, who am I kidding, it will break my heart as well. But as soon as this thing with his parents is over, or there is good news about his father, I will have to head back to school. I shouldn’t be leading Logan on any more than I am.

  Am I leading him on? It was so easy for me to come to his side when I found out about his parents. I slept with him again without even a second thought. Is that something that I can really give up? I really want to talk to my mom about this. She never judges and always supports any of my decisions, but I think this is something that I need to work out for myself. But how can I do that while I am with Logan all the time.

  Blah! All I am doing is thinking in circles. I feel like all this shit that keeps happening is just lathering up and getting worse! I need to get some sleep. I turn over to get more comfortable. I close my eyes and fall into a restless sleep.

  “Wake up!” Shayla is yelling at me.

  I open one eye to see her bouncing next to me on my bed. I sigh and roll over.

  “Shay it’s nine am, aren’t you the one that likes to sleep all day? Why are you here so early?”

  “I’m here to take you out for a spa day for your birthday, you grouch. Get up!”

  “I don’t think they are open this early, come back later.”

  I roll over trying to get more comfortable.

  “No. get up we have to go.”

  I gingerly get up.

&n
bsp; Shay doesn’t know it but I had a little too much to drink last night. I squint my eyes, letting them get adjusted to the light.

  “Give me a few minutes to get ready.”

  I pick my phone up off my stand, hoping for a missed message or call. My screen had nothing but the time displayed. I set my phone back down in disappointment. It’s early Em, give it time.

  Ten minutes later, I am ready to go. I pick up my keys and put on my sunglasses to keep the sun away from my pounding head.

  We all get to the spa and as I am lying down, ready to get my massage, my phone chirps. My heart starts racing.

  “Hold on.” I tell the masseuse and hold up one finger to him.

  I walk over to my purse and check my phone. My heart plummets; it’s only my friend, Missy, telling me happy birthday.

  I quickly respond with a half-hearted, “Thank You”

  My day continues like this, every social media notification I get, I race to see who it is.

  By the end of the day, my family and Shay are so disappointed in me.

  They made these big elaborate plans at the spa and lunch and I was such a downer all day, thanks to Logan Fucking Moore!

  He never called me that day, or any other day.

  I hate him!

  I wake up to the sun beating in my eyes. I turn over to see that Logan is still asleep. So I get up carefully as not to wake him. I check my phone for any messages. None but I do see that it’s getting late and I think Logan needs to get back to the hospital. I go to wake Shay who is in Becca’s room.

  “Shay, wake up.”

  She pops one eye open to look at me, “Is something wrong?”

  I laugh; she really could sleep all day if someone would let her.

  “No, it’s just getting late in the morning and I wanted to know if you had heard from Tyler?”

  “He texted me early and said that Logan was on his way to let him know if he started any shit.”

  “Ok. I am going to take Logan back to his house, so he can go back to the hospital.”

  She has both eyes open now, “You aren’t going with him?”

  I shake my head, “No, I will stay in town but I just need some space, right now.”

  “Whatever you need, I guess.”

  I know she doesn’t approve, but this is just something that needs to happen.

  As I am walking back in my room, I hear Logan on the phone, so I stand at the door and listen.

  “So, he is waking up? No, that is great news. I will call my brother and we will head back, right away. Thanks for calling, Doctor.”

  I hear him moving around trying to put his pants back on. I walk in and he looks so happy when he looks up at me, which makes me hate myself even more for what I’m about to do.

  “The hospital just called, my dad is waking up! We need to get going, now.”

  I smile weakly, “That’s great Logan, I am so glad to hear that! I will run you to your house, so you and Tyler can go back to the hospital.”

  He immediately stops what he is doing and looks up at me, “You’re coming, too.” He says very matter of fact.

  “I can’t Logan. I need some time to think.”

  “You promised to stay with me until I got through this. What the fuck, Emily?”

  “I will be here for you, I didn’t lie about that. I will just be staying here. You can call or text me at any time. You just need to focus on getting your parents better. I need to focus on figuring out what I want to do with us.” I move my hand to the space between him and me.

  He closes his eyes, like he is trying to rein himself in or something. After a few minutes of soul searching or whatever it is he is thinking about he says simply, “Ok, Emily, let’s go. I don’t have time for this shit.”

  We walk out to the hallway and Shay is coming out at the same time.

  “Shay I need you to give me a ride back to my house. Tyler and I need to get back to the hospital, my father is waking up.”

  I look over to Logan, “I told you I would take you.”

  “No need to put yourself out, but thanks.”

  Shay looks from me to him and then shakes her head. She follows Logan down the stairs, they walk out the door, and I am left standing there. I know that I made this happen but why do I feel so alone?

  I turn to go back to my room and my mother is standing right there.

  “Good morning,” she says to me and I instantly start to cry.

  She comes over and gives me a hug.

  “Why don’t we go to the kitchen and I will make you some breakfast.”

  I shrug my shoulders and follow her to the kitchen. I sit at the table while Mom starts to make me some pancakes.

  “Tell me what’s going on Emily.”

  I blow out a long breathe and wonder where I should begin. I should probably just spill everything, it will make her understand easier, what’s going on. Not wanting to look at her while I talk, I look down at my hands, feeling somewhat ashamed.

  “I know why Logan hasn’t been talking to me. In fact, I knew the whole time what was going on. I just couldn’t understand why he didn’t call me and tell me to take a hike, which is still confusing to me. That is why I still had some hope. Then, when he came home and just thought, I should allow him back in my life, like nothing happened; it really pissed me off. Then he followed Shay to my house and . . .” At this, she stops me.

  “What do you mean he followed Shay to your house? And what did he do?” She gives me a stern look.

  I tell her about my visit to him that weekend and what I saw and then proceed to tell her about him following Shay. She is very quiet at all this information.

  “Why are you still around him, Emily?” she finally says as she sets down our plates.

  “Well, when you and I talked on the phone and I told you we had just had a very good talk and I thought we could start to move on is when Shay and I got the call about The Moore’s accident. I talked with Logan and he sounded so lost. I told him that I would help him get through this situation with his parents.”

  She puts her fork down on her plate and looks at me. And I know what’s coming next.

  “Do you believe him about him being sorry and that he only slept with someone else once?”

  I was not expecting that at all. I was sure I was going to get a tongue lashing about Logan not being a good guy.

  “I mean, how do I know that for sure? I keep telling myself that I believe him that I want to give him a second chance but then little things happen and I just don’t know if I can get passed the cheating. What do I do, mom?”

  I can see her eyes glass over a little and I can tell she is thinking about my dad.

  “As much as I want to tell you how to handle this situation, Emily. This is something that you have to work out on your own. You know what happened between your father and me, I just hope that you will make a decision based on what you want and what you believe rather than doing what you think is expected of you. Your father not being around was hard, when you first started dating Logan. After I got to know him, though, I knew that you were safe with him. I just can’t believe what you’ve told me. I just have one question. What happens when he goes back to school?”

  I left that part out. I wasn’t sure how she was going to react to the whole cheating thing and figured that part was probably not going to matter to her anyway.

  “He told me he is moving back. He wants to be close to me, and now with his parents, he needs to be closer.”

  She sits there a minute, absorbing what I just told her.

  “Emily, I don’t want my past with your father to rule how you live your life. You have your own beliefs and your own way to live your life. Let that be the way you come to your conclusion about Logan.”

  I am a little confused at this.

  “Mom, you have always told us girls we shouldn’t allow things like this to happen, why are you telling me this now?”

  “I’m not going to tell you that I condone cheating or that Logan h
andled the situation the best, because he didn’t. But I don’t want you to be a bitter person because of it either. Regret and resentment are horrible things to live with. If you feel that you believe him and want to try and make things work, then you should do so. If you can’t move past the cheating, then you need to tell Logan. You both will hurt but you are both so young, you will get past it.”

  I think that is all I needed to hear.

  “Thanks, Mom. I was a little worried what you would say when I told you but I am very glad we had this talk.”

  “You’re welcome, sweetie. That is what I am for. So, what are you going to do?”

  “I’m not sure yet. I think I’m going to call Logan and check with him and go from there.”

  “Ok, let me know if I can help.”

  I smile, “You have helped tremendously already.”

  I kiss my mother on the cheek and walk to my room. I go over to my nightstand, where I left my phone. I am a little disappointed when I don’t have a call or text from Logan. Why would I? I basically just broke it off with him. I dial him and am disappointed again when it goes to voicemail. I hang up without leaving a message.

  Chapter 18

  *Emily*

  I text Shay.

  Me: How is everything going?

  I wait a few minutes before I get an answer back

  Shay: Tyler and Logan are in with their dad.

  Me: How is Logan?

  Shay: Rough.

  Me: Ok.

  I walk towards the bathroom to take a hot shower. I need to get my thoughts straight. I am tired of all this back and forth shit.

  Two hours later, I am walking into the hospital. I see Shay sitting in the chair outside Dee’s room.

  “How’s it going?”

  “Dee is getting ready to be released. Charles is showing signs of progress and the Doctors expect him to wake up anytime.”

  “Good! Where are the guys?” I say looking around.

  “They are still with Charles. I was sitting with Dee but they took her to get a last x-ray, so I came out here to sit. I can’t be in that room anymore.”

  I understand what she means, I kind of felt that way yesterday, watching Logan with his dad.