by Atul Todi
He did not have the heart to tell her that it was not love.
She called him boring and outdated. She told him that in his books he preached about falling in love and finding that special someone. What he was telling her was a contradiction to what Bugsy preached to the world. Young people read his novel with hope, wishing to fall in love and experience the magic.
Abhay had no answer for her; he didn't know how to tell her that love was painful. He didn't know how to tell her that the road to finding true love meant a lot of hardship and heartbreaks. Only a lucky few found their soulmate, the rest sulked in misery, reminiscing what it would have been like if they found love.
Like a fatherly figure, he felt responsible for giving her the correct advice. He wanted her to be safe and make the right decisions in life. Practical outlook to life was the need of the hour; love only sounded good in novels.
Unable to convince her, he decided to move ahead. Without arguing with her, he took her to the winemaking facility where a new lot of freshly picked grapes had to be crushed.
While most of the grapes went into the mechanical grape-press for the crushing, Anna had installed a small traditional wooden vessel, where visitors would experience traditional by foot stomping. Abhay knew Khushi would love crushing the grapes, so he made special arrangements for her.
Washing their feet, they both entered the wooden enclosure that had been filled with dark burgundy coloured grapes. Squashing the grapes under their feet, they made a big mess. With farmers cheering them up, they danced and fought in that ten by ten foot wooden container.
Covered in grapes, having squashed every fruit under their foot, they finally decided to call it quits.
Having fun with Khushi around, Abhay had forgotten that she was just there to know his story. Walking back home to change up, it was past 4 pm and the sun was about to set. Khushi reminded him that he was meant to continue with the story.
She waited patiently, as they got into comfortable clothes and rode to the lake later that evening. Watching the sunset, they quietly fed the fishes that seemed to have been waiting for them. Finding Abhay lost in his thoughts, she asked him, "So you reached Panama City, then what happened?"
Without going into too much detail, he told Khushi that after reaching Panama City, they met the girls at a club and partied till late night. While he was still following Precious around in the club, Tia blew away his mind that night. With help from Miranda and Sophie, she had transformed from a nerdy girl into a princess that night. Wearing a red dress, with astonishingly high heels, she looked breathtaking. Adorned with a nose-ring, earrings, and bangles, she stood out in the crowd, like a bohemian diva.
Khushi was surprised to hear the new description of Tia and wanted to see a picture. Abhay promised to show it to her later and continued the story.
That night, while the group drank and danced till late night, Tia decided to break away and dance in the rain. Carefree and a little tipsy, she twirled and screamed in the rain. Stomping and splashing around in the rain, she rediscovered the little Indian girl she had left behind in Delhi when her family moved to the US.
Surprised to hear that Tia got drunk, Khushi asked: "So what happened? Did you dance with her? Did you guys make out in the rain? Just like they do in Bollywood movies."
Khushi waited for some romantic details.
Wondering what kids her age were doing in schools those days, he said, "No, we did not. She was soaking wet and falling sick. I took her back to the place she was staying at."
"Went back to her place. Hmmm… what happened after that?" With a twinkle in her, Khushi wanted to know more. She was expecting something scandalous to happen next. Abhay did not disappoint her.
Remembering that night, he told her what happened.
Once they got back to her hotel suite, a luxury apartment right next to the beach, she asked him to get out of his wet clothes and gave him one of her oversized sweatshirt and pajamas. She on the other hand changed into a cute pink satin nightdress; a tiny nightgown that hardly covered her wet skin.
Abhay wondered if Tia had put on one of her sorority sister’s nightdress; it was clearly not something he imagined her to be wearing.
Stumbling and falling all over the place, they both were quite drunk. Two drunken souls in an empty hotel room was an extremely dangerous situation. To make sure he didn't do anything stupid, Abhay decided to make some hot tea and distract himself from looking at Tia.
She looked quite sexy in her wet look.
Tia on the other hand, sat by the bar table next to the kitchenette and teased him about how cute he looked in her pajamas. She told him that if Precious saw him like that, she would not be able to control herself.
Tia was turning out to be very intriguing and Abhay was happily surprised. He admired her exaggerated expression when she talked about Abhay chasing Precious.
Later as they both sat in an awkward silence, sipping on the tea, like a light-bulb she remembered the promise Abhay had made: he was going to make her smoke-up. She wanted to experience the kick people got from it and she wanted to do it that night when no one else was around.
Abhay hesitated a little from telling Khushi more about it. Sensing his discomfort, Khushi said, "So she wanted to smoke marijuana, and she did it with you for the first time that night. Come on tell me more, I know all about it. This is just crazy; I can't imagine a girl like Tia smoking up."
Abhay was surprised by Khushi's knowledge about marijuana, but for the sake of the story, he decided to go ahead and tell her the story the way it happened.
Tia took out some marijuana from Sophie’s bag and handed it to Abhay. While he rolled a ‘joint' for her, she decided to stop drinking the tea and poured herself a scotch on the rocks. She was a bag full of surprises, and a surprise that Abhay did not mind at all. To find a girl who could handle scotch on-the-rocks was like finding a rare gem in a store full of diamonds.
Abhay had pictured Tia as a good Indian girl who did not drink, smoke or party. His image of her as a thick spectacled nerd was shattered that night.
He asked her how she began drinking scotch-on-the-rocks.
Supposedly she learnt it from seeing her dad and would sneak into his liquor cabinet and drink his scotch with her brother when they were growing up. The whole story about her not drinking, that she had earlier told him, was just a farce. She usually drank when no one was around.
With the sun slowly rising over the ocean, pushing away the dark clouds, they sat in the balcony. Tucked under one blanket to stay warm, they smoked marijuana and quietly listened to the waves crashing on the beach.
Initially, she took small drags and coughed. She complained about how bad it was, but continued to smoke. They both took turns taking a hit from the rolled ‘joint’. He showed her the right way to smoke and she quickly learnt.
After a few rounds of smoking the ‘joint’, she looked Abhay straight into his eyes and told him that it did nothing to her. She did not see why her friends liked to smoke up all the time and claim that it made them happy. She fumbled with her words and laughed incessantly.
Taking long drags, she blew the smoke on Abhay's face.
By that time he was already high. Maybe it was Tia being chirpy that made the marijuana feel more potent than it was. But he sat there smiling at her; watching her made him feel happy.
Soon after they were done with the first ‘joint' and started smoking the second, Tia got a little jittery. She was hallucinating.
Holding him tight, she started to freak out, telling him that she felt like she was falling. Before Abhay could help her calm down, she told him that the building was shaking, and they were all going to die.
He tried to make her drink some water, but it was pointless. Digging her nails into his arms, she told him that she could hear noises from far away. She claimed that there were spirits, and they wanted to take her away.
Holding her in his arm, he told her not to worry; he was going to protect her like a ninja and drive
away the spirits. His humor failed and it only made her more terrified. Finally, to make her feel better, he made her imagine they were in an amusement park, and it was all going to be over soon. Slowly as he spun a beautiful fairytale, she calmed down.
It worked like magic and helped her relax. She laughed and appreciated his being protective.
"So did you guys kiss now? What were you waiting for?" Khushi had already doodled them kissing in the balcony in her notebook.
"I was drunk and her smile was lethal that night. Her feet against mine under the blanket and her warm breath on my face made me weak.”
Abhay could feel goosebumps on his arms, as he remembered that night.
“Holding her tight in my arms, I held her face and looked into her eyes. I told her to calm down and I was going to be with her even if there was a tsunami. With a still look on her face, she came two inches forward, and I leaned a few inch towards her. Before I knew it, I felt her soft warm lips against mine. It happened naturally."
Abhay’s eyes were moist as he remembered that picture-perfect dawn. If that kiss had not happened that morning, life would have been every different. Yet, he did not want to change any bit of it because it was just flawless.
That one kiss lasted for a long time; it went on until she fell asleep in his arms. He just sat up looking at her as the sun slowly came up. It was 6 am in the morning, and none of her roommates had returned. Picking her up, he laid her down on her bed. Putting on his wet clothes, he returned to his hotel.
He had kissed many girls before, but she was different. Her innocence and simplicity scared him; the sincerity with which she looked at him gave him shivers. The passion with which she kissed him, made him tremble. Lying in his bed that morning, he tried hard to not think about her. He made all efforts to forget the warm touch of her skin and the taste of her soft lips. He told himself that she was dangerous and he had to stay away from her. She would sooner or later take him down the forsaken path of love, and he was not ready for it.
"Why did you want to stay away from her?" Khushi could not understand his dilemma. She obviously felt that they were made for each other.
"I was too scared of being in a relationship. To be with someone forever scared the hell out of me. And she was someone I could see living my whole life with and that was a terrifying feeling. Knowing how fickle minded I was, I knew that I would break her heart someday, and I did not want to go down that path."
"Why were you thinking about breaking her heart?" Confused with what Abhay was saying, Khushi looked perplexed, hoping for some explanation. Abhay gave her none at all. In reality, he did not know how to explain to her that Tia was not just any girl. She was special, but at that point of time in his life, he thought of a relationship as a roadblock that he could not afford.
Continuing with the story, Abhay told her that after that night, he tried and stayed away from Precious and her friends. He did not pick up Tia’s calls and did not reply to her messages. He did not know how to face her and tell her what happened that night. He felt that he should have been the one to stop and not have gotten carried away.
Khushi wondered why was a kiss such a big deal for Abhay. It was harmless.
Abhay continued his story and told her that as destiny had it planned, he and his friends were at a go-karting arcade in Panama City and Tia happened to be there with her friends. It had been two days since they had met. Unlike the night they were together, the nerdy girl was back, hiding behind her hoodie and big glasses. She was clearly not in high-spirits.
While all her friends were in go-karts, she stood on the side as she was scared to sit in one of those unreliable racing cars by herself. As it happened, there was only one go-kart left, and that was for two people. Sitting inside, he looked at her and could not help but offer her to come join him. Abhay knew that she was still upset with him, but he insisted. She came and sat beside him, but did not say a word.
Racing around the circuit, they bumped into the side corners and almost toppled over a few times. She gave him her mean look but did not say anything. She tried hard not to scream as they sped past other people, going full throttle in the bumpy go-kart. Finally, when they flew down a slope, not able to see anything in front, she grabbed his arm and shut her eyes. She kept them shut until they came to a standstill.
Looking at Abhay, she said, "I hate you."
He felt terrible seeing Tia’s big eyes tearing up behind her round glasses. She looked adorable, and he felt like a bad human being.
"First you ignore my messages and then you almost kill me. Do you hate me that much?"
He did not know how to react and felt helpless. Maybe he was being a little over-dramatic, but he didn't know how she would have reacted if he apologized for the previous night. Having grown up watching the over-dramatic Bollywood movies, he was scared she would make a big deal out of it and maybe never talk to him again.
To his surprise, she said, "Thank you for that night. I had a lot of fun."
Looking at her with a confused look on his face, he wondered if she remembered how the night ended.
"Don't look so surprised, I remember that we smoked up and what happened after that. It was my first time, but it will not happen again, neither of it.”
Hiding her tears, she said, “So no regrets, thank you for the special experience."
Unhooking her go-kart seat belt, she got out, turned around and walked back to the entrance. She did not want him to see her crying.
Feeling like a jerk, he went after her; he had to cheer her up. However, he was a little relieved that she remembered everything and he did not have to lie to her.
Catching up with her, he confessed that the night before he was drunk and whatever happened should not have happened. He tried to justify his actions and how irresponsible he was.
He was meant to take care of her, but got carried away.
In reality, the previous night was magical for him. He had never kissed a girl as passionately as he kissed her. There was something very real about her. While she looked gorgeous, he felt at ease being around her. Her unrestrained Punjabi smile, the mysterious big Bengali eyes and the way she bit her lips made him grow weak in his knees.
Stopping him from beating about the bush, trying to make her laugh, she said, "I am not upset about last night; I am just mad at you for ignoring my messages. You could have just said something. It was not your fault, and I am not expecting anything. Still, I thought you were a good guy."
Not sure how to apologize, he told her that he was scared of how she would have reacted. He explained that she was not like other girls he had met. What happened that night would have meant a lot to her. But he was not ready for anything serious and was in a little dilemma on how to face her.
Laughing it off, she told him he was not her type, and he had no chance. She preferred a more scholarly guy, maybe a doctor or an engineer, someone who could hold a conversation with her and stimulate her intellectually. His funny antics only amused her.
It was a blatant lie; she was clearly putting up a strong front, not wanting Abhay to see her emotional side. Like a fool he didn't. He believed what she said and was relieved. In fact, he had started enjoying her company and wanted to be friends. With her, he could speak his mind and say whatever he felt without worrying about being judged. She had the ability to listen patiently and make people feel comfortable around her.
After that little conversation at the go-karting arena, the awkwardness between them subsided and their friendship grew stronger. For the next two days in Panama City, they hung out and even went out to the clubs together. They danced till late nights, played volleyball at the beach and went jet-skiing in the Pacific Ocean.
Tia constantly said no to everything and complained, but Abhay forced her to try new things and take a little bit of risk. The little encouragement from him helped her let loose. In reality, she had started liking him and just could not say no to him.
She had the best time of her life, doing things she had
never done. His carefree nature was addictive and his lust for adventure made her admire him.
They enjoyed each other's company and cherished the friendship that was brewing between them. The short while that they had known each other felt like a lifetime. Even though they were poles apart, they started to accept each other for who they were.
After that evening at the go-karting arena, they hung out during the whole trip. Both of them refrained from doing anything intimate. Abhay wanted her friendship, and she was happy to just have him around.
CHAPTER 8: ONE-SIDED LOVE
Taking a break from the story, Abhay and Khushi headed back home; it had gotten quite late, and the air had become chilly.
Riding back home, Abhay felt glad that he was sharing his story with the little girl. Khushi appreciated it for the way it was, instead of judging him. She did not grill him for details.